ATLstudent Posted February 14, 2009 Share Posted February 14, 2009 Hey I got completely turned down by some girl at a club last night, went up to her just gentley touched her arm to get her attention and got half of "hey" in and she was like"no way" ane tried to shue me off. lol. She wasnt caught off guard by me touching her or anything, just immediately said no. And that was that. I guess it cant get much worse than that, so that felt kinda of good. lol. \ Anyway question: I am an attractive guy, and dont understand, if any girl came up to me i would never do that. SO does everyone get shut down at one point, no matter what you look like or say to someone? Link to comment
JeckyllNHyde Posted February 14, 2009 Share Posted February 14, 2009 Yes. Guys specially by rude girls which you can find anywhere. DOn't let it make you shy though. Maybe she was having a crap night already. I've never shued a guy away but I have turned down if I had my reasons (dating or waiting for someone for instance, having bad night, just broke up and "man hating", etc). I think it's the fact you touched her arm though.. I don't like people/guys touching me too soon. Not even my hand or arm. Link to comment
EQD Posted February 14, 2009 Share Posted February 14, 2009 hell yes. i went 4 months straight and got turned down by EVERYONE i approached. quite depressing. Link to comment
EQD Posted February 14, 2009 Share Posted February 14, 2009 the girl you described sounds like an oddball. i wouldnt expect to run into many more. she denied you before you even got out 'hey' she must have been already in a bad state of mind. Link to comment
agent1607307371 Posted February 14, 2009 Share Posted February 14, 2009 Of course everyone gets turned down. Unfortunately you can't always expect to be everybody's cup of tea. You don't know what was going on with her, she might have had problems with men who can't understand the word "No", and it sucks that you got the aftermath, but don't worry about it. Plenty more fish in the sea. Link to comment
Elsewhere Posted February 14, 2009 Share Posted February 14, 2009 I used to be like that. Bitter by my ex, jaded by too much attention... Don't pay attention - this girl will get her lesson, just like I got mine Link to comment
ATLstudent Posted February 14, 2009 Author Share Posted February 14, 2009 OK thanks yall so much! Happy Valentines day. Link to comment
Darkness_Falls Posted February 14, 2009 Share Posted February 14, 2009 Don't touch her next time. I hate guys that touch me when I'm out, even if it is my arm. Its just like... ok why are you doing that. She probably has a boyfriend. You are gonna get turned down when you are out, mainly because girls either aren't interested or they already have boyfriends. Its no big deal... part of life. Link to comment
iwishiknew Posted February 14, 2009 Share Posted February 14, 2009 I have always been turned down because of my height (5'3) and looks. A lot of girls are so picky! These are just average girls, nothing like super models. Link to comment
agent1607307371 Posted February 14, 2009 Share Posted February 14, 2009 I have always been turned down because of my height (5'3) and looks. A lot of girls are so picky! These are just average girls, nothing like super models. It's not being picky it's having preferences. You can have them even if you don't earn your living on the catwalk. Link to comment
servedcold Posted February 14, 2009 Share Posted February 14, 2009 If you don't like to be touched by strangers on the arm or shoulder to get your attention at a bar, you shouldn't be in a bar. OP, get used to such rudeness, it's standard treatment, not the exception. After awhile you will get desensitized to it. Just remember that every "no" gets you closer to "yes." Link to comment
heloladies21 Posted February 14, 2009 Share Posted February 14, 2009 I talked to my one friend who's been with a ton of girls and this was the conversation: Me: So do you ever get turned down by girls? Him : I get turned down all the time. Lesson of the story, if you want to get girls, you're going to get turned down a certain percent of the time. You can do things to make this percent as small as possible and experience goes a long way to help, but it's unreasonable to think that you'd be able to get every girl you go up to. Persistence is your ally and the guys who are able to shrug off the last failure and move on to the task of finding another girl are the ones who win in the end. Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted February 14, 2009 Share Posted February 14, 2009 I got shot down in middle school and high school a lot. So, I stopped trying. Around that time I got prettier and my self esteem went up a lot. However, I;ve never asked out a guy again, so, I really don't know. I will assume that I would get shot down some of the time. Sometimes because they weren't looking for relationship, and some of the time because I just wasn't their type. Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted February 14, 2009 Share Posted February 14, 2009 If you don't like to be touched by strangers on the arm or shoulder to get your attention at a bar, you shouldn't be in a bar. OP, get used to such rudeness, it's standard treatment, not the exception. After awhile you will get desensitized to it. Just remember that every "no" gets you closer to "yes." A lot of girls (including myself) go there with friends to hang out with friends. That is, when I actually do go to the bar. Which is about 2 times a year. Link to comment
agent1607307371 Posted February 14, 2009 Share Posted February 14, 2009 If you don't like to be touched by strangers on the arm or shoulder to get your attention at a bar, you shouldn't be in a bar. WOMEN! If you don't want to be touched by men, stay in your homes! ~rolls eyes~ Link to comment
lila... Posted February 14, 2009 Share Posted February 14, 2009 I got shot down in middle school and high school a lot. So, I stopped trying. Around that time I got prettier and my self esteem went up a lot. However, I;ve never asked out a guy again, so, I really don't know. I will assume that I would get shot down some of the time. Sometimes because they weren't looking for relationship, and some of the time because I just wasn't their type. Exactly, you shouldn't take it personal all the time, sometimes looks have nothing to do with it (although they do help), it could be that the person isn't looking for a relationship at the moment or just isn't in a good state at the time. The most handsome guy could approach me right now and I'd turn him down- although not as rude as the girl in the OP- because I'm so happy with my current boyfriend, heck I'd turn down the man of my dreams. Link to comment
