xblondyx Posted March 7, 2009 Share Posted March 7, 2009 Hi guys Gonna just jump straight into it and say, i just don't think i'm that into sex. I've been with a couple of guys, and i've never enjoyed it. And now with my current boyfriend, he's realllly into sex. Aind enjoy pleasing him. But nothing works for me. And i really want it to. I've tried stuff on my own but nothing works. How can i get myself to like it? I really want to. I feel so bad because my boyfriend tries his hardest, he's totally understanding and we try out lots of different and new things but nothing seems to work. He's so good about it and never pushes me to do something I don't want to. Now i'm feeling bad cos he really wants me to enjoy myself, and so do i, but i dont know how to. HELP?!?!?!?! Link to comment
Nkaleidoscopic Posted March 7, 2009 Share Posted March 7, 2009 Do you not feel any pleasure or are you just never "in the mood"? Have you tried clitoral stimulation? Do you masturbate? Link to comment
top bloke Posted March 7, 2009 Share Posted March 7, 2009 For you to enjoy it you need to emotionally let go . Secondly do you get any pleasure from the contact? Where does your problem lay? PHysical or emotional? Link to comment
Blue Streak Posted March 7, 2009 Share Posted March 7, 2009 Are you feelings in any fashion sexual with your mates? Link to comment
xblondyx Posted March 7, 2009 Author Share Posted March 7, 2009 We've tried everything. I love my boyfriend so very much and i really want to enjoy what he does for me. He tries to hard!!! Link to comment
Blue Streak Posted March 7, 2009 Share Posted March 7, 2009 Forget "we" in the question that I am asking. This question is targeted 100% towards you and you only. What are your sexual feelings towards him? Link to comment
xblondyx Posted March 7, 2009 Author Share Posted March 7, 2009 very strong. everything he does leading up to it feels good...its just when it comes down to it i don't feel it....i'm guessin he's just not hitting the right spot Link to comment
top bloke Posted March 7, 2009 Share Posted March 7, 2009 very strong. everything he does leading up to it feels good...its just when it comes down to it i don't feel it....i'm guessin he's just not hitting the right spot Can you make yourself cum? Link to comment
Blue Streak Posted March 7, 2009 Share Posted March 7, 2009 Everything he does leads to your good. That perception is coming from within yourself. Do understand that? It is not him, it's you. I know you don't want to hear it, but you will hear it elsewhere later. The struggle is within yourself. Other will argue yet I am 100% direct with you. I have done my math and homeowners like you, are heavily involved. Link to comment
top bloke Posted March 7, 2009 Share Posted March 7, 2009 id recommend you talk to a doctor about your issues. If your relaxed and cant get the self stimulation then a man wont either. I am betting its a medical roadblock. Get some help. Everyone deserves a great orgasm...see a doctor. Link to comment
xblondyx Posted March 7, 2009 Author Share Posted March 7, 2009 Everything he does leads to your good. That perception is coming from within yourself. Do understand that? It is not him, it's you. I know you don't want to hear it, but you will hear it elsewhere later. The struggle is within yourself. Other will argue yet I am 100% direct with you. I have done my math and homeowners like you, are heavily involved. WHAT?!...........is that supposed to mean? Link to comment
top bloke Posted March 7, 2009 Share Posted March 7, 2009 Everything he does leads to your good. That perception is coming from within yourself. Do understand that? It is not him, it's you. I know you don't want to hear it, but you will hear it elsewhere later. The struggle is within yourself. Other will argue yet I am 100% direct with you. I have done my math and homeowners like you, are heavily involved. I have to disagree. This girl likes sex but is not getting the sensation to get her to orgasm. See a doctor. Link to comment
1MoreChance Posted March 7, 2009 Share Posted March 7, 2009 WHAT?!...........is that supposed to mean? hey, I'm not sure what he means, but I think it is: forget you rpartenr for a second. You say you are attracted to him, he treats you well, you both try hard in the bedroom to give each other pleasure, etc. etc. So I hope you are not feeling badly about his feelings as a man in all this (because it can be hard on the man's ego and feelings of adequacy, but he needs to own this and you need to think about yourself. And of aourse it is a couple's issue as well and you both should be loving, patient and supportive of each other. So, what you are saying is everything leading up feels good, so when you touch yourself / he touches you (clitoris, nipples), you feel aroused? but you cannot reach orgasm, right? you have to be clear. Do you feel there is a rise in sexual arousal but you cannot release into an orgasm? Sometimes It's a matter of letting go. You need to relax and let go and be comfortable with yourself, get in touch with the sensations, slow your breathing down, tell him what you like, what to do, yet keep it relaxed, fun, tender, adn don't focus on the performance side of it (don't think: "I'm almost ther,e I have to have an orgasm"...). Practice on yourself, alone, in the bath tub play with your clitoris with an object (like a gel dildo) because the sensation is better with an object than with your own fingers. some younger women from what I hear cannot reach orgasm, they have to practice.... so you culd see a doctor, then you have to ask for hormonal test (endocrinologist). you have to tell your doctor the truth so you must be comdortable ebough to explain your problem. the birth control pill often decreases libido, I'm not saying that is your problem, but personally I hate the thing and I think it isn't good for women. if you go off it just make sure you educate yourslef well on the new menas of contraception you choose and that you use it carefully. Link to comment
