THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[mickydrip]

I don't really blame her friends for interferring as there very new friends and would of seen her unhappy and wanted her happy but i also dont like it as i really believe another reason is one is middle 30's mother with a teen and is really trying to relive her lost younger years and the other is a year younger than my ex studying with her at uni so i can understand the need of them wanting to be able to have single girls fun, i can see though my ex being persueded by them in little ways. But thing is i dont want what ive done or said to be taken the wrong way, for her to decide things thinking i have moved on when im really still wanting to be with her and i believe she is getting alot of input from her friends and is influencing her which i cant help. But yeah i mean i just dont want to let go when there seems to be a good chance and we havent talked things over and i really dont know what she is thinking or feeling. Especially when now she is seeing she can spend time away from me and have fun and so can i but we could be in a relationship like this it just wasnt something we were doing, but she is regaining her identity and thing is if things dont work out in 6 months instead of doing my bachelor at uni in town ill leave as shes been the only reason ive stayed in this town. though if all works out good id happily stay here marry her, our lifetime goals and dreams are the same and we were going to before everything just got muddled. basically yeah i dont know what shes feeling and i dont want her to think NC is me getting over her or not wanting her or moving on or anything. or that she decides to stop caring or tries to forget me because i seem like i dont. that would ruin it all especially if she decides NC till i contact her and i do the same. And we have so much we havent discussed. i know just discussing it wouldnt fix it or whatever but it would put us both on the same page and know what we both are feeling thinking and going with our lives. sorry this is a bit rushed have to go do some work now ill reply in a little bit lol. i had to rewrite this message as my last disappeared if i can grab it ill post them both but be aware it may not make much sense XD.

 

 

 

I know but i dont blame her friends for this, well a little bit but it wasnt there fault we didnt talk about our problems its just all they saw was her unhappy so its fair enough they want her happy and one is a mid 30's mother of a teen trying to relive her younger years and the other is a year younger than my ex and they go to uni together. so as i can see the girls wanting their friend to be single and able to mingle with them which i dont like but yeah i know but the space my ex may look at as being me over her and she may decide that even though she wants to be with me which i do feel in a way that she may look at it the other way and then decide to lose the feelings or put them past her. As i guess we all never know what the other is feeling. but she said she loves me but i know the romance was lost and our happy times spent came few. and i know we can have them again and were in the position too now. and if things dont work out ill be moving out of town and then all hope would be lost. I understand this wont be quick and it wont be easy but im not sure if we should talk first, i want to sit down and talk about everything and lay all our cards out on the table but i dont know if she see's what i do. She did say to me in one of those qoute picture things "Relationships are like glass sometimes its better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together" but then again i dont know what she is feeling or thinking and if what she tells me are her words or friends words. i know its going to take time but sitting back with NC im afraid may actually do more damage than good. thats what im worried about.

[NjoyStick]

If she still has feelings for you it will get to her sooner or later, it's best if you don't find out.

I wanted to know from my ex cause i thought she still loved me but she told me she cared for me but is with someone else now so nothing to do about it.

 

Maybe you should tell her that you are doing no contact to heal but you still love her and keep it short, so she knows why you are doing this and she will know you still love her and that will stay in her mind for a while.

 

Keep it simple and short and then disappear and heal!

[ConfusingEx]

end of day 1 or 6 whichever.

 

long day, had to go out early, got a message from my ex that she had missed an appointment yesterday, no idea what that had to do with me, was out and doing what i had to do, got another message with some funny picture she sent, also no idea why she was sending it as i hadn't spoken to her since our call, then i came home before i went back out and got another message, "what happened to you today, thought u were coming to get your mail", i hadn't said i was going over today, i just said id be over sometime this week, and not that i was getting it from her anyway, so after not replying to those 3 messages a little later on while i was out she sends me another message, "everything ok? not talking to me?" i still haven't replied, i was close to sending a message but stopped, so its late 4:30am atm, i got another message about 1am or so, "do you want to go and do something on thursday", I'm thinking ok.. whats the go sending all these messages like she is trying to contact me, and then asking me to go do something on thursday.

