Do You Remember the First Time You Saw Them - SuperDave71

[SuperDave71]

Do you remember the first time you saw them? Can you remember the way you felt when they looked at you for the very first time and smiled? Think back to the times when you couldn’t wait to see them again. Can you remember all the time you spent planning your limited time together and how you took pride in not only the way you looked but what you did? The sun shined a bit brighter. The moon was a bit more blue than it has ever been and the very stars in the heavens were there for you and only you to make a wish but this time you didn’t have to because it had already come true.

 

Love is the most natural high the mind, body and spirit can experience. Like a drug, we crave the way it makes us feel not only for the extraordinary emotion we feel but for the fact that we are loved right back. There is nothing in the world that can compare to it. Men and women have died in vain because of their forbidden love. The history books and literature throughout the globe are filled with love stories unparalleled with any work of fiction. There are no characters, only people who have felt the same thing you have including heartbreak and the feeling of emotional misery when it is not only taken away but stripped from their very lives never to see their lover again.

 

Poetry, music and artwork are filled with its beauty. “Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?” Famous epic battles have been fought in the name of love and glory. Men have sailed the seven seas to conquer those that oppose their queens and mother’s of their homeland in the name of love. Like the old expression says

 

“Love conquers all…”

 

When you look at love in a historical aspect, it really puts not only your current situation in a different light, but it also helps you to realize that your heartache is probably the same as someone else thousand’s of centuries old though the situation and circumstances are different. Do you think the mistakes you might have made have not been made by so many throughout history? Are you an exception? With a heavy sigh, I proclaim “No at all.” Sure you are special, but you are not an exception even though you might feel so alone in your heartache that you choose to draw inward and not let anyone in.

 

Think of it this way, I bet there have been many that have shown up at someone’s castle or plantation under the cover of night and threw a pebble at the window to get the attention of a lover…just to say “I love you so much…I had to see you.” DO you really think your situation is new? Do you feel all alone in your quest for getting your ex back? Not even close. There have been those that love and lost and there have been those that never loved…which would you want to be?

 

We learn from our mistakes but the key is to remember what those mistakes were. How do we know what was a mistake or not? How do you know that by doing nothing that your ex isn’t at home praying that you show up and wrap your arms around them, look them in the eyes and say “I was a fool. I am not half the man/woman I am when I am with you.” It sounds so perfect. We see the movies. We read the books. We hear stories all over the Internet on “How to get your ex back.” The secret is only $29.95 with no money back guarantee. I love the one that says “Have you ex back in 3 days or less” for $49.99. I assume this is a book about kidnapping because let’s face it; it’s not going to happen.

 

All good things take time. Like I have always said, imagine your love between you and your ex like a gourmet meal. I don’t want a microwave love affair. Who really craves the instant meal that all we have to do is add hot water. I want something that blossoms and takes time to prepare so that we can both enjoy it in the future; like a fine wine.

The secrets of love have been the same for centuries and that secret is this.

“If someone doesn’t love you, no matter how hard you try to make them love you, it will almost always fail.”

To all my seasoned veterans out there, you know exactly what I am talking about. Years ago, when I wanted to catch the eye of a certain beauty, I would do anything I was good at. It could be my sense of humor or even singing her a song. When all else failed, I figured “YOU MUST TRY HARDER!!”. Oh the pain, suffering and humiliation I could have saved throughout the years. Men tend to have a competitive streak in them and when all else fails, be the exception.

 

To my male audience out there, can’t you remember the times you would tell yourself, “I just have to try harder and stick this out. She will come around.” Every little glance my love interest would show me I thought it was only for me. No matter if they looked at me and was thinking of someone else, I WANTED IT so BADLY to be for me. I would try so hard that finally I was so aggravated, not at them, but at myself that I usually ended up being their “Best Guy Friend”. Ahhhh those were the days. Let me tell you, there is nothing harder than loving someone in secret and them confide in you about someone they love. You sit and smile and you look into their eyes as if to scream and wave your arms yelling “HEY!! I AM RIGHT HERE!! I LOVE YOU ….CAN’T YOU SEE ME!!! I LOOOOVE YOU SOOOO MUCH!!”

