Time for a break in my marriage? (Long)

[lonelygemini]

Sorry so long...

 

My DH and I have had many ups and downs during our relationship and marriage.

 

Basically, in the first year of our relationship, he had cheated on me with 2 women. We also took breaks during each time, in which I explored relationships with other people. When he found out I was seeing someone else, he’d go nuts and do anything to win me back.

 

After the last time, it seemed like he was trying to be in a relationship, but then, slowly I’d see phone calls from different women. Sure, he wasn’t having sex with them, but he would hide that fact that he was speaking to them or that they’d come by the house. I was about to leave, but I found out I was pregnant.

 

He pretty much said that since we got pregnant we’d have to get married. I’m traditional and discussed it, but I didn’t try to pressure him. I actually tried to leave him twice while I was pregnant and he would sit on my suitcases so I would have to talk to him before I could leave.

 

We got married, but he was still talking to more and more women and making new female friends. He would say I’m crazy when I told him I was uncomfortable with him talking to other women.

 

After I had the baby, it didn’t stop, and it’s even grown as more exes are coming out the woodworks. One woman had even seen my baby and he lied about who she was and the circumstances. Yet, he gets mad if I leave the house with the baby and not tell him where I’m going. If I try to leave him, he threatens that he will take the baby away and will use the fact that I seek counseling for depression against me.

 

He’s also turned my family against me. When I went to seek help after another argument (after which he actually ran off with the baby), he diverted them by saying that I made some late payments on some bills (?) so they just fussed at me and told me don’t run a good man away.

 

So, yesterday, I found out about more new female friends, including one person he cheated on me with. So, I told him I had enough, and what’s good for him is good for me (bluffing). He pointed out that I spoke to my one male platonic friend over 20 years a few times over the past year so I couldn’t say anything about his female friends. He actually cussed me out the whole time I was at home during lunch break, and then blew up my phone while I was at work.

 

What it came down to, after more arguments and tears from me, is that he claimed he’ll move into his own apartment and just watch the baby while I work and I’ll watch her while he’s at work or school. So many times I used to say no, let’s work it out, but today, I said, do what you gotta do. So he hung up on me and turned off his phone.

 

Am I being unreasonable? Am I turning a good man away, whose “only problem” is that he likes to talk to other women? I actually feel relieved if he’s gonna move, I just feel bad for the baby.

 

LG

[SapphireNoir10]

To be honest I'd take a permanent break. He clearly doesnt make you happy. And I know you have a family, but he sounds like he cant keep away from women.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Sounds a bit too fishy to me. I don't think he is a good man...he is just a clever charmer...and he is controlling and manipulating you and your family. I think you should get a lawyer and get yourself informed on child custody laws and divorce. This guy will never change and he doesn't treat you like a loving husband should.

[waveseer]

Only you know whether you are or could be truly happy with this man so think about it very deeply. Consider your own happiness first because your child's happiness depends on your own.

[lonelygemini]

Thanks guys for the support 

 

Well, he reneged on moving out (surprise surprise) and when I offered to move out, he accused me of cheating.

 

When things are good, they are great, and when they are bad, we have what goes on today.

 

TBH, after I got married, I found out my husband was just like my dad in the early years of my parents’ marriage, and they were married for 45 years before my dad passed. But, things were different back then and a SAHM from a different country with 4 kids couldn’t just up and leave like folks do today.

 

I talked to my mom, and she said she will help me look for a lawyer. I hate being an open person, because I have to keep my thoughts under wraps until I actually decide to take the leap or not. Otherwise he will discourage me all the way. I guess that’s him being manipulative.

 

Am I just jaded, or are there people out there that don’t manipulative, toy with, or demean their spouses? Reading this board lately has me discouraged.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I am sure there are equal marriages/relationships out there. From what I have observed in the world around me is that many relationships tend to be unequal...one person always seems to have the upperhand over the other person...or one person has to put up with a lot of crap.

[redreine]

I'm sorry to ask what may be an inappropriate question, but what does "DH" mean?

 

(I would give my advice on the subject, but I think the nail has been hit on the head more than once, in all honesty)

 

hugs* I hope everything works out for the best. For your sake and for your child's.

[Circe]

I'm sorry to ask what may be an inappropriate question, but what does "DH" mean?

 

 

DH = Dear Husband.

 

I think he sounds awful, hon. He sounds cruel and emotionally absuive and controlling and I think it's a matter of time before it escalates to being physically abusive. There are plenty of men who would treat you well. But your DH is not one of them and is not a good man at all.

[lonelygemini]

I'm calling a lawyer for a consultation today. This really sucks.