my friend is cheating on his wife, i want to tell her

[hello2u]

My friend works about 150 miles from home. He has cheated many times but now actually has a girlfriend near work. He also has a small apartment near work where he stays during his 4 day work week. Meanwhile his wife is at home taking care of 2 small children. She has no knowledge of the cheating since it is happening so far from home. He goes back home on his weekends and plays the husband/father role. I have developed feelings for his wife and would like to clue her in on his cheating not only in hopes of her becoming available but because I don't like what he's doing to her. I'd appreciate any advice I could get. Should I tell her? Is there a way to help her find out without actually telling her so my friend wouldn't be furious with me? By the way, my friend is a cop and carries a gun so I'm worried about how he would react.

[akatoro]

Hey there, hello.

 

Do you really want a friend who cheats on persons that he "loves"?

If he can do that so easily, I don't doubt that he can forsake his friends as well..

 

Perhaps if you had some proof you could lay out to her?

 

Oh, and yes. I would tell her because if I was in her situation I'd consider friends who knew, but did not tell, to be cheating me too.

Just think about it some more.. And listen to other peoples opinions as well.

 

Good luck, pal.

[lil_unique_me]

i would definetly tell her... regardless of what you feel about the wife. it is your duty as a friend. if your friend can cheat on his wife and starve his kids of a proper father then he is not worth having as a friend. AT ALL.

Hope this helps.

Catie xxx

[Maverick44]

I disagree.

 

I don't think you should tell.

 

It seems to me the only reason you want to tell is because you want to have the wife be available so that you can hook up with her. Otherwise, you have a responsibility to let every person who has a cheating spouse/bf know everytime you encounter this situation. Would you be willing to do that EVERYTIME or only when it is convenient for you?

 

I'm not saying this isn't a difficult situation but, I'm sorry, I question your intentions.

 

Maverick

[Athena]

I don't think you should tell her.

 

This situation is between your friend and his wife. It seems reasonable to me that if you somehow found out this information, others will too and the truth will eventually find its way around to his wife.

 

I would encourage you to talk to your friend and discuss the wrongness of what he is doing and encourage him to do the right thing.

 

My girlfriend is cheating on her husband who is also a very good friend. I've decided not to tell him, but I because she and I are close, she confides in me and with that relationship, I try and get to her to really think about the wrongness of here actions and about doing the right thing.

 

-A

[Michael2]

Do not tell. Period, end of story.

 

The reason you are even contemplating telling her is because you want something to happen between the two of you. That is where your problem lies. You believe you will come out as the knight in shining armor, and you somehow hope she will end up wanting to be with you.

 

It is none of your business in my opinion.

[OK1]

Tell her... but keep your feelings in check, if this guy is truly your firend tell his wife, he will be furious with you true but it will save alot of probs. in the future, they will either fix it or break up but that will happen any way if he continous the way he is acting... it is your obligatin as a friend to tell his wife no matter the consecuence, i knew this friend he was 16 and he used to DUI... i threatened to tell his mom idf he didint stop he didint so i told his mom, his mo took his driving permit and didnt let him use the car, a year later he thanked and told me that i saved his life because if he kept drun drivin he could kill himself or another.... it is your duty even if your friends gets mad at u...

[woopsydaisy]

I would not tell her...even though it is blatently wrong what is happening.The only reason i say this is that you have feelings for her.Ask yourself the question what are really my motives for doing this?...is it out of doing her the favour or is it because you want her?.I know you mean to do the right thing and been cheated on is just not fair.But if you do tell her and then you make a move on this woman shes going to suss and it wont look good... believe me...plus i bet you will have your pal breathing down your neck.and then... theres the kids its going to confuse them as well..far to complecated.

[hello2u]

Just to update everyone, the guy didn't even go home on his days off this week because He took his girlfriend on a road trip to Lake Tahoe, Nevada. He told his wife that he has to go to "court" this weekend (remember he's a cop).

 

I have talked to him numerous times about being faithful to his wife and he agrees that he is doing wrong but he says that he will never stop cheating. I forgot to tell you guys that he visits brothels in Tijuana, Mexico a few times a year. He also calls on local prostitutes from time to time.

[OK1]

wow... tahts some pretty serious stuff expecialy if hes a married man... i think the final dessicion is up to you wether to tell his wife or not... But take into account why your doing it are you telling her because you want to be with her or are you telling her because you think what your friend is doing is wrong... But if you are gonna tell her in hopes of being with her keep your mouth shut...

