l0vel0rn Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 Flirting, like any other form of communication, is dependent on both the one communicating and that one being communicated with. It’s like how a certain gesture or expression might be taken one way in one culture and very differently in another. Some people are just big flirts. It’s how they communicate closeness, comfort and affection. It’s how they bond. Other people interpret all flirting as a sign of sexual interest. While the person flirting may find you attractive, it doesn’t necessarily mean they are seeking a romantic interlude at that time. Maybe they’re keeping the option open with you; maybe they just see you as a close friend. The point is, there is no way to know for sure until either you or they make a move. Some people will flirt to a point but are afraid to take it farther without some prompting from you. Others may be flirting because they think you’re cute and are comfortable with you, but may not want more. It’s why some people feel like someone is toying with them when they flirt. They are interpreting the flirting as a sign of something more. It’s a bit of miscommunication. If you have the opportunity, observe how they interact with others. See if they flirt with everyone or just you. If they flirt with everyone the same way, it may not mean anything special for you. If they treat you differently than they treat others, pay special attention to you that they do not to others, show a special interest in you that is not shown to others, then that may be a sign of romantic interest. If they treat you the same as everyone else, then you may be seen as nothing more than a friend. Link to comment
COtuner Posted June 4, 2009 Author Share Posted June 4, 2009 i flirt, i want Ah, if only that was solid enough to be a Webster's entry My life would be so much easier Link to comment
midnightrambler Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 Ah, if only that was solid enough to be a Webster's entry My life would be so much easier I never understood guys who flirt with other guys wives...."just harmless flirting" Link to comment
COtuner Posted June 4, 2009 Author Share Posted June 4, 2009 I never understood guys who flirt with other guys wives...."just harmless flirting" Some guys assume all women need to feel good about their attractiveness, hence the flirting. I don't mind it when married guys flirt with me, when I know there's no intent behind it. And I flirt with some married guys I know WELL (note the emphasis) because they know it's harmless. Link to comment
clobsy Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 this is very specific and useful info... sorry for the off-topic but can you tell the reverse? like what are the signs a guy can look for? Link to comment
midnightrambler Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 Some guys assume all women need to feel good about their attractiveness, hence the flirting. I don't mind it when married guys flirt with me, when I know there's no intent behind it. And I flirt with some married guys I know WELL (note the emphasis) because they know it's harmless. to me that is a waste of time.....always be closing! Link to comment
COtuner Posted June 4, 2009 Author Share Posted June 4, 2009 this is very specific and useful info... sorry for the off-topic but can you tell the reverse? like what are the signs a guy can look for? The funny thing is, all of the above listed by DW apply to every coworker I have because that's a normal business day Hence the reason not useful to me unfortunately. (that and the fact that 40 year olds rarely travel or are found in groups) Link to comment
COtuner Posted June 4, 2009 Author Share Posted June 4, 2009 to me that is a waste of time.....always be closing! Not everyone is out for a BF or GF all the time. And since I am not into casual sex... now why the married guys do it, I dunno... Link to comment
lavenderdove Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 ^^ They do it because they're bored and it spices up their day and fantasies. It's a competitive sport for lots of them. I don't assume a guy is particularly interested in me until he starts trying to get me to spend time with him alone (drinks), then escalates to dinner, then dates. If and when he asks you on a date you know, but up until then, it may just be flirtation. I also look at how much the guy flirts in general. If he flirts with a lot of people, i don't take him seriously, but if he flirts only with me, then there might be some interest there. Link to comment
COtuner Posted June 4, 2009 Author Share Posted June 4, 2009 LOL I wonder if that still applies if I ask a guy out for drinks (alone) on a couple different occasions, and he is being flirty during the outings. Since he didn't do the asking, think it's still safely on the friendship side? I tend to think so... hmmm... Link to comment
l9grl Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 some of my friends flirt with each other - but they really are 'just friends' - it is fun for them, and there is a mutual understanding that they are basically just enjoying the energy it really is just energy until someone acts on it as far as knowing 'what kind' of flirting it is, that's pretty much impossible - you just cannot get into someone else's head and heart like that if you're feeling comfortable with whatever it is going on, then just enjoy it Link to comment
Circe Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 You know I have personally found that it's the guys that act really nervous around me (rather than actively flirt with me) that are really interested.. Link to comment
COtuner Posted June 5, 2009 Author Share Posted June 5, 2009 You know I have personally found that it's the guys that act really nervous around me (rather than actively flirt with me) that are really interested.. Nervous in what way? Link to comment
stella74 Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 And, the consistency is a big part. All the guys that were flirting with me with romantic intentions made it a point to do it on a regular, consistent basis. The ones with friendly intentions were on and off in their attention levels. I've found this is true too. But really, the only way to tell the difference is if he asks you out, like Ghost says. I've had plenty of guys flirt with me without any romantic interest. Some do it to be friendly, some do it for an ego boost, some do it without realizing they're doing it...so take flirting as just what it is. Flirting. Link to comment
