joethe Posted June 8, 2009 Share Posted June 8, 2009 Me and my (now) ex have been on and off for 3 years, we have a 2 year old son together. a few months ago we broke up for a few weeks and in that time she moved back in with her mom which is 45 min away from where im living. We got back together and tried the long distance thing. She wants me to move out there which i wont and i want her to move out her and she wont. Last night she went out clubbing with some friends while i had our son.. I got really mad because we never hang out barely once a week and instead of hanging out with me she chose to go out with friends so i got really mad. Today i droped off my son and we didnt even talk she seemed so upset. I talked to her 15 min ago and apolagized for over reacting, and asked if she could foregive me she said yes, then i asked if we were ok then, and she said she needed time to think. I texted her telling her that i cannot do this long distance thing anymore and that if she wanted me bad enough she wouldnt have to think about it. I want to be with her but i feel the only way is to be strong and if she wants me bad enough she will contact me telling me she's ready to move out here.. and if not i guess im on my way.. any advice on my situation? i want her but i know that you always want what you cant have and i feel this is the only way for her to realize what she has and have her go after it! right? Link to comment
retired1 Posted June 8, 2009 Share Posted June 8, 2009 Relationships are give and take, not ultimatums. Link to comment
joethe Posted June 8, 2009 Author Share Posted June 8, 2009 yes i know.. what is your advice on my situation.. I feel the only way we will work is if we move in together and neither of us are willing to do so.. i feel the only way we have a chance is for me to be strong and move on and if she wants me bad enough she will sacrafice. Link to comment
DN Posted June 8, 2009 Share Posted June 8, 2009 What are the reasons that beither of you will move? They would have to be fairly serious and compelling to warrant neither of you being prepared to compromise. Link to comment
joethe Posted June 8, 2009 Author Share Posted June 8, 2009 i wont move out there because 1st of all we cant afford it right now, and second i finally for that first time in my life have my life together.. Almost done with school getting great grades and set high goals for myself. For her well she lived out here with my parents and i. She said it was my turn to move for her.. which is understandable but we cannot afford it out there which i told her and also i am doing so good with my life out here. Link to comment
joethe Posted June 8, 2009 Author Share Posted June 8, 2009 so i texted her telling her i want to be friends and she texted me back saying: "Im sorry for hurting you in anyway, for right now while im going through counseling i dont hink i should be friends with you but after everything heals i would love to be friends with you" i dont know what to do damn it Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted June 8, 2009 Share Posted June 8, 2009 If you want to be with her, why would you text her telling her you want to be friends? The real question in my mind is why have you been having these breaks in your relationship? What's going on there that needs to be resolved? Link to comment
joethe Posted June 8, 2009 Author Share Posted June 8, 2009 for the last 3 months it has been constant problems with us trying to be together in a long distance relationship.. its too hard on me and most of the time i feel like quitting Link to comment
Pixiedoc Posted June 8, 2009 Share Posted June 8, 2009 so i texted her telling her i want to be friends and she texted me back saying: "Im sorry for hurting you in anyway, for right now while im going through counseling i dont hink i should be friends with you but after everything heals i would love to be friends with you" i dont know what to do damn it Hi Joe This is 'counselling speak' and means she has been advised to not contact you as it's interfering with the recovery she thinks she needs to get through counselling. What's happened since you said you thought you were falling out of love with her? Have you got some feelings back for her and were they returned at the time (as they're obviously not now)? Can you still see your son and avoid much contact with her? If so, I think this is the way forward now as it's clear she doesn't even want friendship at this moment and has moved no further forward to thinking about compromising on where you all live than a few weeks ago. Sorry you are still struggling with this and take care. Link to comment
joethe Posted June 8, 2009 Author Share Posted June 8, 2009 thanks pixie.. i dont think she is going to counseling i think she lied.. if she was she would of told me when we were together.. When i told her i was falling out of love with her, she really steped up and changed for me.. She started treating me that way i always wanted to be treated. But its too hard for me to deal with this long distance thing when i used to living with her for the past 2 years with our son.. its just hard Link to comment
