I gratefully give up OR NOT! Still here!

[SincerlyHurt]

Here is a story of hope in a world that is seemingly hopeless.

 

I have a friend that broke up with his girl in October because he thought he needed space. It backfired on him and ever since he has wanted her back terribly. I know very little about the intricacies of the break and their relationship. Since their break they have both moved back here from college. He chases her for months, pushing her away daily. When I get dumped we all meet up one night for some drinks and I get to talking to one of my best girl-friends about what I should do. He is sitting there listening. Best girl-friend says do not chase, beg, pester her. He hears her tell me this and immediately backs off from his ways with his ex. They have had light contact in the month or so since then. In the meantime she had started seeing someone else although I don't think it was serious.

 

So we are out on Thursday night and my friend has to leave early because he had to be at work early. When he leaves he goes by her house, knocks on the door and her new flame answers. he simply says she is not there, which she was not. So the next day (yesterday) the ex calls my friend and starts saying she needs to be there more for him and that she basically misses him. She goes on to say that the new flame and her are just friends now and that he blew up after my friend came by the house. He showed his irrational side while my friend showed composure. So last I heard they were suppossed to be getting together last night. Lucky him, he has gotten the opportunity we all seek. And he does not even know about this site, but I do coach him with my newfound education I received here.

 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

And here is my latest. We live in a part of Texas where there are about 6 towns intertwined with each other. You could drive through them consecutively and if you did not live here would never know where one ends and another begins. So with that said, everyone from all these towns goes out in basically the same places. We go out in Galveston Island where in the "Strand" or historical district there are gobs of pubs, clubs, and java huts.

 

I mentioned picking up my tax return last week in an earlier post. When I picked it up this pretty little secretary helped me, I never saw the CPA, just her. I thought she was cute but said nothing.

 

So I am out bouncing around last night and walk into a place we frequent. Get my drink and begin to look around. Look to my right and about 10 feet away guess who I lock eyes with. CPA girlie!!! When I see her I cannot place her, I just know she looks familiar. I walk up to her and say "you look familiar, I know I have seen you somewhere very recently." She tells me where I saw her and we just get to talking. She is my CPA's daughter. A bit on the younger side but good looking. She is very easy to talk to. We hit it off and she wants me to go to another club with them but I remember there is still time and that I need to avoid haste. So instead of leaving with her I leave with her phone number. Network expanded.

 

Tonight is sure to bring new adventures. Most of my friends got a bit tipsy at a crawfish boil we went to yesterday and were unable to make it out. So they are rejuvenating today and will be ready to go tonight.

 

And on another topic, my girl-friends (about 25 of them) get together once a month for a game night. Well my best girl-friends skipped that game night last night and stayed out with us. My ex is part of this girls night. One of my good girl-friends went to the game night and said it was sooo boring, it sucked and that she wishes she would have stayed with us. I wonder if my ex had fun? This is the first weekend in a long time that she is alone, no New York fling here this weekend, all she has is the phone to keep her company. He will be back next weekend but I just wonder if anything has begun running through her mind yet.

[SincerlyHurt]

Things just get better and better. For all of those that just recently broke up and who think and feel as if it is the end of your world, take heed, time does wonders for your heart and soul. You really must step back and look in at what you had, and like me, with time and a complete understanding of things you can move on with unimaginable speed and purpose. I am actually happier now than I was in my relationship, but then again I am always happy on weekends!!!

 

Ok, so update to my dating life. This is a twistingly ironic story that played out last night. It all starts on the very night that my ex was in New Orleans and met the guy she is with now. The ex and friends are out of town and so the guys naturally have a guys night out. We go to a fund raiser at a bar we frequent. My friends and I are sitting in the back of the bar and I look towards the front and there is this beautiful blonde girl standing there talking to a couple of other girls. I, being engaged at the time just admire her with my friends. But I never forgot what she looks like, tall, slender, exceptionally kempt, put together perfectly. My friends and I have referred to her at times when we are playing golf and just being males. Because of her beauty I really think she is out of my leauge. I coined a name for her: "Unicorn," she became known as that because I thought she was unattainable just like a unicorn. She was my Unicorn.