Darkness_Falls Posted February 14, 2009 Share Posted February 14, 2009 I do not get touched a lot by men at bars, because most of them look at me and say hi or whatever, no touching is at all needed. And when they do touch me, depending what kind of touch it is, they will either get turned down or I will say hi. Touching is unnecessary by a stranger if they are trying to chat me up. Just wait until I am facing you to catch my eye. It's not difficult. Of course, if someone is just trying to get passed me or whatever, or if it's a friend then I'm not bothered. OP, remember that some women can be sensitive to touching. I know you probably weren't meaning to invade her personal space but that's sometimes what it can seem like. Just giving you honest advice, as a woman who has been chatted up by men before. I once had a guy try to go for my boobs (with both hands, trying to grab) because I was wearing a corset. You can be sure that didn't end well. Link to comment
Nutz Posted February 15, 2009 Share Posted February 15, 2009 Read these: link removed link removed link removed It's a basic defense mechanism to blow off choady guys that don't have moxie and are easily affected. The good news is that these women aren't rejecting you. How can they, they don't know you! What they're rejecting is your approach, which can be modified to make women more receptive to your advances. That's what pickup does. It modifies how people perceive you so you can get your foot in the door and let them enjoy who you really are. If you're getting shut down before they get to know you, then it's time to look at ways of changing your presentation. I suggest Rules of the Game by Neil Strauss and Magic Bullets by Love Systems. Both are good for guys just starting out wrt developing their social skill set. Link to comment
enixon Posted February 15, 2009 Share Posted February 15, 2009 You should have turned it into an insult, Why make a women like that feel powerful, so she can do that to some one else? She's already displayed a ugly personality towards you for no reason. You should have insisted you just wanted to ask where she bought such ugly shoes? Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted February 15, 2009 Share Posted February 15, 2009 You should have turned it into an insult, Why make a women like that feel powerful, so she can do that to some one else? She's already displayed a ugly personality towards you for no reason. You should have insisted you just wanted to ask where she bought such ugly shoes? He should insult her and lash out because she reacted badly to him just touching her? I'd probably do the same. Link to comment
servedcold Posted February 15, 2009 Share Posted February 15, 2009 WOMEN! If you don't want to be touched by men, stay in your homes! ~rolls eyes~ Yeah, that's exactly what I said... Bars and clubs are usually loud, crowded and involve a certain degree of touching. I was out Friday night with friends in several different places. I wasn't out to pull, but to have some fun with friends. Maybe 30 or more women I'd never met "touched" me during the course of the night, in various degrees, some overtly during conversation or to start one, some just grabbing my shoulder or arm as they moved by, a couple brushing their chests on me when there was no crowd, maybe looking to meet, maybe just a little buzzed. I found none of this offensive. What's good for the goose is good for the gander. If you are really averse to touching, you shouldn't go to places where being touched casually by the opposite sex is standard, and this is not the same as being told to "stay home" or that you should be comfortable being grabbed offensively. Link to comment
Mario_Basler Posted February 15, 2009 Share Posted February 15, 2009 That's the nature of equality my friend, when a women touches a man in a bar it's all kookie and Bridget Jones, when a man touches a women you'll likely have your nuts bitten off by a police dog after a swat team crashes through the window. Link to comment
lost1607307474 Posted February 15, 2009 Share Posted February 15, 2009 It might have been the touching, although you did mention that she didn't seem to be surprised by that aspect of it.... Personally I don't like it when strange guys touch me. But some people are just a bit rude about saying 'no.' I wouldn't worry about it. Link to comment
lost1607307474 Posted February 15, 2009 Share Posted February 15, 2009 That's the nature of equality my friend, when a women touches a man in a bar it's all kookie and Bridget Jones, when a man touches a women you'll likely have your nuts bitten off by a police dog after a swat team crashes through the window. It's not about gender equality, it's about whether the touching is wanted or unwanted. Most women will not want strange men touching them because it makes them feel unsafe, insecure, or threatened. Men, on the other hand, would probably not feel unsafe or threatened by a strange woman touching them. Women have the right to feel threatened or unsafe when being approached or touched my a man they do not know and this is because statistics relating to the rape and sexual abuse of women are increasingly higher than that of men. Link to comment
agent1607307371 Posted February 15, 2009 Share Posted February 15, 2009 Look, you want to go up to strange women and touch them, then women have every right to just say no. She wasn't rude, she didn't go off on the OP, she was just straight forward and didn't waste anyones time. It sucks for the OP but there's nothing worse than having people you just aren't interested in pawing at you. The fact is that for every guy you have touching your arm, there will be more coming up and grabbing your ass or chest. It gets old. Really really fast. Ultimately, if he'd just got in her eyeline and mouthed "Hi" that would have got her attention. He didn't need to touch her until he'd established contact. Would it have got a better reaction? Who can say. He was rejected either because he touched her, because he wasn't her type, or because of both. And if he'd just been trying to get past her, she probably wouldn't have spoke to him at all. Link to comment
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