I gratefully give up OR NOT! Still here!

[SincerlyHurt]

Alright, the ex came over last night and as usual was very apt to talk about anything but us so I let it be. She wanted hugs, wanted to snuggle with me and rub my back, was very affectionate. But alas, she is scared to give up something good (the new guy) for something as unsure as me. I told her if we got back together I would be scared. I did not say right out that I was unsure if I even wanted another relationship with her. She stayed for an hour or more and then as it was getting late she went home. I let her take the dog with her because as soon as she left I went out to meet a girl I started dating this week and am really beginning to like.

 

So this morning the ex drops the dog off at the house. She comes in and wants a hug. I give. Both last night and this morning we were humorous towards each other, no real emotions came out whatsoever.

 

This morning I got the following e-mail from her:

 

Thank you very much for letting me see Gabe last night, it really meant a lot. I am sorry for making you sad. What you said last night about me not wanting you, please dont ever think that. The qualities I love about you: your funny, caring, nurturing, fun, handsome, loving, thoughtful, and the list goes on. Its not that I dont want you, you are a great catch (which you should know without me telling you), I think some things are missing with us. I need to know in my heart what will make me truly happy and experiencing things is the only way to accomplish this. No matter how our life turns out, you will thank me later. We are both growing from this experience, if it is meant to be, we will find each other when the time is right. That is the way I have to look at things. We both slacked in our relationship, I dont want you to ever think it was just you. You mean so much to me it hurts to think of you. I am and will always be here for you no matter what.

 

Love,

XXXX

 

 

So, I guess this is where I really let go. I'll certainly have moved on by the time she starts hating Brooklyn. And thats that I suppose.

 

Better times lie ahead, it is the new gals birthday tonight and she has decided to spend it with me.

[shockeddismayed]

oooooophhh....

 

That's a bitter pill to swallow.

 

I really have begun to hate that balony about "if we meet again in the future". It's such hogwash. It should be reserved for relationships that end at the end of summer camp, or you both go separately off to school... IMO it ISN'T a mature way to end things after a 7 year relationship... she's old enough to know better.

 

It's as if she has no concept that the injury she has caused (which you've recovered from KUDOS!), and the destroying of your trust has no bearing on whether she can win you back in the future. Flawed logic on her part if you ask me.

 

I dunno... from what I read on this board, this type of thing seems all too common. Girls who've not had much experience seem at some level to hold it against us. They have a nice, great guy... and need to go find out that there aren't all that many of us around before realizing what they've lost.

 

I think you are doing the right thing Sincerely... I mean really. Remember that this girl didn't even drink beer with you... how terrible

 

You are on the right track to finding "the one" for you. Thankfully she gave you the closure that you need. Be sure to give it right back to her.

[dikaia880]

Shocked makes a great point...Why is it that all these girls need to go experience the bad before they can realize what great guys they have? I'm willing to put money on the fact that most of the guys who were dumped, that are on this board fit into that category..."I love you but I need to get hurt before I can really believe I love you".. why do women seem to need to test their love for someone? why isn't the emotion they have good enough?

 

About her email, unlike shocked I don't think it's all that immature...it's thoughtful and nice....Hopefully it brings you some closure if it doesn't the new girl just might

 

Good luck!

[RayKay]

It is not always the females who are like that - I know I am not anyway! Problem is I tend to just love too damn much sometimes.

 

And it is my ex-BOYfriend who is doing the same thing.....he actually said to me "you are TOO good, and I am just NOT ready to settle down yet, I can see you here now, and in the long term - but I need to be alone in the middle!". Ack.

 

 

 

 

"These foolish games are tearing me apart"

[SincerlyHurt]

Well, here I am still. My ex moved to New York about 2 weeks ago with her new man. Before she left we met and had a pretty good visit. She then called about a week after she was there and we talked on the phone for about a half hour.

 

Today she called after I text messaged her and she would not go into detail for fear of leading me on (I suspect) but did say she is not entirely happy with the new guy and that she already misses Texas and everyone here. She mentioned that if we got back together that she may not be able to look past some of the things that I have done while single. I said that what I have done since the breakup should be a non-issue, none of the girls I date now want to know about my recent past and why should she if we were to start over.

 

I guess I will leave the fate of her and I to time, if she comes back she comes back, GOD I hope she comes back. If she does not I will be fine, it just seems that both of us are holding onto each other from afar. She mentioned that she ridicules herself because she thinks about me so much, more than she thinks she should.

 

I know I can honestly say that after being out there single for almost 6 months now that I have realized that there is no one else like her, no one posseses her qualities, good and bad. I have been out with and met alot of nice ladies and I tend to just blow them of after I get to know them because they are not "her."

 

I dont know if her coming back to me one day is wishful thinking but I cannot wait forever. Even her sister has told a mutual friend that her and I are an unresolved issue. I just wish when her and I speak that she would figure out what she wants. I know she is confused and not entirely happy but which way is she leaning?

[shockeddismayed]

Hi Sincerely

 

(Sorta) Nice to see you back. I hope you are taking this recent contact in stride.

 

I agree with you about the stuff you've done while you were apart. I mean what the heck is she smoking? She ended it, she started with a new guy... what on earth did she EXPECT!?!?!?!

 

She doesn't have a leg to stand on. Perhaps she is just confused, but if she does come back... I'd suggest you insist on some couples counselling so that someone other than you can tell her how unfair and selfish her attitude is. Were you just supposed to sit around and cry for 6 months, while she moved accross the continent with her new guy?

 

Rediculous. Completely rediculous.

 

Sorry for the emphatic response... but after all of the WONDERFUL things you did for her during your break, I just can't believe that attitude.

 

Good luck.

[SincerlyHurt]

My prediction: she wont make it through more than one winter in New York, she hates long sleeves and has an awesome job offer here that will stand for six months. She said she has already considered the job offer here, plus Im here so what more could she want..........LOL.

 

I have become very patient with the realization that I am a whole person without an attachment to her and that I will make it regardless. I just have a feeling that we could be happy together. She knows I have changed and is interested but her state of mind IMO seems to be that if she comes back and we dont work out then she has lost two good guys. Understandable, life and courtships can be scary things. She is smart and will figure things out in time.

 

She did say yesterday that she is an emotional wreck.