interested? or felt obligated?

[Daligal83]

I met this guy at my gym awhile back. I'll call him J. He was in my spinning class and he'd sit next to me, or sit next to me on the mats if I was stretching after working out. My friend there said she saw him checking me out. Then he just stopped coming and I was a little disappointed.

 

Not this past weekend, but the one before, my friend C and I were walking around since it was nice out. He was outside sitting on the steps to his apartment and we recognized each other. We all ended up talking for about 45 minutes. C said she was interested but I told her how I kinda already had a thing for him so we agreed I get first shot haha. I didn't think I'd see him again though.

 

On Saturday I was out with C and this girl she's kind of seeing (she's bi). We're at the third bar for the night and I'm talking to someone and feel this tap on my shoulder and it's him!! So I go over and talk to him and after a few minutes he introduces me to his friends, his roommate and this girl they know. He ends up going between me and C. C tells him that she's there with the girl and he's like, Dali why didn't you warn me!!! Not sure if it's because he was just shocked or he's interested in her.

 

So he's back over talking with me and his friends. He was kind of flirty during the night...giving me compliments and such. At one point that girl that he came with said I should go out with them for Cinco De Mayo. I said I couldn't because I promised a friend I'd go to Zumba with her but I'd go another time. She's like, does J have your number? I said no and she yells, J get her number!! He gave her a look and I couldn't tell if it was "I'm embarrassed" or "I don't want her number." He went to put it in his phone and this girl texted him (he's not interested in her), so I ended up grabbing his phone and putting my number in. When he left, he said he'd text or call me.

 

I talked to C about it and she basically said that she thought he was interested her and that's why she told him about the girl she was with...for my sake. But then later said she thought he was interested. Made me feel like I was second choice though.

 

I got a text this afternoon asking if I'd go to the bar at 6:15. I told him I couldn't because of that Zumba class, but that he should let me know the next time they go out. His response was just "boo." I didn't want him to think I'm blowing him off, so I said back something about how he'll just have to go out soon then and he replies "I guess I will."

 

Now I cannot tell if he's interested, or just felt obligated to text me about tonight. If he is, I don't want him to think I didn't want to see him cause I did. So I should probably text him in a day or two. But if he texted out of obligation or I'm just a second choice to my friend...I don't want to seem like an idiot and contact him.

 

What do you guys think about this? Sorry this was so long...I just like to provide as much information as possible.

[offplanet]

It did seem like he was interested in your friend. Personally, I wouldn't want to start anything with someone who was interested in my friend. I definitely wouldn't 'chase' him at all, given that. In any case, he has your number, so for your self respect, let him call you if he wants. That way you don't risk seeming 'like an idiot'. Be strong!

offplanet

[JeckyllNHyde]

It's hard to tell without seeing the body language. His response saying "why didn't you warn me" does seem like a hint he was interested in her.

My thoughts or what I'd do: since he finally has your nr now, keep in touch and try and meet up asap. That's the only way you'll really figure out what he wants. Also: maybe he himself doesn't know what he wants at this point and is just getting to know you better before he decides to "go for you" or not.

 

Just keep it aloof and not overly interested but try and meet him asap as I said.

[Daligal83]

Should I wait for him to ask me to hangout then? It may not be asap, but if he wants to see me he'll contact me, right? Normally I'd just go with that, but since he invited me out last night (but possibly by obligation) and I didn't go, I don't want him to think I blew him off.

 

shuttle...I was just giving as much detail as possible to help you guys understand the situation. It was more a detailed memory thing than an overthinking thing.

[Batya33]

I'm going to take the position that he has your number, he knows you're interested and therefore the ball is in his court to ask you out on a date. I would not contact him again or ask him to hang out in a group -- if he wants to see you he will put in the (minor) effort to plan something one on one.

 

As far as C, it sounded like she acted immature/highschoolish. I'd avoid hanging out with her in the future in a situation where you might meet eligible single guys.

[pinkelephant]

i think he was interested in you. i don't like your friend C, either. he might be interested in you and his friend tried to make it happen for the both of you. the ball is in his court. be optimistic!

[Daligal83]

Yea I'm just going to wait and see. I made it clear through the text messages yesterday that I do want to hang out, so I'm just going to hold off. It's weird because when I'm not around him, I think I probably shouldn't even try to date him because he has certain qualities I'm not crazy about. But then when he's there, I like him haha. Plus I don't know him well at all, so I should at least get to know him before saying that (if he's interested).

 

C is a whole other issue. She's the type of girl that I know she'd do anything for me and has done a lot. We have fun when we hang out. But she's also got a ton of (self-admitted) issues. She's extremely insecure and acts like she's the you know what to make up for it. I just take her for who she is and know this about her. She was pretty flirty with him and it was bothering me, but she's incredibly flirty by nature. Basically she said though that if I wasn't interested and that girl she's with wasn't there, it would have been a go for her. But hey, he did buy her a drink so who knows, she could be right.

[pinkelephant]

did he buy you a drink? anyway, if he's not interested, you could always play it off as a friend thing.

[JeckyllNHyde]

did he buy you a drink? anyway, if he's not interested, you could always play it off as a friend thing.

 

I agree. Which is why I vote for inviting him out or asking him if he wants to go out this weekend. Maybe in a group (minus C

[Daligal83]

lol I actually have to stay in and pack this weekend. I won't be in town next weekend and I'm moving the first weekend of June. Of course if he contacts me, I probably could be persuaded haha.

 

He bought C a drink while he was talking to her and I was over talking to his friends. I also wasn't drinking though. I only had two drinks that night and they were spaced very far apart.

[JeckyllNHyde]

oh your moving? so if you guys go out would you be far living away?

[Daligal83]

Oh no, I'm moving to a new apartment like five minutes away. Just a better area and a better deal. I'll actually be even closer to his place haha.

 

There's another guy though that I was set up with who lives in my hometown, which is an hour away. Of course he's definitely showing he's interested. And the guy who is here isn't. Life is funny like that

[Scorpion Fury]

It doesn't really sound like he's interested, he flirted with your friend and bought her a drink? No thanks. i wouldn't contact him at all, if he's interested he can make the effort.

[Daligal83]

I'm definitely not contacting him. It's hard with C because she's so incredibly flirty, for all I know she told him to buy her a drink or started the flirting. Who knows. She craves attention like that. It's good in that it helps me talk to guys when we're out, but its bad when I find someone I like haha.