Getting back together really does happen!

[harsh284]

In my case its been 2 months and situation is no better - She has not contacted me since the break up

[LeeRoy6071]

Anything is possible when it comes to love. But don't wait around or stop living. Just let nature take it's course...I truly believe that if two people are meant to be, they will find their way back together.

 

Kate,

 

Awesome advice. I know your ex will come back around one day if you keep believing down inside.

 

Warmest holiday wishes,

LR

[LeeRoy6071]

What I've learned since my BU 3 months ago that out of sight isn't always out of mind. Check out this thread by SuperDave71 - !

 

Warmest holiday wishes,

LR

[LeeRoy6071]

In my case its been 2 months and situation is no better - She has not contacted me since the break up

 

Two months is still early. Average time for separation to really start working magic seems to be 3-6 months, but it varies with each relationship.

[SethSLC]

Average time for separation to really start working magic seems to be 3-6 months

 

This needs to be bolded.

[kuteknish]

This needs to be bolded.

 

why do you think it's 3-6 months? just curious.

[SethSLC]

why do you think it's 3-6 months? just curious.

 

Usually the person who was left spends the first month or weeks continuing to push, and this causes the dumper to reinforce the negative memories of the relationship. After a while, usually a month or so, the dumpee will stop pushing and let things go. Then a couple more months starts to pass and during that time of no pushing the dumper's negative memories start to fade and during alone time they will begin to remember some of the positives.

 

It's been 5 months or so for me and my Ex and I this past week have gotten along really well (we work together so didn't have a chance for distance and space) to the point where we are chatting almost like the old days, laughing and bantering back and forth. So given personal experience the numbers really do fit.

[Crazy Juice]

After breaking up with my GF of 4 1/2 years 3 months ago, I got talking to a girl at work - mainly for advice as I had gone through the usual experience everyone has on here begging texting etc. Anyway the point of the original post was success stories. This Girl (27 y/o) told me she had been with her BF for 3 years and one day woke up and felt trapped and that she was going nowhere with him - I didnt ask all the details as it was none of my business.

 

Anyway she wanted to go out partying having fun - basically blowing off steam etc - they had dated since 18 I think. The dumpee did all the usual chasing, pleading begging which she said really pissed her off that he wouldnt let it lie and go NC - it got to 8 months later - he had accepted it....JUST ABOUT - changed his number. The Girl at this point 8 months in - in her words realised something and asked herself "What the f*** was she doing"

 

anyway she tried contacting him again - story short they got back together again - that was 4 years ago they got married a month ago

 

Gave me some hope, but the point is it does happen - but as is in other threads - the longer the time passes - I think the more chance to (suCcessful!) reconciliation - but as always both parties need to want that or nothing happens - more importantly both parties need to have grown in some way

[harsh284]

Usually the person who was left spends the first month or weeks continuing to push, and this causes the dumper to reinforce the negative memories of the relationship. After a while, usually a month or so, the dumpee will stop pushing and let things go. Then a couple more months starts to pass and during that time of no pushing the dumper's negative memories start to fade and during alone time they will begin to remember some of the positives.

 

It's been 5 months or so for me and my Ex and I this past week have gotten along really well (we work together so didn't have a chance for distance and space) to the point where we are chatting almost like the old days, laughing and bantering back and forth. So given personal experience the numbers really do fit.

 

This sounds quite convincing -- gives me some hope - Thanks

[harsh284]

If this is really true then its really some hope enhancer - gives me some hope

[gradstudent88]

Thanks to all of the above posters for the great advice and stories.

 

Does anyone have experience/a story regarding getting back together after the person broke up with you for someone else (the alleged "Grass is Greener Syndrome")?

[Crazy Juice]

Harsh284 - Yep true story - might have the dates slightly wrong as I didnt want to dig into details and pry - but gave me hope as sometimes I guess people get overwhelmed by a relationship and need some space or time to think and reflect. She did say at the back of her mind she always loved him etc but at points in relationships and life a catalyst happens and people suddenly change....our hope as dumpees is the reverse catalyst takes place from NC while we grow, improve and better ourselves.

 

This doesnt mean all the time in breakups but it does happen. Never cling onto the hope you will get back together, let them go, find yourself....again - this experience will make you a better person, I am slowly getting past this and facing the reality.

 

I heard a great phrase from a public speaker last week which helped;

 

"The past is for reference, not residence"

 

Learn from this experience what you need

[harsh284]

What are the chances of Ex coming back 50:50 or less than that or more than that??

[Crazy Juice]

There is no formula or numbers, having read many, many posts on here and some other books it is always about getting yourself back first and foremost - if you are not back they will never come back, working on why the relationship failed. Addressing any issues or learning you need and becoming the person you once were before the relationship (as we are all guilty of changing when with somone!)

 

Will they come back - who knows it depends on to many variables - Love, compatibility, if females then their intuition on how suitable you are for them, also their emotional thought process as women are guided by both these last points, Regret, Time and NC help the most I think - but life has only two certainty's....!

 

To tie it to the OP - I would guess maybe 20 - 30% come back within a short period (

Maybe 5 - 10% come back longer - 6 months or more - when both people have grown success is more likely

[kuteknish]

Here's a story of getting back together, but not for the right reasons... A co-worker and her boyfriend are constantly fighting. I'd say 30% of the time they get along, but he totally does not respect her and her value is in the toilet in his eyes. They got in a huge fight 2 weeks ago and she kicked him out of the house they share together (and share rent $1300 each/month). There were cops involved and everything. She told me today that she's going to take him back, because she can't afford the $1300 extra a month and hopefully he's changed.

