THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[SudoMB]

Day 1 NC.

 

After our discussion last night, it became apparent to me that you were no where near ready for talking or friendship, let alone reconciliation. You say I'm not good for you at this moment because you have not fully healed...unfortunately I feel you will never heal because you are choosing not to, like other issues in the past, you shove them aside with new projects, new goals. I just hope you'll realize that you do need closure, and not just escapes like your mother encourages you to do.. I'll be there if that day comes.

[RitaTrue]

Sometimes the people we meet are a subconscious reflection of ourselves at a certain period in our life.

 

Some of these posts really catch my attention. They are the ones who seems to be hurting the most. I can relate to that as I know how I felt when first implementing NC. It was one of the hardest things I've done. I've been in relationships in the past but somehow this one was more passionate and poignant although it only lasted 5 months. Using NC to recover and heal was I guess like a drug addict going cold turkey to kick the drug habit.

 

I'm glad you are starting to feel better after thirty days. People will tell you that time heals but you have to experience it firsthand to really understand the depth of those words.

 

Another thing...I've always wondered about the pineapple under the sea??

 

I can see that; makes sense.

 

"Pineapple under the Sea," that's the fine abode of Spongebob Squarepants

[RitaTrue]

Day 31

 

I checked to see if a friend was online. And lo and behold, instead, there were two waiting instant messages from my ex.

 

"Hi Rita. How are you doing?"

"Some of your teachers are asking about you."

 

Its funny. A part of me was in deep laughter. And another side, the friend side of me, wanted to say hi. But no.

 

More than anything I find it funny that he'd actually reach out. I heard on one of these threads that somewhere between the 4th and 6th week, exes tend to "check" on you. I thought it was bull. And that, clearly, he didnt think about me. Until this. I find it funny. Almost sickeningly hysterical. But maybe Im just sick in the head.

 

Onward and upward.

[jeepman41]

Day 31

 

I checked to see if a friend was online. And lo and behold, instead, there were two waiting instant messages from my ex.

 

"Hi Rita. How are you doing?"

"Some of your teachers are asking about you."

 

Its funny. A part of me was in deep laughter. And another side, the friend side of me, wanted to say hi. But no.

 

More than anything I find it funny that he'd actually reach out. I heard on one of these threads that somewhere between the 4th and 6th week, exes tend to "check" on you. I thought it was bull. And that, clearly, he didnt think about me. Until this. I find it funny. Almost sickeningly hysterical. But maybe Im just sick in the head.

 

Onward and upward.

 

 

A lot of times the people we have been emotionally involved with just want to check to see if they still hold an emotional sway over you. They are merely checking for some type of positive response. In the beginning of NC you ride a roller coaster of emotions. You seemed to get pulled in both directions and sometimes self doubt creeps in. You begin to think, "Am I doing the right thing?" "Will they end up hating me?"

 

I would say don't read too much into this contact. It doesn't appear that he's trying to reach out to you. It has the appearance of bread crumbs.

[sweetie5]

Day 1

 

Wow I feel like breaking down just imagining my ex of 3 years laying in bed with some random girl. The fact that I saw it before my very eyes is what hurts the most

[RitaTrue]

A lot of times the people we have been emotionally involved with just want to check to see if they still hold an emotional sway over you. They are merely checking for some type of positive response.

 

I would say don't read too much into this contact. It doesn't appear that he's trying to reach out to you. It has the appearance of bread crumbs.

 

I think so too. Which was another reason it was funny to me. Honestly, I'm surprised he still has me as a contact. I thought he would've deleted me already. Sometimes I do wonder how he's doing with his life, and with NC. And sometimes the memories of us being together comfort me. But then, after seeing those times, I remember why we broke up: the control, the incompatibility, the always trying to fix me--and it makes me feel better to know I made the better decision.

 

Thanks for your response. I was wondering about it.

[RitaTrue]

Day 1

 

Wow I feel like breaking down just imagining my ex of 3 years laying in bed with some random girl. The fact that I saw it before my very eyes is what hurts the most

 

Damn. Sweetie, I'm sorry this happened to you.

[northpickle]

DAY 10

 

The high winds are making me worry about you driving, you seemed to lose your concentration driving, your mind must wander. In the last few weeks of us being together you had a couple of minor scrapes whilst parking and also once drove the wrong way into incoming traffic when I was in the car. I was a jibbering wreck.

