Does Everyone Get Turned Down?????

[Darkness_Falls]

It gets tiring when guys are constantly trying to get your attention. Not trying to be big headed or anything but whenever I go out I get quite a few guys trying to talk to me using whatever method they have adopted to try and get my attention. And it gets so tiring when you just want to have a good night out with friends. I am engaged and not looking for a guy to speak to. I will make friends with anyone if they seem genuine and interesting. But guys should try to understand that they are gonna get shot down by girls, and it can be quite abrupt if the girl is used to getting lots of unwanted attention. Sometimes you just snap. Big deal, move on.

[BrunetteBarbie]

well for me I dont like to be touched too son when I dont know the guy, even if its my arm, especially in a club, I rly dont like it and I can imagen she didnt either..doesnt matter how gentle, etc

 

She might also have already a bf.. or was bad-mood. I also agree that first make eye contact see if she looks at you back etc.

 

Rly dont think it had anything to do with you, Im sure your attractive and other girls would rly like to date with you.. So dont think about too much on this girl, there are numbers of reasons why she gave you such a reaction!.

[Nutz]

And it gets so tiring when you just want to have a good night out with friends. I am engaged and not looking for a guy to speak to.

 

Why in the world are you going to go to a social place and not want to be social? If you're so about hanging out with friends then do so at a friend's place. The very nature of socializing at a bar, lounge, whatever requires at the most basic level people to be social and talk with others. Guess what...guys (and women for that matter) are going to want to talk to you if you catch their attention.

 

You might as well said you just want to swim with friends and are disappointed when other people are at the beach. If you want to enjoy the water so much without the hassle of dealing with other people then go over to your friend's place and enjoy their pool.

[Darkness_Falls]

So what you are saying is that if I dont want to converse with strangers then I must shut myself away from them? Yeah whatever. I go to metal clubs and I love the atmosphere because me and my friends are drinking and having fun. I do talk to people and I do make new friends there. I shouldn't have to avoid going to these kinds of places with my friends just because I don't want to have guys come onto me. I deal with it. And it times it isn't easy when 6 or 7 guys a night are attempting to get my attention. I go to these clubs to let my hair down with friends and make new friends. I could do without guys touching me but it's not like I can really stop it unless I tell them to. And I do. I turn them down because I'm really not interested in having a bit on the side.

 

Whats wrong with going to a social place and socialising with friends? Do I really need to converse with the sleazy guys coming onto me? No I don't need to put up with that. And I don't. Guys soon get the message if they are unwanted by me. I'm not even being big headed, I'm an average looking girl.

 

I don't understand your comparison at all. I go to the beach and have a swim and guess what, no one comes onto me or touches me! I pretty much go most places and am fine. Clubs are a different matter. All I am saying is that girls get A LOT of attention and it can get rather tiring when you just want to have a good time with friends. And yes that will cause me to turn down guys in not the nicest of manners.

 

Your point makes no sense to me because you don't seem to understand what it's like to have so many people come onto you and you just want a break!

[Nutz]

Saw this thread and thought of your comments:

 

link removed

 

Your goal of socializing is a two way street. You have to take the good with the bad, so being gawked at and hit on by people is part and parcel of going to bars & clubs. There's implied intent that you accept that by simply going out to begin with.

[Cognitive_Canine]

Saw this thread and thought of your comments:

 

link removed

 

Your goal of socializing is a two way street. You have to take the good with the bad, so being gawked at and hit on by people is part and parcel of going to bars & clubs. There's implied intent that you accept that by simply going out to begin with.

 

And YOU have to take the good with the bad when approaching someone. Sometimes your approach will be met with a bad reaction when you cross the line.

 

And, I'm not going to stop going out just because I am not looking. Socializing is not a single only event.

[servedcold]

Started thinking about this thread some more, and reviewing some of my social interactions, the places where they occur, and the people they occur with. A person has every right to expect that if they go to a bar that they won't meet drunk people, but those expectations would be laughably unrealistic. A person has every right to expect to go into a place where people are not only drinking to excess, but also talking to strangers, hooking up, etc., and not be approached in such a fashion. A person has a right to jump into the middle of a mosh pit and expect not to get touched, "Hey! Respect my 'personal space!' Stop bumping me!" Again, those expectations would be laughably unrealistic.

 

A person who goes into a crackhouse is welcome to exclaim "OMG this place is full of crackheads! I should be able to go to the crackhouse without these nasty crackheads being around!"

 

And, I have the right to laugh and shake my head in response.

