How do I cold call a girl that I've never met??

[Carpe Diem]

A couple weeks ago I went to visit an old friend from school out of town, and we ended up spending the weekend at his parents' house by the beach. My friend's mother was talking to a friend of hers from college, and when she mentioned that her son had a friend visiting from NY, the friend she was talking to said "Is he single?!!" Turns out that this friend of his mother's has a daugher around my age who lives in the same city as me, and she gave my friend's mother her daugher's phone number to pass along to me.

 

Has anyone ever cold called someone out of the blue like this? What would you even say? I don't know my friend's mother all that well, and my friend has met the daughter a couple times (and tells me she's cute!) but doesn't really know her. So I feel like this could come out of nowhere if I call this girl. And I have no idea whether her mother told her that she gave her phone number to a friend of hers to pass along to some random guy.

 

One other possibility: I found the girl on Facebook. Is it better to friend her on Facebook first and then try to ask her out (by Facebook or by phone)? Or would it be most effective to just call her up? (We're both in our late 20s/early 30s.)

[servedcold]

Just call her up and tell her your friend's mother thought that you two might enjoy meeting. Have been in this situation before years ago, a few times, and usually find that the fixer uppers are trying to drag the girl in question away from someone undesirable, or she had some other issues, so it hasn't ever panned out into anything.

[savignon]

I would just call her and be very casual. Tell her how you got her # and maybe ask her to get a coffee or something. You'll get a feel on the phone if she's outgoing enough to take up an offer like that. I would guess she's probably open-minded enough b/c her mother probably knows her well enought to know whether or not she could get away with giving out her number.

I say go for it!!

[annie24]

i'd call her, say hello, introduce yourself. sometimes a good ice breaker is asking about how she knows the people you have in common. like sometimes when i am at a party or wedding and i know no one else, i just ask, 'are you a friend of the bride or the groom, and how did you meet?' that usually works well. so, ask something similar. like how you met a mutual friend.

[Carpe Diem]

Just call her up and tell her your friend's mother thought that you two might enjoy meeting. Have been in this situation before years ago, a few times, and usually find that the fixer uppers are trying to drag the girl in question away from someone undesirable, or she had some other issues, so it hasn't ever panned out into anything.

Have you found the girl to be receptive? I suppose that it might depend on whether she's been told that I have her number, and I have no way of knowing that.

 

Is it best to ask her to grab a drink in that first phone call or should I just make the first call a get-to-know-you chat? If I was a girl, I'm not sure I'd be too keen on accepting a date with a guy who I knew nothing about. I have the benefit of knowing a bit about her from my friend and his family (though not much), including what she looks like because I facebooked her. She presumably would not have this benefit.

[annie24]

i'd talk to her on the phone for 10-15 minutes first. if you think you two are connecting, sure, suggest meeting up for coffee. if you aren't sure, maybe tell her to have a nice weekend, and you can think about it some more.

[servedcold]

Nope, not receptive, never met one, but found out the situations from mutual friends later.

 

Now just because none of these ever panned out for me doesn't mean they won't for you. Don't let my experience color yours, just keep your eyes open and don't put in a lot of effort into trying to set anything up.

 

Yes, ask for a casual drink, not a date. Wouldn't chat too much on the call, just after some small talk after telling the reason, say, "hey want to meet for a drink sometime?" Wouldn't go quite 10-15 minutes, maybe 5-7, which is actually a fairly long time on the phone with someone you don't know.

[Carpe Diem]

Exactly. 5-7 minutes even seems like a quite a long time. I'm just worried that she'll be unreceptive or not outgoing and I'll have to find a way to exit gracefully.

 

This would be my first foray back into the dating world after 4 years, so I'm a little nervous because this seems like a tough situation to be using to ease back into things.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

You have nothing to lose. Call and see what happens. See what kind of reception you get and then you can decide whether or not to ask her for coffee.

[Carpe Diem]

You have nothing to lose. Call and see what happens. See what kind of reception you get and then you can decide whether or not to ask her for coffee.

So let's say that I'm not feeling the vibe. Either because she doesn't seem receptive to the idea or because we're not connecting for whatever reason. How do you end the convo without asking her out (especially if she seems receptive, but I decide I don't want to meet up with her), when you started by saying "so-and-so thought we might enjoy meeting each other"?

[annie24]

"ok, i have to be getting back to work now, i just wanted to give you a quick call to say hi."

[servedcold]

"ok, i have to be getting back to work now, i just wanted to give you a quick call to say hi."

 

This is a good one to keep in reserve in case she asks if you know where to score some crack also.

[Carpe Diem]

"ok, i have to be getting back to work now, i just wanted to give you a quick call to say hi."

You guys are just making this way easier than it should be, aren't you!

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Instead of starting off with saying "so and so thought we should meet"..how about, "so and so thought we should be introduced to each other".

[Dubb]

So let's say that I'm not feeling the vibe. Either because she doesn't seem receptive to the idea or because we're not connecting for whatever reason. How do you end the convo without asking her out (especially if she seems receptive, but I decide I don't want to meet up with her), when you started by saying "so-and-so thought we might enjoy meeting each other"?

 

I think there may not be a vibe at first anyway. It's a random call and you guys don't know each other. Give her a call and meet her anyway. If you're going to muster up the courage to call her you may as well meet her if you can. Getting off the phone is easy. Just say you have to meet a friend.

[John Bendix]

Call with no expectations. Let the chips fall where they may and accept whatever comes of it.

 

Your trepidation of what might, could, would, etc., happen is keeping you from doing what you can right now. That does not seem to be a way to proceed with any aspect of life.

[Carpe Diem]

Call with no expectations. Let the chips fall where they may and accept whatever comes of it.

 

Your trepidation of what might, could, would, etc., happen is keeping you from doing what you can right now. That does not seem to be a way to proceed with any aspect of life.

Excellent words of encouragement, thanks.