I gratefully give up OR NOT! Still here!

[strong1]

Well, speaking only for myself....after a woman has settled down in life...she begins to realized that 'bad boys' are just an unnecessary strain emotionally and spiritually. They may snare us for a time, but after a while...the only thing those men will see of us is our backhanded wave as we drive off into the sunset.

 

Not to mention, this isn't the 60s anymore. No more 'free (safe) love.'

 

Give me a level-headed, kind, loving NICE guy over a playboy ANY DAY.

 

'Nice' does not equal 'Doormat.' It's all about respect. Even nice guys can mix it up a bit. As long as they are not 'serial daters.' That, I have no time for either.

 

Would you rather be home at night, tucking your children into bed w/Mr. Nice...or have 'Mr. Badboy' feeling up the babysitter while you tuck in the kids - alone?

[GeeCee]

Hmmmm ... Strong1 .... I am taking it that you, too, have had an epiphany!!!!

 

G xx

[SincerlyHurt]

My Gawd, I have it coming from every angle here.

 

GEECee, I even had to go back and read my e-mail to her and nowhere does it say I never loved her, nowhere. I HAVE changed, I have reflected and actually am content staying home at night alone. I know I have changed, it is no longer hard to drive places without my ear to the cell phone, I just slyly smile and think about my new life.

 

A player or serial dater I am not. Who says I have to date one person at a time. All the women I am dating know my situation and I am not getting serious with any of them. Canadian Chickie and I actually talked about this on Monday night and today, we are just having fun. Her work visa expires in September so there is no reason to get real serious. I am enjoying what I am now doing and no one is going to make me feel bad about it. And did someone imply that I am a bad guy? What makes me so? Because I am out living and not at home dragging my heart around on the floor. I chose an alternate route during this break and when the walls here close in on me I get out. I am proud of the way I have made it through this. Why is it that girls are surprised I am dating, it is almost like the ex thought I would never date again.

 

Majord, Thank you.

 

H&P, no I would not call it adultery, I would call it a slow legal system. For all intensive purposes you ARE divorced, just not on paper yet. The guy my ex is with has been separated from his wife since January, his is not final either.

 

Im off to go out with Canadian Chickie tonight. Tall Blonde is feeling bad tonight, was going to sleep because she is lightheaded.

 

I will be around tomorrow to actually defend myself, and if I can duck all of your bullets just may tell how my day with the ex at school went.

 

Have a nice night.

[Hopingpraying]

SH,

 

Thanks for the advice, but my conscience is playing tricks on me.. I do appreciate it though.

 

As for your situation I think it is best that you date several women. This way you can keep your heart open and not get too attached to one. Several books I have read say to do just that, however, they also say to make sure the women know the situation so no one gets hurt. Just be careful not to fall into the trap GeeCee is talking about...

 

Good luck man. I hope eventually I will be dating again!

[SincerlyHurt]

Yeah, I got your point H&P.

 

Last night was one of the oddest nights ever, nothing went right and it turned out great. First off, Tall Blonde took some antihistamines and cancelled because she was tired. As she was cancelling on me Canadian Chickie called so I called her back. She wanted me to go out with her and her friend, when I said I guess she said let me check with her and make sure she does not just want a girls night. She called back, the friend did just want a girls night. So I guess I am staying home and watching a movie.

 

So I start loading up the DVD player and CPA-girlie calls and they are out and want me to meet them. I do. We go to a beach club and watch the Playboy Playmates pudding wrestle. I do not stay late, I leave despite CPA-girlies begging. I don't know what got into me, I was the only guy with 8 of them.

 

So on the way home I call Tall Blonde, she is awaken by me. But she is chipper. We talk on the phone for the next hour and then I ask her somehow to come over and watch a movie, she obliges. So not two minutes after we get off the phone and she is on her way I get a text message from Canadian Chickie saying her and her friend are coming by. She wants to drink some red with me. At this point it is 2am. I tell her no, no explanation needed.

