Stale relationship

[teerex85]

My girlfriend and I live about an hour apart from each other. Now, this isn't that much of a "long distance" relationship but the only time we see each other are pretty much weekends. For 2 years, we've been alternating going to each other's place and spending the weekend there.

 

Lately, she's been telling me she thinks we see each other too much. She said it's probably because on weekends, "it's almost like we're living together." To prevent a stale relationship, she wants to decrease the frequency we see each other. Nowadays, we go every other 2 weeks before we see each other to maybe increase the excitement when we do see each other.

 

Now, all of a sudden, she's been hanging out alot with a guy she knew back in high school but haven't seen in years. They go get tea, or maybe grab dinner randomly during the week or on our "off" weekends when she's not with me. Am I wrong to think that she'd rather spend time with this guy multiple times a week, while I only get to see her twice a month? I don't know how to approach her with this without sounding like a jealous bastard, but I get really uncomfortable when she calls me and tells me she's going out with him. Should I be worried?

[DN]

Welcome to eNotAlone.

 

Yes, of course you should be worried. I would tell her that either she commits to your relationship in a meaningful way or she can continue exploring whatever she has with the new guy with you so you can find someone who understands what being in a relationship is all about.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Sounds like she wants the excitement of someone new. Should you be worried? Yes and no...yes, because she is drifting from you and is clearly interested in building a relationship with someone else while letting her relationship with you fall by the wayside (on the pretext that the relationship was going stale and she needs time apart)....no, because you don't have to sit on the sidelines and watch her do whatever she wants...you can indeed tell her that your relationship is in trouble and that her bailing on you to spend time with the other guy is not the way to fix what is broken in your relationship...tell her that if she really wants to pursue the other guy than you will not be hanging around as backup so you will bow out and if she decides to give the relationship an honest go then call you, if she wants to continue hanging out with the other guy more and more than it is time for the two of you to part ways. In other words, you basically have to put your foot down and tell her what she is doing is unacceptable and you won't stand for it. Of course she will probably accuse you of being jealous etc etc. People who do what she is doing generally try to twist the blame around on the person they are wronging. Do not feel intimidated by her lashing out...you have "right" on your side so stand your ground and tell her point blank that her blaming you is simply a ploy to deflect from her own actions which are wrong and unfair to you.

[maka56]

Hi mate hope this helps but I went thought the same thing, began seeing less andless of eatchother and got to the stage of once a week even though she wasn't busy, she would make exuses then complain we dont see eacthother enough, I would then make plans and she would then say she was busy, we finnaly got into an argument about it becauseI was making plans and she wasnt going with what she wanted, she then came out with "we see eacthother enough" * * * ?, this coming from someone who wanted to see eatchother more!. I then got dumped and called "controlling" heh work that one out. I gurantee she will use the same agaisnt you if you bring the issue up. Mate all I can say is find someone that will spend as much time with you as you do her, lifes to short to waste it on someone who doesnt know what they have. Good luck and keep us updated. And yes I would be worried I too never saw the red flags, have a talk with her please.

[catfeeder]

If your idea of a relationship is partners moving closer toward one another over time rather than away, then I'd question whether this relationship is really for you.

 

I'd step out of the picture and let her decide whether she misses you enough to give you what you want. If not, then isn't that something you'll want to find out early?

 

In your corner.

[Rabican]

Uh, yeah thats a big red flag dude. Shes spending too much time with you, but has no trouble making time with another guy? Sorry I dont think so. Theres nothing wrong with hanging out with a friend, but when you see her 2 days in 2 weeks... and she says thats too much. Nah, I think shes checking to see if the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. I think I would tell her to hop over the fence and stay there, dont come back.

 

Not to mention, if you are an hour away, only see each other on a bi weekly basis... and she thinks that is too much. Well that should tell you right there that marriage, family, living together etc. is all null and void. If 2 days per 2 weeks is too much how would she handle 24/7/ 365.