Questioning NC

[confusedchel12]

Bumping this, its an amazing thread ❤

[JustAGoodGuy]

There are various possible reasons just as there are various possible scenarios. Typically, though, the dumper has made a difficult decision that has been weighing on his mind for a long time. He may or may not have been aware of this consciously, but you can be sure that subconsciously something was in the works for a while. This is the detachment process that most dumpees don't recognize is happening in their partner because they are too emotionally involved. This detachment process is a powerful defense mechanism, and when the break-up finally happens, the dumpee is often shocked and suddenly behaves in desperation.

 

Yup.

 

The fog (can we call it the "Siberian fog" as a tribute to Siberia's insight?) is more likely to lift from his thinking if the pursuer let's him go out of her life without any anger, blame, or guilt. She does this by telling him that she accepts his decision, and then she virtually disappears from his life. He then has a chance to go into his "emptiness" without the ex around to constantly validate his decision to break up by challenging his defense mechanisms.

 

So what do you do when the "dumper" never took the chance to feel that "emptiness"? Instead they jumped into a new relationship right away to fill that void. I know the answer is to remain in "no-contact" but that's the situation I'm in and it's been difficult coping knowing that they never took the time to feel the full consequences of their decision. It's such a hopeless feeling yet I still love her dearly...

[Raindrop22]

A kind friend sent me this way!

 

BUMP!

 

Love everything that was said here and I appreciate everyone taking the time to share and explain their experience and thoughts on the matter. My heart is aching. But it aches a little each day.

[realistic1817]

Bump! good thread about dumpers and dumpee perspective during/after a breakup and why no contact is so important

[Sizzles]

Excellent thread!!

[TestTest]

Great thread - glad I read it before my conversation today with my ex. Never thought about that side of the story and was all prepared to get emotional and demand explanations, but this made me think hard about how I want this to go over and that I need to keep calm. There just won't come anything good from putting pressure on her. I'd love explanations though (that's probably normal) - any tips on how to deal with that feeling?