There is something harder…much, much harder.

To those that have felt this after a relationship has turned sour, I feel for you. I honestly do.

 

I felt this over 4 years ago. It goes something like this. How can I describe such pain? Well, let me try. Heartache is one thing but having your heart ripped from your chest and stomped on is another. Naturally after a breakup that was not that bad, one or both parties, with time, might have possible regrets about breaking up. The minutes seem like hours and the hours seem like days. The phone never rings. The more you want the time to pass, the day drags on and the nights are so much worse that I can’t begin to describe it. The walls begin to close in. The thought of yesterday’s hug, a lingering last kiss, their smell in a pillow, their clothes they left, their picture, the songs you hear are always about breaking up or things that remind you of them. I think we all can relate.

 

Are you ready? Here it comes..now brace yourself.

 

*deep sigh*

 

The phone finally rings a week later. You jump over the couch like a gazelle and say a mild “Hello..”. ‘Um..Hello Dave? Yeah…Hey, It’s Oh hey, how are you? Um..I am fine. I have been thinking about you a lot. Really?; So Have I. The smile on your face begins to form because the conversation is going well…so you think. I really miss you . I miss you too. The conversation falls silent as your heart begins to beat out of your chest. The smile and mood begins to loosen.

“Hey, I was wondering if you would like to…” but you are cut off to the sound of ’Dave, I wanted to tell you that I am seeing someone else and I thought you should know.’

The wind is knocked not only from your lungs but from your soul.

“Hello…? Hello…are you there….?”

“Yeah I am here…Hey um…look; The tears begin to form before you can get off the phone. “I gotta go ok?...I will talk with you soon.”

“But Dave?....I wanted to The phone falls silent as I fell to my knees. There are no words to describe the feelings I had but I can say this. The feeling robbed me of smiling for almost 5 months.

 

What do you do? What can you do? We all know that begging and pleading DO NOTHING. Showing up at their door and acting a fool doesn’t work. Getting drunk or high is just plain stupid when trying to get an ex back. You might as well say goodbye now because the only thing you will be doing is justifying why they left you in the first place. Life can be so cruel.

 

What WORKS?!?! This is no secret. This is not some magical formula. This is something that is so insanely easy to comprehend. It’s 100% free and requires no special skill or technique. The secret is time. The time you have while away from your ex is so important. Not to cry and have a bloody fit but you get YOU together. Think of your life without your ex like getting a jig-saw puzzle and throwing it into the air only to be scattered into a million little pieces. All you have to do is SEPARATE YOUR pieces from theirs. ( Start with the edges..it’s easier ha ha) You are separating a couple to being once again single. I didn’t say it was THAT easy nor did I say you would like it but it is a necessary step in getting YOU back. If you don’t get you back first, there is no way you can get them back regardless of how you left. Once you can piece YOU back together you need to get adapted to your single life.

 

Letting go of your ex doesn’t mean letting go forever. It hurts ladies and gentlemen. It hurts like hell but it is part of the healing process. You must go thru it to become the man or woman you need to be and always wanted to be. Think of your breakup like a butterfly in its cocoon. You must transform into the person you WANT To be..NOT WHAT YOU THINK THEY WANT YOU TO BE!! HUGE DIFFERENCE. So many people out there believe that losing weight and going to the gym is going to get an ex back. Psssst….let me fill you in on something. ITS NOT!!! Sure you look better but if you were a moron when you broke up and you have not learned from your mistakes…you will be a moron who looks better. Make sense? I hope so.

 

Let go of the notion that they love you for your weight. It’s only a small part of the entire you. Work on your heart. If you had issues communicating with your ex, learn from it. Sit down and make a list of the thing you feel YOU need to work on. If you get your ex back in the long run, you will not only be better off, but they will notice the change in you and it will only make you look GLOWINGLY better in their eyes.

 

**Remember**

People change ONLY BECAUSE THEY WANT OR HAVE TO CHANGE..not because you want them to.