 

is she just doing this cause she's bored and things i hope aren't going well for her and her BF, or she just wants to be friends and go out, or she wants my company and doesn't want let on that she might wanna try reconcile.

 

my head is going natters, my guess is she's bored and has noone else to go with and her BF is pissing her off, possible she just wants to be friends, and most likely not reconcile, i know I'm over thinking this and probably should just take it as it is, she just wants to go out and do something with me. whether it be just friends or more.. i need to stop thinking too much of it. I'm going nuts.

 

I havent slept yet. gotta be 36hours give or take no sleep, and I'm still not tired enough to sleep, i can't shut my head off to goto sleep.

 

btw how is everyone.

[ConfusingEx]

hmm I'm playing a game diablo 3, havnt touched it since we broke up as we only played the game together etc,

 

she just logged on and said hey, what do it do.

[Blondie176]

Day 17 HI guys and gurls

 

Feeling a lot better today than yesterday, had a wee cry last night for the first time in a good few weeks and i think that made me feel a bit better. Still miss him but i am sort of just falling into this new life without him. What other choice do i really have huh?

 

17 days is not long really, but since he told me about her nearly 7 weeks ago, time has slowed down so for me 17 days is a long long time lol. I have to be proud of myself for getting this far i think.

 

I dont know what else to add here for todays entry really, i feel like i am just repeating myself

 

Hoping you are all hanging in there xxx

 

Day 18

 

Not having a very good day today, i really hoped i would start feeling better by now but i seem to be in reverse. Each new day doesnt seem to be bringing me any peace, only fear of us being more and more like strangers.

 

I just cannot get my head around how easily he has replaced me. I have been completely erased like i never existed. He wont be missing me or us because he has his gf to do all new and exciting things with. I am sort of pissed off that he could so easily forget me yet i cant forget him for even 1 minute.

 

From best friends and lovers to strangers in such a short amount of time.

 

I really dont know if id ever want another relationship after this, he was so not the type of guy to **** anyone over, and he has done exactly that. My faith in men is very low at the moment. ( Obviously girls **** people over too) it makes me feel angry that he is out there living his life without a care in the world after he stomped on my heart, then left me broken and in a total mess and he didnt even look back.

 

I guess you could say tonight i feel pissed right off LOL xxx

[ConfusingEx]

sorry to hear blondie

 

i know how you feel, its not a good feeling but its really their loss, we know we are good people and they choose to look past that at god knows what made them dump us.

 

being replaced so easily might look good to him, but in the end, a quick fix is a quick fail, I'm starting to see that with my ex, the more and more it goes on the more and more she is having issues, it might take a little longer with different people but it will fall.

 

its hard to forget them, and i don't think its a good idea to forget them or try to forget them so easily, otherwise we'd be the same as them, we care about our ex's and they don't, we are being ourselves they are just faking it, and trying to do something different to keep their mind of us, eventually they will be reminded of us, and be either sorry and try to sort things out or have to deal with the choice they made and live with it forever.

 

never say never, i say i don't want another relationship after my ex, I'm still in love with her, but theres only so much loneliness we can take, I'm hanging onto my ex for along as i can as i know like u said not the person to **** anyone over, and they did exactly that, we know its not them and there is just something that has made them act this way, they can't keep the act up forever.

 

i was accused by my ex that i was acting like someone else for 8 years, sorry but noone can keep up an act for 8 years, so if your ex is doing things he wouldn't normally do then he will eventually slip up.

 

guys are assholes, women are just the same, but theres always someone out there like us here that don't fake ourselves, who actually care about other people, and I'm sure you will meet someone when u least expect it.

 

i know i have, I've made a friend that i met with friends, we've had a lunch and a dinner, nothing in the way of forming a relationship just friendship, I'm happy with that atm, if something did happen, id think about if my ex truly doesn't want me, atm I'm still getting the same vibe that she has some sort of feeling for me, even though she isn't showing it, i can read her like a book, its hard to understand her actions, messages etc, but her body language tells me that she sees me as someone she's comfortable wit even though everything is going on, and that when and i hope they fail, i'll just me myself and just keep on being my hoping she sees me as a lover again.

