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Dating a friend of an ex...

Bad Wolf

By Bad Wolf
in Dating Advice

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tastytoothpaste Apprentice

tastytoothpaste

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So then I'm gonna have to put up with a lot of drama anyway...

 

No no no! Stay away from girls with drama! And honestly, if they are close friends, it's going to start problems. If I was the friend, I would reject the guy just cuz I never date my friends exes and I hate drama and avoid it at all costs. So if she's anything like me, she's probably not going to be up for it. But then again....all girls are different, so I dunno..

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Bad Wolf Rookie

Bad Wolf

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No no no! Stay away from girls with drama! And honestly, if they are close friends, it's going to start problems. If I was the friend, I would reject the guy just cuz I never date my friends exes and I hate drama and avoid it at all costs. So if she's anything like me, she's probably not going to be up for it. But then again....all girls are different, so I dunno..

 

They were never that close when we were together and I doubt they're very close now... If they're even still friends. I'm not gonna jump in and ask her out yet, I'm gonna poke around first, see if they're still friends or not.

 

If I was the one that dumped her then I wouldn't go there with her friend but shes the one that screwed me over so as long as this girl doesn't mind then neither do I.

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tastytoothpaste Apprentice

tastytoothpaste

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They were never that close when we were together and I doubt they're very close now... If they're even still friends. I'm not gonna jump in and ask her out yet, I'm gonna poke around first, see if they're still friends or not.

 

If I was the one that dumped her then I wouldn't go there with her friend but shes the one that screwed me over so as long as this girl doesn't mind then neither do I.

 

I understand that she dumped you, but it's still a territorial thing. I mean, if you were dating a chick, dumped her, and then she and your friend started dating, I know it would bother you at least a little.

 

I mean yeah, your ex doesn't have a logical or rational reason for being upset about it, but it's just in human nature to feel that way.

 

But, if they were not--and still are not--close friends at all, I don't see why it would be a problem. Like you said, just "poke around" and dig up what you can about the relationship between the two and take things from there.

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Bad Wolf Rookie

Bad Wolf

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I understand that she dumped you, but it's still a territorial thing. I mean, if you were dating a chick, dumped her, and then she and your friend started dating, I know it would bother you at least a little.

 

I mean yeah, your ex doesn't have a logical or rational reason for being upset about it, but it's just in human nature to feel that way.

 

But, if they were not--and still are not--close friends at all, I don't see why it would be a problem. Like you said, just "poke around" and dig up what you can about the relationship between the two and take things from there.

 

I'd only be upset if I still loved her... If I broke up with her cause I was bored of the relationship or w/e then her dating a friend wouldn't bother me.

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tastytoothpaste Apprentice

tastytoothpaste

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I'd only be upset if I still loved her... If I broke up with her cause I was bored of the relationship or w/e then her dating a friend wouldn't bother me.

 

Well regardless, it might bother her. I understand where you're coming from though. Like I said before, if they're not that good of friends, there's really no problem. (just be prepared to deal with some potential drama...yuck.)

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absolutley Newbie

absolutley

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sorry didn't mean offend, I just think that dating a friend of an ex is not the right thing to do. the ex and her friend maybe very close and by dating the exs friend, it may disrupt the friendship between them. it could cause a whole wack load of complications that you dont want, remember you will be dating her friend. Thats all........sorry for coming accross harsh

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uhohlala Newbie

uhohlala

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sorry didn't mean offend, I just think that dating a friend of an ex is not the right thing to do. the ex and her friend maybe very close and by dating the exs friend, it may disrupt the friendship between them. it could cause a whole wack load of complications that you dont want, remember you will be dating her friend. Thats all........sorry for coming accross harsh

 

But that makes it sound as though the friend is a passive creature who can't make her own choices. If the ex's feelings need to be considered, and/or if there's a friendship between the two girls to protect, that responsibility lies with the friend, don't you think?

 

Sounds like you wouldn't date a friend's ex. Neither would I unless I knew for sure my friend was okay with it. That says something about how each of us view friendships. But the way I see it, Bad Wolf has no obligation to his ex in this matter. The new girl might -- but that's for her to worry about.

 

One thing, Bad Wolf, that you might want to consider is how this could reflect on the new girl's character: if the two of you decide to go for it and it turns out that she did decide to disregard a previously significant friendship with your ex, you've got to wonder what kind of person the new girl is. Kind of exhilarating for you -- ha ha, take that, ex! -- but in the longer view it could be troublesome. If nothing else the feedback you've got in this thread shows that women in general do not date their friend's exes. Even if the friend is well and truly done with their ex, their close friends usually wouldn't get involved with the guy. If it turns out that this new girl does have a reasonably close friendship with your ex that she's willing to violate, that might suggest that she's not averse to deliberately inflicting some hurt on others.

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uhohlala Newbie

uhohlala

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But why would my ex have a problem with her dating me? She did break up me and didn't seem to bothered by it. She's also with someone else now so it's not like she has any feelings for me..

 

Sorry if I wasn't clear, that wasn't what I was getting at. Your ex may or may not have a problem with you dating someone else, her friend in particular. People can be petty. My most recent ex has been exhibiting a dog-in-the-manger attitude about me lately and he's been with someone else for nearly 10 months! Doesn't mean anything except feelings can be complicated and people can be silly.

 

But your ex might view her friend dating you as a betrayal of their friendship, not because she wants you for herself necessarily but because, as you'll have noticed in this thread, women generally don't date their friends' exes. Even when their friends are finished with the guy. So the person who ought to be concerned is this new girl. If there isn't a close friendship to be considered, no harm no foul. If there is a close friendship but the new girl chooses to disregard it, then you might want to take note that she doesn't allow things like friendship to stop her from doing what she wants to do. That's all I'm getting at.

 

... wondering if maybe you're kind of hoping that it would bother your ex? Perfectly understandable. I'm sure the thought has at least crossed your mind.

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