 

Tall Blonde comes over and we just watch a movie and talk, she leaves at 6am. And so here I am at work worn out.

 

Canadian Chickie wants me to stop by today since she has the day off.

 

I can see where this could get complicated, I am not trying to play anyone. I just want to weigh all my options and in the end find someone that will make my heart sing. Canadian Chickie knows she has to go back to Canada in September so we are just having fun, hopefully.

 

I am staying in tonight and am debating calling "Thin Mint", a girl I met last weekend. She was really cool, a bit young, but I wonder what her story is. Never know unless you call right?

 

Oh, and I called Unicorn last night for the last time, no more phone tag for me.

[GeeCee]

Hi MarkyMark

 

You are having a fabulously complicated life, and that is making us all smile slyly!!!

 

I have gone back to your original post that caused me to start of the furore. AND I APOLOGISE UNRESERVEDLY! You are absolutely right, and I am absolutely wrong. I made the error of reading that you said that you had never loved your ex, and in fact you were questioning whether you had ever been happy with your ex. My mistake - I was wrong. However, and this is in no way to justify my error. I also believe that you were happy with her, happy enough to want her back until fairly recently, and but for the enforced separation, you would have continued to be happy with her.

 

I am delighted for you that you have found NEW HAPPINESS. Delighted. But I think that you know that. I would not like for you to hurt anyone else or be hurt by anyone else, but you have made your situation very very clear to the women in your life, and so you have lessened the danger of this happening.

 

G xx

[SincerlyHurt]

Well, with the PM's I have gotten I guess people are suppossedly enjoying my escapades so here goes. Warning: this is an update that goes back all the way to last Thursday night. The days seem to meld together now but I will try to remember the key points and make it chock full of brevity.

 

But first, The ex got back into town last night. I went to lunch with her sister today and it seems as though her sister is happier for me than she is for my ex. She said that they are all still floored by what the ex has done, her mom even said she feels like a traitor when the new guy comes around them. The sis said that their dad is still torn over all this. And last but not least, the sis could not say if the ex is really all that happy.

 

Ok, I last said that i was staying in last Thur. night. I lied. About 10:45 Canadian Chickie calls me and wants me to meet her out, so I do. I watch as her and some friends play pool and then she comes over to me and asks if I am ready to go. I say it's up to you. We leave. We get in the truck and she wants to go back to my house with me. Okey Dokey, off we go. I can't really remember what happened once we got home, that was a long time ago.

 

So Friday Canadian Chickie and I go out to lunch. Friday night I pick up Tall Blonde and we go to dinner and then by a nightclub to see a friend for a few moments (more about events at the nightclub after I left in a bit). We leave and go out to my favorite hangout which is closing and relocating for a month. We get along great, are coy with each other and laugh and flirt/touch alot. She actually made the first move on me as we were sitting talking at the bar. So then we leave and relocate to another club and we stay until closing time. I after some minor difficulty get her back to my house and you can now use your imaginations.

 

Now, back to the events at the first nightclub we stopped at. If you have been following my thread from early on you may remember me mentioning "The Twins" that I met. I thought they look Brazilian. Remember? Oh well, anyway, after Tall Blonde and I left the first nightclub we went to meet my friend at the Twins and their cousin (Polka Dot) show up there. Now the first night I met the Twins and Polka Dot my gal-friend that we had just met up with was there so she remembered seeing the Twins and Polka Dot because Polka Dot and I hit it off marvelously that night. We talked for about an hour and she gave me her number which either i entered into my phone wrong or she gave me wrong. So the Twins and Polka Dot get to partying with my gal-friend and she brings me up, they actually all remember me and even the way I spell my name. So at about 2:30 am as me and Tall Blonde are driving home Polka Dot calls. Whoa. So I am in the truck talking on the phone to Polka Dot while Tall Blonde sits there. I tell Polka that I will call her later sometime and that we will hook up later. When I said "We will hook up later" Tall Blonde gets icy. Everything worked out fine but it is amusing, now when I talk to Tall Blonde I say "Lets hook up later", a little inside joke between us now.

