Knotty Posted June 6, 2009 Share Posted June 6, 2009 I've had it happen once or twice where I assumed that because a guy was flirting/being friendly, that he liked me. So I tend to be very cautious now. However, I do agree with the above when it comes to precautions. Usually, its very safe to assume that if you are unsure, then he isn't indefinetly interested...there is a way to know that all of us women can pick up deep within ourselves. If we are unsure, then either he is unsure or he isn't interested or he is shy...but you will know very soon after. Could you explain those situations more, please? How did you find out that they didn't like you? Still, for women who aren't asked out every single day by men they actually like, it would be nice to know a faster way if the guy likes you...but perhaps you s hould enjoy the flirtation without demanding the resulting knowledge right away... There is a way, just ask him out on a date. If he accepts then see if he is interested in you on the date. Link to comment
yumicecream Posted June 6, 2009 Share Posted June 6, 2009 I have asked guys out when I thought they were either shy or taking their time and they turned me down. They acted like they were interested, but either they were being friendly or feeding their ego or just having a bit of fun. They'd act happy when they saw I was around, they'd say my name, they'd drop compliments and jokes, they'd let their eyes admire my body, etc. Men and women are different. I really, really like the new phenomenom of "He's just Not that Into You," where you don't act like an aggressive bull-man going around asking guys out because you want them, but letting them be the ones to chase. There are a few exceptions to the rule but when you're a person of numbers and chance and safety, which I am, I don't automatically assume I'm in the small numbered exception. I am a huge believer in the idea that if a Man wants You, he Will Ask You Out, otherwise, just have fun and don't worry about it. Link to comment
Knotty Posted June 6, 2009 Share Posted June 6, 2009 I have asked guys out when I thought they were either shy or taking their time and they turned me down. They acted like they were interested, but either they were being friendly or feeding their ego or just having a bit of fun. They'd act happy when they saw I was around, they'd say my name, they'd drop compliments and jokes, they'd let their eyes admire my body, etc. That sounds odd that they would give compliments and look, but then turn you down when you asked for a date. Did they continue to flirt after that? Men and women are different. I really, really like the new phenomenom of "He's just Not that Into You," where you don't act like an aggressive bull-man going around asking guys out because you want them, but letting them be the ones to chase. There are a few exceptions to the rule but when you're a person of numbers and chance and safety, which I am, I don't automatically assume I'm in the small numbered exception. I am a huge believer in the idea that if a Man wants You, he Will Ask You Out, otherwise, just have fun and don't worry about it. I'm not sure what this "He's just not that into you" thing is, but I've liked many women in my life and didn't ask them out because I was too shy. This may sound silly, but no one ever explained to me that this is how it works. It's not like a built in instinct (at least for some of us). Link to comment
COtuner Posted June 6, 2009 Author Share Posted June 6, 2009 That sounds odd that they would give compliments and look, but then turn you down when you asked for a date. Did they continue to flirt after that? This is fairly normal. I've seen this kind of thing all my life. Although as I age, it's now mostly guys who have GF already or are married. Link to comment
JusticeLaw9 Posted June 6, 2009 Share Posted June 6, 2009 Usually the flirting gets a bit more frequent, the comments get a little more sexually explicit and you start to notice the seriousness of it too. They may even get a little jealous from time to time if you interact with somebody else. Link to comment
wizard71 Posted June 6, 2009 Share Posted June 6, 2009 Men are great at just wanting to know if women still 'want' them, especially if they are in an LTR. Thats why so many buy wigs and sports cars at some point. The guilt factor plays a part in whether or not they will arrange to see you. Link to comment
COtuner Posted June 6, 2009 Author Share Posted June 6, 2009 Hey wiz - long time no see Glad to see you're still around. Link to comment
COtuner Posted June 6, 2009 Author Share Posted June 6, 2009 Men are great at just wanting to know if women still 'want' them, especially if they are in an LTR. Thats why so many buy wigs and sports cars at some point. The guilt factor plays a part in whether or not they will arrange to see you. I think a lot will go out alone with you, it's moving to physical contact that the guilt or fear kicks in. That's about the time I discover there's a woman in their life. Not fun. Link to comment
