THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[wannabebtr]

Guys, I say this in that I admit.. while I may seem strong I am not. I did not contact her... but I broke down in front of family and myself openly.. and it all came out; how she had moved on to this relationship quickly and much more easily than I ever could (which says something to what I actually meant to her), how I may never find what I am looking for and this is just another disappointment, and how I may never ever find my match or have a child of my own.

 

I'm on the brink of 30 days (tomorrow), yet I feel as down as ever as reality of being early/mid 30's and having to start things over again is blunt to say the least.

 

Sorry, I didn't mean to have a pity party here... just feeling pretty low now.

 

its better to get rid of someone like her, if she really loved you she wouldnt have done that and you deserve better, someone who gives you back what you give to them. im sure theres plenty of people on the same boat as you just try to go to new places and meet new people. even maybe try link removed? thats so common now-a-days. seriously. my mom got married in her 30s then divorced a few years later and was a single mother and found my step dad online and theyve been married over 10 years. believe me she was ready to give up on men all together

[brandnewday47]

Thanks wannabebtr,

 

Eventually I'll work towards these things, and when I'm ready I'm sure my outlook will be better. For now though I don't think it would be fair to me or the potential new person as I'm not ready at this point. I have a tendency these days to dwell on the negative, and that for me has got to be the number one thing to change. Once I am there, my outlook will be much improved.

 

Crazy I havent' had a breakdown like that in a while.. guess that was a signal that I've still got work to do (even though I have been progressing over these months).

[Rotxsen]

Well damn almost 8 months

 

Heh, wanted to check on things as it seems the people I used to talk to back in the day are no longer in this thread they all have moved on just like me but I know we all have that thought of that loved once at least once a day you guys keep it up you guys have taken a big step many wouldn't even dare.

[Igelchen]

Day who knows. She tried to call me on skype on Thursday - I was away from the computer.

[15/07/2010 12:12:59] lisa: oh damn, i hadn't thought that you're really online

[15/07/2010 12:13:11] lisa: i just wanted to know what you've been doing so far and how you are

 

 

Her English has got worse. I wasn't sure how much the call bothered me. Anyway, I'm thinking about her just as much as before, but haven't really attempted to contact her (the only way I could is by post - she blocked my emails and phone number a long while ago) since then.

 

Anyway, after two months or so of radio silence, I found I wasn't sure if talking to her face to face would set me straight off again. Last time I caught a glance of her facebook picture by accident, it sent me on a downward spiral again. As it was, I cried, the first time for about a month, then called a friend and went to play PS2 all day.

 

No matter how much I still hope and wish and pray she would ask me for a second chance, I don't think I can bear to talk to her when that's not on the books. I'm sure she must have another guy by now, probably already slept with him... it's unknown for her to be single for more than a couple of months and she disposed of me in April. If she does, I don't want to know, it'd destroy me. I just want her back.

 

Dammit, I miss her so much. I have a date this week. It'll be crap. I'm not ready for another relationship, so it won't go anywhere. I just want Lisa back... for good...

[Kia-Kaha]

Day 21...

Sick of this radio silence, and hate not having her in my life. She was my lover and my best friend. It hurts so bad to lose both in one foul swoop.

Nothing about our last "goodbye" felt final, I don't know why but neither of us actually even said it. We just hugged and walked away and agreed that time would be helpful for both of us right now.

I wish I knew where she was emotionally right now. I still can't go through a day without crying and the longer we are apart the more I am sure that she was the one for me.

I hate this NC. I wish I had never done it, because I am sure she is not calling because I told her not to unless she wanted to talk about our issues...

[Kia-Kaha]

I wish I could get over her, but I think on Day 22220000 I will still feel that she was the one for me. It is a horrible thought and one I try not to have because I am trying to move on, but I have never felt this way for anyone else before and I am now in my mid-30's.

 

I just wish she would call... I do know we need this time apart and that maybe the time apart will fix the problems, or maybe it will reaffirm her decision to leave, but only the future knows. I know I am not ready to say goodbye for real yet.