 

Ok, so Saturday morning around 11:00 am I take Tall Blonde home and proceed to go to the bank. No, I never make it. I call Canadian Chickie because I could not take her calls the night before and they (Chickie, Whit, and Steph) are at a Mexican restaurant about 3 minutes from where I am. So I go meet them. We proceed to drink a bit too much and after about 3 hours they get cut off. But you know the saying "A drunk persons words are a sober persons thoughts", well I am getting all kinds of blatant remarks from Chickies friend Steph. She is telling me I have a perfect personality, perfect teeth, hair, everything, right in front of Chickie. So we leave there and go play pool, Steph insists. So as Steph and I are playing pool she is giving me kisses on the cheek etc. Then as I am shooting she goes over to talk to Chickie. As it turns out Steph wants a shot at me, or at least a threesome. Whoa. It's coming up on about 5 pm and so we decide that we need a nap if we are going to go out Saturday night. So where do we end up, all three of us in my bed, napping. We mess around a bit (all of us) but dont go all the way, I dont think Chickie was as adamant about sharing as Steph is. So we mess around , nap and then I take them home to get ready to go out. We go out, more flirting between all of us, more kisses for me in the truck, more, more, more. We have a great time out. At the end of the night I end up taking Steph to her house and Chickie comes home with me. We open a bottle of red and get to talking. She says she does not want to get attached but feels she already has, that I could hurt her. Then she jumps on my lap, straddles me and asks me if I like Steph. I tell her no and we just start making out. She stays the night and all the way until 2pm Sunday. Steph and I get up and go to breakfast together, Chickie was too tired. Crazy life this is. Me and Steph talk and get along good.

 

Sunday: after I finally get Chickie out of bed and home I meet some friends for darts and beer before we are to go to a benefit concert. On my way to meet up with the friends I call Polka Dot since I had never returned her call since Friday night. She is way cool, and come to find out she just moved real close to me last Friday, she was about an hour away. Yippee. So I tell her we should catch up soon and she agrees. I may try to meet her out on Thursday night or something.

 

So we are playing darts and I am waiting on Tall Blonde to get ready so I can pick her up for the concert. I pick her up and she is stunning. We enjoy the concert with all of our friends. After the concert Tall Blonde stays with me all night. Imagine again. I took her home on my way in to work this morning.

 

As we are watching the concert I look over and spot "Thin Mint", the girl I met last weekend, she is one of the girls who has snatched my phone from me and programmed her number in it herself. I had called and talked to her last Thursday night and she had called me back last Friday night as I was on my way to pick up Tall Blonde. Turns out that her mom is my ex's moms boss. What a small world. I took the ex's sis to lunch today and when I was picking her up I saw "Thin Mint", she works there too. Gosh she is cute. Will call her tonight again.

 

I did not carry my phone with me last night and when I checked my missed calls I had 2 from Steph and 1 from Chickie. Hmmmm.

 

I am looking forward to staying home alone tonight and tomorrow night, well tomorrow night for sure. Just two weeks ago I was lonely, now I long for an empty bed. How ironic.

[strong1]

SH,

 

Glad to hear you are recovering emotionally.

 

And seriously, I'm no prude...but, um...you DO realize that the quality of women you are dealing with in your recent exploits could be a bit questionable, right? Sorry, but it needs to be said. Having fun is one thing..'not recalling what happened' (if you mean what I think you mean) not so cool.

 

It's not the free love time of the 60s...so be CAREFUL. In addition to lots of little things one can catch that require penicillin (or worse)...you never know what kind of 'bunny burners' are out there. And that is the LAST thing you need right now...someone reading more into the 'attention' you are giving her than you really intend.

