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Revenge is bitter sweet

VtecQueen

By VtecQueen
in Breaking Up Advice

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VtecQueen Contributor

VtecQueen

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So my ex leaves me for another girl back in october 08. And gets mad when I go on a date with another guy. We start back talking again and he tells me "i'm not happy with her, i don't go down there, she doesn't come up here" and we eventually hang out and sleep together a couple times (yea crazy, I know)

 

Come to find out he was not done talking to her, fact is he went down to see her a few days after we had had sex the 2nd time. He bought her a bunch of stuff cuz she just crossed over into the Greek thing. So I've had enough of him.

 

Revenge is bad............I feel aweful, but at the same time I don't care and feel like he deserved this.....

 

 

We were arguing and as always he flips everything around on me. So I got real upset and told him I was gonna tell his girl that we had had sex and was cheating on her with me, so he better come up with an excuse really soon. He freaks out and tries to make me feel like a bad person for wanting to tell her. I told him "it's already been done" so he calls her and basically tells on himself.

 

I feel kinda bad cuz I'm a really nice person but went down the childish route and got back at him. But on one hand it feels really good. Idk, did he deserve that?

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Crazyaboutdogs Proficient

Crazyaboutdogs

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It really isn't a matter of what he deserves...it is a matter of whether or not you are happy with yourself after having done that. He is a two timer who was stringing both of you along...yes he deserves to be found out. However, blackmailing him like that does not reflect well on you...and you are the one who has to live with yourself. In the end you still chose to sleep with him even though he was with someone else. It doesn't matter how bad he claimed the relationship was...he was still with her, so you are not innocent in all of this. Move on from this and don't look back. What's done is done.

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Pixiedoc Rookie

Pixiedoc

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Difficult one. He seems pretty incapable of being faithful to anyone or leaving one relationship before getting back into another.

 

On the other hand you are obviously not totally innocent here either

 

At least it was HIM that told her what had been going on. Has that relationship ended now?

 

I would learn from this for the future. Obviously you have questioned your own motives and feel guilty, so draw a line under it and move on.

 

Revenge is NEVER a good thing, if you have a conscience it just makes you feel worse - as I tell my kids, if you don't like what someone has done to you, don't do it back to them.

 

Good luck and hope you are feeling a bit better now.

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Pixiedoc Rookie

Pixiedoc

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It feels really good right now tho.....I think the only thing I did wrong was not just brushing it off like i could have. But the mad side of me didn't want him to get away scott free after doing all the things he's done to me. He will never understand.

 

 

Yeah but don't think that this is the right way to go about things. It was wrong to do the same to his new partner that he/they did to you. Someone else has been hurt there.

 

Again, draw a line if you can and resolve not to allow someone to goad you/you to respond like that so you do something like that again.

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Crazyaboutdogs Proficient

Crazyaboutdogs

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Posted
There's no such thing as revenge. Often the victim doesn't "get it" and the revenge seeker is shown as immature and manipulative and not "over things"

 

Best revenge is living well with your head held high

 

It does work in movies though - like "kill bill"

 

You are so right..if the target of the revenge has done rotten things then chances are they have no conscience and revenge will not suddenly make them develop a conscience and understand right from wrong. In fact, revenge can have a way of backfiring if the other person is vindictive enough. Revenge can breed further revenge and so on. Where does it all stop. Sometimes it is better to just walk away and not look back.

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nutbrownhare Veteran

nutbrownhare

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Sadly, sleeping with a guy you're that angry with, blackmailing him and incidentally hurting another girl who had nothing to do with it - isn't going to do anything for your sense of your own integrity. Especially when you continue telling yourself that you're a really nice person.

 

Look at your own 'dark side'; look at the things you've done and ask if you want to carry on like this, or maybe walk away from people who are bad to you and have nothing to do with them. Revenge may feel sweet, but it will just keep you tied up in a behaviour pattern which will only harm you in the long run. It's not real, not authentic and any satisfaction you gain will not last.

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OziJack Newbie

OziJack

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Sorry to say, but you put yourself down to his level by sleeping with him while he has another girlfriend.

 

Yep, you became a willing participant in the cheating game.

 

This thread reminds me of that old saying, " IF they will do it with you, they will do it TO you."

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OziJack Newbie

OziJack

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Sadly, sleeping with a guy you're that angry with, blackmailing him and incidentally hurting another girl who had nothing to do with it - isn't going to do anything for your sense of your own integrity. Especially when you continue telling yourself that you're a really nice person.

 

Look at your own 'dark side'; look at the things you've done and ask if you want to carry on like this, or maybe walk away from people who are bad to you and have nothing to do with them. Revenge may feel sweet, but it will just keep you tied up in a behaviour pattern which will only harm you in the long run. It's not real, not authentic and any satisfaction you gain will not last.

 

Golden wisdom !

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catfeeder Grand Master

catfeeder

Posted
Posted
Sadly, sleeping with a guy you're that angry with, blackmailing him and incidentally hurting another girl who had nothing to do with it - isn't going to do anything for your sense of your own integrity. Especially when you continue telling yourself that you're a really nice person.

 

Look at your own 'dark side'; look at the things you've done and ask if you want to carry on like this, or maybe walk away from people who are bad to you and have nothing to do with them. Revenge may feel sweet, but it will just keep you tied up in a behaviour pattern which will only harm you in the long run. It's not real, not authentic and any satisfaction you gain will not last.

 

Yep. This isn't some moral finger-wag, in practical terms you've done some damage to your own head. You just don't see it now.

 

By engaging a cheater and then blackmailing him, you've brought that behavior into your own personal history. You just normalized it for yourself. So guess what kinds of suspicions you'll be suffering with the next guy, and the next?

 

I'd take this to heart and work it out far beyond a shrug, or it will come out sideways on you in the future.

 

Best wishes.

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