 

So fast forward to two weeks after my break up and I am out on a fairly quiet night at a patio cafe. My friend is inside talking to some girls he knows so I stay on the patio talking to the bartendress. I look over and there is Unicorn, sitting at a table with some friends. They get up and leave shortly thereafter and I just gaze at her in admiration as she walks past.

 

So last night we are out and I like to bounce around and hit all the hangouts but my friends did not want to go to this particular one. So I leave solo and go there. Get there and there are alot more of my friends there anyway. So I get a beer and start looking around and there is Unicorn, and she is actually talking to the bar owners wife which I had met the night before with one of the girls Canadian Chickie saw me talking to. I walk up to bar owners wife and start chatting with her in hopes that she will introduce me to Unicorn which is standing right next to her. She does'nt. Damn. So I go back to the bar with my friends and am talking to the owner and ask him about Unicorn. He says she is single and available. Whoa, I am boiling over with desire.

 

SO I keep an eye on Unicorn and about 20 minutes later notice that bar owners wife is talking to some one else and that Unicorn is kinda out of the loop, standing back a few feet at a table. So I grew a pair and told myself what have I got to lose.

 

Walked right up to her and said "Hi, I've seen you around and just wanted to introduce myself because if I did'nt I would be kicking myself for a long time to come, Hi Im XXXX" She smiles and introduces herself and we talk for the next 20 minutes about off the wall stuff, fish tacos, our jobs, where she is from, her age and how she looks not a day older than 25 (she's 31), a band we love and her dad actually knows. Just get along great. So I feel that it has been long enough, they are getting ready to leave and so I tell her that I would like to call her sometime. She says OK and gives me her number. I saddled the Unicorn!!!

 

Gotta take this one slow, the way we communicated and got along makes me think there could be something there. I will be calling her tomorrow night.

 

So see folks, you must climb out of the cauldron of new singlehoodedness and see what life has to offer. No one is going to knock at your door and fall in your lap in love. Get up, get motivated and begin to rebuild. Your ex may come back one day but in the meantime life is about you and you alone. I thought that my ex would be irreplaceable, that I would constantly compare everyone to her and do the best I could to find a replica. That could not have been farther from reality. What I have learned is that I do not want anyone even similiar to my ex. There are so many potentials out there with their own devices and personalities. Get to know new people and you will start to see all that your ex lacked. I am so glad this life experience has happened to me, I have grown so much and am a totally different person mentally, emotionally, as well as physically.

 

Just rest assured that the hurt goes away and there are better days ahead. Time is all it takes.

[SincerlyHurt]

Gals are sure hard to figure out. Last Thursday night I met the Canadian Chickie out at a jazz club. By the time I got there it was fairly late and we were all pretty blitzed. I walked into the place and immediately start talking to a girl I had met a few hours earlier at a different place. We talk for about 20 minutes and I turn around and there is Canadian Chickie looking at me from the dance floor.

 

So I mosey on over and dance to a song with her, give her a hello hug, etc. Well the song ends and I go take a seat beside the dance floor while Chickie stays out there with her friend. So when I sit I end up taking another girls seat so when she gets done dancing she comes to retrieve her seat. I end up standing there talking to her and her friend for about 15 minutes and then say farewell and notice Canadian Chickie is sitting down.

 

So I go over to Chickie and ask her to dance, she has turned into an ice cube. Is it because I was talking to people? I dont know. SO a friend of mine drives them home in their car and I follow so I can then take my friend home. When we to to Chickies house I get out of the truck and call her over. I say drunkenly bluntly "whats up, Im interested, are you not?" She smiles and says Im just having a good time. No direct answer.

 

I for whatever reasons the next day feel like a fool for my brazenness and don't call her or see her for the rest of the weekend, although we did miss each other at places twice by mere minutes.

