THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[Redtide]

Day 7

 

One week has gone by and I'm clawing at the walls. I can almost guarantee he misses me given what friends are saying and that he also loves me from what I'm hearing, but he also has that dating profile and hasn't spoken to me. I'm getting mixed messages all around. He liked two of my new pieces of work on facebook, and he apparently has the drawing I have of the two of us as his twitter profile picture still. H I miss you so much, I don't get why you left me after 10 years of love and dedication. I'm respecting your need for distance with everything I have. I can't wait to see you again.

[crazyoflove]

Just when I turned 30 days yesterday she came to my office to see me. I was polite but brief not revealing anything about me. Today she called - for the first time since break up. She wanted to congratulate me on buying new car and to say how good style I have.

 

I dont know how to feel and what to think of this. I somehow feel she is just throwing breadcrumbs but some voice in my head says to give her week or two max to reveal her intentions and if she does not do it to disappear then completely and ignore any of her attempts to reach me. What do you guys think?

[Redtide]

Just when I turned 30 days yesterday she came to my office to see me. I was polite but brief not revealing anything about me. Today she called - for the first time since break up. She wanted to congratulate me on buying new car and to say how good style I have.

 

I dont know how to feel and what to think of this. I somehow feel she is just throwing breadcrumbs but some voice in my head says to give her week or two max to reveal her intentions and if she does not do it to disappear then completely and ignore any of her attempts to reach me. What do you guys think?

 

I've never heard the term "breadcrumbs" til this site, lol. She misses you, that's obvious. I suppose just look at visual and vocal cues to see what she really wants. Does she speak to you like a friend, or giggle a lot, or get really excited about talking about mundane things?

[Redtide]

Here's my forum post on it. It contains what she texted me on August 19th:

 

 

 

Everyone's been telling me to keep NC

 

Wow that really does make it more complicated. When my ex dumped me, I said "how lucky I am to have known someone that is so hard to say goodbye to," to which he smiles and says "then let's not say goodbye." We hug and talk like we use to for a half an hour, and then drive off into the night and wave goodbye. We've texted limited and friendly since then but it's been a week. I could not imagine getting back together after such an explosion but you know what? People lose their temper and make mistakes. If you want to contact her that's up to you...

[crazyoflove]

I've never heard the term "breadcrumbs" til this site, lol. She misses you, that's obvious. I suppose just look at visual and vocal cues to see what she really wants. Does she speak to you like a friend, or giggle a lot, or get really excited about talking about mundane things?

 

Yesterday when she came to my office she was very nervous. It was first seeing in two months and first communication in last 30 days. Her hands were shaking, she was trying to find words. Still, she tried to get close to me and touched me several times as if testing whether I will return the same. I didnt, of course. Today, she was happy and ended conversation with 'talk to you later' even though she knows I will not contact her (I said this loud and clear month ago).

 

Not sure really. It seems like she is testing but it also might be that she does not want after all this time to come straightforward on first occasion.

[Redtide]

Yesterday when she came to my office she was very nervous. It was first seeing in two months and first communication in last 30 days. Her hands were shaking, she was trying to find words. Still, she tried to get close to me and touched me several times as if testing whether I will return the same. I didnt, of course. Today, she was happy and ended conversation with 'talk to you later' even though she knows I will not contact her (I said this loud and clear month ago).

 

Not sure really. It seems like she is testing but it also might be that she does not want after all this time to come straightforward on first occasion.

 

I'm a woman, and I can't think of anything that says "forgive me, please give me another chance" more than actually saying it. She misses you. If you miss her, approach the subject and ask her for coffee or something. Best case scenario you two get back together, or you get closure and move on. You seem to be more or less beyond the initial shock so I don't see how seeing her would be a huge setback emotionally.

[Redtide]

Also, what can you say about my situation? We aren't talking but people say he misses and loves me, he is liking my artwork and his twitter still has the draw of the two of us together (he tweets a lot)... am I hoping too much?

[crazyoflove]

Also, what can you say about my situation? We aren't talking but people say he misses and loves me, he is liking my artwork and his twitter still has the draw of the two of us together (he tweets a lot)... am I hoping too much?

