I don't know what to make of all this

[p3rson]

My boyfriend and I have been going out for a few weeks. We had an instant attraction when we first met, and REALLY liked each other, and he would always be so interested in my life and all of that.

 

Now, I just feel like I get a lot of mixed messages from him.

 

On one hand, he sends me a lot of little love notes throughout the day (around 15 text messages a day I would say). These notes are so strongly affectionate and loving-sounding that if someone were to see them out of context they would probably think he was about to propose or something.

 

On the other hand, he

- Doesn't enjoy taking me out on dates (apparently he's been emotionally scarred by an ex who borrowed lots of money from him and never payed it back... idk, some people think that makes a difference, some don't.)

- Doesn't seem to care when I talk about my day, my job, my family, my friends, etc.

- Has trouble keeping things going in bed

- "I remember every dollar I ever spent on you"

- Still hasn't made any sort of plans with me for my birthday, which is on the 22nd, and never asked me if I wanted anything for my birthday

 

So now the information is out on the table... what to do with it?

[steven63]

Well sounds like you should try to talk with him and tell him that you are not that other person who hurt him so he should try to move on and have a normal relationship with you. Also, it is easy to just throw in a bunch of words in a message but the hard part is to actually show your partner that same love so don't take anything for granted just because of his messages. And about your birthday, well don't rush into things... he might be planning a surprise for you, who knows?

[Maya_A]

It seems he is trying very hard. Maybe he has noticed a change in you (perhaps a response to your perceived change in him?) & does not know what to make of it & so pulls back a little.

 

Maybe not, but anything is possible. It's so early it's hard to say but what happens so often in new relationships is that both people can be thinking/assuming something completely erroneous & secretly acting on it, which changes the dynamics of the relationship. Then the changes in each other just keep feeding off of each other & escalate things on the more negative side.

 

I would just talk with him in a very positive way... Mention that you just love & appreciate the notes he sends & then just be honest about how you are perceiving things, as you have mentioned here. Any misunderstandings might get cleared up right way.

 

If you start off the relationship early on with good communication lines, it has the best chance...

 

Good luck

[laisla]

have you spoken to him about these things? talk to him and see his side of the story. if you think it can work out and you two can come to a compromise, you can stay with him. but one thing i know...don't sacrifice your happiness.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

words are cheap and easy, so texting you doesn't cost him much time or effort or money.

 

i'm not a big fan of expecting a guy to shower you with a lot of money and presents just because he's a guy and your a girl.

 

but if he AVOIDS spending money and time on you when he has plenty that could be a sign he's selfish or stingy, either emotionally or financially.

 

the two things that are most problematic are he doesn't seem interested in listening to you talk, and he is bad in bad. those point towards selfishness.

 

i'd give it more time to see whether this is just new relationship awkwardness or whether he really is selfish and a tightwad.

[shikashika]

Like I said in the other thread, the fact that he expected you to pay him back 3 dollars... says MOUNTAINS about this guy... and what bugged me most of all was that he TOLD you that he 'remembers EVERY dollar' he spent on you.

 

This guy sounds so selfish.

 

Like I asked in the other thread, he seems to keep a tab on all the times he pays for you and his friends... but does he also keep a tab on every dollar that someone else, be it his girlfriend, brother , friend, mother, spends on him?

 

He sounds very concerned about himself and what he is doing for other people and how much he is spending on other people and what HE is getting back in return.

 

I could never be in a friendship, let alone a relationship with someone who acted this way.