lavenderdove Posted June 6, 2009 Share Posted June 6, 2009 Some of the worst flirts i've ever met have been married guys... They're a little bored and want to spice up their day with a little flirting and feel attractive to women and build their egos a bit...(i.e., so they can have a beer with their buddies and brag about how so-and-so woman at work 'wants them' or is hot for them). Most are not serious, but some are looking to see if you flirt back a lot and might be a candidate for an affair. Link to comment
COtuner Posted June 6, 2009 Author Share Posted June 6, 2009 Yah, I was one of those "ungettable gets" for a few guys at work and it bugged the heck out of me. Fortunately as time passed, we're all just friends and no one seems to look at me that way anymore. So hopefully an attractive single guy over 30 will get hired so I have a legitimate opportunity. Now that everyone is used to seeing me hanging out with guys from work, no one would even notice if I was legitimately dating anyone Link to comment
Roberto34 Posted June 7, 2009 Share Posted June 7, 2009 Yah, I was one of those "ungettable gets" for a few guys at work and it bugged the heck out of me. Fortunately as time passed, we're all just friends and no one seems to look at me that way anymore. So hopefully an attractive single guy over 30 will get hired so I have a legitimate opportunity. Now that everyone is used to seeing me hanging out with guys from work, no one would even notice if I was legitimately dating anyone Hell yeah CO, that's awesome!! You wouldn't have to worry about any of the BS talk. Now they just have to hire that 30 y.o. single guy for ya... Link to comment
servedcold Posted June 7, 2009 Share Posted June 7, 2009 Start eating lots of onions and garlic, burping some around people, maybe a fart or two. The ones who still flirt -really- dig you. Seriously, there's no way for us here to tell without specific detail. It's like asking folks here if my dog really likes me or if she just likes the free food. Most people are rather self-absorbed, if politely so. If you share something about your personal life, and a guy follows up and asks about it some time later, he's either a person of substance (rare) or digs you, so maybe use that as a test with the flirters. Link to comment
Knotty Posted June 7, 2009 Share Posted June 7, 2009 I've had it happen once or twice where I assumed that because a guy was flirting/being friendly, that he liked me. So I tend to be very cautious now. I have asked guys out when I thought they were either shy or taking their time and they turned me down. They acted like they were interested, but either they were being friendly or feeding their ego or just having a bit of fun. If they were married or attached like the others have said, then it is a little better in that they probably were attracted but just couldn't date you. Your interpretation of the flirting as attraction was correct, so maybe it makes the rejection not feel as bad. And this talk of attached people that flirt is interesting to note. Maybe when I flirt I should somehow mention that I am single, so that my flirtation is not dismissed as just me being friendly. Link to comment
yumicecream Posted June 7, 2009 Share Posted June 7, 2009 The ones who turned me down weren't taken, they just weren't interested in anything more than feeding their egos for the moment. Link to comment
cpc28655 Posted June 8, 2009 Share Posted June 8, 2009 Personally, I just assume that all flirting is friendly flirting. That way there are no misunderstandings. Link to comment
Knotty Posted June 8, 2009 Share Posted June 8, 2009 Personally, I just assume that all flirting is friendly flirting. That way there are no misunderstandings. That doesn't make sense. If someone is interested and flirting and you assume she is just being friendly, then you are misunderstanding! My whole life I've assumed that flirting was just friendly, and it didn't get me anywhere. Some flirting must be more than friendly. Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted June 8, 2009 Share Posted June 8, 2009 this is very specific and useful info... sorry for the off-topic but can you tell the reverse? like what are the signs a guy can look for? Well, I've never been in a guy's situation so I wouldn't know really. I love it when guys ask me how to ask a girl out. I've never done it before, I really don't know! Be yourself? Don't wear too much cologne? But, signals that I give when I like a guy is solid eye contact. If we've been playing eye tag for a good half an hour, I like you. Also, I often give light touches. "You're so funny!" with a push on the shoulder with my palm. I know this may seem like you've been friend zoned but I try to stay away from touching my guy friends so I don't give them the wrong idea. Also, I create opportunities for us to be together and for the guy to make a move. I tell them that I don't want to go some place alone, that way he can step up and we can go somewhere together. "I'm cold" is always a classic. Link to comment