 

If you work on the issues you had while in the relationship and start to learn from your mistakes, the chances are you may get a phone call down the line and get that chance you have been hoping for. Don’t wait too long. Learn that life is to be enjoyed. Breaking up is hard but learning from a breakup can be so rewarding in the end. Just think, even if they don’t come back…look at the person you have become not only for them but for yourself.

 

Learn to love them even if they aren’t with you anymore. They will always be in your heart and just know that part of them made you want to become the person you have always wanted to be.

 

If that is not love…I don’t know what is.

 

Take care and God Bless…

 

I love you all

 

 

-SuperDave71

[In_hiding]

which one heh, 25 years ago, her name was Elaine. First saw her getting off the bus at school and walked into class and sat next to me. I thought I was going to die.

 

19 years ago, in highschool. She was in my english class. Her name was Deanna. She sat in front of me. I ended up failing that class.....

 

14 years ago. Name is Suzanne. Met her over in Germany, she was over helping nephew with kids. I spent the day with her family there swimming. We had fun together and ended up getting married.

 

2 years ago met her at the college. I started taking Taekwondo with her, we enjoyed each others company and just started hanging out and ended up together.

 

and yeah, what works is letting them go and accepting that you can't be with them at the current time does wonders. Those times are the best time to realize what things you need to work on in yourself to become a better person.

 

 

Me

[gromalamaz]

You've outdone yourself with this one, SuperDave! As usual, another wonderful post -- uplifting with a TON of 'food for thought' -- thanks!

[SighSob]

Amazing post as usual, SD.

[amtjrtcet]

I remember the first time I saw him, (after high school)...it was almost exactly a yr a go. I bartend, he came into my bar and sat down. I was organizing the glass rack under the counter. When I rose up he was sitting right in front of me, it startled me and I squealed...he said 'hey gorgeous, remember me??'....his green eyes took my breath away, i didn't remember him being so beautiful.....and at that very moment I knew I'd end up falling in love with him, I just didn't know it would hurt as much as it did.

[ladyjp]

Hi Dave,

 

Well I talked to you last week about my gy and our breakup and his new girl. Since then I have gone nc onlu to have him continue to call and text but still seeing the new girl. Finally last week Friday I told him I was not interested in being friends nor was I in sharing and that until he was ready to be exclusive again to not bother. He waited a few hours and text me again asking to go to lunch. We met for lunch one day and spent several hours together. The other girl was never brought up. Since Friday he has called and text me everyday. On Saturday he text me and asked if he could come out to a trade show I am working in Vegas this month to spend the time with me out there. ( the week prior he had expressed his jealousy of me going to the show). I said sure and still didn't bring up the girl. He called and text all weekend. I don't know when he could have possibly seen her as he was on my phone most the time.

Today I just felt fed up with wondering what is up. He had text me last night at bedtime and said a very nice goodnite. Still, though, I am wondering where things stand with this other person. I mean let's face it, he is talking about taking a 4 day trip and being in my bed but no mention of "her".

So today, I text him (4hours ago now) and say just this

" Can I ask you, are you still seeing her? I don't want to get attached to you again if you are".

Nothing. Nodda, absolutely no response. So, is that, yes I am but don't want to tell you? No I am not but want you to still be jealous of her?

 

Should I say anything else now, like until you can be straight with me don't contact me? Or just let it ride or what? I feel like he is really really taking me for granted on this. I am not so much sad but kind of ticked off about it. I prayed about it all morning and maybe that has given me some peace but I am just feeling a little abused right now

[WhatSetsUs]

This post is excellent. At the same time it makes me anxious for the future.

 

I want my ex back more than anything in the world right now but I'm holding strongly to NC. I saw her today for the first time since going NC 8 days ago and the emotions in me flared up all over again. I'm contemplating contacting her again.

 

I'm willing to put myself on the line and try to get her back, I just dont know how to do that. I dont want to end up like what happened to SuperDave, where if I sit back long enough I'll receive a call with devastating news. I want to try and prevent that from happening by at least giving it one more chance, actively. If I get shot down then I'll learn that this time its really said and done.

 

I could use some advice and I know maybe this isnt the right thread for it, but reading this, combined with the lasting feelings of finally seeing her again, have me thinking about doing something drastic.