 

if not i can keep doing what I'm doing with my female friend, and if i feel that she felt the same if i ever had feeling then id bring them up.

 

hang in there, we're here for you to talk to, i know i am for another few hours at least

[mickydrip]

If she still has feelings for you it will get to her sooner or later, it's best if you don't find out.

I wanted to know from my ex cause i thought she still loved me but she told me she cared for me but is with someone else now so nothing to do about it.

 

Maybe you should tell her that you are doing no contact to heal but you still love her and keep it short, so she knows why you are doing this and she will know you still love her and that will stay in her mind for a while.

 

Keep it simple and short and then disappear and heal!

 

Well i know she still cares and she told me she still loved me when we met in park. but thats all she really told me of her feelings the rest was just on things she was doing or me repeating myself. We just talked alot about day to day things but even now i dont know after i texted her so much if shed be ok with a meetup when she gets back. Gah i just dont know i was thinking it would be good to tell her but then would that spoil the point of it? announcing im waiting for us to grow and that you will miss me and come around? it sounds like manipulation. i dead read that x2 system the other night too so bleh. I was thinking dont talk till she gets back and ask to meet up with her. she did have this big ball her first dance performance i was going to this friday i already have the tickets but now after i have texted her so much i dont know if i should go ?!?!?!!?!? and thing is sure i need to heal i guess but i can do that while i knew what page we were on and say i was taking her out on a date here and there thats how i thought would be the way to get her back but then yeah

[ConfusingEx]

micky, Njoy is right, if she does have feelings she can't hide them, they'll come out eventually.

 

our ex's say they care about us still, who knows if this is a game to them, to string us along long enough till they find out whether their new relationship will last, so they have a security blanket if it does, i know i feel like this with my ex.

 

telling her you are going NC is best, gives you time to heal, your head will go crazy but it gets a little easier day by day, if u have contact, it tends to mess you up, i know thats whats happening to me, I'm in NC with my ex, and she doesnt know about it.

 

i know i should of probably told her, but i wanted her to feel like i have, wanting to talk to someone, but they just ignore you with no reason or explanation, I'm finding the more i don't talk to her the more she tries to contact me, i hope ur ex would do this too if she truly cared.

 

tell her and then come here if u ever feel like u want to contact her, it helps.

[Blondie176]

Thanks CE as usual your words are a comfort xxx

 

I was told by a random guy that i was a very attractive lady when i was out the other weekend, i smiled back and said thanks but in my mind i was thinking, oh really? Then why did he **** off with someone else? His compliment didnt make me feel good, it made me feel worse. Also had another guy sniffing around but i am just not interested, no other man on this planet ( not including Bear Grylls though phoarrrr lol ) could possibly turn my head. The only man i want, doesnt want me.

Its all so sad xxx

[ConfusingEx]

thanx

 

I'm sure its true, but your ex dumping you i can't say for sure, but its probably got nothing to do with looks, if it did then he is definitely a guy u should stay away from, beauty is only skin deep.

 

IMO a compliment should be taken as a good thing whether you felt good or not about it, i always compliment my ex, and did everyday for 8 years, every time it was a slap in my face like my opinion meant nothing,

having a guy interested in you is a good thing, it doesnt mean that you have to be involved with them, could just be a friendship, I'm finding it better to get out and make friends then to get out and try find someone new, its not going to happen i love my ex and I'm not looking for someone else. friends are just there to keep our mind off things.

 

if he doesnt want you, thats his problem, i know I'm repeating myself, but he possible is just not that nice of a guy(if its just for looks), and that you might be better of, in time it will get easier.

 

my advice make some friends, male friends if u really just want company from the opposite sex, make it clear you just want a friendship, and if it got serious just back off a little, we all need to get out and keep our heads busy, best way is friends

 

i ramble a lot its later and sleep deprived, also my ex is messaging me about going to visit her.. so hard to not reply

[Blondie176]

He isnt shallow, this new woman is rather large and very plain looking.

 

 

Meee****ing owe LOL but its true.

 

 

Actually her being large and not anything special makes it worse IMO. It means they have connected on a much deeper level.

