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friends with bf's "ex"


stephla
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my bf had a female friend with who he was very in love,but for some reason they were never together. (they spent a lot of time together and had a great connection,but have never dated,or been in a relationship.)

he often tells me stories about how great time they had,and what they did. their "friendship" ended with her using NC.

it's been quite some time since that,and suddenly my bf told me he contacted her,and they're going to meet. he wants me to meet her too,because she is so great and so on...he often talks about her to his friends who also knew her. and when he does it,his friends give me weird looks. i don't know are they trying to tell me something,but don't wanna get involved in our stuff.

 

should i be worried? i don't think this is about making me jealous. he did tell me about the meeting,he did invite me,but still she rejected him while she had her on the pedestal,and i think she still has her like that,so i feel like she's a treat to me. although he told me he just wants to be friends with her.

 

i can't say him not to go. it would also be rude from me to refuse to go with them. (i don't wanna look like a jealous gf who's going with her bf everywhere,although he was the one who invited me.) i feel this is worse than him wanting us to be friends with his ex. i mean why go there? is this disrespectful and does he still have some feelings for her?

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I think he wants to show you off, but wants you to meet her, to see u don't have any competition.

 

or maybe he feels, if you meet you, and get on with her, u guys can have an alround great time together.

 

or maybe, he hopes if u meet her, u will trust them together alone?

 

Has he given u any reason to not trust him?

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I would feel like that's a little sketchy, too. I agree with the above poster, but another thing to think about is talking to him about it. I would just say something lightly about it, since they did have something together. Just to "clarify" things. If he gets upset, then drop it. It's your choice, but I think it's healthy to be able to talk to your S/O for things that might upset you.

 

If he does want you meet her, that's a very good sign. Maybe just go and see how things play out. Talk to him if you feel the need. Good luck!

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I wouldnt worry to be honest, I'm friends with my other half ex and he still sees a girl he is good friends with without me, and I know they are just friends. I'm still friends with most of my ex's and I get on better with guys than I do girls anyway, try thinking about it from the other way...you must have lads that you are good friends with x

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So he asked to date her and she said no and then went NC?

 

Then I suspect that this is really entirely about him wanting to see her again, both out of curiosity and to show that he's moved on from her--"See, look, I have a new girlfriend and I don't need you after all!"

 

I do think you should talk to him about your feelings before the meeting so he knows to be careful of them, but I would probably go if I were you. If you refuse and he goes without you you'll continue to wonder what exactly is up there, and if you refuse and he doesn't go he may resent you for not letting him get closure, if that's what he thinks he's doing.

 

I'm sorry you're in this situation--I have a boyfriend who insists on staying friends with most of his exes and gets a bit wistful talking about them sometimes, so I can definitely sympathize!!!

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Why did she go NC with him?

 

i don't know, i think he doesn't know it eighter. only she knows that. (if she wanted to be with him,she would be,no matter what,but she obviously didn't,so does the reason really matter?)

 

it's just a matter of approaching past differently. i've never wanted to introduce any of my ex to any of my bf. that's the best for everyone. i want to protect my current relationship. besides,i've never stayed friends with any of my ex. most of that friendships are not true. one side almost always wants more,and from my experience,guys were the ones. that's why i'm pretty worried. but my bf not just stays friends or in good terms with all ex, he wants us all to be friends! complete opposite of what i do. i wanted to hear your opinions on that. if i talk with him about it, i'm positive it'll upset him,and i'll turned out as a jealous gf, and that's the last thing i want.

 

this situation is pretty off,no matter how much i trust him. if it was reverse, if the girl liked him, contacted him, and met him, but he didn't want to have anything like that with her, i wouldn't be bothered. but he is the one who was madly in love with her, and contacted her! what if he refreshes his feelings there? yeah i will go and meet her. but later on, if they connect and start hanging out together. how to be fine with that?

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