 

I hope you're OK

[gamergirl]

Day 9

 

I have this feeling you're avoiding me. You came back yesterday. Hoped you would call me to tell me all about the trip. You didn't. You haven't called today either. I know I shouldn't wait around for you, but I miss you so much and it hurts. Sometimes I just want to call you to ask if there's any chance at all that we'll get back together. Just to stop hoping...

Things go pretty okay otherwise. It's just when I'm at home that I feel alone, sick, crazy... guess I'll move to the forest if this doesn't stop...

[dont_know_what_2_say]

Today makes a week! I'm pretty happy about that. I'm sure he's already moved on. We were only together for two months. He has a new job and money and whatnot so he's probably partying it up.

 

I guess I'll truly move on when i stop thinking or caring about what he's doing. I was hoping he'd come around but I guess he's not ready for anything.

 

I've come to realize I might not be ready for anything truly serious either. I was always saying how I wanted something long-term and having a family one day. I do want something long-term but I'm not planning on having a family in a long time. Maybe early 30s. MAYBE. I need to be more independent before I can even consider having children. Which make take years, who knows!

 

I'm just rambling on.. A whole week! so proud of myself

[xStitches]

Day 2

Last night, I was willing to admit that we'd never have another chance. Then I had a dream about you, and I'm back to hoping that you'll come back after you've had time to miss me.

[sweetie5]

Damn. Sweetie, I'm sorry this happened to you.

 

Yeah ain't that some sh*t. Thanks for the hug I feel like what I'm going through is the stuff that happens in the movie.... but this thing made me realize what I realize deserve from someone because I was being blinded by love.

[The Man Who]

Day 4

Woke up early today and hit the gym something chronic! Managed to burn 700 calories in 45 minutes on the treadmill and I felt completely awesome after it.

 

Ended up heading out with a mate to the local pub for games of pool and then went home and had dinner.

 

Currently reading a book at this moment in time, something I haven't done for ages. Have also enquired about starting football(soccer) training with a local team as well.

[Lostlove26]

Day 1

 

Wow I feel like breaking down just imagining my ex of 3 years laying in bed with some random girl. The fact that I saw it before my very eyes is what hurts the most

 

I feel your pain We gotta keep our head up these heartless ppl don't deserve our tears My ex is with a girl too and it's his step moms niece

[Lostlove26]

Another hard day thinking about working out and channeling myself to working out... I love going out on the weekend but the pain only goes away for a little bit i wish the way I feel will just go away. I think being alone is what kills me.

[DesMoines]

I managed to lose count of how many days it is exactly…I've had the distraction of another man courting me recently.

I think I'm in the 3 week range…

Suppose it's good that, even for a little bit, I've forgotten, and not obsessed over it…but it's been a really rough couple days for me.

The introduction of a new 'love interest' has knocked me back a few pegs. I cry every time I think of my ex now…and, just this evening I realized that I forgot what his voice sounded like…and his laugh. That sent me for a loop.

 

No contact…sucks. It still sucks so bad, and it sucks every single day you're doing it. It's the worst to just miss someone being in your life.

[RitaTrue]

Yeah ain't that some sh*t. Thanks for the hug I feel like what I'm going through is the stuff that happens in the movie.... but this thing made me realize what I realize deserve from someone because I was being blinded by love.

 

Ha, I know what that's like. With my ex, I was blinded too. Although we werent compatible in values, we were compatable in other ways, and that helped blind me from what was more important. All the things that were more important came crashing on me like a train wreck after NC.

 

You do deserve better. Stay strong.

[northpickle]

DAY 11 (I'm actually amazed I've got this far!)

 

Feeling much more upbeat today. About myself I mean, my mind is still fixated on what has happened. I was kind of expecting you to get in touch over the last couple of days as I knew that would be when your guilt is at its peak. But no, not heard a thing. The limbo is hard, it's not as though you're far away, we still have some loose ends to tie up (swapping possessions) and I don't feel like I put my side of the story accross well when we last met. But now is not the time for that.

 

This NC is helping. Although I miss hearing from you, it's what we both need. I hope you're alright

[dont_know_what_2_say]

Not bad at all. The dude has definitely moved on.

 

I guess I shouldn't even think about what he's doing.

