THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[Minxy1991]

Wow! I wish I saw this thread before!

I'm now just ending DAY 2 of no contact tonight and I'm not feeling too bad... I keep going through the day positive negative positive then very negative ...

IF IT HelPS anyone else out there as soon as he finished it I deleted his number and call history off my phone and deactivated my Facebook an twitter so I couldn't check up on him as it would make it harder.

Makes it hard at bed time a he would normally contact me but it's early days and I supposed if he really cared he would have by now?

Keep strong everyone xxxx

[El3216]

This day is so hard. I don't mean with my sadness. Just the urge to text her and say hi or tell her I miss her ect.. I know it doesn't matter because if she felt the same I'd probably hear from her by now? Then I think so myself maybe she does miss be but she's doing the same thing with nc.

[figmentations]

Day 37

 

Only last night did I really figure out one of the reasons why my ex broke up with me. I stopped feeling like a victim and instead more like someone who played an active part in the separation. Now I'm mostly full of regrets.

[todayisrough]

Day 4 NC i saw you online but you haven't replied to my Birthday Greeting yet.. Think I am slowly getting over you and just missing the closeness and companionship.. Sunny weather helps too

[IAmFCA]

day 29

 

breakthrough. believe that I am lovable and the rest will follow. believe that if I move slowly to make a connection, that a connection will follow.

 

I went through a tough day of detox yesterday. I confronted the idea that the highs I got from b are maybe not even healthy. maybe those highs are available only in an unhealthy context. I don't know that answer, but I know I've been addiction free, not even coffee, in every other part of my life. so if the highs I experienced are available only with addiction, then let them go.

 

I am glad for my nearly 30 days. have heard from b - destabilizing and gratifying - have written him tons of letters that will live only in my Gmail, have come face to face with my own emotional unavailability ( we are what we attract, don't let anyone tell you different), and am ready to behave differently.

[Alone Now]

These are powerful thoughts! Congratulations on the breakthrough!

[El3216]

Day 13.

 

Eff off!! I'm on a one way street

[Minxy1991]

Day 3

 

Up down and emotional today as I dreamt of him last night ;,(

[IAmFCA]

Okay 29, you have come and nearly went. Tomorrow, 30 days.

 

I have lately been completely obsessive since getting the dang letter, it never ever occurred to me it was from him when I opened it, it didnt even have a postmark from his state. Oh, maybe he did that on purpose. I am permitting myself one last day, and then I am graduating.

[figmentations]

Day 38

 

Starting to lose focus on my ex, I hope. I need to work on myself. It's hard not having my ex around but time and distance has made it hurt less, although these past two days have been hard. I hope it all goes away.

[Alone Now]

Day 38

 

Starting to lose focus on my ex, I hope. I need to work on myself. It's hard not having my ex around but time and distance has made it hurt less, although these past two days have been hard. I hope it all goes away.

 

It will fimentations, but first you need to free yourself. Any old cards or letters would be better trashed as well as old pictures. Those represent holding onto hope IMHO.

[IAmFCA]

Day 18

 

everyday I can tell I am leaving old patterns behind. you are the sexiest most dangerous old pattern I know.

 

I am annoyed that I can't see evidence of your pain. I didn't expect to anyway. and it's good that I don't, because it just forces me. . to validate myself.

 

I am looking forward to tomorrow, Saturday. house clean, weather good. Day 19 will be besides the point.

 

It is instructive to reread this. Since this post I did indeed receive evidence of his pain.And it threw me into a tailspin. How much better I was just letting him go, but to read his letter of withdrawal, I guess it hurt me too. Maybe all my letters to him have simply been a way of me saying that his pain hurt me too.

 

That sounds right, and honest.

[marshmallito]

Day 15

I want to call him and have a general chat about what has been going on in our lives. Am I stable enough to handle that without wanting more? I don't know

[Alone Now]

It is instructive to reread this. Since this post I did indeed receive evidence of his pain.And it threw me into a tailspin. How much better I was just letting him go, but to read his letter of withdrawal, I guess it hurt me too. Maybe all my letters to him have simply been a way of me saying that his pain hurt me too.

 

That sounds right, and honest.

 

But isn't it his pain? And his to deal with in his own time and way? Or could it be a continuum of baiting?

[figmentations]

It will fimentations, but first you need to free yourself. Any old cards or letters would be better trashed as well as old pictures. Those represent holding onto hope IMHO.

 

I deleted all our pictures and just saved a few inside the folder of a folder so I won't see them. Most of the cards she gave me I burned on the stove lol.

[Alone Now]

I deleted all our pictures and just saved a few inside the folder of a folder so I won't see them. Most of the cards she gave me I burned on the stove lol.

That is a good start. Keeping pictures and cards and letters are a very easy way to get sucked back in. It is often too easy to look at the past and think that things were good, when in essence, they were tolerable. It's tough, believe me I know, but the sooner you rid yourself of those cards and letters the better you will be for it.