 

So last night I am just curling up for bed at about 11:30 and Canadian Chickie calls. They are at the jazz club again and want me to come down. I say ok, see you soon. I get there and she is with her roommate who has been kinda chasing me. Not having said much to Chickie since Thursday night I am feeling a little awkward so I sit next to her roommate, and chickie is on the other side of her.

 

Well we are all talking and then Chickie gets me back. Two guys come in and sit on the other side of her and naturally they start talking to her. So there she is doing the same thing to me that I did to her on Thgursday night. Then Canadian Chickie comes up to me and wants to change the scenery, but roommate had too much to drink so she wanted to go home. We ended it with Chickie hugging me.

 

What do I do now. I thought about calling her Wednseday and asking if she wanted to go have drinks. I get out of school at about the same time she gets off work so it would make sense. What do you all think.

 

--------------------------

 

And on another note, CPA's daughter called and we spoke a long time last night. She insinuated that she does not have much to do and that we should meet up this week sometime. I told her I would call her.

 

And of utmost importance is Unicorn, which I will be calling tonight. I have decided to keep it as informal as possible, maybe ask her if she would like to meet somewhere after work. This way it would seem less like a date and we could just talk. If things go well then maybe we could go for some dinner. Sound solid?

 

Let me know what you think about Canadian Chickies actions and about my plans to get Unicorn out. Thanks all.

[SincerlyHurt]

The ex called today. The first contact without meaning in over a week. She called as I was at lunch. We talked, I told her about school and my part of a project we are jointly completing. Then I asked her what she wanted and she said she forgot. Yeah. So we talked about some stuff going on this weekend and I was relieved to find out it is actually the next weekend and that I would be able to steer clear of her and him. I explain it in GeeCee's thread so wont do so here. Anyway, I ask again what she wants, she still can't remember, then asks to see the dog. I tell her I will drop him off to her, no problem. I am upbeat the whole time, it was like talking to just a friend, no emotions what so ever came over me. I then told her if she remembered what she wanted that she could call me back and let her go. Our talk lasted all of 5 minutes.

 

About a half hour later I notice the time. She called as she was driving to school, at the same exact time she did when we were together. We used to talk the whole time she was driving to school, 35 minutes. It all made sense then. She did not want anything, she just wanted to talk!!! Glad she cannot fluster me anymore, I will not be her emotional crutch.

 

It's kinda nice to have something else on my mind (Unicorn).

[GeeCee]

And so SincerelyHurt, life with must be like living with Alice in Wonderland - it just gets curiouser and curiouser!!! And so the ex has nothing to say, but she just wants to talk. Hmmmm ... I wonder what the next turn of events shall be?!

 

G xx

[SincerlyHurt]

Gee, you are right. With every night out on the town something completely unorthodox as compared to my old life happens. This weekend is sure to be slow because of Kappa, but I do have the gal coming in from Dallas.

 

I also wonder what the next turn of events will be, and there will be one for sure whether it is in my favor or not. Either she will continue to move farther away, as will I, or she will do a 180 and decide she wants me back in her life. This may take months and months but something is sure to happen, niether of us will just fade away. But honestly, at this point, my thoughts always sway to my Unicorn, or one of my other new acquaintances. And so I guess the saying is true: Out of sight and out of mind.

[LittleSister]

Sincerly,

 

Just remember, in my case it did take months for my ex and I to get back together, 9 months. In the long run, that didn't mean it was right. You have to evaluate where you may be months down the road and what will be right for you then. It is good that you are already wondering if you would take her back down the road.

 

A down weekend may still be difficult now. You may not have the option of going out to the clubs, but think of all the numbers you have and the options of going out one on one with some of the girls you have met.... maybe the unicorn.

 

On another note, today is the first day in over a month I didn't talk to "my guy". And I am getting out of here this weekend, and do not plan to let him know.