Getting back together does happen of course, but you want to be two better people and make the relationship thrive.. not get back together for security! - In this short time, I doubt he has changed AT ALL.... so I do think there is validity in the posts that say reconciliation is best after many many months... not days or weeks...

[Bobbadoo]

A friend of mine that is helping me get through my break up got back together with his ex.

 

He dated her for 2 years and she wanted to marry him, however he was not ready to make such a commitment and therefore she dumped him . After she left he decided that he wanted to be with her so he asked her to marry him but she refused so marriage was not the reason for her leaving. She started dating her co worker immediately who makes more money than he did and was more attractive. He was devastated but got his act together and disappeared from her life for 4 1/2 months in which he went to work on himself and made himself happy. She came begging him back after 4 1/2 months of strict NC with him in total control of the relationship now. At one point, his girlfriend was actually engaged to this new guy as well. Now they are still together for another 2 years and he is planning to propose to her soon.

[andama08]

My aunt was in a relationship with a guy for a long time...not sure exactly but it was more than 4 years. When they went to college she would visit him at his college but he ditched her for his friends and acted like he no longer cared. So she finally left him and was heartbroken.

 

After some time she met my uncle at the store she worked at. He took an interest in her and they dated for a while, then her ex came onto the scene and she went back to him. My uncle was devastated. She bounced back and forth between them a few times. She didn't know what she wanted anymore, she had very strong feelings for her ex and each time he came back to her he had vowed he had changed and loved her, but he would start to ignore her like before. Eventually she came to her senses and realized my uncle had been so good and patient for having taken her back after all this, and they married and have 3 kids.

[andama08]

One more, my roommate here in college went to the prom with a guy while in high school. They didn't have a very long relationship, I think it was only a few months and she broke up with him. She dated another guy for about a year, he cheated and she left him. Now she is back with the guy she went to prom with and they have been together for around 7 months now.

[alot2learn]

this was years ago...

not really a success story, but they do come back.. i dated and lived with a girl for over 3 years. even got engaged.(although felt pressured into it)

things eventually went sour, we broke up. witch i was fine with.. we both dated other people then a few months later tried again. i couldn't take the thought of her with someone else.

problem was, while we were trying again she was still stringing this other guy along. or should i say stringing us both along until she figured out what she really wanted.

i finally got fed up and made the decision for her!

anyways they got married and had a kid shortly after.. but she would still reach out from time to time..even made a fake myspace acct. just to keep in contact with me.

about a year in she starting having problems with her man and slowly started hinting some regret about ending things with me.

some time had passed and i had just started dating my most recent ex (which brought me here) and she starts contacting me again. then basically tells me how she never stopped loving me and if say the word she'd drop everything and come back to me that minute!

throughout the whole time, any time she talked about her problems i always encouraged her to work things out with her now husband!

anyways.. my response was that she'd always have a special place in my hart but that to much had happened and i had moved on with my life.. and me and her were no longer an option.

so, the point is.. i finally got what i wanted... but wayyy to late!

but it still felt good finally holding all the cards!!!

i was crushed for a long time, and in a way it felt good to have the roles reversed...turns out she was just a selfish woman with massive G.I.G.S. syndrome!

so the option of getting back together does happen!!! just make sure the CHOICE IS YOURS!! after-all, their the ones who left!

[faithful14]

ok, even though I gotta leave in a few minutes, I thought I would quickly share another reconciliation story I heard at work today; this is from a guy I work with and this is his story...

 

He and his girlfriend met in college and dated for three years. Their relationship was good but they had their arguments and such. After three years, things weren't going well. They were both in a different phase in their life and it seemed as though they were heading in different directions. He realized this and broke up with her. It was really hard for him at the the time but he knew it was for the best. They had NC for two years. Throughout their time apart, they both grew up, graduated college, got into their careers, as well as dated other people. When they finally crossed paths again, she was in a relationship with another guy. They remained friends and stayed in contact with each other. He admitted that he pretty much stayed her friend so he could swoop in and steal her away once she and her guy broke up. As several months passed, the girl's relationship ended and they remained friends until finally one night they both admitted that they still have feelings for each other and wanted to try again.

 

He told me that he didn't think they would ever see each other again but he always hoped that he would get another shot with her down the road.

 

The last part he emphasized is that whoever you wind up, whether it's your ex or someone new, make sure this person:

truly appreciates you,

that your core values are the similar to one another

and most importantly make sure your partner will stand by you through thick and thin

[pillowtalk]

The last part he emphasized is that whoever you wind up, whether it's your ex or someone new, make sure this person:

truly appreciates you,

that your core values are the similar to one another

and most importantly make sure your partner will stand by you through thick and thin

 

This is great advice for everyone!

[harsh284]

Is getting back possible after 2 months of minimal/no contact? My GF is headstrong and told me she does not want any kind of contact - It's been 2 months of break up since my breakup with her but no words from her

[user1988]

Yes, 3 months NC, ex swore he wanted me out of his life and never wants to see me again to avoid drama. As of today, contact from him every other day, random phone calls about trivial stuff like "what do you think of white tea?" eh??

 

So yes, anything is possible.

[faithful14]

I think its possible..a lot of couples in these reconciliation stories didn't talk to each other for months at time.

[Mills]

Yes, 3 months NC, ex swore he wanted me out of his life and never wants to see me again to avoid drama. As of today, contact from him every other day, random phone calls about trivial stuff like "what do you think of white tea?" eh??

 

So yes, anything is possible.

 

With the NC, did you just completely stop talking to him out of nowhere and just ignore him when he tried or did you tell him you werent talking to him anymore?