What if the timing is the only thing thats wrong?...

[AJEDrew7]

Has this happened to anyone else? Where things don't work out just because the timing was wrong? Did your relationship have a happy ending some time later? Did you wait and try to win the one you love back or did you move on?

 

Basically, the girl I'm in love with broke things off because the time's not right for her to be in such a serious relationship. We were getting soo soo close and she just wanted to concentrate on her career and enjoying the rest of her college. Nothing was wrong between us. I'm just looking to hear from people who've gone through the same thing and see where they are. I'm just going to take the time to enjoy life and improve who I am and see where things go.

[CallingAllAngels]

Timing in life is everything.....

[annie24]

that's my problem too..... met a great guy, but the timing is off.

[jasav1]

Do people, in particularly, young people, get back together many years later? Anyone heard stories like that?

 

I could see myself getting back with my ex in later life, in 4 or 5 years when we're both 26/27. I think we're both very young right now, our break up was civil and was a lot to do with the fact that the girlfriend wants to 'live' a little. Too serious, too young!

[yikeshelpme]

Did you wait and try to win the one you love back or did you move on?

 

wait if its for the right reasons, not because you got rejected and want what you can have. be prepared though. you can't win anyone, people are not prizes. can you chaneg yourself for the better? yes, yes you can...

[AJEDrew7]

Do people, in particularly, young people, get back together many years later? Anyone heard stories like that?

 

Thats what I'm wondering...

 

And no, people aren't prizes. But if they loved you before, you could sweep them off their feet once the timing is right...

[jasav1]

Do people, in particularly, young people, get back together many years later? Anyone heard stories like that?

 

Thats what I'm wondering...

 

And no, people aren't prizes. But if they loved you before, you could sweep them off their feet once the timing is right...

 

You old Romantic, you!

 

I'm sure there are stories of it happening but it probably doesn't happen as much as you think, because people simply move on. It seems hard now and you see yourself with your ex in future years (especially if you had a good break up, due to be young and wanting to 'live' a little first) and it's a good argument. But the truth of the situation is that people move on and lose touch.

 

I'd like to hear some stories though

[alli]

There are a few cases where timing is very important. For example, you meet someone you really like but they are fresh out of a very long relationship. Or you like each other but one of you is moving to the other side of the world indefinitely. Timing issues make sense there.

 

But in general, I think a lot of people use it as an excuse. People (some, not all) can be married for 25-50 years... don't you think that at some point for either person, there may have been a less than optimal time for being married at some point in all those years? Yet they manage to stay together.

 

There are always points of stress in our lives, but I know for me, that has no bearing on whether or not I want to stay with my bf. People say "oh, I'm so stressed out with my job, a recent death in my family, stuff for the military, I just need some time to work things out" Those are all things that I have personally experienced but the last thing I want is to break up. What, she can't job search, enjoy college and date you at the same time? You can "live" and be with the person you love at the same time, IMO. I do all the same things now with my bf as I did before we were together, only now I have someone I love with me. It's only better.

 

Maybe other people just can't handle a relationship while their lives keep going, I don't know.

[CocoButter]

Well you can look at it two ways...when someone is in love or even just really likes somone...THEY MAKE IT WORK! THEY DO ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING TO BE WITH THE PERSON! They jump through hoops... But when u dont like someone u make excuses. In fact u believe them. Every time a guy has liked me I did not like....I would really think to myself...im not ready for a relationship..i still feel hurt etc..but in reality it was...im not ready for a relationship with THAT guy bc I did not like THAT guy...the second I liked someone...nothing stopped me from wanting to be with them....

 

I loved my ex and when I had to leave the country...it was "bad timing" bc I could not work...no visa to work in the country....anyways we still attempted long distance with the idea that we might never live in same country again...I WANTED to make it work bc I loved him...I guess he tried...however bc of the bad "timing" he gradually lost his feelings for me...well he didnt say bad timing...but im just saying...if he cared enough he would have stayed w my long distance and worked thorugh it...and guess what...now 2 years later...I got that working visa and im moving back to that country bc I loved living there and bc of the "bad timing" we are not together...but I dont believe in that....we r not together bc he did not like me enough to make the long distance work....but i could always delude myself and think it was bad timing...heck...if we see eachother and his feelings come back...he would convince himself "it was bad timing before...i love u...it will work bc u here now.." when in reality...bad timing is just an excuse used...it can be an excuse for reasons why someone breaks up....or a reason to as why u think it will work now....everything has two sides to it...u can look at anything in both ways.