[SincerlyHurt]

Well, I have not heard back from Unicorn so in my slight down state I called CPAgirlie and we are meeting up tomorrow night after I get out of school. I think she will be fun to party with, she is younger than I and will be getting into medical/anesthesiology school in the fall, so she already said she needs to get all her partying done before then.

 

I will check in here to see anyones progress tomorrow from the computer lab.

 

Gee, stay strong, lets try to at the very least manage two weeks of no contact. I think that was your original goal and then you bumped it up to a month.

[GeeCee]

SH

 

OK the lack of the response from the Unicorn is slightly disappointing. You have left a message on her voicemail, so really I would not try calling her again today or even tomorrow. At the earliest I would not try and call her on Friday. Just catching up before the weekend. I know that this might not be what you want to do, given that you would like to have ade plans for the weekend. But slow down. There is all the time in the world.

 

Enjoy your light date tonight - I think that should be a lot of fun. And keep us updated.

 

Talk later.

 

G xx

 

P.S. name change, name change, name change - people will start to say that I am a nag!!!!

[SincerlyHurt]

I think I will be calling Unicorn back tomorrow night, by Friday we will both be out on the town, at least I will for sure. She could be one of those women that don't call guys they really don't know. I dont know and cannot begin to guess at her morals. Like I have said before: I have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

 

Will know if a name change is inevitable in a few hours. Keep me close at heart as I sit next to the ex for 3 hours.

[GeeCee]

Ok SincerelyHurt

 

Hope that today goes well. I think that you will be just fine, close to the ex for three hours, much better than her actually!!

 

G xx

[SincerlyHurt]

Im posting in the dating section, have a lead on a new one I have been admiring for weeks. Need advice.

[SincerlyHurt]

So much has happened since this forum went down.

 

I went to class yesterday and sat next to the ex as usual. About 20 minutes into the class I notice she is sobbing. I ask her if she is ok and she nods. I ask her what is wrong she says nothing, so I don't ask again.

 

We leave class and she catches me and want me to show her how to access some databases, so I agree. I run through showing her real fast and say Ok, call me if you need anymore info and leave. I make it maybe 20 feet out the door and she is following after me. We end up in the parking lot, we were both leaving.

 

We stay in the parking lot talking for over a half hour. She is watery eyed, and says that she is having a really hard time. She says that I am doing fine and don't care anymore, I dont agree or disagree, I just say I am enjoying the new me immensly. I don't ask her to come back or anything. She thinks I have a new girlfriend, I tell her everything I am doing is just casual.

 

We go on to talk and I tell her I feel sorry for her because she did not give herself time to grow as a person and that I, by taking a step back and looking in from the outside can realize and identify most of our shortcomings. Both with us and with myself. We say so much more, and basically she is afraid of being lonely. At this point she is late for an appointment and I tell her she needs to leave. We hug and she just breaks down and starts crying hard. I tell her it is ok, that she has cried enough and everything will work out. How is it that I became the strong one here?

 

So fast forward to today. She needs some things signed here at my office, we work for the same family. She comes by and ends up sitting by me at my desk for over half an hour. We get back to the same talk and she wants to know "what will be different if we were to get back together," my response was "a better question would have been what would be the same, and the answer is nothing" I cannot tell her what would be the same or different because I am a different person now, I don't know how my next relationship will be, happier no doubt, but as far as the intricacies I dont know.

 

I asked her if we never got back together if she would ever regret it and wonder. She responded with "you don't want the answer to that", I said I asked the question so I must want an answer. She said, yes, I would have regrets and wonder.

 

So I walk her to her car, she must get back to her office. We hug and I feel like she longed for a kiss, we came close. We hugged tightly. I held her by her waist lovingly and said we can't keep doing this. She said "doing what", I said things cannot go on this way and said bye and walked away.

 

Since then there have been a few e-mails back and forth. Apparently there is something that I have not learned yet that she is waiting on. She said that I am not seeing the whole picture, that some things are still lost in space. That my heart will lead me in the right direction. I almost get the notion that she wants me to fight for her, but I won't. Not at this point, maybe a few weeks ago, but not now.