 

I know you want to get back out there..and show yourself you can succeed in a relationship, but please be respectful of yourself..and these women..altho..I'm kind of wondering if some of them respect themselves.

 

You do need a BIT of time on your own to recover too...do you agree?

 

Ok, getting off soapbox. Just don't want you to get into any unnecessary trouble. That is the LAST thing you need right now.

 

Have fun, but have it for the right reasons.

[SincerlyHurt]

Actually Strong1, I will not advance with a woman that I could not see myself being with long-term. These women respect themselves (starting to think Canadian Chickie does too much), and with regards to my sleeping with Tall Blonde, we have actually known each other for about 8 years, just never really caught up until now. I know her history as well as she knows mine, remember she was good friends with my ex and when they ran into each other they would always hug and talk.

 

When I said I could not recall what happened I meant because the days all seem to meld together. I was not drunk, by no means. I had to leave work to meet up with her last Thursday so I barely had anything to drink by the time we left. But since you referred to that I will tell what happened. We came home and I had no sheets on the bed (because I was staying at work, did not expect to be home) so I proceeded to make the bed and once I got the fitted sheet on she jumped on the bed and drug me down onto it. We kissed some but she mostly just wanted to be held, she even said so in the truck: "Can we just go to your house and cuddle and you hold me" were her exact words. So that is what Thursday night amounted to.... comforting. She really is a great girl, down to earth.

 

If I picked up any hoochies my friends (the girls) would not accept them into our circle. We do everything together and you know how judgemental girls are, especially when it is someone like a brother to them that they are watching out for.

 

Now, as for Steph. She is a 34 year old woman (very attractive) that I assume is at her sexual peak and is just wanting someone in her life. She told me what a great catch I am and that I have alot of the qualities that she just cannot find. But last weekend was all about fun, but today me and Steph are back to normal.

 

Life right now is a whirlwind and I am just going to spin with it and enjoy myself. I am responsible, careful, and will not be throwing my life away for a night of passion. I am just living the way I want right now, it's been over nine years since I have not had someone to answer to and I am enjoying that immensly, can you fault me for being happy?

[strong1]

Nope. I cannot and will not fault you for making yourself happy, as long as it is not at the expense of others. You wrote that:

 

"Chickie comes home with me. We open a bottle of red and get to talking. She says she does not want to get attached but feels she already has, that I could hurt her."

 

So, consider yourself forewarned based on that statement alone.

 

Sleeping w/your ex's female friend (be they past or present friends (if it's the latter..they won't be for long.) Well, that's just playing with fire. You know that..right? It will reinforce any bad thing your ex ever thought about you. Whether you care about your ex anymore I do not know..but this move on your part is a drag..as you worked SO hard these past weeks...I HATE to have you walk away with anything less than your head held high. There are so many women out there..as you know..certainly you don't need to pick her friend..at least not so soon?

 

From a woman's perspective..you could get caught up in a heck of a lot more than you bargained for.

[SincerlyHurt]

Strong1, Tall Blonde is the ex's childhood friend and as it stands right now her and I have the most potential. We like each other, get along great, I already know her family, and she is fun to be with, to talk to. I cannot help the fact that she was one of the ex's friends. You must understand that we come from small towns scattered all over this county and we know gobs and gobs of people from every town so it is likely that we will know someone that one of us is with in the future.

 

One of the reasons Canadian Chickie is so scared of getting attached or hurt is because her work visa expires in September. She is falling for me against her will. I understand that she will have to leave and that is why from the first night (a month ago) we went out we agreed to just have fun. And we are.

 

I am taking things slow until I find my path, I will not get so involved with someone as to hurt them or myself. They know my situation, I am honest about what I have been through recently and they understand where I am coming from.

[strong1]

Ok. That's cool. The wording of your earlier posts seemed to make the woman appear much more as objects and less as human beings to you...so I was getting a bit worried about all of you.