 

This is why anything an ex does...u look at it in the way u want. If they text you...u can think "oh they still love me!" if they dont text you: "oh they still love me and r hurting that is why they dont text me!" or u can look at it like this if they text: they r selfish and feel guilty for dumping me or the other option if they dont text: they hate me and forgot me....everything can be interpreted in ur very own way....

 

That is why they say you choose ur life...u choose ur love life. U interpet things the way u want. U can decide to be happy and look at things the way u want to see them...for instance i can look at my break up as: we broke up for a reason...and i had to leave the country bc we were not meant to be. no i am going back..we are finsihed...close that chapter and have a new one w someone else

 

ITS UR CHOICE...I know its hard...bc im still working on moving on...but I know what is best for me....open ur eyes...see the truth..even though it might hurt...

[alli]

Well you can look at it two ways...when someone is in love or even just really likes somone...THEY MAKE IT WORK! THEY DO ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING TO BE WITH THE PERSON! They jump through hoops... But when u dont like someone u make excuses. In fact u believe them. Every time a guy has liked me I did not like....I would really think to myself...im not ready for a relationship..i still feel hurt etc..but in reality it was...im not ready for a relationship with THAT guy bc I did not like THAT guy...the second I liked someone...nothing stopped me from wanting to be with them....

 

I totally agree; this is pretty much was I was trying to get at.

[AJEDrew7]

I think it it is used as an excuse. The excuse could be to hide actual thoughts or feelings. But couldn't it be a way to make things work too? See, if things are very difficult (especially long distance) and the distance is only going to last a certain period of time, couldn't the time apart and using the excuse of timing only be used to help try and preserve the relationship? I'm sure there are other circumstances where using the excuse of timing can help ease the tension of a difficult situation a relationship may not make it through (lets be honest, as much as you love each other there are still times when things don't work out). That's just my opinion...

[CocoButter]

I think timing can be bad when one has to move to another country....like in my case...HOWEVER if my ex loved me enough he would have lasted more then 6 months long distance! He did not love me enough to try and work it through...and yes the distance was really hard bc we started fighting bc of it etc...however if he loved me enough he could have moved to my country or stay in long distance longer....

 

I know someone who followed her ex to another country bc she loved him...she was willing to jump through hoops and walk through hell for years for this guy...well i guess in her case it worked bc they r together now...it took her one year after moving to the country and going through all sorts of hell and heartache before finally he decided he wanted to be w her....however they still have problems and i can see her still going through hell...sometimes u just have to let go...

 

But that is just an example of what someone would do if they loved someone enough...move countries or wait it out...if u love someone enough u will.

 

Love is a team effort....if one is not willing to compromise....it wont work.

 

I guess u could use the excuse of saying that someone is just fresh out of a relationship so timing is not right for the rebound...but hey guess what...that is just an excuse...bc if the person does not want to be with the rebound bc they JUST got out of a relationship...that is just an excuse...if the person really liked the rebound they could say...give me time and we will be together.

 

For example I know 6 months after we broke up my ex hooked w this girl (through mutual friends) and went on a few dates w her...she wanted a relationship with him and he told her he was not ready for one (and this is 6 months AFTER we broke up...more then enough time for him to be ready) the second I found out through mutual friends...I confronted him (my ex and I were still in regular contact at that point...almost daily). I asked if he was dating someone he said no....he just hung out w her a few times but it means nothing etc. Of course I was not going to believe him. I said...I think its time we stop talking. We can not talk anymore.... Right away my ex said "I WONT SEE HER ANYMORE." I stood my ground and tried my best not to talk to him...although he would contact me every week...eventually I caved. Later I found out through mutual friends that he dropped the girl (basically the day he thought I would cut him off he told her he doesnt want to see her anymore etc). He did this not bc he was not ready for a relationship....BUT bc he was not ready to have a relationship with HER. He did not like her ENOUGH to be in a relationship with her... Okay...maybe he was afraid to lose me over her...however...I think after being broken up 6 months, me being a 7 hour flight away....if he did like this girl he would have been w her....NO excuses for him...he jsut was not into her.

 

Just like w me...none of the guys ive dated I liked enough for me to forget my ex...its been two years we been broken up and no its not timing...I just have not liked any of the guys I have dated (dinner dates and more like friends stuff)...not bc of bad timing but bc i didnt like them. Of course this made the guys ALL want relationships w me...seems like the more u dont want the guy...the more crazy they get for you!!!!!