[Iceman26]

Alright, I think I'll wade into this one.....

 

I went to clubs in LA, San Diego, and Las Vegas almost every weekend for the better part of a decade so you could say I have some experience.

 

I wouldn't touch, grab, or come up behind women and start dancing with them on the dance floor. I would wince when I would see men doing that and saw some rather unpleasant situations occur because of it.

 

I do agree with servedcold however that that is normal behavior in a club. I don't condone it, but it is part of the atmosphere. Drunk and horny people don't care about another person's boundaries.

 

Was this girl rude? Yes and no. You never know what a person has going on when you approach them. Maybe her boyfriend just broke up with her, she was upset, and she just wanted to relax with her friends. You just don't know. All you do is move on.

[Medeal]

Found this forum through reading up some on psychology, so hi. Interesting thread, so much that I had to register.

 

The male camp seems to be mostly reading from the whatever pickup book they consider their bible having not understand that rejection might come from just that touching the book describe as harmless... Some people just do not feel like getting touched by strangers even if it was by accident. Cultures also from my experience seem to have some influence when it comes to touch.

 

The female camp seems to draw the victim card or going with, "I do not like when men touch me or gives me attention, do they not know I got a boyfriend". Men are just about as much of a mind reader as women are so, if you do not have a ring on your finger, they probably do not know this...

 

As for if men can feel threatened if women place their hands on you in various ways, doubt it. I am pretty tall and can handle myself pretty well but personally I do not exactly thrive when women makes their moves on me, not because I feel threatened but more just because I do not know the person who just made her move for my attention. Be it a hand on the shoulder or a hand somewhere else (the hand on the shoulder or at ones waist can someone explain why and just not say hi to me?). It is all about personal space and unless an invitation was given I personally manage just fine without that kind of attention.

 

Suppose my sentiment works for both men and women as seems to be the case at least for the female part of this conversation.

[jammin_james61]

I'd just like to point out that servedcold wasn't condoning anything other than tapping a woman on her shoulder to get her attention. He might agree that the typical bar behavior that you're referring to is acceptable, but I don't think he ever alluded to that in any of his posts.

[CreoUCLA]

Big deal, move on.

 

+1

 

Don't take it personally. That's my motto in bars/clubs...

 

A couple weekends ago I introduced myself to a girl and her friends (another girl and her boyfriend) who were sitting near me. We started talking, and then she asked me to go dance with her and her friends. After a few minutes of dancing, the boyfriend takes off. So her and her friend started dancing together, completely excluding me. After about 10 seconds, I turned to both of them and said, "My friends are waiting... It was nice meeting you both" with a smile. I walked off and joined my friends to have even more fun.

 

I could care less why some girl, who I don't know nor will ever see again, rejects me.

 

-Mike-

[Iceman26]

I'd just like to point out that servedcold wasn't condoning anything other than tapping a woman on her shoulder to get her attention. He might agree that the typical bar behavior that you're referring to is acceptable, but I don't think he ever alluded to that in any of his posts.

 

Oh I know that. I was referring to clubs in general and the physical contact that typically goes on there (touching, grabbing, bumping, etc).

[Darkness_Falls]

To the OP: all you gotta do is possibly work on your technique of getting women's attention. Eye contact would probably be better. And if they shoot you down just say to yourself "NEXT!"

[isthisused]

Why in the world are you going to go to a social place and not want to be social? If you're so about hanging out with friends then do so at a friend's place. The very nature of socializing at a bar, lounge, whatever requires at the most basic level people to be social and talk with others. Guess what...guys (and women for that matter) are going to want to talk to you if you catch their attention.

 

You might as well said you just want to swim with friends and are disappointed when other people are at the beach. If you want to enjoy the water so much without the hassle of dealing with other people then go over to your friend's place and enjoy their pool.

 

 

Ok this is just too much, Its as if you think the only reason people might want to go to the bar is to get laid. If your not here for me then you shouldn’t be here! Are you serious? People have the right to gather and enjoy each other’s company in a bar or on a beach and they need not give you the time of day. I don’t think rudeness is called for but in defense of the rude girl, some guys don’t take a polite no for an answer.

[isthisused]

Wow quite a thread!

Ok so what have we learned Some women don’t mind being touched by strangers and some women mind it very much. Some women who are offended, offend some guys. So here is my take. If your goal is to meet women, then its best to play it safe and NOT touch the woman. The woman who doesn’t mind being touched isn’t going to say”I would have liked him but he didn’t even touch my arm!” Eye contact is defiantly the way to go. Any guy who is bothered by a woman not wanting to be touched by a stranger doesn’t deserve to be touching a woman.