Blue Streak Posted March 7, 2009 Share Posted March 7, 2009 My point is that everything happening to you in this relationship, including your lack of sexual feelings, is coming from within you, and only you. He may be a player in the process, yet you are the creator of your own feelings/perceptions, always. It has nothing to do with him. Your current problems have nothing to do with him. It is all you. Does that make sense to you? Read what I just typed again. You may not want to listen to what I have to say. I am being strait with you, not to cushion you in any fashion. Link to comment
1MoreChance Posted March 7, 2009 Share Posted March 7, 2009 My point is that everything happening to you in this relationship, including your lack of sexual feelings, is coming from within you, and only you. He may be a player in the process, yet you are the creator of your own feelings/perceptions, always. It has nothing to do with him. Your current problems have nothing to do with him. It is all you. Does that make sense to you? Read what I just typed again. You may not want to listen to what I have to say. I am being strait with you, not to cushion you in any fashion. well it is also a relationhip issue... it sounds like he is being good and supportive, but we don't have the whole picture as to what they may be experiencing as a couple. I heard for instance that for a lot of very young couples, thir perception of sex has been so distorted by porn and popular culture that they don't know how to have a healthy sexual rapport, it has become all about performance, etc.... and then they go "what's wrong with me? I canot satisfy my partner, I cannot keep an erection, I cannot do thes 12 crazy positions for 2 hours", I've heard some crazy stuff from sexologists as to what they hear form teens coming into their office. but I think you are right in that she needs to own her sexuality and get in touch with herself. and he needs to open and supportive and involved. Link to comment
SleepingKitten Posted March 7, 2009 Share Posted March 7, 2009 She does NOT need to go to a doctor! What kind of doctor topbloke? Like an ob-gyn??? It's obvious she's getting aroused, but isn't sure just what would bring an orgams. One thing you need to do OP, is start masturbating. Hard to tell your bf what really sends you over the edge, if you do not know how to get their yourself! So.. you don't even need a dildo.. you can do this all on your own fingers.. or maybe even in the bathtub... it might be quicker with a vibrator but you'll want to in time, be able to do all this stuff without the toys. That way.. once you are able to get yourself off by your lonesome to an orgasm, it's so much more easy to tell your bf, hey. this is what I like! I know guys gets all "upset" when they cannot get their gf's off right off the bat, but we have much different bodies than guys do. It's a totally different animal. Plus, too, guys have probably been playing with themselves since the age of 12, while we are chastized for doing such things to ourselves. Start the masturbation thing. You could even do it in front of your bf, if that makes you comfortable, but practicing on yourself will make this much more easy. And don't feel bad.. it takes alot of women awhile to learn just what makes their bodies "tick". You are not alone at all in this scenario. Don't believe you need to go to the doctor just to learn how to bring yourself to orgasm. How embarassing that would be to do such a thing, imho! Link to comment
bms85 Posted March 7, 2009 Share Posted March 7, 2009 You Are very wrong and she should see a doctor. There is a medical condition in which females can't orgasm. its actually far more common than you might think. enough so that they are pouring quite a bit of funding into finding a solution, because so far there isn't one. But consulting your doctor would be a great first step, let him root to the bottom of whether this is a medical issue or an emotional road block. he/she would be much more qualified to give you advice regarding issues that could physically be your body. Link to comment
1MoreChance Posted March 7, 2009 Share Posted March 7, 2009 I'd be careful tho because your average GP / GYn doesn't have much insight into helping the patient get their health back. I know as I have lived though it. If her doctor helps her, will there be tests involved? This anorgasmia problem you claim many women have a problem with, is it detected by hormonal testing? OP caould get caught in a system that could leave her feeling more helpless and confused.... not to mention medicated. apparently there are drugs now (very questionable ones) that increases libido, sexual funtion, and everything being now considered a medical problem, who knows what she could be prescribed? I know I tried very hard to avoid hormonal birth control , I was adament and I got talked into it after I spoke to several doctors. I ended up paying with severe anxiety and depression, decreased libido AND INTENSE horrible vaginal pain for nuvaring, I spoke to doctors about my issues and the possible links with my birth control. they all dismissed the problems, until I saw that it was writtn how it can cause / worsen mood disorders and a perosn with a history of depression should discontinue them immediatelly. I did ad I improved within less than 1 month. I say don't count too much on doctors. she should give us more info, has she discovered her body through masturbation for one thing. Link to comment