Pixiedoc Posted June 8, 2009 Share Posted June 8, 2009 Hey Joe, well there's stubborn and stubborn and you've sure reached an 'impasse' with this one It's such a shame she cannot be more flexible about where your family needs to be as you've compromised as much as you can and deserve that favor back. I think you said earlier that BOTH your parents live near you - is that right? If so, what possible reasons could she have for wanting to be somewhere else? If her parents are somewhere different she could be worried about a lack of grandparental support and that she will miss them, but your parents are there for you all and her parents could visit - that should be enough. We are not talking 12,000 miles here, 45 minutes is hardly anything.... How is it going now? Link to comment
joethe Posted June 9, 2009 Author Share Posted June 9, 2009 I gave in, i want to be a family so bad that i told her that i will move out there even though i really dont want to.. but now that i gave in she is not acting like she was when i told you she changed and was treating me better then ever.. I guess the balls in her court and she's using it to her advantage.. it sucks i dont know what to do, this is why i didnt want to give in she so damn immature sometimes Link to comment
joethe Posted June 9, 2009 Author Share Posted June 9, 2009 i do not understand women. I gave in and told her i would move out there for her and our son.. Everything she wanted, this week she kept texting me with move out her and just marry me.. Now that i gave in she wrote me a text last night saying "sorry I cant be with you right now, im going through counseling to sort everything out in my head but eventually i want to be friends." I dont get how she goes from being so kind then me giving in to what she wants and leaving me in the dust like that.. Link to comment
joethe Posted June 9, 2009 Author Share Posted June 9, 2009 oh and i left something out. When i woke up this mourning and saw the text she wrote me last night saying that she cant be with me, i got really uspet because i did give her what she wanted. I said "Dont apologize, to be honest i love you but im not in love with you anymore. Let me know when you done with counseling so we can be friends" I said that because im so upset with her, all she wanted is what i gave her and then i get that message... Well at least she feels that pain just like i do now.. As mean as it is to say.. Link to comment
joethe Posted June 9, 2009 Author Share Posted June 9, 2009 advice please. Im so upset and heartbroken because i left myself out there and now have nothing Link to comment
Pixiedoc Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 oh and i left something out. When i woke up this mourning and saw the text she wrote me last night saying that she cant be with me, i got really uspet because i did give her what she wanted. I said "Dont apologize, to be honest i love you but im not in love with you anymore. Let me know when you done with counseling so we can be friends" I said that because im so upset with her, all she wanted is what i gave her and then i get that message... Well at least she feels that pain just like i do now.. As mean as it is to say.. I'm so sorry but she really has been messing you about big time for a long time now. I think it really is time to give up on this - the more effort you put in the more she is in control and backs away. It appears she had absolutely no intention of compromising and hoped you would give up. Because you didn't she has taken the next step along and told you she didn't want to be with you anyway. Honey, for the sake of your child and yourself you have to make the break and consider yourself a single father. The only relationship that is important is the one between you and your child. This woman is not worth your tears. Do NOT beg or plead any more. Formally contact her to arrange to see your son on a regular basis and then go VLC if not NC with her. Then sort your life out WHERE YOU WANT IT TO BE - do NOT give up on your dreams, you are about to qualify, you have your life in front of you and your son will eventually look up to you for his role model. You have done your best and made most of the effort while she has made precious little. Go out and start the rest of your life accepting that she will always be the mother of your son, but no one who deserves your love and sacrifice. Take care. Link to comment
joethe Posted June 9, 2009 Author Share Posted June 9, 2009 thanks so much pixie, i do agree with you. I just do not get how 6 days ago when we were together she was texting me so much saying i love you and cant wait to marry you.. Then she just changes everything.. What could be going on in her mind to seriously change the outlook on our relationship over night? When she called it off this mourning i told her that its ok and that i love her very much but am not in love with her anymore. She caused me a lot of pain and as bad as it sounds i wanted her to feel a little bit of my pain.. Is that so horrible? Link to comment
joethe Posted June 9, 2009 Author Share Posted June 9, 2009 oh and pixie: I have given up multiple times and those times she has always texted or called me saying she missed me so much and wanted me back.. So i dont know if she was just trying to let me quit or what Link to comment
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