As for the question about getting shot down, If your looking for a relationship the bar is not the best place, if your looking to get laid, keep in mind, Women are there for various reasons and though many might be hoping to get laid its probably a small percentage and then those are divided into those who are into your type and those who are not( and possibly by those who like to be touched) As with sales it’s a numbers game. For every rejection, you are that much closer to the one who is interested. But I think you should have class when rejected, going for the cheap shot because your ego is bruised is pretty lame. Take the high road and wish the girl a good evening, smile and move on. One last thing, When you find the girl who wants to get laid, don’t delude yourself into thinking that you are so special that you are the only guy that she has done it with. Not that you would look down on her for it after all she wants the same thing you do. But you should take necessary precautions. I personally found little satisfaction in this sort of lifestyle, lots of action no saticfaction. Good luck!

[Nutz]

Ok this is just too much, Its as if you think the only reason people might want to go to the bar is to get laid. If your not here for me then you shouldn’t be here! Are you serious? People have the right to gather and enjoy each other’s company in a bar or on a beach and they need not give you the time of day. I don’t think rudeness is called for but in defense of the rude girl, some guys don’t take a polite no for an answer.

 

I think you missed the point of my post, which is that you don't go out to a social place where people are going to try to talk or hit on you and get pissed when that happens. It's like wearing a nice plunging neckline, then complaining about guys looking at your boobs. Well did you expect was gonna happen from wearing that???

[isthisused]

I think you missed the point of my post, which is that you don't go out to a social place where people are going to try to talk or hit on you and get pissed when that happens. It's like wearing a nice plunging neckline, then complaining about guys looking at your boobs. Well did you expect was gonna happen from wearing that???

 

 

That I would agree with , What I take exception to is the idea that if women want to gather and socialize among themselves that they should do it at their place, and not in a bar. However I don’t think those women should be offended if someone tries to talk with them. I think the position they are sitting in should tell a guy a lot. If they are sitting around a table facing each other and are in conversation, thiswould leave me with the impression they are not looking to make new friends. But if they are sitting around one side of a table and are looking around the room while talking to each other then they are approachable and women sitting like this can be approached from the front and there is no need to touch them.

[Nutz]

That I would agree with , What I take exception to is the idea that if women want to gather and socialize among themselves that they should do it at their place, and not in a bar. However I don’t think those women should be offended if someone tries to talk with them. I think the position they are sitting in should tell a guy a lot. If they are sitting around a table facing each other and are in conversation, thiswould leave me with the impression they are not looking to make new friends. But if they are sitting around one side of a table and are looking around the room while talking to each other then they are approachable and women sitting like this can be approached from the front and there is no need to touch them.

 

In my experience, that rarely happens. Plenty of women who want to get picked up (as well as those who don't) have no clue about the vibe they're giving off, positioning, etc.

[isthisused]

In my experience, that rarely happens. Plenty of women who want to get picked up (as well as those who don't) have no clue about the vibe they're giving off, positioning, etc.

 

 

Here in lays the problem, some peoples parents failed to teach manors. The belief that it is some how ok to approach a table that has people you don’t know sitting at it all facing each other and in conversation, and interrupt that conversation by touching one of the people is just wrong. It is rude, So this begs the question, Do people who do this not realize that it is rude? Or Do they think that their personal quest to hook up is so important that they don’t care that they are being rude? In either case I think that if a guy acts rudely, he should not be surprised when he gets a rude response.

[Nutz]

Here in lays the problem, some peoples parents failed to teach manors. The belief that it is some how ok to approach a table that has people you don’t know sitting at it all facing each other and in conversation, and interrupt that conversation by touching one of the people is just wrong. It is rude, So this begs the question, Do people who do this not realize that it is rude? Or Do they think that their personal quest to hook up is so important that they don’t care that they are being rude? In either case I think that if a guy acts rudely, he should not be surprised when he gets a rude response.

 

Interrupting a table full of people to give value and brighten someone's day with a compliment and/or pleasant conversation is no different from asking to borrow the salt. It's all in how you do it. Most guys suck at approaching women, which is why your thinking the way you do. I've approached a table full of women in teh past and probably came off just like you're thinking. Now I know better and when I approach usually they invite me to sit down and join them. It's all about having social savvy and being personable.

[psychoanalytical]

LOL I wouldn't go up to a stranger and start touching her shoulder. If I was a girl I would find this a little creepy. That's probalby why, inspite of how good looking u are.