chappie Posted July 10, 2015 Share Posted July 10, 2015 Day 10 So I cheated today and looked at his FB, bad I know and of course it made me feel worse cuz it showed how much fun he was having while on vacation. He doesn't look upset at all, this makes me wonder if he's already over it, and that thought kills me inside. I feel like today is not gonna be a good day since I did that. I know that I should know better than to look at his page, it's just so hard not to. I wonder if he really is happier without me? I hate how I'm going through all this pain and he gets to go on having fun loving life. Everything seems really unfair right now. Today is a depressing kind of day You cant assume how he feels. He is his own. Ive realized that if you assume, its going to be usually for the worse. Instead take action of your thoughts and present them in a way that makes you happy. Dont let the negative thoughts consume your brain while you are trying to fix yourself.. I keep telling myself im at peace with the decisions that have made, because i cant change the past like i can this sentence. Right now is the moment. Right now is the gift. We can be sad and destructive of ourselves but in the end if we survive, we will look back and wish we didnt waste so much time on the things we could not change, but the things that we could. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted July 11, 2015 Share Posted July 11, 2015 Oh well. Tomorrow is Day 1. The little bit of exchange was short and unobtrusive but it ignited the desire to engage. Link to comment
kiara17 Posted July 11, 2015 Share Posted July 11, 2015 The little bit of exchange was short and unobtrusive but it ignited the desire to engage. It happens even if the conversation was about something insignificant, but I understand what your going thru; keep doing NC, slip ups will happen! Stay strong, keep moving on Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted July 11, 2015 Share Posted July 11, 2015 Day 1 This time, my parting shot explained "I hope you understand my distance. Without even trying the natural intimacy even as friends seems out of balance, so I went dark on you. I figured you figured it out." No response back. Link to comment
kiara17 Posted July 11, 2015 Share Posted July 11, 2015 Day 11 NC I'm getting nervous as he returns from his vacation tomorrow. Part of me hopes he contacts me and the other part doesn't cuz I don't think I'm strong enough for breadcrumbs yet. I really just wanna focus on myself and healing so I'm not sure what I'd do if/when he contacts me. I don't think he will for awhile but he's surprised me in the past... Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted July 12, 2015 Share Posted July 12, 2015 Day 11 NC I'm getting nervous as he returns from his vacation tomorrow. Part of me hopes he contacts me and the other part doesn't cuz I don't think I'm strong enough for breadcrumbs yet. I really just wanna focus on myself and healing so I'm not sure what I'd do if/when he contacts me. I don't think he will for awhile but he's surprised me in the past... I've written almost the same postime in my own past. No contact would have been right though I couldn't tell at the time. Link to comment
hopelessincan Posted July 12, 2015 Share Posted July 12, 2015 Well its a whole 5 days for me today and again, I seem ok. Not quite 2.5 months since break up.... Had some neighbor friends finally ask me today about him...I was able to admit it and I didn't cry. I live in a close knit community so everyone knows everyone else's business... I've had some doozies...but I think they were all rooting for me with him lol. He was a pain in the butt, but damn...he was a great catch. And he always said the same about me. I know I will never find anyone close to him..so Im in trouble! I am amazed with myself....I had some moments for sure, but I managed through the day.... did my housework and spent the day outside just being me. Cleaned and worked and swam and relaxed. It was great. I was productive, turned off my phones since yesterday and Im ok. I did facebook snoop today, but I don't consider that cheating.... we have thousands of pictures together so I could have just looked at them.... I think I'll eventually be ok. And I do think he will be back. But we both have to get our stuff together... For me, I've had chances.. I don't want to do anything and that says a lot... For the first time ever..I'm not trying to dull my pain with someone else....and neither is he..... so we still have a chance Link to comment