 

Everyone needs to be respected..you do...and so do the women you date. You don't want to rip a big ol' Texas tornado path a mile deep and just as wide in the wake of your breakup with the ex. You have nothing to prove.

 

But, if you feel these women are all level-headed..and have no wacky baggage or dysfunctions...that's good. As you do NOT need to hook up w/a women who has 'issues' that are going to complicate your life further right now. No matter HOW fun they are at the moment. It is not worth it for a bit of a kick. I also mention this as a guy friend of mine has been dating a few women this year..and some of the women have looked great on the outside...but are a bit psychotic on the inside. They say they just want to be friends, and they are fine w/intimacy...can still be 'just friends', etc..and then it gets out of control. Hurt feelings all around. Which has created more than one mess for him. And it's not just women who have hangups and challenges. Plenty o' guys out there like that too.

 

Your ex WILL still be watching your actions. Even if you don't care about that..don't toss aside all your hard work and look like anything less than the decent guy we know you are. You can be confident in your own right..without a woman/women on your arm. You KNOW that..right?

[SincerlyHurt]

Strong1, I agree with everything you said wholeheartedly. Thanks for your wisdom. I can see how things could get complicated with regards to dating several women, how they can become attached and have the belief that there is more there than there really is. That is what worries me. I am such a good gentleman to all of them and they have even expressed how stupid or crazy the ex is to have left me, so I know they see my strong points, some of what I have to offer. I am not getting attached to any of them YET, I desire all of them for very different reasons all around but am not willing to settle until I know for FACT that one has the majority of the qualities I am looking for. I think I settled in with my ex and things progressed so slowly that I never realized she was missing some of the qualities that I now long for in a woman. I will not sell myself short for a fling.

 

I talked to the ex today. She says she cannot believe I am dating, she sounded kinda upset with me. I told her I was not going to remain a puddle on the ground and that I am doing what it takes to make myself happy. I did ask her if she has any regrets yet and she never would answer me, so I will take that as a big ol YES. She let me go because she was going into the tanning bed and told me she would call me back after she got out and I told her not to, that we are done. Her new guy will be here for the next 4 to 5 weekends thus far, probably longer. I hope they go broke together. How can she tell me I should not be dating so fast when she was dating a week after we split. Contradictory BI**ch.

 

We are still cordial to each other, we even talked about a party we will both be attending with our new loves and worked out times so we would miss each other. I am still not sure I want to see her with someone else and I know she does not want to see me with someone else.

But strong1, you are right, the ex is watching all my actions. We have mutual friends that were out with us this weekend and somehow the ex knows that I have been on dates almost every night. She knows some details etc, I am not sure how in depth the info she has is. For her to know all that she does though she must be seeking out the facts from someone, no one I know of is just going to call her and give her hurtful details about what I am doing, so she must be asking her accomplice, whoever that is.

[SincerlyHurt]

Well, Im kinda down in the dumps today.

 

Talked to the ex last night for over an hour. She asked me if I thought we could ever work things out and look past what has happened as far as my dating someone she knows and her getting into a relationship so fast. I did not want to say no so I told her that I would play my part of the relationship the best I could but that it takes two and she would have to show up to put in her work. We talked and talked, got along OK. I then asked her if her and the new guy tell each other they love each other and she said yes. I got hysterical and ridiculed her because they have only seen each other on weekends and it has only been two months. I laughed at her. But truth is, when she told me that I knew I was done, that I would never take her back. So I told her that is it, the last straw, I told her I wanted her to fade away, I would never value a friendship with her nor do I want one. I told her that the prospect of me finding someone new was more appealing than rebuilding with her. I told her that it is best we quit talking because we cannot keep doing this, and then I took the dog away from her, told her no more. She cried and said something and hung up. That is the last I heard from her.

 

But surprisingly that is not what has me down today.

