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Is she into me? Am I into her?


psychoanalytical

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I met this girl through mutual friends ~2mths ago. Initially I thought she was pretty and tried to get to know her. She didn't look that interested so I reconciled and moved on. I am more the reserved one in the group where as she's the outgoing one - so after a while I got to know her anyway because she's always the one initiating conversations and sustaining the attention.

 

So recently she began to approach me out of the blue and started asking me to do more stuff with our mutual friends eg. lunches, going to beaches etc. But then she'd give me the hot and cold treatment eg. won't even look at me vs. talking to me like there were only the two of us there vs. won't text me back. So I convinced myself that she was just flirting and nothing more. I went along just for fun cos everyone else was there too. But I didn't really pay her that much attention to her after a while cos I didn't want to be the cliche doormat guy.

 

Then one night we got all dressed up for this occasion and because I was quite over her, I wanted to secretly show I cleaned up nicely and that she was making a mistake. When she saw me she started to act really interested and I found myself thinking, "How shallow? You prefer my suit more than who I am". So I started to actively give her the cold shoulder. And she loved it; She texted me saying she was sorry for the late replies etc. which wasn't what i expected. She started to chat with my flatmates which she never did before. And she's really happy she's going to see me at a party this weekend.

 

So is she into me?

And on top of that, I'm not really convinced she's a genuine person.

Am I into her?

What to do?

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Ok first i will point out, that if you do want her then you should keep doing what your doing, its perfect. I guess know once can answer if you are into her. But ask yourself this, what do i want from my next relationship? i.e. long,short, serious. What type of relationship would i have with her? i.e. long, short, serious. If the two answers link up then go for it. If not then you should move on. It does sound like she would make a good fling, shes pretty and doesnt seem like relationship material.

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It's hard to say if she's into you because we don't have a lot of info. You are reading too much in this. She could just be flirty or just friendly.

 

If you like her and want her to like you back continue you what you are doing. Don't give her all your attention but give her just enough to keep coming back for more. If you talk to her on the phone keep it short. If she sends you a text don't answer it asap. This should be enough to kick her into chase mode.

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I would be leary of pursuing a person who only showed interest when i backed off. I know some people suggest this game playing as a way to get someone's interest, but since i am the type of person who likes to show the person i like that i DO like them i would have no interest in purusing a person who only reacts when they are ignored.

 

It's childish. And how do you sustain a relationship with this kind of person? As soon as you start paying them attention and be yourself will they just get bored? Most likely.

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All generations have been like this. It's how you create attraction. You'll be the guy who gives and gives and then when someone comes along and doesn't pay her full attention and isn't always there when she needs him she WILL go to that guy because she knows and feels you will ALWAYS be there. She doesn't have to worry about loosing you and she doesn't invest in you.

 

It is NOT game playing. It's just they way it is. It's only game playing when you know exactly what to do to get a girl to like you in every situation. That's when you become a "player" in the game.

 

It's best to know what to do rather than to reach around in the dark hoping you "get lucky".

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