[ConfusingEx]

oh i see, then you shouldn't think its about you not looking great etc. its obvious he has other issues

[Blondie176]

Nah i think maybe you misunderstood my post, i dont think it has anything to do with how i look lol

 

I was trying to say that even when other men show an interested it doesnt make me feel good. Blehhh xxx

[xmen777]

thanks njoy. but yeah we need to talk but with her whatever i do after the breakup she has taken the wrong way and not understood and with NC im worried she will believe im over it or over her and that i will lose my chance at getting back with her. i mean i know life goes on and i know there is more out there for me and im doing things for my future before NC its just i have seen what i can have in life, and i want it with her. and I believe if we just talk things can be sorted out, if she will listen and talk more talk herself. and give me a chance. without the input of her new friends.

I'm afraid of the same thing myself. And I believe the same thing, that things can be sorted out.. I don't know, perhaps I'm delusional.

[ConfusingEx]

sorry lack of sleep definitely not thinking clearly.

 

it will feel odd when other people show interest because you are still into your ex, i know i feel the same way, i look at other women and i feel sick in the stomach, like I'm doing something wrong, hanging out with a new female friend i feel weird and nervous, and i think I'm unwillingly push them away.

 

if any of that makes sense, maybe i should sleep.

[xmen777]

Thanks CE as usual your words are a comfort xxx

 

I was told by a random guy that i was a very attractive lady when i was out the other weekend, i smiled back and said thanks but in my mind i was thinking, oh really? Then why did he **** off with someone else? His compliment didnt make me feel good, it made me feel worse. Also had another guy sniffing around but i am just not interested, no other man on this planet ( not including Bear Grylls though phoarrrr lol ) could possibly turn my head. The only man i want, doesnt want me.

Its all so sad xxx

I had two ladies being interested in me.. I like them, but I'd prefer my ex!

[xmen777]

I feel a bit of the same. I hoped she would message me something after the initial "hope you're ok" message, but nothing.. I really can't imagine a new relationship still. She's out there enjoying herself, ok not with another guy.

[xmen777]

Well I hope my ex gets some feelings. She never told me she loved me. I did when she broke up.

I didn't tell her I'm doing NC, I just did it after I answered to her 'how are you' message.

[NjoyStick]

We still like our exes very much, we know we do, but is it for the best?

Ofcourse at this point we all think it's still our best match but think about it clearly and wait a while and think about it again.

 

I'll tell you all another story!

 

My brother had a girlfriend, they were really getting along great, same interests and more like that.

After 3,5 years she went on a ski-trip with her family, she met a guy there and dumped my brother through a text.

My brother was broken down, really screwed up... Poor guy when i think about again...

For a year he was depressed, saying stuff like: she's the only one, the best there is, i'll never love again and more of that stuff.

After that year since he got sumped he met and old friend he used to have a little crush on and they are together now for almost 4 years, live together for more then 2 years and we all know they are going to start a family soon =D

 

My brother's girl got dumped for someone else 2 and 2 years after she got dumped she got late night phone calls of her ex crying and begging to take him back, this still happens to date but she stopped awnsering.

 

My sister got dumped by her ex for someone else and was also messed up for along time and it also took her a year to get over it completely, she met the most amazing guy at work, he's perfect for her, they are together now for more then a year and also living together now!

 

My sister's boyfriend got dumped for someone else after 3,5 years and he was also a complete mess for over a year, still hoping for her to come back and then he met my sister, they are sooooo happy!

 

And 4 months ago i joined the dumped for someone else club and it still hurts but i know and see around me that you will get over this and find someone new and better then your ex.

 

And what's also funny is that 2 years after my sister got dumped her ex contacted my sister and my mom telling them how stupid he was for dumping my sister but ofcourse he was too late, my sister moved on.

 

So you see that being dumped is not the end and the ex somehow always regrets dumping you but it takes years for them to find out, but that's ok cause we will be over it by then and happy with or without someone!

[xmen777]

So you see that being dumped is not the end and the ex somehow always regrets dumping you but it takes years for them to find out, but that's ok cause we will be over it by then and happy with or without someone!

yeah thanks.. that's true

[NjoyStick]

Always xmen, always

 

The only exes who don't regret it or contact you are the ones that were really toxic and just had to get the hell out of your life before you killed yourself haha.