[Aeryn]

I'm going to have to agree with the last few posters. The whole "timing isn't right" thing is just a pathetic excuse.

 

True love really does make it work. It doesn't matter if you're 10 or 100--if you really love that other person, then there is no reason you can't stay with them and enjoy life at the same time.

 

 

My ex used that line, along with many others, when he broke up with me. He said, "Why couldn't I have met you 10 years from now when we're grown up and can actually handle a serious relationship?" ......Ummm, * * * * * * * , I CAN handle a serious relationship. YOU obviously can't though. He felt that he couldn't hang out with friends, drink beer, etc. because he was with me. I can't help it...if he loved me, he would've realized that he could do that with me as his girlfriend. So, I've come to the conclusion that he never really loved me. And I think that's the case for almost anyone who thinks the "timing" isn't right. Arrogant jerks.

[CocoButter]

Aerorobyn...you are right....some people just use thse excuses...however they just believe they r right...ive done it before thought im not ready for anything etc..when it was just i didnt like the person in that way or enough.

 

In my situation my ex did not use excuse time was not right...he basically said we are not right for eachother and I could have been like "oh it happened bc timing was not right...i had to leave the country..."

[Aeryn]

Aerorobyn...you are right....some people just use thse excuses...however they just believe they r right...ive done it before thought im not ready for anything etc..when it was just i didnt like the person in that way or enough.

 

In my situation my ex did not use excuse time was not right...he basically said we are not right for eachother and I could have been like "oh it happened bc timing was not right...i had to leave the country..."

 

 

But you didn't say that, because he told you flat out that you two just weren't right for each other. In my honest opinion, that's what you can call a REAL man (or woman)...someone who tells the other person the truth, and doesn't beat around the bush with a bunch of BS excuses.

 

No offense...I know many people here have probably used excuses. Maybe so they could feel better about the situation themselves, and because they may think it will make the other person feel better about the situation too. Heck, I'm guilty of it--I've used excuses on one guy, but I eventually told him the truth that I just wasn't into him in that way. But I honestly think the whole excuses thing is just immaturity...just tell the other person the truth straight from the start; excuses will just prolong the pain, whereas truth will usually make it more intense pain in a lesser time frame.

[OrangeMoon]

Timing in many cases in my views does have a big impact in people's life. Because you might have entered their lives at a moment they had not developed in a way yet to truly grasp what LOVE is, what making a rels work means..

 

The sad thing is..that your bad timing is someone elses great timing. People grow from every experience in their lives..be it little or small. Some never grow in a positive way, others learn a bit too much

 

Yes..for the most part. I have also had to come to the painful realization that if someone does not DECIDE to love you, its mostly because they are just not that into you as much as they would have wanted it.

 

Where others grow, they break up..where others communicate, they walk away.

 

Timing...as long as a guy feels the grass is greener-syndrome breathing in his neck, the sowing the oats blowing in his ear..he wont be ready for anything. The most beautiful and sweet woman can stand in front of him. If the timing is off..he wont go for her. He will not DECIDE to love.

 

Now..but when he is ready, he does feel that urge to settle, he is truly tired of looking for Ms Perfect..he will go for the woman that suits him enough to choose to be happy with. (thats why a lot of women dont get how he suddenly supposedly traded down after her). He might fight more with her than with you, but once they were ready to make the choice..they most often stick with it.

 

 

In most cases you were not meant for the ones that left. And that is why holding on to hope is a fata morgana in most cases. If they truly loved you, are ready to make a choice and feel the way they left is possible to amend, then they will come back on their own BUT ONLY if they are single or the person they are with does not appeal to their contentment level and are about to leave them. Otherwise forget it. In the majority of cases..you were just not the ones they felt ready enough for.

 

If he had an option to choose you, but did not..chances are slim he will get back to that old rels again.

 

However it does happen...many successful reconciliations happen. But they are far less common than the ones that loose sight of each other forever.

[WindowTo]

Ok ok, but hold on a second. What about situations where 2 people have just started dating and they really haven't had "time" to fall in love yet one of them has to move away soon. It is hard to sacrifice some part of your plans for someone that, even if you like a lot, you have only known for a little bit. Isn't not all love love at first sight?

