What is my true problem?

[Nwadour]

Here I am again, more than one year after I started posting on this community, to report on my latest developments.

 

For who doesn't remember me (and I guess it's a quite big number of people in here), this is a "resume" of my life:

- I'm 17 years old

- in my whole scholar life until a few years ago I was always "looked down at" for my dark skin, and other "racist-similar" reasons, also because I go to a private school which has many "rules of society, etc.".

I was literally ignored by girls.

- I started to be happy in my way of life, that was: a nerd, with full points in all 15 subjects we had at school, and the best in the whole form.

- in 2001 this new girl came to our school, who in this forum I always referred as "popstar", because she's a very charismatic, beautiful girl, who also is in the music business.

- Through various ways I came to know her better, and also exaggerated a "divine interpretation of events", which probably was the reason that I became depressed etc. (now after all that time I think that that was a sort of "psychotypal behaviour). I thought there was "love" between the two of us, but actually she flirts with everyone, etc. I was depressed throughout the whole year 2003.

- I read a lot of science, etc. especially psychology and brain science and inferred many explanations to what had happened in my life, even though not completely. I now am practically in love with the field of (neuro)psychology.

- I learned more about the true personality of "popstar" and let her be.

-> I was more open, happy, more social, etc., also found out that I, too, can be friends with everyone (almost the whole school knows me).

- I was less depressed and started being very friendly with everyone.

- But then I started noticing some problems that science (which I know)couldn't explain properly:

- in all this time something has happened to me in a way that I've remained "back in time", unindependent, and "dumb".

- as a consequence it seems that this schoolyear I'm again starting my downfall in school-life.

- Not only: I'm starting to notice that I'm truly stupid, sometimes even don't understand things that are said at school by my friends who months ago were much worse than me.

- My true defect started when I started talking about psychology and scientific stuff among my friends. I understand that it's not normal for a 17 year old to talk about such "higher subjects", but I'm starting to doubt, since my friends, who in the meanwhile have become "more intelligent, charismatic, awake than me", always take me on a ride when I talk about such things.

- I've noticed that I lack of spontaneity in speech.

- main consequence: I'm not anymore sure whether my selfconfidence will help me to become a truly social person, a person who talks, etc. which is my actual target.

 

The problem is, I don't know what is currently happening to me.

Have I always been dumb and only now, in the higher grades, this is "revealing"?

Is the reaction of my friends towards my "scientific jargon" only a way of joking about me or do they do it because certain sciences as psychology are truly (seen as) useless, etc.?

I always tend towards the second option, since I've noticed in the last few... months (that means: since I've started learning about psychological sciences etc and I've done a lot of things to improve myself) that I look a person who has never seen the world, a person without any culture, and I repeat, since then I've also become worse in studies.

 

I don't know how to find an answer to my "stupidity" through psychology, so I want to ask you an opinion about me, a person who maybe has studied too much about the scientifical backgrounds of the human brain

(and maybe also expects too much from himself?) and thereforeeee doesn't deserve to become a social genius...

 

Please help... thanks ^^

[amilasiu]

look, all you need to do is to wait out the time until college. believe you me, you'll fit right in. I think from the way you choose your words and phrase your sentences you have become too mature for highschool. So don't worry just hang in there until college hits.

[Nwadour]

But what if I've become less mature instead?

I'm starting to see the whole world in a scientific way and that may affect against my relationships with everyone.

I sometimes try to joke, etc. but my jokes are never appreciated by the others. Whereas I often never understand what's funny in the jokes of my friends.

I absolutely don't think that I've become too mature.

Maybe I've learned a lot from the books, but I'm still not satisfied with the fact that there are more indipendent people than me, who are even younger than me and are able to talk in society, and have something I never had, neither before nor after I started learning: leadership, authority.

 

See, maybe I'm immature for the fact itself that I look for a leading position among my friends. Maybe I'm still too dependant from my parents.

What's sure for me is that even though I'm greeted by the whole school every morning I'm never able to say something without risking of getting the face of someone who says great bulls**t.

And I don't want this to go on forever

[amilasiu]

so i guess you feel out of sync with the popular teen culture. Well, as I said, college eliminates this in a flash. However, successful jokes, leadership and authority also can be learned if you are willing to invest time in that. When I was in similar rut, I improved my humor with Calvin and Hobbes comic books. You can force yourself into leadership and authority positions pretty easily by getting involved in the activities that would challenge you in these ways. Then again, you go to private shool, imagine how painful that would be in a public school. yech..