bms85 Posted March 7, 2009 Share Posted March 7, 2009 Yeah don't get me wrong. I'm saying if she suspects it might be a physical problem with her body a doctor is a far better option. DON"T however take any medication they prescribe you as a result. I don't trust doctors as far as I can throw them in the medication department. the answer isn't to over medicate everyone! as far as I am aware they have been making breakthroughs in the field but don't have a good solution yet. I guess most of you are asking the right questions. In that it is important to see if she responds to her own stimulation. which would most likely be better tested in her own bed without her boyfriend present. somewhere she can feel free as well as relaxed. it would help you determine if it is a physical problem or if it is nerves .etc I just thought I would point out to the aforementioned poster not to be so fast to write off the doctor and assume this is strictly an emotional road block as that isn't always the case. Link to comment
top bloke Posted March 7, 2009 Share Posted March 7, 2009 Aroused yes but with the info at hand i didnt pick up that she was experiencing intense pleasure from just stimulation.Arousal is not the feeling great pleasure from a clitoral stimulation for example..Because I saw no direct reference to this I belived it was physical with the information given. If not... a doctor would have realised this and referred this lady to a psychologist who would have picked up what I could not deduce from her info. I also found it unusual that any individual with a bit of self exploration cannot bring themselves to orgasm...so my thoughts turned to physical reasons.I hope this explains my logic..thanks Link to comment
top bloke Posted March 7, 2009 Share Posted March 7, 2009 You Are very wrong and she should see a doctor. There is a medical condition in which females can't orgasm. its actually far more common than you might think. enough so that they are pouring quite a bit of funding into finding a solution, because so far there isn't one. But consulting your doctor would be a great first step, let him root to the bottom of whether this is a medical issue or an emotional road block. he/she would be much more qualified to give you advice regarding issues that could physically be your body. I had a girfriend many years ago who could not orgasm... It made me sad fo her...we broke up...I then discovered that she had some medical problem ..I never found out precisely what...we werent together so I never really found out.That is why I recommended a doctor Link to comment
top bloke Posted March 7, 2009 Share Posted March 7, 2009 We have a sexual health cinic here with psyhcologist and doctors that deal with just these problems.They are a godsend to alot of people..They screen stds..and treat them.They deal with sex issues and the counsellors are right there for support as well. Being a young crazy single guy in my past led me there.This is where she would get more definate answer but I am personally glad to direct her from here as we are not doctors nor can we diagnose propelry her via this website.. Link to comment
SleepingKitten Posted March 7, 2009 Share Posted March 7, 2009 Well, for one, you don't know where she is writing from. She may or may not have a sex clinic in her area. But honestly, if she's not even gotten herself off yet thru masturbation, sending her to a sex clinic seems is just jumping the gun to me. There's alot of books on the market that could help direct her to be able to sucessfuly get herself off right in her own local bookstore. Try go to a barnes & noble, borders, or books a million and go to the sexuality section. Besides being expensive, it's rather embarassing to go to your ob-gyn and state, "I cannot have orgasms". I find it silly that guys would be so quick to send a girl to a doctor when she's not even gone that route. It sounds to me, if you read her post carefully enough, she is getting aroused. She just cannot quick get to the point where it tips her over the edge. Now, unless your guys have women's anatomy you may or may not know that different stuff floats our boat. Just b/c her bf is willing to be patient, does not mean he's got all the knowledge to get HER off. It's great he's patient, but whatever stuff he tried on previous gf's, if he had one, may not be the thing that turns HER on! I have seen many a man who thought he was some kind of ladies' man, who turned out to be a horrible lover imho! Like I say again, try getting yourself off first, OP. Don't put any pressure or time limits on yourself either. It's not a race... Once that occurs, then you'll have the keys to give to your bf to let him know what turns ya on. Good luck. Link to comment
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