 

I did tell her in an e-mail today that maybe I should just fade away and that it would make things easier. I told her if that is what she wanted then I would accommodate her wish. She made no mention of that statement in her response e-mail. Im at a loss.

 

What is it I have not learned? How does she know I have not learned it?

 

I honestly think the new guy is pushing harder than she is. He makes last minute flight arrangements and comes in all of a sudden. He will be here for the next three weekends. So alot can and will happen with me before then, I am not waiting around on this to fizzle. Her emotional breakdowns and our talks have not set me back any, I don't long for her anymore now than I did before all this.

[Scout]

Keep doing what you're doing, whether you want to get back with her or not. Everything you are doing seems to be healing you, and making her realize her loss. You mentioned her new boyfriend is going to visit her for the next three weekends - I would definitely keep myself as the calm, unruffled one here, it's only going to compare you that much more favorably against him. I guarantee she is talking about you to him, and that's going to get under his skin. Even if you don't get back together with her, you are walking away with your pride & dignity intact, and that helps the healing process to happen much more quickly. Just keep giving it time...minimal if any contact...that's what I've been doing and today I got an email from the ex suggesting we meet with our dogs at the dog park sometime.

[GeeCee]

OMFG!!!!

 

I am emailing you IMMEDIATELY!!!

 

G xx

[Beec]

OK, I've got one idea about what you need to learn. Her new guy probably was not as new as you thought. That is, he or someone else maybe was with her before the split. Can't see anything so earth shattering that you would need to learn. She probably justified it in her head thinking she was ready to end it with you anyway, but she regrets that and feels guilty.

 

That's my two minutes of amateur psychology, now back to the salt mines.

[shockeddismayed]

Sincerely...

 

good to hear the update.

 

I agree with Beec... there is certainly a risk that the guy was around before things went sour, and her feelings about the relationship getting too comfortable may have been the catalyst to send her in his direction... I've been getting the feeling that is what happened in my situation too. But I don't know if that changes your situation all that much.

 

It sounds to me like:

1) You are almost at the point (or are already there) where you won't take this girl back... congrats. You've now gained the driver seat, and she obviously senses it.

2) Forgive me if I'm wrong, but I think you are right on the money with your assessment of the fact she hasn't had any time to deal with this alone. It sounds very much like she DOESN"T know how to BE ALONE, and this is scaring her... again, another reason you are coming out on top here. I wonder... was your girlfriend very emotionally needy?

 

Maybe that is part of what contributed to what could have been an over-reaction to the natural cooling off in a 9 year relationship. If you do decide to take her back, you are going to have to turn the romance and (to quote wise Beec) "emotional fulfillment" up. Are you up to that? Certainly you have done that with your new girls... buying wine, and doing thoughtful things, but you have to ask yourself whether you are interested in keeping it up in a long term relationship with your EX.

 

The only reason I ask this, is that from the healthy way in which you've picked up and are moving on, it may be that you actually were having your own feelings "fade out" with your EX, and she realized it before you and gave the pre-emptive strike.

 

I guess it all depends on what YOU want. If you want her back, you are in a good situation... give a few more days and then go for it. If not, you are also in a good situation... you've accelerated through the recovery process and can now decide objectively whether you want her gone completely, or you'd prefer to be friends.

 

I'll be interested to hear your thoughts and feelings on this... it seems to be a really interesting merger of both MyJoy's and Beec's strategies.

[SincerlyHurt]

OMG, the forum was down for so long and so much more has happened. I have a new game plan that I need an opinion on. I will be back with the latest emotional e-mail from her, cant do it now, am on my way to pick up a dinner date.

 

SHE WILL BE BACK, NO DOUBT.

 

She is having a much harder time than I am.

 

Will fulfill later.