penelope13 Posted June 8, 2009 Share Posted June 8, 2009 as it becomes obvious from this thread, people have different reasons why they flirt and what they mean by it. I'd say I am a pretty flirtatious person and most often it has nothing to do with wanting something sexual from the other person, but it's more a way of communication. Being flirtatious, friendly, smiling a lot has usually the effect that I have a very good way of interacting with people, especially at work. I work in a rather big facility with hundreds of people. Having established a friendly way of communicating with a number of guys has helped me to accomplish some of my tasks faster. Let's just be honest: if someone has to decide who they want to help with a task first, if you have been nice to them and friendly, of course they are more inclined to help you first. - But none of them would interpret my flirtation for more than it is (we actually joke about it), some of them are married, some of them are not, but I would never do anything which I wouldn't do in front of my or their partner. As in what makes flirting different (for me and from my observation from guys) is that if it is intended to be more than just a way of communication, the looks get longer/ deeper; the smiling is more in the eyes than an ouvert smile/ laugh; less movement with the eyelashes; in general I'd say everything is more sincere/ serious rather than bubbly/ funny, the voice is quieter/ more intimate; if I am interested in a person the physical distance would be smaller/ you would seek out opportunities where you would 'accidentally' brush against them and then see by their reaction how they perceive i. Nervousness is a very good sign to interpret if the flirtation is meant to be harmless or not. If it is just friendly - there is no need for the person to be nervous, but if someone is flirting with someone else to figure out if they are liked, they are usually a bit nervous/ anxious for a reaction, because they have opened themselves up for a potential rejection. If someone is flirting with you and NOT nervous, although they want more than just friendly conversation, then they are most likely (of course not always) trying to 'score' rather than trying to start a meaningful relationship with you Link to comment
COtuner Posted June 8, 2009 Author Share Posted June 8, 2009 So, DW, what about a guy that's continually touching you on the shoulder or arm during conversation? He's engrossed in stories and you're having great conversation. Would that be flirting from your description, or is that just a guy into a story and enjoying the conversation? (some real life scenarios here) Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted June 8, 2009 Share Posted June 8, 2009 So, DW, what about a guy that's continually touching you on the shoulder or arm during conversation? He's engrossed in stories and you're having great conversation. Would that be flirting from your description, or is that just a guy into a story and enjoying the conversation? (some real life scenarios here) Depends on how he is with other people. I know people that HAVE to be touching you when they talk to you. It's as if they worry you aren't paying attention or something. However, if he only seems to be touching you on the shoulder like that, he probably likes you. Or you two are really good friends. Link to comment
yumicecream Posted June 8, 2009 Share Posted June 8, 2009 I had a guy talk to me who wasn't nervous at all? That means he is just trying to score? Why are all the guys just trying to score? I hate them. *Cries* Link to comment
penelope13 Posted June 8, 2009 Share Posted June 8, 2009 ^^^ there are always exceptions!!! However I have seen it again and again, if someone is really interested from their heart, they are more nervous about flirting/ approaching someone else, even the biggest players. If their heart is not really into it, they are not afraid of getting their heart broken. Don't forget: at this stage it's just flirting, he might not be at a point yet where he knows if he would be interested in something more serious. Some people need to be with someone in order to start being seriously interested in them, while other people only approach someone once they have that serious interest. People are just different Link to comment
cpc28655 Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 That doesn't make sense. If someone is interested and flirting and you assume she is just being friendly, then you are misunderstanding! My whole life I've assumed that flirting was just friendly, and it didn't get me anywhere. Some flirting must be more than friendly. No, you've misunderstood me. What I am saying is that I don't determine interest ONLY on flirting. There are other signs to watch for. For example, is she going out of her way to flirt with me, or is she flirting just because I'm there? Link to comment
COtuner Posted June 12, 2009 Author Share Posted June 12, 2009 Depends on how he is with other people. I know people that HAVE to be touching you when they talk to you. It's as if they worry you aren't paying attention or something. However, if he only seems to be touching you on the shoulder like that, he probably likes you. Or you two are really good friends. Never seen him do it to anyone else, but then again I haven't spent a lot of time around him. And it was only when we were alone, when he relaxes - he acts very different around me with other people nearby. Just throwing it out there as a possible scenario outside the norm of eye contact and flirty tone of voice and such. Link to comment
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