 

Canadian Chickie called late last night. She said that she is scared of getting attached because someone is going to end up hurt. I just got out of a 9 year relationship and we are looking for different things, she is looking to settle down and she knows I am not, at least right now. Also she is scared to get involved because she may have to go back to Canada in September or maybe sooner. I liked her, I really did. We had so much fun together and will continue to but I just dont know if it will be the same. She was just my speed and we knew how to have fun together. I guess she has valid reasons for her decision but darn it, I thought we had both agreed we are just having fun. I guess I was too charming because she fell or was falling for me. We are not over yet though, she said we would talk about it some more. Funny as this sounds but I think I am going to apply a bit of, Gawd forbid, "no contact" (LOL). Can you believe this? Ridiculous. The world is spinning funny.

 

I'll bounce back. I have plans with Tall Blonde tonight, I like her alot but Canadian Chickie is older (30) and more mature, hence her decision and looking out for her heart I guess.

 

Thanks for any help you guys give, I am off to school but will be around mid-day.

[shockeddismayed]

Hi Sincerely...

 

From the outside perspective, your conversation last night with your ex was a bit dramatic. At first you are feeling something for her and then you are telling her you aren't going to try... based on the fact that she said "I love you" to her new guy. I know that would kill me too.... but that is because I am still in love with my ex. Just something to think about.

 

It is also worth mentioning that she is VERY confused and VERY insecure at the moment. The fact that she repeated an "I love you" to him may simply be a way to keep herself safe from her own pain.

 

I feel for you though... You are right that you both can't keep doing this to each other. The emotional ending you had probably reminded her of that... and would have been viewed as a big "push". I hope that is what you were intending. Sounds like it was, so that is good.

 

As for Canadian Chickie... yeah.... that is really too bad what is happening there. But it was definitely predictable. I've tried to do the "I'm not ready for anything serious" routine with girls... the unfortunate part is that the moment you say that, you are a sensitive caring guy... EXACTLY what they were hoping you'd be. IMO, it is clear this girl is in a different place than you. Your NC should be with her feelings in mind, cuz otherwise you are going to end up with a big problem on your hands.

 

********

 

It must be the weather... I'm crashing a bit today too (if that makes you feel better). I left a nice (but not too nice) b-day card for my ex in her mailbox at 6:30 last night. It didn't look liked she'd checked her mail yet, but her bro's car was already there... probably making her dinner and watching the game. But all the same, I had expected to hear something from her by now.

 

I guess last week's relationship talks... although very productive and calm, have left her confused as to what to say.... she knows she can't string me along forever.... that it isn't fair... and at the same time, it sounds like she needs to cuz she isn't ready to let go.

 

Really tough for me to know what to do. She's told me that she is still thinking seriously about "us" and that she's put aside any thoughts of anything new until she can sort us out. But at the same time, there are no guarantees. I've also painted myself into a corner by saying I need to move on (so I can't really initiate contact).... and it wouldn't be beyond her to sacrifice her own feelings in favour of leaving me alone to recover.

 

It's been a while since you've checked in.... if you have any thoughts, I'd appreciate hearing them.

 

link removed

[SincerlyHurt]

S&D, I guess mt talk last night was to be a big push. Us talking got us nowhere and did us no good emotionally. I think it is better that my ex and I just fade away and not speak anymore. I did have to call her today to tell her that one of our group members got into a wreck on the way to school and would not be able to present our research and she said OK and just hung up on me. LOL, did not even phase me.

 

As for Canadian Chickie, I text messaged her this morning some excerpts from a song we were listening to Saturday night, it read: "Beauty queen, not everything is rainbows and butterflies. Was just thinking of you."

 

She got that text and called back soon after. I was out of school for several hours at that time and we talked a bit and then went to lunch and spent the whole day together until she had to go to work. She wanted me to stay with her all day, I was going to go to the gym and jogging but she wanted to hang out. It came out that she is scared of getting hurt by me because her last boyfriend and her broke up because he was not over his ex. They had only gone out three months but I guess she gets attached easily. We have sort of agreed to keep going the way we are and see where we end up. We are not over yet, just at different places in our lives. It would be hard to stop cold turkey with her because we just get along sooo great, like nothing I have ever seen.

