Sparkleeyes

DAY 20 Broke NC today. Didn't want to but had to for business reasons. It was a complete disaster and now I feel both rejected in love and in business. I've had enough of him hurting me like this. So now its back to NC Day 1

DAY 19 Thinking about him obsessively, but no tears, only sadness. NC is defintely the best way to go. I am liking the freedom of not waiting on messages and analyzing his replies for hidden meanings. I'm beginning to heal but not quite moving on.

DAY 18 Woke up this morning with the biggest ache in my heart. He's back from his travels now and I hoped to receive a message saying he couldn't stop thinking about me, but alas it didn't happen. I don't have any urge to make contact with him, so feeling strong in that respect.

DAY 17 I've had too much spare time today. Too much time to think about how I would like to have him here beside me again, like the good old days. He returns from his travels tonight. He's had 5 days on a deserted beach followed by a 6 hour flight. I hope he took some time to think about me and to think about us.

DAY 16 Having a good day today. Went out with friends for dinner last night and had a lovely time. I enjoyed getting dressed up and played some upbeat music to get me in the mood. knew I wouldn't bump into him because he is travelling at the moment. Was chatted up briefly by a lovely man which gave me a confidence boost. Feeling positive.

Day 15 Missing you like crazy. Please come back to me.

DAY 14 Can't believe it is only 2 weeks. It feels like months. The last 24 hours have been a rollercoaster of emotions. Went to bed feeling as bad as the day of the break-up, but woke up with a fresh mind. The worst is wondering how he is spending his time without me. My imagination is running wild and I hate it. Trying my hardest to occupy my mind with other things. NC is definitely the best way to go, because at least then I avoid the possibility of rejection or hurt.

DAY 13 Having a bit of a set back today. I don't have the urge to contact him which is good, BUT I'm missing him like crazy and feeling totally abandoned. I've just had a photo rammed down my throat on facebook by someboy (not him) trying to make me jealous. Trying my hardest to rise above it.

Hi GrowingUp! It's far too soon. We only broke up 12 days ago. Because of the events leading up to the break up, I want us both to have at least a couple of months of space. He wants to still be friends because I give him a lot of positive energy, but I don't want it to be like this. I want him to hold me tightly in his arms again. If he does want to reconcile, he needs to pursue me and have the thrill of the chase, like how it was at the beginning. If I mention reconciliation, all I am doing is pursuing him and making myself too available. I have worked out in my own mind what I want from our space apart and to achieve my goal, I need to have will power and learn the skill of being patient. That in itself will be a great lesson regardless of the outcome.

DAY 12 I thought long and hard as to whether I should reply to his text yesterday. After waiting more than 24 hours and checking the rules of the challenge I decided to do so. The challenge says if you are in a work situation you can make contact ONLY if it is work related. He asked me yesterday how I was doing, but also if I could change my work day from Wednesday to Tuesday. As I am self employed and have no employees, it would be unprofessional and rude not to reply. So I simply replied that I wasn't able to change my day because I already had plans. I didn't ask any questions so that I wouldn't be expecting a reply, therefore putting myself forward for rejection. BUT, he did reply within 10 minutes. He said that he hoped we could meet up next week as he was sure we would have lots to gossip about by then. I have not answered this message and have no intention to do so. Also I don't want to be friends, I want us back in a relationship. So meeting up for a "gossip" is out of the question. I won't be put into the friendzone. Today I am feeling empowered and in control which is a complete turn of the tables from 3 weeks ago.

DAY 11 Today is a good day! After 11 days of NC, my ex sent me a text asking how I had been and asking me to change my work day at his premises from Wednesday to Tuesday so that he can see me this week as he is travelling Wednesday I haven't replied yet and may or may not tomorrow. However a meeting tomorrow is not possible as I have other plans. I'm smiling because this is our first contact since the break up and it was initiated by him

Ditto! Same length of NC; same feeling.

Day 10 Finding it really difficult today. I really want to know how he is getting on and whether I am in his thoughts at all. I would love to receive some kind of indication that he is at least thinking of me. The type of person he is, I know he can easily put things out of his mind, and for all the hours and days I've spent thinking of nothing but him, the reality is he probably has other things occupying him. 10 days is nothing, but it feels like a lifetime to me. The tears have come back as well so trying to pull myself together.

Hello, I am new to this site and would like to take up the 30 day challenge. Today is Day 9 of NC. We broke up 9 days ago. A brief outline of my story is as follows. I had a wonderful relationship for 1 and half years. Never argued and compatible in every way. Around 3 months ago, he started having a few hiccups in his life. I was very patient and understanding and he said that I was a great help to him. However latterly he has been distancing himself more and I was initiating all contact. His replies became quite cold at times and it started to hurt. The qualities he admires in me are my confidence, high self esteem, strength and also my physical appearance. Everything he wanted. In the week before the break-up, I found myself being quite needy, since I could feel that he was about to end it and I was desperately trying to hold on. This was completely out-of-character for me and I hated that I was turning into this person. The nail in the coffin for me was when I texted his best friend and said I was deeply hurt that he didn't want to see or comminicate with me. I realised the next morning that for me to steep this low was just awful and I needed to regain my self esteem. So I sent my ex a brief message saying that we needed to have a proper break without obligation or expectation and that hopefully with some time and space we would BOTH realise that what we have is too good to give up. He replied that he thought it was the only solution. I never begged, pleaded, cried or showed any form of desperation and I have been in NC ever since. Privately, I am totally gutted and heartbroken. Have cried every day, have gone off my food and really want us to go back to how we were before his "issues". I am hoping that by giving him space and complete NC that he will sort himself out and come back. Of course I hope that he is also missing me and realising how good we are for each other. However I am also realistic and know that he has a lot on his mind and that he will be using his compartmentalising skills to put me out of his mind for the time being. My weakness has been FB. I haven't made any comments or posted status updates. However I have been checking timeline to see if he is around and have been looking at his photos. I don't think I am strong enough to stop doing this. The NC in all other respects has been quite easy as I know more than anything that he needs his space.