 

Stay Strong!

[figmentations]

That is a good start. Keeping pictures and cards and letters are a very easy way to get sucked back in. It is often too easy to look at the past and think that things were good, when in essence, they were tolerable. It's tough, believe me I know, but the sooner you rid yourself of those cards and letters the better you will be for it.

 

Stay Strong!

 

Thanks! I did this all on the first day of our break up. I still sometimes hope for a reconciliation but it's not up to me.

[IAmFCA]

But isn't it his pain? And his to deal with in his own time and way? Or could it be a continuum of baiting?

 

Oh you are right, its his pain. I am needing to wall him off a bit.

[Alone Now]

Oh you are right, its his pain. I am needing to wall him off a bit.

 

ITIC

 

You need to find the inner strength to wall B off completely. He is like a drug and leaving even a small crack available potentially opens the flood gates!

[IAmFCA]

Yay - day 30.

 

Time off has given me the opportunity to rethink my entire approach to dating, relationships and friendships. I have touchy about attachment theory, emotional availability, insecurity, and love addiction. b and I are well matched, if not healthfully so, as two people who are trying to resolve the lack of parenting we received as children. amazing how intense the experience is when it connects with such a basic part of oneself.

 

Glad to get to 30. I kept the connection to force me to explore introspectively. part of my exercise of becoming more emotionally aware.

 

Now time to take a break, which is a new kind of breaking the connection.

[marshmallito]

Day 0

Broke NC with a phone call. I have been thinking about doing it for days, so not really a surprise.

The world didn't end with that call. But now I know he isn't wallowing, just taking it one day at a time and keeping busy, missing me.... much like myself. He suggested we catch up soon.

Nothing new. Guess I have extended the unnecessary olive branch... It will hang there.

It just proves I haven't given up on the relationship yet. I will try again tomorrow.

[pandorasbox1]

Day 6

 

I've stopped counting the days since the breakup. I only realised today that yesterday would have been 8 weeks yet it didnt cross my mind yesterday. Sometimes Im not even sure which day NC im on.

The longest was 8 days and oddly enough I have been feeling okay these past two days. I had my first therapy session on monday and I cried like a fool in front of a stranger. I cried like I was heartbroken again for the third or fourth time since BU. I deactivated my FB account last year May and recently reactivated it. I know he deactivated his the same time I did last year for the sake of our relationship. I found myself still searching his name even though I knew his profile was deactivated. I decided to leave FB alone and deactivate once more. He has a google + profile... but I have forced myself to stay away from that too even though I cant see anything anyway. I have been making strides to stop being obsessive over him.

 

I dont consciously think about the fact that Im driving by his house on my way home anymore. When I get home I realise I did and it doesnt bug me anymore. I still think about him a lot, but Im not so sad. I know deep down he probably misses me like I miss him... But this is for the best right now.

Im so focused on my own goals in life and I think that is what is getting me by. I dont carry my phone around anymore like I used to either...

 

 

I have isolated myself in a sense... Im not really interested in relationships or friendships... just trying to focus on me. My parents are still really supportive but they're also tired of hearing about my ex by now. I feel better than I have in 8 weeks and I feel as though Im taking baby steps to moving on.

 

I still want him and I still love him but I dont NEED him so much anymore.

[Alone Now]

Yay - day 30.

 

Time off has given me the opportunity to rethink my entire approach to dating, relationships and friendships. I have touchy about attachment theory, emotional availability, insecurity, and love addiction. b and I are well matched, if not healthfully so, as two people who are trying to resolve the lack of parenting we received as children. amazing how intense the experience is when it connects with such a basic part of oneself.

 

Glad to get to 30. I kept the connection to force me to explore introspectively. part of my exercise of becoming more emotionally aware.

 

Now time to take a break, which is a new kind of breaking the connection.

 

I hope you will consider staying in touch! You have helped me tremendously!

[Alone Now]

Yay - day 30.

 

Time off has given me the opportunity to rethink my entire approach to dating, relationships and friendships. I have touchy about attachment theory, emotional availability, insecurity, and love addiction. b and I are well matched, if not healthfully so, as two people who are trying to resolve the lack of parenting we received as children. amazing how intense the experience is when it connects with such a basic part of oneself.

 

Glad to get to 30. I kept the connection to force me to explore introspectively. part of my exercise of becoming more emotionally aware.

 

Now time to take a break, which is a new kind of breaking the connection.

 

I have sent you a pm!

[Minxy1991]

Day 4 ..

Today has been interesting, I'm realising 1. He isn't sorry 2. That makes him worthless to me.

 

He makes me angry, he's just unbelievable. I still think of him too much for my liking but I guess that's the way it goes.

 

I'm giving his dad his stuff back tomorrow yay!!