[musicmancanada]

I just realized, that being front and center, in this relationship-hopeful-friendship "nothing serious" dating dilemma I have been struggling with for a year, is not.. my.. fault.

 

I realized today, what the meaning of emotional unavailability is. Where you put your entire heart and soul into being available at any and every opportunity, and honest about emotion, and open to listening and being responsive from the heart unconditionally and immediately..

 

And realized all I am really doing, is rebuilding her emotionally damaged world. When she is whole again, she is already asserting her right to date other people, and "keep her options open"

 

The problem with the idea is I have given the best of me, and have received nothing. She is traumatized from her divorce settlement, still in fighting mode, and has lost all emotional connection that constructed our friendship to begin with. She has withdrawn from me as well.. although continues to cling to the emotional stability that I provide in her life.

 

I realize I have put so much of myself into someone else, that I started getting addicted to the process and resenting not getting any feed back at all about it so, it's time to show them who I am.

 

by taking myself out of that picture.

 

No contact challenge it is. I am back for my second attempt.. and this time I am in a much bigger position to understand and realize, that she will never respect or even recognize how much my emotional support really means to her, until I am not around to prop her up.

 

After all, even if we continue to carry on as friends at this point, I am just propping her up, and allowing myself to be taken completely for granted.. not intentionally, but she must find it in her heart to find the value in me as an individual.

 

Someone she must respect, or lose. Day 1.

[bitebenot]

Month number 9 ! Do i feel better ? For sure ! I still think about her at times...

but i wont allow myself to spend more time on it. I accepted the fact that she left and will never be back...and its ok by me now. All is turning out for the best.

New girl friend...well a few actually to chose from and all are better than the ex. I didnt try to reach her at anytime, im way to proud for that.

 

I know that the best way to go about this is to do everything to forget.

Nothing around to remember the ex...no face book or msn nor pictures.

Who wants an ex while she/he had time with another one ? The sex they had....no left overs for me, no thank you very much !

 

For me now shes just another women i loved a hell of a lot. Ignoring them is the way to go to obtain total freedom and move on once and for all.

Who here can say they will never find someone better ?

 

Time to accept defeat and see life under a new light. Mine is much brighter

after a nightmare of a couple of months...how silly i was lol.

 

When you meet someone new...take the time to look into their eyes !

Dont compare her/him to the ex and just get involved totally.

 

Beside, who was willing to spend the rest of his/her life with the same person ? Time for you guys to stop shedding tears and enjoy life because its very short. Hate the ex if you must but dont stand still waiting for her/him to come back. The trust is gone...so desappear from the ex.

 

By experience i must admit that its imperative to move on as soon as possible. I still go to a gym daily and its great, it did help me a lot.

Even if my ex gf would reach me at this time i would tell her to get lost, i mean it. Shes out and for ever.

 

Got my life back and im no longer a doormat or being on the back burner waiting for something i no longer wish for.

 

I hope this information will help a few in here that are still in pain.

Moven on...ignore the ex...explore new horizons and enjoy it.

Good luck to everyone.

[Eddie37]

bitebenot, good post. Thanks for sharing. Day 24 for me. Letting her go a little more each day...but it's hard. It's not enough to let go with your mind...it's letting go with the heart that takes time. I'm accepting the reality that she's out of my life and I've got to move on without her.

[Rotxsen]

Bite you are alive haha, it seems like you are doing good progress well done my friend just like me haha the exact same symptoms.

[Animelover6764]

hey guys

 

lol you ninjas

[kennyc90]

This is where it begins! Day 1 here we come!! Sigh.. this is gonna be a loonnnnnggg journey lol.

[ceallach]

Just found this thread last night after my first day of NC. So it's day 2 for me today. He broke up with me a week ago after 6 years, saying he didn't love me the way i love him, and wants to be single. We're both 29. He really was my best friend in the whole world. I've sent a few emails, not begging or pleading, just saying i understand why he feels the way he does and if i give him space for a few weeks perhaps things might become clearer, and that six years is such a long time to just throw everything away without trying. I know i shouldn't have done that now. He replied saying he misses me like mad but this is for the best. I've had the worst week of my life

[TSandullo]

HA HA!!!