 

I will keep you all posted.

 

S&D, I see your link and will be reading up tomorrow, Im off to do a presentation and then to pick up Tall Blonde. It sounds as if you may be looking hard for some clarity regarding your future with your ex.

[SincerlyHurt]

Hi guys and gals, its been a while. I hope for all of you alls sake that all is well.

 

It has been almost a month since I have updated and I humor myself reading back through my thread, the passion I had for my ex and for her and I to be "US" is alarming. I talked to my ex yesterday for the first time in a month. We had agreed that if anything drastic happens that we would let each other know so we dont get the news through the grapevine. She called to tell me that she is moving to New York to be with her new guy next month. It was as if she was looking for my approval or giving me one last chance to fight for her. I simply told her that we could be great but if moving is what is going to make her happy then I congratulate her on her decision and hope all works out for the best. We talked for over an hour and she seems so unsure. She is still telling me that if really loved her that I would be doing things differently. She brought up a time in years past when I broke up with her and she said she felt like she could not live without me, could not go on without me and that is why she came knocking at my door at 5am. She said that I do not seem like I cannot live without her and that is her hangup. So theres the rub. If it seemed like I could not go on without her she may be back with me but my independence has cost me here. My strong will to live fully and be happy has pushed her away. That is fine because if she did come back I would have to change my life drastically. I just dont know if I would be willing to do that. So I guess I will not object to her moving, it may not work out and she may always regret her decision but I think this is something she has to do, she needs to follow her own path to see where it leads.

 

As for Canadian Chickie: I see my last update has us being scared to get attached. Well we are attached, we are together daily. As recently as last week we decided to just be friends because of all the confusion and that lasted all of a week. She came over Monday night to watch movies and we did not mess around or anything, just friendly towards each other. Well Tuesday night she tells me that she so wanted me to hold her and snuggle while we watched the movie. It was funny because we both admitted that no matter what we do we always end up coming back to each other. We have each had dates with other people over the last week and she admitted last night that it bothered her knowing I was out with someone else. But alas, she is still non-committal so i will keep seeing other people until something changes.

 

I have met a wonderful girl that is soooo aloof and independent (Ring Check is her nickname)and we been talking more and more and have even been out three times or so. Beautiful, classy, tall, hard working girl. All that I could really ask for, except her aloofness.

 

There is soooo much more going on, I am utterly happy with how things have played out. The only part that I hate is that the ex and I will always wonder what might have been. I hate that.

[raider5]

About your ex, I'm in a similar situation. She's moving to be with a guy and it really did seems to be one of those, "If you really loved me then you would fight for me" tests. Women test men and I CAN'T STAND IT! I have a friend who told about doing this to a guy and I nearly flipped!

 

Such a double standard that women impose on men sometimes. This is what they don't realize:

 

They put us through this "test" which, in effect, says that fighting implies love. But for some reason we can't put them through this test. Why can't you say to her, "The fact that you're moving shows that you really don't love me, so I'm not going to fight for you." No they never see it from the other person's perspective! Of course not!

 

But the funny thing is that your and my ex are sooooooooooo borderline that their doubt may pervail. It's so funny actually, for you and me both. If it doesn't work out with these other guys, and if they're couragous girls, it might not be the last time we hear from them.

 

Good luck on everything. Sounds like you're a lady magnet!

[SilverSurfer]

raider5,

 

i feel like i'm in a similar position as well! why must she make me feel that way? or perhaps its just feeding on my insecurity at the moment. i don't want her to change her mind on me just because i put up a good fight for her. if she does, and we get back together, that fight will become a sticking point throughout the relationship and future efforts will be compared with it.

