Stbx skipped state

[Mishmash]

Well, my stbx skipped the state. I was expecting this, but not before the divorce was final. He paid a total two months of child support. So now we have to track him down. Somewhere around the Roanoke, Virginia area in a rented mobile home...

 

Soon the house is going in foreclosure. He was court ordered to pay the mortgage, and he hasn't paid one dime towards it since March. Found out he abandoned it. We were in the process of serving him papers for contempt of court, but couldn't find him.

 

So until we find him, no child support. Thank God I didn't quite my second job.

 

I don't understand how he could take off before the divorce. Doesn't he realize he has to come back for that? He's going to be in contempt for not paying on the house, for not paying child support/alimony, AND he's going to be responsible for my half of the equity.

 

Surprisingly, I'm not too upset at the events taking place. Either I'm:

 

1) Getting better at handling things

2) Just don't care anymore

3) Emotionally numb

4) Know he will be found and things will work out.

 

I'm more bummed out from losing an internet friendship of 6 months, even though is was way unhealthy to be in. Just miss having someone to talk to about your day, even though it was by internet

[John Bendix]

Maybe you have just become more accepting of the ways things are, right now, without wanting them to be other than they are.

 

Miss Mash, You know that you can always talk to someone here and PM me anytime-

[lavenderdove]

Many states have expedited ways of getting child suppport from someone in a cooperating state (i.e., CO and VA may have agreements such that you can more easily/quickly garnish his check in VA if need be). If he is working for someone else where they file taxes for him in VA, you will be able to trace him and get the money.

 

You can check with your state or look online to see if there are ways to do this (or have your attorney investigate).

[lostandhurt]

All district attorneys have people just for this kind of thing.

 

I think you have learned not to let expectations of what you would like to see happen get to high and therefore you cannot be hurt. You have come a long way.

 

Like John said you can talk to us anytime. PM me I would love to talk to you.

 

Lost

[Mishmash]

Thank you John, Lavender, and Lost.

 

I've learned a lot this past year, and am changing how I used to think:

* I'm learning how to slow down and not jump from A to Z.

* I'm learning how to break free from thinking that the worst possible scenario will happen

* I'm learning I'm not responsible for my stbx's actions or way or thinking

* It learning it's not my responsibility to rescue (anyone) from their choices

 

I have to focus on myself and my son in a positive manner, and just have faith that everything will come out right for us.

 

As for finding my stbx, I have 2 choices. My attorney or the child support registry has a branch that tracks down missing parents.

As it stands now, he is in contempt of court on two counts, going for three {shrug} his choices.

[thejigsup]

The D.A.s office is generally a joke. They have been looking for my ex for 20 years!!! Never found him, they rarely do when they leave the state. Get ready to make it on your own. I had to and I'm fine.

[Mishmash]

Sorry Jigs - but I disagree with you. Already know what city/state he is in, and the laws are different now then they were 20 years ago. They do not take skipping out on Child Support lightly, and I've met plenty of people to testify to that.

[Mishmash]

Just a quick update - my lawyer called today and they already found him. He's in New Hampshire. So that's a step forward...

[AutumnBorn]

Cool that they found him. Ignore my PM offering to help. (I'm a paralegal - have to track down people all the time and I'm really good at it.)

[thejigsup]

They found my ex so many times it was crazy! He was always a step ahead of them. He's move on hours before they got to his residence. This happened at least three times before I lost faith in the DA's office. They just gave up after a few years. I do hope so much that you have better luck than I have had! Men who skip out are the scum of the earth!

[Mishmash]

Jigs - I'm sorry you had to go through that. I can imagine how frustrating and emotionally exhausting it must have been.

 

Who knows, my stbx might follow your ex's example - then again he's nice and cozy living with his new internet family.

 

I have to get with my lawyer to see where to go from here, as other twists came into play...

[Hezzie]

All I have to say on the matter is I live in roanoke..I hate it the system is crap the police don't care the judges are idiots and anyone can get away with anything (personal experience with the soon to be ex husband and his family as well as all his crazy ex girlfriends)

 

He has a criminal and violent history infact was charged with two felonies and each time They only give them a tap on the hand..and say "bad boy" Roanoke VA is CRAP..plain and simple..you'd have a better shot finding him yourself sweetie..and hey if they've found him by now by all means I'll apologize to my fellow roanokers...

[Lamprey]

Skipping out on child support is evil, I definitely agree. However, I wouldn't speak about skipping out on alimony until you provide a little more info on what the settlement was.

 

Divorce law in the US is ridiculously biased against men, to the point where sometimes leaving the state or country becomes a good choice. Nobody will convince me that losing half of what you owned BEFORE marriage, paying for a house you don't live in and paying lifetime alimony to an ex wife is "fair".

 

And speaking of scum of the earth, that title goes to family lawyers. These people are so scummy that aside from profiting from families being split, they actually block family law reform aimed at simplifying it only so that they can make more money.