[SincerlyHurt]

This barrage of e-mails is from last Thursday after she left my office. She came by here to have some papers signed and stayed a while and we talked about "US". As soon as she left I sent the following e-mail:

 

B, Why would you want to continue travelling so far for something that makes you happy on occasion when I am here and thus could make you happy constantly? I so want to treat you as my lover, my partner, but must constantly remind myself of our situation. I will never be able to show you anything while we are in this arena.

 

-----------------------

This is her response:

 

Nice email to get after you talk to your girlfriend.

 

How do I know you will make me happy? I thought if anything I would have taught you something, but you still haven't gotten the whole picture. It must be something you figure out for yourself. Your heart will lead you to what you really want if you listen to it. And that is what I think.

 

-------------------------

My response:

 

I have no girlfriend.

 

You have taught me so many things, especially these past two months. I may have the whole picture but you will not ever be able to see I got it until you are back wholeheartedly. I will not put my heart on a string and dangle it in front of you just to be hurt again. I would just assume fade away, it would hurt alot less. If that is what you want I will gladly but somewhat reluctantly accommodate your wish.

 

My heart is trying to lead me to what I really want, but what I really want is unattainable right now. You don't want my professions of love, you are happy, remember? Damn you!!

 

Giraffes dont fly.

 

------------------

Her response:

 

Keep telling yourself that.

 

I Worry about you (and what did you mean by that?)

 

The main points that I thought you would figure out, are still lost in space. I didn't ask you to dangle your heart in front of me. Your heart will tell you how to handle a situation if you desire the outcome.

 

Don't curse at me!!!

 

Tell me something I don't know. (Giraffes??) I definitely worry about you.

 

---------------------

My response:

 

what do you want from me? Really. Help me, if there is something I am missing let me know, I have been evolving so rapidly that something is bound to be skipped. What is still lost in space?

 

I desire an outcome but when there is a party waiting in the wings, such as in our case, my heart is at a standstill. You and he have at the very least 3 more weekends together, if things progress the way they have been my heart may find an alternate route in life. I am not waiting on your relationship with Kevin to fizzle. If you know what you want you had better take action, or maybe that is what you are doing now.

 

I asked if you want me to just fade away, I am strong enough to do just that now, is that what you want?

 

And so I leave this e-mail pondering whether or not I want to go see the Astros tonight. Life really is much simpler than we make it out to be.-------------------------

Her response:

 

I don't know what I want. I am on an emotional roll-a-coaster. Nothing is wrong with what I am experiencing with Kevin, but I miss you and I miss my life before the chaos at times. I am always questioning myself. I am scared to lose you but I can't hold you back because I don't know what will happen in the future. I am very scared b/c I don't have all the answers. Sometimes I just expect you to do certain things if you truly love me as much as I think you do, but I can't tell you how I would want you to act, you either do them or you don't. Then I think what if I did give us a chance and things don't work out, do you really want to go through this again? Then I have also lost a great person that does the "little things" that count. I was thinking yesterday that I wanted someone to talk to that wasn't wrapped up into this to give me an objective opinion with out judgment. If I tell you this stuff I feel I could be hurting you more because I feel so much. I also hate the fact that I don't know who you tell our conversations to. I am so sick of people talking about me. I don't want my life in the spot light with everyone putting in their two cents. I am not going to lie, I love you but you know this, but I just wonder if what we didn't have, we could ever have. Since you know about Kevin, I think it is only fair for you to tell me who you are dating so it's not a surprise to me when I see you out. I am not trying to hurt you or confuse you. I am hurting and I am confused sometimes because I don't know why I feel the way I do about certain things. If you wanted the truth their it is. __________

 

And so then he comes in town this weekend and my realizing that what she really wants is emotional fulfillment from me when he is not here I decide to give it to her while he is here. We had a huge party Saturday that she would have loved to attend, so here is the text message I sent her

 

"You should be here with my friends and I. The depth of my love will supply the "little things" naturally. Don't be scared."

 

I then throughout the weekend sent about 3 more texts to her while she was with him.

