Confused

[kittysaysmeow]

I started seeing someone a few months ago and i'm not entirely sure what's going on. He was very attentive with texts and emails until about this past Monday. Now he's only sending a few a day and not responding to questions.

 

I don't know. I'm sure i'm being paranoid but i can't help but feel something is up. I asked him yesterday if that was the case and he wrote that everything was fine concerning me.

 

The history on this relationship is that we dated a few years ago, he broke up with me, but we kept in contact all these years. Now i'm scared that he's doing what he did before.

 

When we're together it's great. Comfortable, easy, laid back, he's attentive. I just can't help but wonder when it will fall a part.

 

Can anyone provide any insight?

[dreamwarrior]

Could he be busy at work...or have alot going on in his life? Just take it nice and slow...why rush it? Enjoy the moment.

[tastytoothpaste]

As much as I'd like to pump you up, I'm afraid I'll have to tell you what I really think. If he is interested in being with you and really wants to make it work, he's going to call. Even a guy that's bad about texting and calling (which he obviously is not, because he used to be attentive) is going to find the time in his busy day to text the chick he's into. That's just the way it is. If you call him out, he'll probably have a few great excuses lined up and he'll probably call and text attentively again for a little while. But honestly, do you want to be with a guy you have to nag and hassle to call you?? You're a cool chick! You deserve a guy that's going to want to do those things. Move on, he's not good enough for you!

[needafriend]

I'm going through the same thing at the moment.

Dated a guy for a few months, things didn't work out. Bascially kept in contact and reconnected a couple of months later. We have great chemistry and care about each other.

 

He's the same - used to be attentive with keeping in contact most of the time. Now he takes HOURS to reply to text messages, even replies initiated by him. This is how I know that he's just not that into me. He chased me down, he got me interested in him again. His work is done so to speak, the chase is over. Isn't it wonderful to feel like a conquest?! Haha

 

Some people say that you can turn this around if the guy is interested, by bascially playing games... being less available, ignoring him, not returning compliments ect. But I've never played games, so I wouldn't know if it works.

 

But I guess changing your behaviour towards him, could cause him to change his??

[kittysaysmeow]

I would usually agree with most of you and just write it off as "he's just not that into me" but he still texts, calls, emails, just not as much. Just not sure if it's reasonable to expect text after text when we both work.

 

Then again, i could be making excuses for him. And i'm so not into game playing.

 

So perhaps i should just see how it goes? I'm not really interested in a serious relationship but that could just be me putting up a wall so i don't get hurt.

 

This is so frustrating.

[needafriend]

this is so frustrating.

 

tell me about it!!

[tastytoothpaste]

Well if you don't want to write him off just yet, I'm afraid you're going to have to play his little games. And if you're gonna do that, you damn well better beat him at his own game lol If he's gonna bring that crap, bring it right back! Don't answer his texts for a change. If he asks what you're doing, you can be like "Oh I'm with a friend right now cuz he was bored and wanted to hang out. I'll text you later," just so that he knows you're with a guy and you do have other options and you're not up for this crap.

[addictedblue]

Well maybe you should start taking hours to reply back to him and don't send as many emails and see how he takes it. Or just write him off.

[needafriend]

Well maybe you should start taking hours to reply back to him and don't send as many emails and see how he takes it. Or just write him off.

 

I agree with this. Even though I hate playing games, unfortuunetly at times, it is necessary.

[kittysaysmeow]

So most of you think i should play the game? How do i do this? Sorry to sound so naive but i was in a relationship for a few years and it ended this year. I'm kind of out of the loop so to speak.

 

And now he's texting me and responding like he used to. Hmmm.

[needafriend]

I'm not expert!!!

 

But if it was me, I would just mirror his behaviour plus a little more.

Eg. If he isn't texting you, don't text him. If he texts something that doesn't warrant a reply. Don't reply. If he takes ages to reply to your texts, emails or phonecalls.. Ignore him until he wants to make keeping in communication with you more of a priority.

 

If he wants to meet up at the last minute. Your busy. If he wants to make plans with you in advance, you will consider it. Your a busy woman!

 

Are you sure you don't want a relationship with this guy??? I think you do. You are pretty hung up on him. Otherwise you wouldn't be here.

 

P.S. I like to say I don't want a relationship with the guy in my picture... because deep down I know he doesn't want to be with me. He shows this through his actions. However, there is nothing I want more.... shamed to say

[fatcat1999]

the thing I've learned is if someone wants to leave, you've to let them go. worrying is of no use, you should act accordingly to avoid being hurt more. but maybe he's just busy. a few txts a day is not too much?

[fatcat1999]

exactly.

I agree

[tastytoothpaste]

So most of you think i should play the game? How do i do this? Sorry to sound so naive but i was in a relationship for a few years and it ended this year. I'm kind of out of the loop so to speak.

 

And now he's texting me and responding like he used to. Hmmm.

 

Like I said before, I really really think you should kick his ass to the curb. You yourself said you don't like to play games. So why even humor him? Stick to your guns! I know you don't want to let him go because you like him, but if he doesn't even like you enough to be attentive and text you just to let you know he's thinking about you, then he's not worth all of this. It took me a lot of dating to figure out that if you have to play games to keep a guy's attention, it's just not going to work. You shouldn't have to twist his arm to make him text/email/call you. That's bulls*it! If you really want to keep him around, then yeah, play games. I just don't think it's worth it. I guess only time will tell.

[ghost69]

why not find a different guy instead of playing his game? he's not into you. i'd be much more available and wanting to see you in person more rather than some texts and emails.

[crisco disco]

I've been through that several times with ex girlfriends. I'm okay with not texting a lot. However, if they've always texted all the time, and all of a sudden there is a change of behavior and they're not any longer, something is up. That's always been the case in my situations. And it drove me crazy.

[ghost69]

i don't try and figure people out. that's not my job or the way i want to date someone. if they aren't straight up or change drastically, i move on. i don't have time to be trying to figure them out so much. especially so early on.

[kittysaysmeow]

Good point (everyone!). I hear what everyone is saying and agree. I just don't have the time or patience to play his game and if he's acting like this now, I can't imagine how it will be in the future.

 

Ok, so that's what my head is saying. Now if only my heart could follow. I'm going to think about it this weekend.

 

It's just that i rarely really like someone so quickly. It sucks that this is happening.

[ghost69]

Good point (everyone!). I hear what everyone is saying and agree. I just don't have the time or patience to play his game and if he's acting like this now, I can't imagine how it will be in the future.

 

Ok, so that's what my head is saying. Now if only my heart could follow. I'm going to think about it this weekend.

 

It's just that i rarely really like someone so quickly. It sucks that this is happening.

 

i'm in this situation right now. it's not her being a problem though, it's her leaving as in moving away.

[kittysaysmeow]

So i've been thinking and now i'm wondering if i should call or send him an email outlining exactly what i'm thinking/feeling and see how he responds. At least that way i would know what he's thinking.

 

Is this a good idea?