 

Could be. Since our break up she said more than once that she misses me. She also still wears our engagement ring. Yet, when it comes to reconciliation she plays hot and cold. So them missing doesnt mean much

[Redtide]

Give her time. She loves you and that is obvious, but whatever happened she needs to think about it. Be happy she's thinking about it. H is giving me SUCh mixed messages I don't know what to do.

[leftme]

Broke NC troday. After 20 odd days. I was asked about logistics and I replied politely but business like. She threw a curve ball suggesting I hadn't paid a utility bill but I simply laughed it off and proved I paid. 2 text messages. Matters closed. Moving on out.

[whiteoleanders]

DAY 6

 

createhappiness, i completely understand. I was so low the first couple days that I was constantly in and out of the liquor store (i know, i know, stupid). I have gone a day without crying, but my hopes that he will return have yet to fade. Sometimes I will feel so great about myself that I march around smiling (usually because I knew his friends are around) then i crawl into my empty lonely bed and resent all the small things that I wish I did during the breakup. I think the hardest part is thinking "what if." i'm not going to sit here and tell you it will get better, because I honestly don't think it will. BUT, I do believe that sooner or later this state of lonleness will only be loneliness and not a state of being lonely without him/her.

[whiteoleanders]

DAY 13

 

hoping one day a morning will come where i wake up and not feel pain from my past but happiness for the present and hope for the future.

 

DAY 6

 

createhappiness, i completely understand. I was so low the first couple days that I was constantly in and out of the liquor store (i know, i know, stupid). I have gone a day without crying, but my hopes that he will return have yet to fade. Sometimes I will feel so great about myself that I march around smiling (usually because I knew his friends are around) then i crawl into my empty lonely bed and resent all the small things that I wish I did during the breakup. I think the hardest part is thinking "what if." i'm not going to sit here and tell you it will get better, because I honestly don't think it will. BUT, I do believe that sooner or later this state of lonleness will only be loneliness and not a state of being lonely without him/her.

[GrowingUp85]

Day 38. We broke up 5 months ago. She hasn't contacted me since, and has ignored me completely when I've reached out. I'm still hoping that one day she will, although everything points to the fact that she won't. I still dwell on her breadcrumbs, like when she told me she wished we could start over, that she thought there still might be something there, and that she hopes we can be friends again one day. It's getting easier, albeit slowly.

[jsdeg]

day 9.today.i log in to fb.he saw me online.but didnt talk to me at all. i should keep NC although i wanna break it so much...

[Redtide]

Day 8

 

Extremely depressed still. Passed by you in my car at an intersection and didn't realize it was you stopped there til last second, when I did, you were turned away with everything in your power not to look at me. I'm hearing from friends all you want to talk about is your career and your workouts, the moment the idea of me is brought up you change the subject. You are apparently sad and quiet at work, but I can't believe that you miss me, even after 10 years of love and friendship. I still have feelings for you and I still wish you'd reach out and just tell me your day and nothing else, but if you are really going to push me away after that long of time? You're a sick bastard underneath it all.

[Lightning87]

Day 28

 

I'm nearly there, I've nearly reached the first goal of 30 days. I had a bad night last night, started crying and just missing him. But he probably isn't even missing me otherwise he would say so right?

 

Got to keep up my strength.

[Redtide]

Day 9

 

My sister insisted I go to a crisis center last night to find out if I can get emergency medication for what I'm going thorough. Unfortunately, they can't do that. I need some kind of anti depression or anxiety medication cause all I can do is think about him and freak out internally. I know it's wrong, I know I need to stop but I can't believe he went from marriage talk a few days ago into this! H, I remember when you tried to kill yourself some seven years ago and how I was by your side as quickly as I could be... before any of our friends. I stayed with you when a lot of friends got creeped out and ran from you. And I had to do the same thing tonight and not only could I not tell you, I doubt you would have come or come easily. You're a bastard.

[Lightning87]

Day 29

 

I'm nearly there...not sure if I feel any better for it though...

[Chinafish]

It's been a week of barely any contact from him. Still feeling empty and sad. Wish I were over you. Maybe not being in your life at last will make you miss me? Maybe it's too late to think that. Youve been with rebound for four months now. Are you growing closer to her? Does she mean as much as I did? Do you argue? Do you miss us?