goldenrays Posted July 12, 2015 Share Posted July 12, 2015 Looking for a little advice! Ive been no contact for 32 days now. We broke up the week the semester was over (both college students), and I will be seeing him again in roughly 38 days, when we both move back in. He is in the same dorm, and we share the same friend group so Im not exactly sure how it will go/ how I should act when I see him! We had a great relationship that was rough in the end due to other girls (he didnt necessarily do anything, but claimed he didnt speak/hang out with them which I found out was a lie) I broke up with him on impulse upon finding this out and tried to work it out the next day. He wasnt sure what he wanted and "needed time and space", yet he would still hang out with me and my friends (hes aware they were only friends with him because we were dating and dont really like him). We obviously ended up not getting back together, but Im confused because he would do things like get dangerously drunk by himself in his room then drunkenly stumble over to where he knew I was, and other bizarre things all while saying he didn't know what he wanted. The last time we spoke he had been initiating conversation with me for about a week and I basically told him that he had enough time and needed to tell me what he wanted, or I would start considering other people because it had been over a month at that time. He said he would understand if I dated other people. Thats all he said, and I never responded because I was annoyed by the careless response. I regret putting in the part about other people because obviously I dont want to date anyone else at the moment, and now worry that he thinks I'm dating someone. Havent spoken since then, but have had a Blocked call repeatedly calling and just listening then hanging up after I said Hello a few times, which I later found out was him. I want to know if I should continue no contact and wait to see him, or if I should initiate contact now? Contact would be stupid question/ something similar and not at all about relationship or anything. Sorry for rambling just looking for advice! Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted July 12, 2015 Share Posted July 12, 2015 I suggest NC, real NC where you focus on yourself and not on what he wants, for the whole time between now and when school starts. The distance will help ground you so you can be more stable and less reactive to his words and actions. Seems like you are already well down this path - keep going. Link to comment
kiara17 Posted July 12, 2015 Share Posted July 12, 2015 Day 12 NC I didn't think I would make it this long, almost two full weeks! My goal is 30 days and then whatever happens from there is his choice. I refuse to contact him first. He comes home today from vacation, so today I'm kind of anxious. Hopefully I won't be tempted to message him now that I can...fingers crossed! I'm hoping since I made it this long then I can keep going, this thread is also really helping me too Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted July 12, 2015 Share Posted July 12, 2015 So,a couple of harmless texts today stemming from that text yesterday. The smallest exchange is like an invitation, which tells me I still need NC to get past faster. Link to comment
iamsuspended Posted July 12, 2015 Share Posted July 12, 2015 Posted her a letter last Tuesday so I will say I started NC on Wednesday, which means this is now the end of day 5. Today has been one of the hardest as haven't been as busy as in recent days, whilst is nice to relax and not have to rush around I have found myself drifting back to memories of our time together even if it was only short lived. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 Ambivalent about counting again day 1 Link to comment
iamsuspended Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 Day 6 another tough one today trying to reflect on the things I enjoy doing and re-focus my life back on myself, but this just seems to be bring back feelings I cannot get over yet. Busy with work for the next few days so hoping that will help and at least give me a good distraction. Link to comment
Abetterme2015 Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 Hi, I have followed this site for years. It has helped me through plenty of heartaches. But today I'm at a crossroad, where I have to make a decision to walk away from the love of my life. I don't want to, but I have to in order for us to have another chance at a relationship. We have been together for 6 1/2 years, he cheated, I went into a rage. I broke up with him. He got married, this ripped my heart out. His marriage is not working out, he came back to me with regrets and wanted to make things right between us, for us to start over. He is working his divorce. My problem is that I can't get over the betrayal and hurt, and lack of trust. I have started plenty of arguments out of pain, he has been very patient with me. I break up with him, and then apologize, it has been this cycle for the last 3 months. He is tired of this, and so am I. I am challenging myself today, to do the NC, to get my head and heart straight. I need to put distance between, if we are ever going to make it in the future. If it's not too late. We last texted this morning, where I went crazy with a lot of texts, to his few. I stopped myself from contacting again today, and decided I need to work on me...and leave him alone. I did good with the first breaking, put this seems harder for some reason. So today is my first day of doing the NC. Day 1. Link to comment
Abetterme2015 Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 Can someone please give me some advice on this? It would help tremendously. Link to comment