Rotxen and bitebenot returns!

 

Now all we need back is Loxxt, nskrewtable and getbiii, then we got the old team of heartbreakers back!

 

Hope y'all are good and good to see the two of you posting.

 

Happy healing!

 

TS

[TSandullo]

Oh, and I still need to buy a red shirt....

[We515]

Just found this thread last night after my first day of NC. So it's day 2 for me today. He broke up with me a week ago after 6 years, saying he didn't love me the way i love him, and wants to be single. We're both 29. He really was my best friend in the whole world. I've sent a few emails, not begging or pleading, just saying i understand why he feels the way he does and if i give him space for a few weeks perhaps things might become clearer, and that six years is such a long time to just throw everything away without trying. I know i shouldn't have done that now. He replied saying he misses me like mad but this is for the best. I've had the worst week of my life

I will say that based on all of my reading ( I have read numerous books on getting an ex back) that NC is the best thing to do right now. Especially in the early stages of a breakup. I wish someone had told me this when my breakup was brand new. It's been about 4 months now and I made every mistake in the book. Crying, begging to understand, etc. Actually my friends did say to go NC so he could miss me and I didn't. I was too scared. And when he wanted to talk, I made myself available because I thought it would help us get back together. Actually, I just helped him process and heal. I didn't understand that he was in pain too since he left me! I recommend that you do some reading on how to go about winning him back. I suggest two really good books: How To Get Your Lover Back by Dr. Blaise Harris and Make Up, Don't Break Up by Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil (I believe that this one would have saved my relationship, if I had found it sooner) And I'm going to also recommend The Secret by Rhonda Byrne.

 

Good Luck to you. Peace and Love,

Ayana

[We515]

Ok here goes. I have posted here earlier about starting NC. The love of my life broke up with me 4 months ago. We were together for 7 years and got married last year. Just before he broke up with me he got a job in another country. We were both planning to move there. A lot of things happened that led to our break up, including some health related and him having a crush on another woman. He is now overseas and having a long distance affair with this woman and seems to think she is the one for him. He has said that he loved me with all of his heart and at first we talked almost everyday and I was there for him whenever he needed me after he left. I realize now that I made big mistakes in doing that and in crying and asking to reconcile, etc. He has now become distant and harsh towards me. And very short. The other day he messaged that he did love me but he didn't know how, but it had changed. I realize that I must go NC, in order to heal and if there is to ever be any chance of a reconciliation. We do have some joint financial ties and I still have all of his belongings, since he was only able to take a couple of suitcases when he moved. His overseas contract is for 2 years, but he will be back for the holidays. He also found out that he will need major surgery and has asked me to come and be with him during his recovery. I am torn about this. I want to go, we were together during my cancer surgery and recovery 2 years ago. But I realize that this may not be the best thing for me to do. He doesn't have a date for the surgery yet, but believes that it may be scheduled for sometime next month.

 

I need all of the advice, support, etc. that I can get at this time.

 

Ayana

[heartbroken14]

Hey guys... new to this. I am 18 days into the break up and 17 days NC... He broke up with me out of the blue, and as far as i know there is no other girl yet. He even left the dog behind. I sent one text the day after and he did not respond. It just said i missed him and thought of him often. I havent even bumped in to him which will be hard this summer so the fact we havent yet isnt too bad. I have not begged, just walked away after he said it was over. Just wondering if anyone has had any luck going NC so early after th break up. I see alot of you stay in contact awhile after the break up but if i slipped into NC immediately i wonder if it would help? He has not reached out at all and he is super busy with work and his side interests. He is 33 and i am 31 and we were together for almost 2 years. our anniversary is in September for being 2 years. wonder if i should say anything to him then if i have stayed NC to that point? Something that just said. "you are on my mind today"

 

any help would be greatly appreciated as it is getting harder and harder as the days go instead of better...