 

So as soon as he is gone last night she calls. I was out on a date. I called her after I dropped my date off and we proceeded to talk for the next two hours. I don't think she wants to tell me how she feels, she says it makes it harder for me. Judging by last nights conversation I cannot tell what the outcome of all this will be. She is trying to restrain her emotions around me, but I did detect some crying from her end of the phone a few times.

 

Please give me some feedback.

 

As far as her seeing someone before we split, no, she was not. We lived together, work closely, and there is no way she could have seen this guy while we were together. Remember my friends are her network, (the poor girl) so when I was not out with them she was with my best friends. I just think there is no chance she was messing around on me. I know her and he got started off really quickly after our break, but that is because he exploitd her broken wing syndrome.

---------------------------

 

Ok, now for my other life. Jess has responded wonderfully after we saw each other this weekend. I met her daughter (adorable) and now she is calling with more regularity. I missed her call last night because Iws on my date and I have not called her back. I was thinking I might try to get her out this weekend, although I don't know if she will have her daughter or not.

 

Unicorn called last Thursday night when I was with my ex (oh, yeah, I showed up at her house and we talked and kissed, etc) so I could not answer it. She left me a beautiful voicemail, she is so upbeat I can't help but to want to get to know this one more. We have been playing phone tag for a week now. I last called her Friday evening and "tagged" her. If I don't hear from her by tomorrow night I will call her then. What do you all think?

[GeeCee]

Dear Lord SincerelyHurt

 

What do I think??? There are so many facets to your life, I can scarcely think straight!!!!

 

Honestly, based on what you have just written. I think that your ex and you share a deep love. Very deep. I think that you both miss each other, and could possibly both be happy together again. But I am not sure whether either of you want it enough, seeings as you are both enjoying your alternative lives. Your ex clearly needs your emotional fulfillment when Kevin is gone. You do not need this as much. You do have a need at the moment to explore other women. I would have to ask whether if you would feel this need if your ex was really enough for you.

 

My genuine feeling is that you are both enjoying your new lives too much to go back to your old lives. If you really want the ex back, work on getting her back. If you don't work on the Unicorn.

 

You have a lot of choices, sometimes this can make decisions even harder and give us less clarity. You are starting to question what you thought you wanted three weeks ago!!

 

What a wonderful journey you are having at the moment. Think about what you REALLY REALLY WANT, and then go for it!!

 

G xx

[sweetharmony]

wow, i just finished reading most of ypur posts. what a rollercoaster. wow, thje tables have turned big time. I would keep enjoying your new life until she can say for sure whether she wants to be back w/ you or not. Kevin is a rebound, she started dating him immediately after she broke up w/ you from a 9 yr relationship. REBOUND> there's no way, that she doesn't miss you terribly. her relationship will crumble with him. I broke up with my ex last year (basically, b/c i was bored and wanted those new feeligns of love). I didn't cheat, but I knew that this guy really likes me and was giving me so much attenttion. Well,my ex and I lived together, we had a dog together, so similar situation. I broke up with him and was happy for the first three mos., but my ex was my best friend and I still wanted him in my life. i felt that i needed to experience things and then evntually we may get back together, but he'd have to fight for me. Well, we were friends for a bit, esp. with dog visitation rights. that was difficult for both of us. but i had my new boyfriend who treated me like gold and gave me the new attention and passion I lacked w/ my ex. well,needless to say, that fizzled and my ex was seeing someone new and I was devastated. The reality of the situation stru k me and i was miserable w/o my ex. I realized what I had lost b/c i was fed up w/ security and scared that he may be the last boyfriend. I needed more. I still think about my ex, wishing we could get back together, more than a year later. The tables have turned and I am the one still in emotional pain over my decision. But we needed to break up for me to realize what I have lost . I definitely have moved on, but there is not one day I don't think about my ex. but i've accepted it. I'm telling you, cut off complete contact- that will only drive her crazy. when he finally cut off contact, that's when things went awry with the new guy. I resented him for being the one to encourage me to break up w. my ex and I knew he wasn't right for me. I broke it off and called my ex, but he had moved on at that point. i'm okay now, just went through another break up (only two mos) though. It's hard I know, even on the dumper's side. We too regret that which we do. See what happened when you cut her off, she came crying to you. keepdoing that. and mean it. move on w/ your life. perhaps after several mos, she doesn't knoiw what she wants at this point and cannot tell you anything until she breaks up w/ that guy. uless, she breaks up w/ him and wants a chance, then talk to her. just my advice.