 

SuperDave, or anyone, what can a kid do in this situation?

[SighSob]

Whoah he's playing you like a violin and you're letting him...vanish from his life, please!

[SuperDave71]

ladyjp,

 

 

What are his actions telling you? NEVER go by words UNLESS they are backed up by actions.

 

 

Right now you are plan B...( if not G, M, X, or Z )

 

 

Do the right thing and realize that you should never settle for someone who is not willing enough to make you priority. What he is doing is stringing you along to make sure you are available. What you need to do is stop answering the phone, text or emails and go out on a date or two.

 

What you are doing to "win him back" is not working so do the opposite. Let him go and have some fun dating others.

 

 

 

you can do this

 

 

 

-SuperDave71

[SighSob]

SuperDave already said it...you can do nothing to bring someone back. You will get shot down, WhatSetsUs. The devastating news will come sooner or later, chances are if you keep NC they won't be as devastating as they could be if you kept spending your time trying to win back someone who doesn't want to be won back at all.

[ladyjp]

Thanks Dave, ( by the way in case you didn't remember the ladyjp, I changed it from jfpieron for privacy).I keep telling myself that, that his actions are not backing up his words. He is so convincing when he ses to it. I am actually almost wanting him to be with her now and just go away. I am tired of being tired and have so so much going on in my life that doesn't make way or time for this type of waste of energy.

I have a wonderful 7 year old little boy that has a deadbeat Dad. So, on top of being mad at myself for allowing him to treat me this way, I am angry with myself as a Mother that I am allowing this person in my life that obviously can't do anything (or won't) positive in my Son's life either.

[SuperDave71]

Typically, when deceit and lies are in the mix, being convincing is the name of the scam. Don't let these words fool you. Walk away and SHOW him how TRULY FOOLISH he is for letting you go.

 

"Treasures do NOT look for Pirates"

 

 

 

-SuperDave71

[WhatSetsUs]

SuperDave already said it...you can do nothing to bring someone back. You will get shot down, WhatSetsUs. The devastating news will come sooner or later, chances are if you keep NC they won't be as devastating as they could be if you kept spending your time trying to win back someone who doesn't want to be won back at all.

 

The thing is, we broke things off when we BOTH had a lot of feelings for each other. She just couldnt commit to the idea of being with me cause of the way I mistreated her during the relationship.

 

I feel like if I dont act now, the feelings that she still has for me will fade, and I will have missed out on an opportunity to make things right.

[SuperDave71]

WhatSetsUs,

 

 

If she wouldn;t commit to you THERE IS A REASON. If you eat something you don't like....if you try harder and eat more of it, will you like it better?

 

No!

 

 

 

Quit wasting time wanting her to want you and let it go. She made have had feelings for you in the beginning but you need to realize they were not strong enough for her to stay.

 

 

THAT should tell you something...

 

 

 

Her words may have told you she really likes you but the reality is....she said it and WALKED AWAY

 

 

 

-SuperDave71

[DaveTrump]

Great Post SuperDave.

 

That's very thoughtful and true of you.

[WhatSetsUs]

nice post. sure I do. if she couldn't commit to you maybe she was just conflicted. i don't think it means she didn't have strong feelings for you.

 

Her reasonings were because she was having a hard time forgetting and moving past the things I did to her during the relationship. And because she couldn't quite look past that it was hard for her to make up her on mind on what to do: whether to be with me or end things. To avoid hurting me anymore (dragging me around while she sorted out her feelings), she said that right now we cant be in a relationship. I accepted that but I knew at that moment that I would wait for her to make a decision. Its the wrong thing to do, I know, but I can't help but feel like she just needs some more time to herself, and that in time she will finally follow her heart.

 

I dont know, maybe my thinking is really unhealthy, but I truly love this girl and I'm not quite ready to fully let go.

[Fionnuala]

 

I dont know, maybe my thinking is really unhealthy, but I truly love this girl and I'm not quite ready to fully let go.