 

If you had a good loving relationship then your ex will think about you in a while and wonder how you are doing, if you are seeing someone, wanting to hangout to see if there is still click between you 2, believe me that will happen, but it won't happen now, in a few weeks or in a few months, they are in a great position cause they took control and by being sad and depressed they still got conrol over you so get out there, get a new hobby, meet new friends and enjoy life like it is supposed to be, you were born alone, not with a partner, you don't need anyone to be happy, there are alot of people that i know who are 70+ years old and have never been married and are still alone, i talked to them and they are happy, believe me they are.

 

Love comes from within and not from someone else and don't forget that family and friends around do really love you for who you are and not for who you supposed to be, and nothing is more important then them.

 

I made the mistake after the break up to lock myself in my room and be sad all day, that didn't help at all...

 

My friends dragged my @ss out of my house and went places with me, we had fun and i met new people who are my friends now, new guys and gals to hang out with and they are awesome, i would have never met them if i was still with my ex...

 

We will always have a soft spot in our hearts for our exes... Well some of them and that won't ever change.

A few days ago i talked to my neighbour and she told me she had a huge crush on a guy when she was 18, he never noticed her until she got a boyfriend and that boyfriend has been her husband for 30 years, but whenever she sees the guy she had a crush on she still get's a little tingeling inside but she knows it was never ment to be, that was just a crush and still felt a little after 30 years so yea our exes will always be there inside our hearts.

 

Just take it slow, heal the way you need to heal, don't check on the ex, never ever check on your ex cause it's painful, just heal and one of these days you think alot clearer and then you can say: i don't need you!

And when you are finally over all of this you are the best and strongest you can ever be and you never know if your ex contacts you again, if not then it was never meant to be!

[skheehee]

I feel you, Blondie. It's just amazing how conveniently easy it is for them to forget everything we have done and gone through together, with someone they barely know.

 

That makes 2 more pissed people in the world now.

[skheehee]

Day 14

 

I never thought that I'd make it this far. I haven't logged onto Facebook, because I don't see a point in doing so. I waste a lot of time over there anyway.

 

I'm at work now, and occasionally, my mind would drift to the good times I had with her. When that happens, I force myself to think of all the negatives that she brought into the relationship, and how she SCREWED ME OVER. That just gives me drive to continue walking. I look back, sometimes, but I think in time, I will look back less and eventually, shake the dust off my shoulders and run into the horizon.

 

A friend whose dad committed suicide once told me that time does not really heal the wounds. It's through accepting that whatever happened, has happened. I think most of us are still in denial that maybe, our exes have really "moved on" from us. Acceptance will take time, thus, the popular quote "Time heals". Through acceptance, will we eventually move on, and find peace in our hearts.

[gotanewbeat]

Day 17 or Day 3

 

Bad night as far as sleeping goes, I have woken up multiple times, feeling restless. I have this weird feeling like this is all that is going to be between us two. Nothing more and that I am the one who's making this seems like it's bigger than it really was. I don't know, perhaps I should just let it be. But somehow I feel that there is more too it or at least that I can't do anything about it but to let time pass and see what happens.

 

All right. Lets get on with the day.

 

@gotanewbeat, its hard to be around the exes, since there are still emotions involved and when you think you are selling yourself short. Like you said LC/NC is the best way at the moment.

 

it's shocking how difficult it is... i don't want to seem like a jerk and just ignore him all together because he's actually a really fragile and vulnerable person (despite the side he likes to "show off" to everyone else). i'm just trying to let him know that i'm around basically, not completely available... but if he genuinely needed/wanted to talk to me about something... i'm there.

[sunnywinter]

Almost end of Day 2. Now is the worst time. I wanted to talk to him so badly.. I remember I almost called him same time yesterday. I feel I may give in tomorrow, as when I initiated the NC time, I said let's catch up on Wed/Thu or even weekend. I can hold anymore... I miss him too much, especially when I thought we did not really break up yet. I want to talk to him to try to work out a plan for our relationship (He wants to slow down..) Please anyone can help? I know calling him may be toxic.. I feel so helpless...