[RosiePosie]

You have to tell her so that she can protect herself from diseases...don't wait, do it now!!!

[teaser]

You have to tell her, you would never forgive yourself if you knew and she caught something from him.

 

Can you do something like send an anonymous letter?

I am married and if I were in that situation I would want to know as soon as possible. If you let it carry on and she finds out later on, and then finds out that other people knew before her, she will feel worse.

I don't think you should tell her for your own personal gains, but for her own health, safety and happiness.

 

T

[Michael2]

The real question is?

 

Do you really think she doesnt KNOW already.?

 

Women arent that clueless, especially if this guy is that much of a sleaze ball.

[RosiePosie]

But some women trust their husbands a lot and refuse to see anything that might hurt their perfect picture of them unless they are confronted with the truth...(they might see clues, but dismiss them)...

 

Tell her - she deserves to know...

[Athena]

My thoughts exactly Michael. Sometimes people know the truth but don't want to face it.

 

I'd be very surprised if she doesn't know.

 

My position still stands - stay out of it - it's not your business.

 

-A

[Michael2]

Tell her , then tell her how you have developed feelings for her. Let us know how that turns out.

 

Once again, you are walking on glass here. Stay out of THEIR business, because it really isnt any of yours.

[hello2u]

I asked her to join me for dinner this friday night. She said yes. I think she has a feeling of my intentions toward her. I'm planning on making my move on her and not say anything about my friend cheating on her. This is kind of a different approach than I had planned but at least this way she wont be hurt by the news about her husband, and we can just concentrate on us. What do you guys think? Is this a good idea?

[Michael2]

Are you serious. Is this a legit post.

 

You are making the moves on not only a married woman but also your best friends wife.

 

I have no advice on this situation other then you are overstepping so many levels.

[woopsydaisy]

If that wasnt a joke?

 

Ok so you take her out for dinner ...you hit on her and she replies positvely..your happy ...but im just wondering how do you think you and her will come accross. Not only is she married, shes married to your best friend.Call me cruel... but if she reacts to your advances not knowing what her husband is like..isnt she just as bad as him?..if so maybe her and her husband make a dynamic duo like batman and robin.

[Michael2]

LOL WOOPSY DAISY.

 

Too funny, but at the same time this whole debacle is pretty sad when you think about it.

[sydsmami]

I understand that you have developed feelings for this woman, but come on...she knows or she will soon. You want to tell her so she'll come to you, but rebound romance doesn't usually last. I would hate to be in your position, because I know that if you have intense feelings for her you hate it that she is being made a fool of. There are more people here to think about other than your "friend", yourself and this woman. Think of her children who I am sure don't know a thing about the dynamics of what is going on here. All they'll know is that their mommy is sad, their dad has moved out and they'll be the ones to suffer.

 

Kerry 0X

[hello2u]

Okay everybody, let me tell you how it went. I met her at her house Friday night. She decided to make dinner for me. The kids (4 and 5 years old) were occupied with several disney dvd's for the night in their bedroom. After dinner we had a few glasses of wine. I finally worked up the courage to tell her what her husband has been doing behind her back. Well, just like a couple of you said, she already knew!! She told me that she learned to live with it because his job provides a good living for them. She had been planning for the right time to tell me that she is interested in building a relationship with me!! I was so happy to hear that! I leaned over and we kissed very passionately. We made love several times throughout the night. I really want this to work. I now plan on encouraging my friend to leave his wife for his girlfriend so he will be out of the picture.

[sydsmami]

You are now no different that your "friend". I am so happy that Disney babysitted this woman's poor children so the two of you could make love over and over again. I really think you are using this forum to boast about your conquests that to really get any advice, or even consider any of it. This won't end happily ever after. I just wish adults would remember that they are the adults and the decisions they make shape and make children who they are going to be.

Poor babies.

 

[-X

[hello2u]

Please don't judge me sydsmami. I am not using this forum to boast. I appreciate all of the advice I've received from here but you just don't know how much I love her. My feelings run so deeply that it hurts to not be with her. I don't know if you've ever been in this position, but it's not fun and nothing to boast about.

[Mr. Helper]

"you" don't technically have to tell her. you can use a service like link removed to place calls to his cell phone with the other girls phone number, like when they are at dinner together.

 

should make it easy to bust him.