ceallach

Day 7 I am definitely getting better everyday. I'm going swimming, which I love, and eating healthily. I've finally got my appetite back, and after losing loads of weight, I'm determined to keep it off. I don't have any urge to contact him at all. He told his sister he wanted to meet up with me to say goodbye! But she told him i don't want to see him. And i really don't. I miss him so much and would love to have him back, but the damage has been done and it will never be the same. I'm slowly learning to cope being by myself. Mornings used to be tough but they're ok now. It's the evenings when the feeling of loneliness sets in. But i'm getting used to it, slowly but surely.

Day 4 Wake up each day feeling a little stronger, determined to not let it ruin my day. My appetite is slowly coming back and i am feeling more motivated. Feels like the evenings are getting harder though. Gets to about 7pm and i start feeling so lonely. I miss telling him about my day. I hate going to bed alone. I miss his warmth next to me. Still can't believe he's gone.

Day 2 Not a good day

Happy Birthday for yesterday And well done for maintaining a positive attitude, it's great to hear that you are getting stronger and staying focused. It's encouraging to hear. Day 1 for me again. Had a very up and down day. Found out that last night he completely broke down at work in tears and had to take half an hour to calm himself. It broke my heart all over again hearing that. Wish i could reach out to him but i can't. Wish i could convince him that it doesn't have to be this way, that we can fix this, but i can't. Just have to let him go and do what he has to do. Started the day off well, felt really positive and went swimming for the first time in years. Going to keep it up, felt so much better afterwards. But this evening the tears came, for the first time in a week. Have spent the last few hours wandering around the house aimlessly, crying my eyes out. I know it will pass.

Would have been day 7 but i had to email him back about our living situation. His reply has completely messed with my head. All i said was i couldn't afford to move out soon but would do eventually. He replied with the whole "sorry, don't love you but thank you the memories" bla bla...don't know why he had to say that, don't know why he has to dig the knife in even deeper. I feel like a pathetic mess. I haven't replied to his email. Will have to start NC again.

I know how you feel...it's taken every ounce of my willpower not to email him. It really is a battle between my head and my heart. My heart is screaming "Just do it! If you don't try you'll never know. You've got nothing more to lose" but my head is saying " Yes you have - your dignity. You have to let him go". I'm completely torn, even though i know for both our sakes just letting go is probably for the best. But it's the 'probably' that bothers me. The what ifs. I've always told myself that it's better to regret something you have done rather than something you haven't. I don't want to look back on this and regret not having tried my best to fix us. But i also don't want to look back and blame myself for pushing him away. Anyway, Day 5 for me. I don't know if i have broken NC, think i have, maybe someone could clarify - received an email from him and read it. It was quite polite, basically asking me if i had decided what i was going to do about our living situation. We live in his mum's house. She lives abroad and we pay rent to her. He has moved to his brother's house and originally said he'd give me two weeks to move out. I told him that i wasn't going to be rushed out of the house. I don't start my new job till september so can't afford to move out. Haven't replied to the email and not going to. Have i broke NC? Do i have to start again?

Day 4 Yep mornings are the worst. It really feels like the hardest thing to do to drag yourself out of bed and get ready to face the world, when you're consumed with so much pain. I am thankful i have work to go to though, it does help make my day easier. Dreading next week, got no work until September and have to start looking for somewhere else to live. Oh well, one day at a time. Really had to resist the urge to email him today. Miss him so so much.

Hi, Thank you so much for the advice, I will look up those books you mentioned. It helps to hear from people who are in similar situations. It's just awful isn't it. At the time I thought, hang on a minute, this has come completely out of the blue! The last few weeks he was so lovely to me. He has recently taken a new job where he's working very long hours so he was really making the extra effort and being very sweet. Then he dropped the bombshell that he didn't feel the same way anymore. And i just thought, this can't be right. Now i've had a lot of time to think, I can see that a lot of it was down to my actions, or lack of them. While he was making every effort to be nice, I was not putting any effort in at all. I can see that now. I guess I thought it was up to him as he was the one who had taken the job. The things he did for me made me feel like I WAS loved though. I suppose in the end he just gave up and thought what's the point, and i became unloveable. I know i did. What hurts a lot though is the fact that he didn't try and talk to me about it. He just decided to give up and go, after six years. To me it seems like so much of an investment to just let go of so easily. What we had, in my opinion, is worth fighting for. But not to him, and that really hurts. What i do worry about is that he might be seeing someone else. I found out that he is taking a girl from his company on a trackday next week. I emailed him asking him to tell me the truth, is he seeing someone else or has he left me for someone. He replied saying no, this girl is just a friend. I'd never heard of her before. Don't know what to think. Anyway, this whole situation has forced me to take a good look at myself and the person i've become and realise that i have to make some serious changes. Before we met I was truly happy, I'd been single for a few years and had a great life, lots of friends, very sociable, spontaneous and all the rest. Lately i've become a bore. There is no other word for me. So i've decided i have to get that girl back, the girl i once was, not for his sake but for mine. If it brings him back to me then great, but i have to do it for myself if i'm to be truly happy again. God i can't believe i'm saying this! This time last week I was a total wreck. I know this positivity probably won't last , but it feels good for now. Day 3 NC today, i think about him every minute, still can't eat properly, mornings especially are a nightmare to get through, and i wouldn't wish the pain of loneliness on anyone, but i'm getting by.

Just found this thread last night after my first day of NC. So it's day 2 for me today. He broke up with me a week ago after 6 years, saying he didn't love me the way i love him, and wants to be single. We're both 29. He really was my best friend in the whole world. I've sent a few emails, not begging or pleading, just saying i understand why he feels the way he does and if i give him space for a few weeks perhaps things might become clearer, and that six years is such a long time to just throw everything away without trying. I know i shouldn't have done that now. He replied saying he misses me like mad but this is for the best. I've had the worst week of my life