 

its crushing to have to stand behind no contact, and know i will fail to get her back because nothing's being done. i talked with her 3 times to ask her to try again, but i didn't handle the conversations well at all. i've got no choice but to try NC, and i know she's a little frustrated about it.

[SincerlyHurt]

The ex has contacted me and I admitted that I am still interested in her and she has insisted on coming by to talk tonight. I think I can get her back but am scared to go back to that life. Help, it is almost like I would take her back to prove to myself I could, Im lost. Do I want her or don't I?

[shockeddismayed]

Sincerely,

 

Man o man.... I'm both happy and sad for you.

 

You are now entering a very tough area.

 

Are you no longer interested? Or is your heart just protecting itself?

 

This is a tough question.. and it doesn't get much easier even after you see her.... I can tell you that from experience.

 

My EXGF and I have been treading back into uncharted waters as well... check out my thread again if you want to see what is up (pages 18 and 19). I think we are doing some things very well (communication) but unfortunately she is too afraid to do the other things well (keeping it light and pleasant).

 

The result seems to be that she is getting what she needs (working out the issues), but I am getting emotionally spent in the process... and I think before long she will be too.

 

My only advice is that you both go slowly... keep things open. Maybe even committ to seeing a counsellor if you both decide you want to try and work things out. After all, you were together 7 years, the patterns are going to be tough to work through.

 

Above all you both need to realize that trying to work things out is just that ... TRYing. However you DO need to have a committment to try, cuz it likely won't be easy.

 

As for tonight... let her lead the conversation. Agree with things as much as possible... or at least say "ok I see your point". Once you break through a bit of her barriers, you can always go back and discuss the points that were important to you and caused discomfort. Also, if you must disagree with something (say for example she is assuming something that is not true), always start with "I see what you're saying, but I feel as though....."

 

I'm not saying be dishonest... but just realize that there is only so much conflict you both can handle in this state, so one of you is going to have to (TEMPORARILY) "suck it up". Given what I know about your situation, you have been feeling a lot stronger and have been more rational than she has, so even though she was the one that dumped you, I expect that at least for a few meetings, you will be absorbing more than your share of the blame.

 

Good luck... this is going to take all of your strength and patience.

[GeeCee]

Oh lordy me!!! You are going to have to think hard and fast with this one. But the bottom line is this - do you prefer your life now without your ex. I am not suggesting that you could (or would even want) to get your old life back with your ex. However, can you see her complimenting your life. Moving on, in a new journey with her?

 

I agree with the previous poster. See what she has to say. Be aware that she is probably just as confused as you, and is also maybe testing the waters. She has a big decision to make, with this proposed move to NYC.

 

Good luck.

 

G xx

[SincerlyHurt]

Here is the rub, I love her but don't know if I am 'IN LOVE" with her anymore. Im living life fast now and am just not sure I want to drag her along with me, this assuming I could even get her back, remember that we have not talked yet. We may just be spinning each others wheels here.

 

She is going to New York this weekend and I will be in New Orleans and so if things go well tonight I will tell her to go ahead to New York and think about who she wants and make the decision herself. I will not beg her back, she will have to come back on her own wholeheartedly.

[GeeCee]

She is going to New York this weekend and I will be in New Orleans and so if things go well tonight I will tell her to go ahead to New York and think about who she wants and make the decision herself. I will not beg her back, she will have to come back on her own wholeheartedly.

 

Glad to see that you are thinking clearly.

 

G xx

[Scout]

Interesting...I'm seeing a lot of posts on enotalone lately about people about to get back with their ex. Good luck everyone! Anything is possible with this crazy emotion love. I haven't talked to my ex in over two weeks and I seriously doubt we will be talking again. The strange thing is, I had an overwhelming urge to call him today, I was seriously going to do it, and than at the last moment the voice of reason literally shrieked "are you NUTS." So I didn't - thank God.