 

Anyways, if you find yourself having a scientific mode of thinking, approach your perceived inadequacies in the same scientific thinking way, i.e. by evaluating your weak points, researching the ways to improving them and applying the techniques (but hide it from your school mates - high schools do not understand that sort of thing.)

[Athena]

Nwadour,

I work in the high tech industry and am surrounded by very intelligent people, math phd's, you name it. Think about what kind of focus and energy it takes to get a PHd in.... whatever... and, especially a science or math related field - it takes quite a bit of commitment. What I see in most of these folks is a lack of social maturity. I suppose that during their young adult years, they were very focused on their intellectual endevors and lacked the time/motivation/opportunity - all of the above - to develop social skills.

 

I don't know if that sheds any light on your situation or not, but reading what you are saying, made me think of it.

 

-A

[MollyElise]

Athena - this is a point Ive had many discussions about. A very chicken and egg syndrome.

 

We have many very well educated people employed at my company, and its a running joke that the PHDs have the lowest level of social and common sense.

[ilinara]

I think you are very intelligent and that is what causes the problem. You were ahead already before you tried socialising, that made you different and especially teens but people in general want people around them that are like themselves. The extra effort to socialise is very good and it is important to have a satisfying life in the future as these kind of things are best exercised and refined when you are a teenager.

I think the numbness comes from the feelings you had to repress when you understood this girl actually does not love you. You have to work on those feelings that she caused you to get out of it. That is the cause for your depression, too.

Look at it from a larger point of view. Maybe she was send to you to be a trigger for you to develop interest in neuroscience etc. Life is like this, something causes to you to take up some interests, you forget about what it was later or you understand that this girl for example was not meant to be and nothing to be sad for when you get the maturity and learn more about people and get to know yourself but it causes something in you and that triggers some other interests or events and you find yourself somewhere where you are truly happy, where you are meant to be. I suggest take life easy in these years, try to get most of it, make as many experiences as you can as those will help you to find out what you truly would like to do in life. Don't stick too hard when something is not happening, let it go try something else, someone else.

Don't try to make jokes they will not understand them. If you really want to make jokes they can understand, you would need to change your way of thinking, you would need to involve more steps where as you are jumping (my impression) right now. Don't do it even if you get to that point it will make you stupid. You are used to think in giant steps, you will feel as stupid when you pace down to their speed because you are used to your own speed your whole life, that is what is normal for you. Keep them for some special people that are able to understand them. But the socialising thing is very important. Study their behaviour and learn where you are different. You can learn to adjust and they will like you when you are similar to them. But don't change your personality. Just adapt the words you use or how detailed you go into a subject etc.

You have to accept that you are different and accept it as gift. It is hard in those years but you will love it in ten years. Accept it and use your gift, your brain.

It is not maturity, you are ahead. Don't try to be less, never ever. It is like you are in the one percentile of this world, and you will come closer to people that are like you the more you move up in life, university, job etc. If you try to be less now to find social acceptance you will loose opportunities in the future that will bring you to the place you belong and where you will be able live out your abilities (what is really fulfilling). The other way you can never be like them and you will not achieve what was meant for you: A life of a waisted genius. Never really happy, never belonging to the crowd.

Get out of that depression, it makes you feel less. Severe depression itself can cause your I.Q. to drop down. Best thing is to first try doing sports and working on stuff that makes you sad not repressing it. You are ahead, don't forget that, use it to your advantage, you don't have any other choice if you want to be happy later in your life.

[Nwadour]

I actually never was depressed as I wrote this topic (and ever since I started to learn about all the scientific backgrounds of "feelings" > depression is useless!)

I was only worried of not being able to never become a leader in society, which is actually - I repeat - one of the main things I want to obtain. And actually that is also one of the reasons, apart from my "love experiences", etc., that made me start studying neurosciences/psychology, etc. But which actually doesn't make me feel of having "naturally obtained certain things" (since in my deepest neuron I still have a sense of "feeling/personality/etc." even though personalities can actually be very dynamic).

 

In any case, once again thanks very much for the advice

 

P.S.: I still would appreciate any tips (which have a less scientific background) on how to improve spontaneity in speech, how to make the correct words come out in the correct moment.

 

Thanks