Depressed and confused..Really need help pleaseeeeee

[ang3l2004]

Hi I was dating a guy for a year I was completely in love with him and still am in love with him.I was really insecure and always asked him questions because I was unsure of his love for me I would call him alot and basically reasure myself he really loved me over and over again but this was from my childhood the way i grew up.Well he broke up with me 9 months ago but told me it was just because he needed space and he is still going to marry me oneday well we still talk everyday see eachother stay with one another tell eachother we still love on another but it has been 9 months we still act the same well now i dont call him and i try not asking questions but now he is saying that he has no hope but we still have not let go of one another because we are still acting the same the talking seeing i love yous everything well im so confused and after 9 months i thought he would be back i really dont know what to do because im trying so hard to make this work not to force it apoun his space but because i love him now i have done more things for myself and im not so clingy i work i got my license and im still insecure because its been so long he still says he going to marry me and tells me that he wants it to work and he does tell me things that are wrong and i get upset and cry he tells me that he tells me things so i can make them better not get upset over it i have no idea what to do im so lost and confused and i dont know how he feels sometimes hes real lovable and everythings ok other times he is mad because of my questioning or distancing himself from me i really do feel pain because im not sure what to do i need help and advice and mabe opinions from ppl that have been through this im 20 and he is 24 and i asked him if he wants to let me go and he says no even though were not together we still act as if so i need advice please now its been almost 2 years this june but we been broken up since june but i still consider this 2 years because he is still around he said letting me go and getting over me would be no contact at all till things got better and he has yet to do that he still tells me he is in love with me what should i do i dont badger him like i use to i gave him space but i still ? him from time to time when i really think about how long its been since he left so advice would please do me well please help in some kinda way pleaseeeeeeee thankyou so much

[luxe_13]

It's time to give him an ultimatum. He either wants you or he doesn't. He can't continue treating you like this. 9 months is a long time to wait for someone. He is stringing you along and that's not fair!

 

Maybe you should try ignoring his calls for awhile. If he starts to think he is losing you, it will force him to make a quick decision.

 

If he really loves you and wants to marry you then he will not risk losing you. You deserve better than this.

[Rhiannon5258]

Hi There!

 

This is my opinion - relationships are sometimes really tough, and you have to work at them. I have never known anyone who has been in the "perfect" relationship. I have known of really really great relationships, but even these required work. Figuratively speaking, love is like a plant - it needs to be "watered", it needs sunlight to grow, and you have to take care of it. You just cant leave it sitting there, or it will wither and eventually die. Love takes 2 people to make it work as well. It sounds like you are the only one caring and "watering" this relationship. Also, is it really worth asking this guy constantly if he loves you constantly? I can imagine that can me mentally and physically exhausting to keep up on. You should be with someone who YOU know loves you...not with someone who makes you wonder "Does he really love me?" all the time. What is he doing to make you wonder if he loves you? I believe that you love him, so only you will know what to do in this situation. I can only wish you the best of luck, and tell you that you are worthy of unconditional love...everyone is, and I sincerely hope you find it.

 

-Rhiannon

[ang3l2004]

I really appreciate your advice both of you so much I just am so confused thankyou for taking your time to read and reply I am just so out of it I understand completely what you mean and I am trying my hardest to understand everything myself

[ang3l2004]

It is just all the uncertainty and confusion I love you I have no hope I want to marry you I need space Im not letting you go I am not ready for any serious relationship I miss you just all these things being told to me confuses me

[Fisch]

Hi Angel,

Yours is a sad story, your relationship has the soul of my most painful relationship. So my heart goes out to you. I would agree with Rhiannon that it is not a good sign that you question his love for you. In a relationship it is important that the two sides receive a relativly equal amount of intensity or things are bound to go wrong. thereforeeee, it is for you to judge whether your insecurity is justified or not. If your guy understood that you were insecure about if he loved you (which he should have been since you clearly stated it to him) did he not try and show you that he did, did he change when you first started to ask him? Maybe it is just a part of human nature to be less caring of a person that constantly questions if you love them or not. (people often want what they cant get and take for granted what they have) But why you started questioning in the first place probably isn't your fault. Anyway, as far as advice would go, i think you need this guy to come to you. Dont plead or beg or even ask wether he loves you or not. I would say that the response to that type of question may force him to say things that he is not sure of, and then drive him to the side that you do not want. Playing all out hard to get doesnt sound like a bad idea, but it is a little risky. Maybe you should take the middle path. Dont beg but dont prepare to discard him. If you think that you realize you have been insecure, and that you dont like being an insecure person, but there is a reason for your insecurity that you can't fix on your own. If you were more detailed in his behavior i could be more specific, but i hope i helped, i hope that something changes for you, bcuz a change is going to be needed for him to change his feelings on your insecurity.

-Your pal FISCH

[ang3l2004]

Well I question him because of my past relationship and my upbringing which is not his fault but i also feel that sometimes he is more worried about himself then me which he tells me that is because he needs space and he wants to do what he wants with no questions and no worries I really do love him and I really want ways to mabe help this out but I still dont get the whole broken up 9 months but neither of us letting go nor moving on because we still are together basically but were not if u can understand I dont know what to do I am so glad there is ppl on here that know what im going through and type there opinions and try to help out We have changed alot though like he is more angry with me when I call or if I ask a certain simple ? he thinks im questioning him which sometime I do because its so hard for me to trust that he is going to be there love me and want this to work if its been 9 months and nothing I dont know if he wants me to be the one to cut it but he told me if I am letting u go it will be when I cut contact tell you and not talk to you for awhile I am so sad Another reason is he might not want to hurt me but im not sure because he would cut contact see we live hour apart but he still comes to see me we talk everyday so im not sure u must understand how confused i am I dont think u tell friends your in love with them and going to marry them eventually At times he is so Sweet with I love yous and so nice to me other times he wants to be left alone I mean im stuck I do want to be with him and I do want things to work out I also feel if he dont talk to me or if he gets mad that he dont want things to work then I start feeling insecure then the next day its i love you and im coming to see you please reply

[ophelan]

It sounds like you guys still have all of the obligations of a relationship without any of the benefits of one. Honestly, if the two of you still truly love each other and are not together, you're both more miserable than you would be either together or apart.

 

I agree with the others: You need to let him know that you need an answer. You need to reach an agreement to either work on the relationship, or cut it off. Both of those roads lead to happiness, sooner or later. Your current path leads nowhere.

 

I wish you the best of luck, and hope things work out for you two.