 

You know, I don't really think there's anything unhealthy about your thinking. You'll let go when you're ready. I don't think you should do it any sooner than you're ready for. There's so much talk around here about not waiting for people, not holding on to those who don't hold onto us, etc, and to an extent it's all true. But at the same time, you have to do what feels right to you. I felt the same way you did for a long time. I had to just let go a little bit at a time. You don't need to fully let go right away if you can't or don't want to. Just take it a day at a time.

[WomanWriter]

The first time I saw him, he was sitting accross the table from me on our first day of orientation (a new job). I noticed how attractive he was and what a cute smile he had. Then when I saw him again, he told us his major was computer programming. When he said that, I thought "red flag" because my friend had just broke off an enagagement with a "geeky guy." I noticed this guy had a unique looking forehead. He said he liked pet rats and kids. I was impressed with his stories about summer camp. I wanted to get to know him. When he talked to me, I felt very shy. He offered me a ride home because I was taking the bus. We found out we had a lot in common and became friends. I could tell he liked me though because he used to always show up where I was. He would give me little signs but would never come out and say anything. One day we talked about how we felt and we were joined at the hip from then on for over 7 years, enagaged...thought we were soulmates....now after all this time, he left.

[WhatSetsUs]

You know, I don't really think there's anything unhealthy about your thinking. You'll let go when you're ready. I don't think you should do it any sooner than you're ready for. There's so much talk around here about not waiting for people, not holding on to those who don't hold onto us, etc, and to an extent it's all true. But at the same time, you have to do what feels right to you. I felt the same way you did for a long time. I had to just let go a little bit at a time. You don't need to fully let go right away if you can't or don't want to. Just take it a day at a time.

 

Thank you, and yeah I know a lot of people are quick to say just leave it behind, and no matter how hard I try to convince myself of that, I just cant. I'm hoping that by the end of this week, some kind of breakthrough will occur. Whether its I finally convince myself to give up, or maybe something will happen that will bring us back in contact. I know that friday and saturday I will be seeing her at two different events, and hopefully they turn out well. Thats why I am asking for advice on how to handle this. I want to complete NC for what its good for, but friday will force us to be with each other and talk again and I want it to leave a lasting impression on my ex before I slip back into not talking to her...

[Sev]

Superdave, although you are the name sake of the guy my gf just left me for.....i love you!

 

Now do one on getting over rejection!

[SuperDave71]

HAHA..maybe the other guy should change his name.

 

 

-SuperDave71

[thedude27]

lol nice post Dave. I got that girl you talked about...I tried and tried I did everything to get her to go out with me. I talked/flirted with her daily all she did was date other guys. Guess how I got her...yep I got fed up and blew her off. Nothing rude just quit giving her all that attention. Then a couple weeks later...I'm driving and she goes by the other way, next thing I know she is following me flashing her lights to get me to stop.... She asks "if I'm mad at her".. I say "Nope not at all". She didnt have much else to say so I said, "well I gotta get home, TTYL" and left abruptly. Next weekend she called me (got my number from someone at work) and asked me out on a date. haha. That was one of the greatest moments of learning in my life.

[AutumnBorn]

I remember. It was incredible. I'm so looking forward to feeling that way again. Next time I hope it's with someone who feels the same when they're with me.

 

Dave is absolutely right. I spent the last year getting myself together. I stopped crying and got to work. I read, wrote, took classes, volunteered, exercised, and concentrated on work. I started dating (casually), revamped my wardrobe, hair, and make-up. I feel better than I've ever felt in my life - more confident, more attractive, more intelligent, and truly valued at work (my bonuses this year doubled from last years).

 

My ex is my best friend now, and he's made it clear he'd like to get back together, but I won't go.

 

14 months ago I was a blubbering mess. Today I am blissfully happy being my own girl.

[o_hopeless_o]

you know whats funny, ive never ran into any of my ex's but one and he was at the mall waiting for someone i think. but our break up was long before that so it didnt effect me. i thought it was funny cause it was really weird i thought id never see him. we didnt even talk i just walked right past him LOL. but i know he saw me. i was with one of my guy friends and his sister and we were just laughing about it cus it was really awkward ha.

[kennyc90]

Another good thread!