[grw]

What you're referring to is actually LUST at first sight, NOT love! It takes time to get to know a person well, and it's rare that this can happen in under a year or so. Before that, what you feel is the POTENTIAL for love. As you go through life (and I'm 58 years old) you learn that to love someone is a conscious decision that you make, and not just a feeling. And in relationships as in anything else, TIMING IS EVERYTHING!

[CallingAllAngels]

What you're referring to is actually LUST at first sight, NOT love! It takes time to get to know a person well, and it's rare that this can happen in under a year or so. Before that, what you feel is the POTENTIAL for love. As you go through life (and I'm 58 years old) you learn that to love someone is a conscious decision that you make, and not just a feeling. And in relationships as in anything else, TIMING IS EVERYTHING!

 

Timing is everything, but I do believe in love at first site. It happened to me.

[canali]

that timing is the ''only thing'' can sometimes be so significant as to almost make it everything.

 

sad but true.

 

Has this happened to anyone else? Where things don't work out just because the timing was wrong? Did your relationship have a happy ending some time later? Did you wait and try to win the one you love back or did you move on?

 

Basically, the girl I'm in love with broke things off because the time's not right for her to be in such a serious relationship. We were getting soo soo close and she just wanted to concentrate on her career and enjoying the rest of her college. Nothing was wrong between us. I'm just looking to hear from people who've gone through the same thing and see where they are. I'm just going to take the time to enjoy life and improve who I am and see where things go.

[Zeitgeist]

I think many posters are too quick blow off timing as insignificant and just an excuse. Sometimes it can be. But sometimes, timing is every bit as important as love to a relationship. Asking "What if the timing was the only thing wrong?" is like asking "What if the lack of love was the only thing wrong?".

 

And ultimately, I suspect in many cases it's just a self-defense mechanism. Many of us tell ourselves that love is the most important ingredient to a relationship and some of us even tell ourselves that it's the only necessary ingredient, and that it eventually conquers all. So when the relationship breaks, our biggest fear is that the other person didn't love us. Thus, we look for other "lesser" reasons so that we can continue believing they loved us, thus keeping the hope alive.

[waveseer]

I think many posters are too quick blow off timing as insignificant and just an excuse. Sometimes it can be. But sometimes, timing is every bit as important as love to a relationship. Asking "What if the timing was the only thing wrong?" is like asking "What if the lack of love was the only thing wrong?".

 

And ultimately, I suspect in many cases it's just a self-defense mechanism. Many of us tell ourselves that love is the most important ingredient to a relationship and some of us even tell ourselves that it's the only necessary ingredient, and that it eventually conquers all. So when the relationship breaks, our biggest fear is that the other person didn't love us. Thus, we look for other "lesser" reasons so that we can continue believing they loved us, thus keeping the hope alive.

 

You make an excellent point, but it does make me wonder about how often it is simple incompatibility that one person can see more clearly than the other. In any long term intimate relationship there is usually at least a basic level of loving feeling from both sides.

[FriendnorFoe]

She told me when she first started dating that she eventually wanted to go to college, I thought that day would never come, I wasnt thinking of 2 years down the road I was in the here and now enjoyed our time together, when the time was winding down for her to go, instead of just letting it ride I became nervous, tried to talk her into going somewhere closer, said maybe I could move out there, all insecure things that contributed to my breakup, because I became insecure. Timing is everything, if you told me when I first started to fall in love with her that there was a deadline on your relationship due to other factors, I woulda said no way. Life is but a series of moments, think of all the things that led up to you meeting this girl or guy, I dont believe in coincidence, I believe ultimatley it was all the choices and other factors before this that led up to it and it couldnt happen any other way. kinda off topic but just wanted to say that. N E ways, I feel like inless the couple are so into each other for a long time, willing to move, get new jobs ect just so they can continue to be with each other than it will last and timing has nothing to do with it, but for most of us this is rare and not the case, eventually someone loses intrest or want to persue a new career, lifestyle, school...ect, Id rather I waited a while to be in another serious relationship, prolly till im 26-27, by that time I will be done with school, prolly be in the starts of my career, have a more concrete lifestyle where it will be easier to make something happen with someone without this fear or timing. Of course there are other things that have to do with timing, but I think what I stated is prolly the core. By the time your this age you kinda wanna settle down, dosent mean you dont wanna travel or nothing, but its here you could see yourself growning older with a partner and not intrested in just a fling or something.