Circe Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 Nervous in what way? Like they were really anxious to somehow please me. Nervous that they might say the wrong thing. Saying the wrong thing at times and then looking extremely sheepish and embarassed. Finding ways to be around me without overtly asking me out. That kinda thing.. Link to comment
stella74 Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 Based on my experience, I would disagree indigo777. I've had men act that way around me while flirting but nothing ever came of it. Some men, and women too, like to flirt without taking any further action even if there is some sort of romantic interest or physical attraction. Link to comment
COtuner Posted June 5, 2009 Author Share Posted June 5, 2009 Like they were really anxious to somehow please me. Nervous that they might say the wrong thing. Saying the wrong thing at times and then looking extremely sheepish and embarassed. Finding ways to be around me without overtly asking me out. That kinda thing.. Now that I can understand, I've seen that before with two guys I ended up in relationships with. Link to comment
COtuner Posted June 5, 2009 Author Share Posted June 5, 2009 Based on my experience, I would disagree indigo777. I've had men act that way around me while flirting but nothing ever came of it. Some men, and women too, like to flirt without taking any further action even if there is some sort of romantic interest or physical attraction. Hence part of the reason I've learned flirting is a pastime or a habit or just entertainment for many people. (me too sometimes) That's why I figure I can't tell if someone is legitimate from the flirting alone. Link to comment
Circe Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 Oh absolutely.. ^^ There are plenty of ppl who flirt randomly because it adds some excitement in their lives but would never think of dating the object of their flirtation. Link to comment
Knotty Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 How does one tell when flirting is intended to be just friendly and playful, or if a guy has some real attraction toward you? You can't tell, or more likely, the guy hasn't decided yet. I don't think you are looking at it correctly. Most times the guy hasn't made up his mind and is waiting to see if you flirt back. I'm not sure what you mean by "real attraction." Most people that are attracted will give up trying if they don't get any signs back from someone. I'm not a big flirt, but I'd say 10% of the time there isn't physical attraction, so I'm just being friendly, the other 90% there is at least some physical attraction and if she flirts back my interest level will rise. And why does it matter if they like you or not? Maybe just focus on whether you like them or not. If you do like a guy, then flirt with him and see where it goes. If you wait to try to figure out if he likes you he may end up thinking you don't like him and stop flirting, then you will probably conclude that he didn't really like you anyway, so it doesn't matter. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 I don't think there's anything wrong with flirting (with a few exceptions) and a lot that is right with it. I never assumed someone who flirted with me was interested in dating me, I just figured at the moment he was interested in flirting and if he wanted to date me he would ask me out on a date. Exceptions -if the person is not single and it's not "harmless flirting" or of course if the other person doesn't like it and it's at work, etc. Link to comment
COtuner Posted June 5, 2009 Author Share Posted June 5, 2009 And why does it matter if they like you or not? Maybe just focus on whether you like them or not. If you do like a guy, then flirt with him and see where it goes. If you wait to try to figure out if he likes you he may end up thinking you don't like him and stop flirting, then you will probably conclude that he didn't really like you anyway, so it doesn't matter. I do flirt when the opportunity is there to reciprocate. I do, however, get a lot of guys wanting to be friends due to who I am and my interests, so it can drive them off if they think I like them for other reasons. Link to comment
FloatingHeaven Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 I've always been able to feel the "vibe" they give me. It's a feeling I get. From the way they look at me to how they say "hello". I can't really explain it but i always know if a guy likes me by his "vibe". I agree with the vibe. comes through the eyes mainly. but otherwise too. you can just feel it. and if he changes and then get disinterested you can feel that too. but yep it can drive me crazy either way. Link to comment
l0vel0rn Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 Most times the guy hasn't made up his mind and is waiting to see if you flirt back. I'm not sure what you mean by "real attraction." Most people that are attracted will give up trying if they don't get any signs back from someone. Very true. Some people flirt a little and wait to see what comes back. If you leave them hanging, they’ll assume you’re not interested and move on. You’ve got to give them a reason to come back for more. I agree with the vibe. comes through the eyes mainly. but otherwise too. you can just feel it. and if he changes and then get disinterested you can feel that too. but yep it can drive me crazy either way. Not getting an answer can be frustrating for all. You think you picked up on something, but it never goes far enough to actually see if there was any real interest. If you were really attracted to the person, it’s a very frustrating experience to always wonder. Link to comment
yumicecream Posted June 6, 2009 Share Posted June 6, 2009 I've had it happen once or twice where I assumed that because a guy was flirting/being friendly, that he liked me. So I tend to be very cautious now. However, I do agree with the above when it comes to precautions. Usually, its very safe to assume that if you are unsure, then he isn't indefinetly interested...there is a way to know that all of us women can pick up deep within ourselves. If we are unsure, then either he is unsure or he isn't interested or he is shy...but you will know very soon after. Still, for women who aren't asked out every single day by men they actually like, it would be nice to know a faster way if the guy likes you...but perhaps you s hould enjoy the flirtation without demanding the resulting knowledge right away... Link to comment
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