The shy man's curse strikes again!

[Yanet]

Welcome to the cold truth of society: people suck. It's not that goodness doesn't exist, but it simply makes sense for people to act selfishly when there's no significant bond involved, e.g. family, and even then it's not a given. People just end up being horrible.

 

Really, say * * * * society and stop caring about trying to get along with everyone. Do whatever you want and if others don't like it then move on - most social relationships don't run very deeply anyway.

 

Other people are not important.

 

Keep that in mind and don't stand around not saying anything. Shyness should get easier to overcome when you start realizing how bull * * * * everything is and how nothing matters.

[CallingAllAngels]

Welcome to the cold truth of society: people suck. It's not that goodness doesn't exist, but it simply makes sense for people to act selfishly when there's no significant bond involved, e.g. family, and even then it's not a given. People just end up being horrible.

 

Really, say * * * * society and stop caring about trying to get along with everyone. Do whatever you want and if others don't like it then move on - most social relationships don't run very deeply anyway.

 

Other people are not important.

 

Keep that in mind and don't stand around not saying anything. Shyness should get easier to overcome when you start realizing how bull * * * * everything is and how nothing matters.

 

 

That's pretty harsh.......

[shyperson]

ouch?????????

 

sorry, i was referring to the IMs or whatever that she said.

[CallingAllAngels]

sorry, i was referring to the IMs or whatever that she said.

 

oh........okay

[Ramm Zwei]

Welcome to the cold truth of society: people suck. It's not that goodness doesn't exist, but it simply makes sense for people to act selfishly when there's no significant bond involved, e.g. family, and even then it's not a given. People just end up being horrible.

 

Really, say * * * * society and stop caring about trying to get along with everyone. Do whatever you want and if others don't like it then move on - most social relationships don't run very deeply anyway.

 

Other people are not important.

 

Keep that in mind and don't stand around not saying anything. Shyness should get easier to overcome when you start realizing how bull * * * * everything is and how nothing matters.

 

Finally! Someone I can wholeheartedly agree with on this forum, if only on this point alone!

[Ramm Zwei]

That's pretty harsh.......

 

Harsh? No. It's telling it like it is.

[livinginsbi]

Welcome to the cold truth of society: people suck. It's not that goodness doesn't exist, but it simply makes sense for people to act selfishly when there's no significant bond involved, e.g. family, and even then it's not a given. People just end up being horrible.

 

Really, say * * * * society and stop caring about trying to get along with everyone. Do whatever you want and if others don't like it then move on - most social relationships don't run very deeply anyway.

 

Other people are not important.

 

Keep that in mind and don't stand around not saying anything. Shyness should get easier to overcome when you start realizing how bull * * * * everything is and how nothing matters.

 

 

I think if you look past the harshness of the words here.. this poster in onto something.

 

If it were prosed with less negativity.. you would get from it that you need to keep true to yourself and be who you are, not try to fit this particular group's mold or standards or whatever. If a certain group doesn't fit your mold, you either change yourself to fit their mold, or you move on.

 

and the statement 'other people are not important' maybe that can be clarified as to say.. not EVERY person is important - in relation to your life.... which is true.

[marco76uk]

Group dynamics are a very dodgy area, and can easily turn nasty. When they do, it unfolds like this:

 

1) A group of people who don't know each other are thrown together without proper leadership or direction.

 

2) A power struggle ensues, in which one or two jerks, who are probably insecure themselves but fancy themselves as alpha males or alpha females, hijack the group.

 

3) The people in the middle, who are nice but weak, side with the jerks out of fear that everyone will turn on them.

 

4) The official leaders realise things have gone wrong, but instead of taking responsibility they look for a scapegoat, someone to whom they can say "it's all your fault because you're not fitting in with the group".

 

Make no mistake: however someone is behaving, to just corner them and tell them they're creeping everyone out is PLAIN BAD MANAGEMENT. It doesn't help anyone.

 

If a group has turned against you, my advice is GET OUT OF THERE! People who might be fine in other circumstances can behave quite appallingly in hostile groups.

 

There may of course be lessons to learn and a grain of truth in what they were saying. DON'T ever try and dominate a group, but it's important to make sure you ARE contributing. For example, if you're struggling to get into a conversation, why don't you go accross and ask the organisers if there's anything they need help with? If people see you're pulling your weight it's much harder for resentment to build up against you, and they may open up towards you in time.

[galaxy71]

The women in that group are a bunch of jerks. The "leader" of that group is a spineless, incompetent lapdog of those crazy harpies. There are plenty of tactful ways to get people to contribute to the group without taking away their dignity and respect. The leader of the group does not know how to motivate people without making people bad about themselves. I've seen groups, where the "leaders" have overreacted to complaints from the women in the group. They are afraid that if the women leave the group, the men would leave also.

 

I have been a part of plenty of groups where the leaders respect my decision to be quiet. They realize that some people are outgoing, while other people are quiet. Sometimes, it sucks being in an extroverts world, when you are an introvert. If you want to be more outgoing and social, you should do it for yourself. You should not do it for some spineless lap dog. You should not try to be more confident because of the way some snobby women ostracized you. Even if you are outgoing and extroverted, there will still be people who don't like you at all. One of my friends is pretty outgoing and social. Yet there are several people, both men and women, who hate his guts.

 

If the women don't like the way you act, they should have talked to you instead of running to the leader of the group like a little kid. I really hate that. I know this one woman who was able to tactfully tell me that I was too quiet. I respect that woman, because she treated me like an adult rather than treate me like a creep. You should change for youself. You should not change yourself in order to please a bunch of snobs.

[waveseer]

This dynamic plays out over and over again both in real life and on the show survivor.

[livinginsbi]

I like the thoughts about leadership here.. and I totally agree. A true leader is the mediator of the group and can handle complaints without being demeaning. That's part of the problem with meetup.. leaders are self appointed.. and while they may know a lot about or are interested in how to do whatever the group is doing, but they are poor hosts.

[DaBladeRoden]

I dunno, should I email the organizer something about it?

[stella74]

DBR, a few comments after reading this thread:

 

1. You come accross as very warm, sociable and witty on ENA. I don't understand why it's so much harder for you to show this personality with this group.

 

2. The leaders are micro-managing and have crossed the boundaries of appropriate behavior with you. It's okay for them to let you know some women have complained, but it's not okay for them to grill you and tell you how to behave. It's not okay for them to put you down or judge you. If they were good leaders, they would help you overcome your shyness and social awkwardness.

 

3. If you want to email the leaders, in order to stand up for yourself, then do it. But if you think it's going to change their attitude, don't bother.

 

4. As the others suggest, try to find another social group. I realize this is disappointing, since you've been involved with this one for a year. You can still go to this one while you're looking for a new one. But you don't want your self esteem to suffer.

[DaBladeRoden]

DBR, a few comments after reading this thread:

 

1. You come accross as very warm, sociable and witty on ENA. I don't understand why it's so much harder for you to show this personality with this group.

 

Even though both things have the end product of being social with people, I guess the methodology is so different that skills in one do not translate so well to the other.

[stella74]

^ I can understand that. Maybe there is someone in your group that you trust enough to ask for help. If you want to change, you need to push yourself a little outside of your comfort zone. You know you can do it, because you've done it here. It just means re-learning the skills you have online in order to transfer them to real life.

[penguin26]

didn't get a chance to read all the threads, but from reading the first page, i would say, dude - just join another group.

if those people are treating you that way, then you need to find another group where they respect you and don't say those things about you. it may take a while, but you'll find one.

good luck!

[1899]

yea you should join another group that you can feel more involved in or that people want your input more on.