 

I'm not gonna lie I miss having someone and all the good stuff that comes with it, but turns out I'm a very patient person. It'll happen when it happens.

[SudoMB]

Day 1 (rebooted),

 

I hate how things have ended again for us... that I should have gone NC a week earlier to avoid the hurt we've caused each other since. I fear it'll take twice as long now for us to get to a better place to truly sort out what happened. But then a very real part of me is starting to realize from new information gained that you don't believe in the whole healing process. Horrible communication all around throughout the past 2.5 years we were always so sensitive of hurting each other we never voiced what needed to when it was safe to.

 

I miss you and still pray for the day we can talk without the anger or resentment.

[Take me back]

Things were going well for me. But today I'm going mad. My head is running away from me. I's just a bad day for me.

[Guest]

Things were also going well for me but today I'm feeling blue. Inadvertently saw that my ex listened to some moody music some of which is "our" music and some of which had titles like "I don't think I'll ever get over you". It's making me waver thinking that he might be wavering on his decision. Still, will not contact him. Will give him space even though it hurts so much. Really want to hug and cuddle and bury my face in his neck and feel like everything will be alright.

[dont_know_what_2_say]

Things were going well for me. But today I'm going mad. My head is running away from me. I's just a bad day for me.

 

Trust me it's just today, tomorrow you will feel much better! There will be good days and bad days, you just have to keep strong. You have it in you to be strong!

 

Just remember about bad days you've had, they seem so far away. At the moment you felt terrible and like the day would never end, but then you realize that time passes by and that bad day seems so far away. Same with today.

 

Be patient, care for yourself. Do anything in your power to make yourself feel better. If you like reading , read your favorite book or go get a new one. If you like watching movies, try to go through a list of top ten films and watch as many as you can. Do something for you. Whatever it is. If it is exercising get out there and do it. Care for yourself, this is all you can do.

 

No contact is all about taking care of the most important person at the moment, and that is yourself.

 

This too shall pass!

 

Things were also going well for me but today I'm feeling blue. Inadvertently saw that my ex listened to some moody music some of which is "our" music and some of which had titles like "I don't think I'll ever get over you". It's making me waver thinking that he might be wavering on his decision. Still, will not contact him. Will give him space even though it hurts so much. Really want to hug and cuddle and bury my face in his neck and feel like everything will be alright.

 

THat's the worst, when you see the other person is showing signs of missing you. But it's also the best, because you know that you meant something to him, and that he is feeling your absence. As much as you want to be with him right now, the best thing that you can do is keep your distance.

 

Why would he miss someone he knows he can have whenever he wants?

 

The fact that you haven't contacted him shows him that you are strong, and that you are independent. That he was a part of your life, yes, but you also respect his decision which shows a strong character.

 

You have read time and time again of those that go after their ex, begging for them back, IT NEVER WORKS.

 

It makes them realize that they can do whatever they want and that person will always be there, waiting to be given the tiniest hint of affection.

 

But not you. Because you know you deserve better. Because you know in your heart that there is someone that will want to be with you and will welcome you into his arms and smile at you whenever you go to hug him.

 

This is all a healing process. Whether this guy will realize in the end what he lost, it's all to be announced. At the moment you need to do what's best for you, and that is trying to move on.

 

This is a time when it is ok to be selfish and spoil yourself. Do everything you want to do because you're free to do so. You have no restraints now. You need to embrace this time of your life as a way to improve.

 

Instead of thinking about him and what he's doing, use your energy to think about you, and what you will do next.

 

Feeling blue is part of the process, but it feels so empowering knowing you can control your urges.

 

"He who controls others may be powerful, but he who has mastered himself is mightier still." -Lao Tzu

[RitaTrue]

Day 33

 

Before, I was surprised that you contacted me. Then humored. Then angry.

 

But then it dawned on me, maybe you're not over it yet. Like you said in your message, people keep reminding you of me, talking to you about me. I know how sucky that feels.

 

Glad I'm not in it.

 

It's strange. Part of me is glad you said something, letting me know I was on your mind. And the other part is sadistically pleased because that part of mind feels like you're still in pain. And if you're still in pain, then you wont forget me. Its sad. And I cant believe I admit that. One part of me, wishes you the best of luck, as a friend. And the other part wants you to suffer a little longer.

[Airbag]

Day 46

Still not contacted her. My mind has shifted though, I don't even want to contact her.