Heavy Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 Can someone please give me some advice on this? It would help tremendously. If you two really love each other and want it to work you need to talk about what went wrong in your previous relationship and see what imporments you both have done. It will take time to retrust once it is broken but be open and honest and I mean brutal honest. If there is something you odn't like tell him striaght away, don't stew on it and let it build like most women do until it explodes. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 Day 2 feels like 3 having a date is useful, not sure I am going to keep him though & glad I am busy Link to comment
kiara17 Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 Day 14 NC Days are slowly getting better. I'm starting to accept the situation. As much as I want to hear from him, I also don't, as I know it will set me back and put me in a funk again. I know that everything happens for a reason, and as much as i don't like it, this had to happen too. I know things will get better in time, just have to keep reminding myself of that. Link to comment
saluk Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 Going to start this, as well as maybe using it as a mini journal of my feelings. Me and my ex have been in a will-they/wont-they state of getting back together for a while now. We've been friends, and I've been fine with that and moving on; but I heard some rumors, gossip, and saw a change in body language a few months ago that pointed to her thinking about me again. I chose to see those things as rumors and gossip, and not read anything into the signs; but I think deep down those things helped to move me from a moved-on state of mind to a what-if state of mind. A month ago or so there was another change in her behavior, and she has stopped being friendly with me; meanwhile she is hanging out with another guy a lot and my inkling is she likes him and they will soon be dating (if they aren't already dating in secret). I really believe that it's time for me to grow up and find someone who is worth marrying. Someone who is kind, more mature, and more loving. Which means I have to do some major work to make sure I have let this go. I really believe things could have been different... I think we could have been good friends without any attraction. Or we could have actually reconnected and had a healthy relationship. But our paths have now diverged for good, and I need to accept that, and put up stronger boundaries. Thing is, I still see her often, we are on a team, and seeing her and the other guy is bringing up feelings of jealousy that I didn't think I was able to experience in this situation anymore. So I will have to come up with a plan going forward to have as much NC as possible. My plan is to be professional only, and only communicate with her if I am required to. I've deleted her number and all social network connections. It sucks that it has come to this, but maybe it's for the best. I am on Day 2, Sunday being the last day I saw her when I finally realized that our friendship was simply not workable any longer. Our team has a retreat in August. I am going to have to decide whether to go or not. Right now, I think if she is going I will abstain. I'm also looking to move out in the next month (the other guy is living in the apartment next to mine... yeah.) The worst are the dreams. Before this happened I had not been dreaming about her at all. Now I am tossing and turning at night and having dreams of her and him. Actually, last night I dreamed of ME hanging out with him and going drifting and having a good time; so perhaps my bad feelings will blow over after some time and I get used to the idea. I will reexamine where I am after 30 days. I have a date on Friday. I'm looking forward to it. Through all of this I've been dating other people and working on moving on - and I kind of think it may be time to double down on that and put more effort into both self-improvement and meeting other people. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 Day 3 No impulses to make contact Link to comment
saluk Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 Day 3. Last night I went for a walk and kept thinking I was going to run into her. With her and my neighbor so buddy buddy it's not that far of a possibility. I think it's OK to anticipate it, so that I am not thrown off guard, but it's probably not healthy to be spending so much energy while at home thinking about it! I did have an urge to check her instagram yesterday, and went a few steps into that. Though I have her blocked, I can look at some of our friends pages that we have in common to see if she has posted anything there. There was nothing to find, but it's the kind of behavior I need to cut off. Today I am a bit better. No dreams that I can remember. I can put it out of my head for the most part during the day when I am not at home. I know I will be fine, as I've been fine before. So weird how some of these feelings came back - the chemistry between us is too strong and unpredictable. Not the kind of thing to build a life long relationship on. And that's the only kind of relationship I want to try for. Link to comment
engraved2008 Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 Day 4...I have done seven weeks right after break up...we were on friendly terms and hanged out for a bit ...again chemistry is do powerful ...I am serious about letting him go for good even though I love him very much Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now