[heartbroken14]

i am really hoping since i have not begging to reconcile and told him i dont understand etc, and just basically walked away when he said it was over instead of pleading and all that maybe he will come around, and maybe not. He was just telling me the day before the break that he loved me and sent me texts throughout the day as normal saying thinking of you today.. hope your day is going well. so its hard to know what he is thinking. I am trying not to focus on him but oh my lord it is so very hard

[Eddie37]

Day 25 of nc. Still tough but getting better. I find it easier to not think about her. The sharp pain has dulled a bit, the sting is a little less severe. My heart still aches constantly but the pain doesn't dominate my life. I'm becoming myself again rather than the badly wounded passenger crawling from the ugly wreckage of a failed relationship. One more day people....keep going...one more day.

[kennyc90]

Day 2

 

I tried to keep myself very busy today. Although I did admit that I went to look at her youtube profile today. I haven't checked her facebook, even though she deleted me from her friends list, I would still go to her facebook just to see her picture. So far I haven't done that today and I don't plan on it. I can't stay in my room alone anymore because I'll be tempted to do those things so I'm at my buddies apartment right now. I still constantly think about her even how busy I was today.

[Eddie37]

Kenny, the more you can avoid reminiscing, looking at pictures of her, or checking out her various profiles...the better. I know it's hard but in a way, you're knocking yourself backwards a little bit every time you look. Forge ahead. You can do it.

[SHINK]

Day 5 of no contact with my thundergoddess...

 

I've been doing a lot of reading on these forums, elsewhere online, and on some 'how to get your ex back' books. She lost her attraction to me, and never bothered to talk to me about it until she felt it was over. It's tough, but the breakup was a couple weeks ago with a pretty small amount of contact overall. She wanted to be friends. I can't say that I know what the right move to make is, but I'm going to stick with no contact for at least the month those books say to do. A friend says stick with no contact until she breaks it to get a hold of me. I'm not sure.

 

I'm feeling the pangs of loss. This woman has been a big friend, has made me feel love on a level I've never before done, and I've had many great times with her. However, I'm at a point where I haven't been able to cry over her for over a week, which is progress in my book. I miss her, but the simply confusing manner in which this ended makes me feel like I didn't know enough about her to care as much as I did, and I wonder if I should try to be friends when I'm feeling completely okay, or what.

 

Yesterday I went to see Iron Maiden in Chicago with a friend and had a blast. Those tickets WERE for Cristina and I originally, but after an argument a week or so ago, there was no way I was keeping that option open to her. It felt great to have such an amazing day without her. You have to accumulate those reminders that life can be completely amazing with or without that ex.

[We515]

i am really hoping since i have not begging to reconcile and told him i dont understand etc, and just basically walked away when he said it was over instead of pleading and all that maybe he will come around, and maybe not. He was just telling me the day before the break that he loved me and sent me texts throughout the day as normal saying thinking of you today.. hope your day is going well. so its hard to know what he is thinking. I am trying not to focus on him but oh my lord it is so very hard

Hi Heartbroken14,

I wish that I had done what you are doing now at the start of my breakup. From everything that I have read, no contact from the start is the right way to go. I truly believe that if I had done that from the start that we would be back together now. If you read my previous posts, you will see that I let my emotions get the better of me and did every mistake in the book. By the time I started looking online for books and advice I had basically alienated him and actually pushed him towards someone else. So now I am starting with NC and praying that 7 years together will win out in the end. I suggested some good books to read in an earlier post, also I did google "how to get your ex back" and found some good advice. Of course there are people selling ebooks and most will only repeat the same things and then try to sell you more stuff. So be aware. But I did find some free advice and the book by Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil seems to be the best. We all know how hard this is...but I really think that you have a good chance of turning this around.

Peace and Love,

Ayana

[Animelover6764]

day 5

 

I saw my ex's statuses on Sunday on day 3 saying: "he's been missing for three days", and Ten minutes later "he doesn't want to talk to me now" and I felt a bit bad cause maybe that was for me i almost contacted her but didn't

 

so day 5

 

I miss her