[Lightning87]

Day 30 - I made it. Do I still miss him? Yes...but I am proud that I haven't caved. Now to continue.......

[Nolia]

Having a tough night guys. Some days are just really brutal and some are great. Weekends are always tough. Any strong advice on how to get through it? I know one day she'll realize what se had and gave away. Tough to accept being tossed to the curb.

[Sparkleeyes]

Hello, I am new to this site and would like to take up the 30 day challenge.

 

Today is Day 9 of NC. We broke up 9 days ago.

 

A brief outline of my story is as follows. I had a wonderful relationship for 1 and half years. Never argued and compatible in every way. Around 3 months ago, he started having a few hiccups in his life. I was very patient and understanding and he said that I was a great help to him. However latterly he has been distancing himself more and I was initiating all contact. His replies became quite cold at times and it started to hurt. The qualities he admires in me are my confidence, high self esteem, strength and also my physical appearance. Everything he wanted. In the week before the break-up, I found myself being quite needy, since I could feel that he was about to end it and I was desperately trying to hold on. This was completely out-of-character for me and I hated that I was turning into this person. The nail in the coffin for me was when I texted his best friend and said I was deeply hurt that he didn't want to see or comminicate with me. I realised the next morning that for me to steep this low was just awful and I needed to regain my self esteem.

 

So I sent my ex a brief message saying that we needed to have a proper break without obligation or expectation and that hopefully with some time and space we would BOTH realise that what we have is too good to give up. He replied that he thought it was the only solution. I never begged, pleaded, cried or showed any form of desperation and I have been in NC ever since.

 

Privately, I am totally gutted and heartbroken. Have cried every day, have gone off my food and really want us to go back to how we were before his "issues". I am hoping that by giving him space and complete NC that he will sort himself out and come back. Of course I hope that he is also missing me and realising how good we are for each other. However I am also realistic and know that he has a lot on his mind and that he will be using his compartmentalising skills to put me out of his mind for the time being.

 

My weakness has been FB. I haven't made any comments or posted status updates. However I have been checking timeline to see if he is around and have been looking at his photos. I don't think I am strong enough to stop doing this. The NC in all other respects has been quite easy as I know more than anything that he needs his space.

[GrowingUp85]

Day 41.

 

Came this close to sending her a message last night. I'm glad I didn't. I still have friends asking me what happened between us. I regret chasing her so much. If I hadn't done that, I think there still might be a chance. Now, not so much. I need to stop being so hard on myself. I was super confident most of the day yesterday, but started hanging out with a bunch of friends who are in LTRs, and that got me down. Going to lunch with a married couple today. Ugh.

[NjoyStick]

For people who are new to this topic!

 

You are hurt, probaly depressed... You feel like ****, we know what you are going through, you can vent all of your anger and depression with us here in this topic.

 

Before you start NC you really have to do these things first!

- delete your ex from facebook and block them.

- delete their number from your phone and also all their messages and momento's.

- collect all of the stuff you got from them (letters, stuffed animals, juwelery, photo's and more), put it in a box and put it somewhere in your house you won't go much like the attic or a basement.

- let your family and close friends know that it's over and tell them you don't want to hear about your ex unless you want to talk about it so you won't get reminded.

- get out of the house and get a new haircut, new clothing and a tan or something, make yourself new, are you overweight? Then lose it like i did, i lost 70 pounds after i got dumped, it makes you feel so ****ing awesome.

- gather your friends and do the things you love to do and try to make new memories, if you went to the movies with your ex then go with your friends and make a new memory from that experience, try to make new memories from experiences you did with your ex, it feels great to be somewhere that doesn't remind you of your ex that much anymore, believe me.

- don't be scared to date and love again, you are an awesome person and there are alot of people out there (100x better then your ex) that want to love you and never leave you!

 

The mighty NjoyStick has spoken again!

[adyghost]

Day 10

 

Going strong, no contact... funny thing is, she's respecting it, hasn't said a peep. Which makes it harder because I'm a selfish bastard and need to know she still cares and wonders about me.