[SincerlyHurt]

Gee, I really don't know what I want long term. Time will tell. I am going to do everything in my power to embark on a relationship with Unicorn, and then I may never look back. There is still "Jess" whom is very interesting. And do you know what I realized today, both "Jess" and Unicorn work for the schools. It is almost summer time, they may have alot of time on their hands, good for me.

 

Now, about my ex. Gee, you said that if that is what I want then fight for it. I disagree. Apparently what she wants is to know I am still longing for her. Last week when i was soooo strong and truly had accepted our fate she sensed that and broke down. She did what it took to see that I am not over her. And now that she knows this she has backed off and will not say anything concrete. So now I back off again, it is back to no contact except when I drop the dog off and see her at school. She has to think I am moving on, this back and forth emotional jaunt we have been on since last Wednseday is just serving to prove to her that she can have me whenever she wants.

 

Today has been pretty tough. I have been in the doldrums of single-hood, and it sucks. I told the ex today that I wished she would just move to NY so I would never have to see her again. She then e-mailed me and said that comment really hurt her. I wish she would not have broken down and given me hope, it was so much easier prior to that, I was moving on and now I am halted with indecisiveness.

 

Gee, hows the world spinning? I don't think it is spinning funny anymore, this is not fun.

 

Sweetharmony, thank you for your words, I am going to do what you suggested, that apparently is what opened her eyes and panicked her last week. She wants to be chased by me, to be reassured that I am here, no more. No more, not now, not until she makes a decision. And especially not during the week when she is lonely.

[GeeCee]

Honey

 

You are all down and out again. You know what you have to do. Cut contact with her. She has pulled you down and gotten you out of your game. You know what to do. You have done it before, and will do it again. And this time it will be easier for you.

 

Hang in there. I will email you.

 

G xx

[shockeddismayed]

Sincerely...

 

I don't know.... from the way that I interpret her emails, the hidden message is "If you really loved me you would be fighting for me... you gave up, thereforeeee you haven't found the passion that I need for us to be happy together... I broke up with you b/c of lack of spontaniety and b/c I thought you'd lost interest in me... now I see that you have and it hurts".

 

I'm not trying to stir the pot here, but you need to look at things from her side too... she knows you had everything she wanted.... with the possible exception of the reason for her breakup... now she wants to see that passion. "Your heart will lead you to your answer".

 

I think that more NC might literally drive her crazy... its a possibility... but it may also make her give up.

 

I feel like my situation is about two weeks behind yours... and I know what I'd be doing if I were in your situation right now.

 

However, from what I've read, you seem to be doing fine without her... actually more excited about unicorn and Jess than about chasing your ex. If this is true, then you have your decision (at least for the moment).

 

If this is not true... then it might be time to try turning the game off for a while and laying it on the line... don't take no for an answer (b/c that IS what she will say the first time you come around) and go for the EX.

 

If it fails, it might set you back in your recovery.... but my hunch is that this is the chance you WERE (I used past tense b/c I think it is most appropriate) waiting for.

[shockeddismayed]

 

 

Ah heck.... I don't know... maybe I'm totally wrong?

 

See... this is what this does to you. It gets you all screwed up.

 

Good luck with what you decide.... you know her best, so you will make the best decision.... but just try and key into what might be her biggest fears... that is what is holding her back. My guess is the biggest one is "will it just go back to the way it was... I don't want it exactly like that"