sarey Posted February 3, 2009 Author Share Posted February 3, 2009 Dr Yi is she. &doesn't matter. My intake y'day: Salad sandwhich, a candy bar and a yoghurt. My heart is visable and beating hard and sh*it. Nothing new I s'pose. Pains. Hate this. Link to comment
sarey Posted February 3, 2009 Author Share Posted February 3, 2009 Okay. I'm going to request my blood pressure get taken when I go to the nurse. And ask her if it's okay. And tell her about all of this. I hope she can have a say. I feel awful. Honest to god. I'm crying every goddamn night now. I feel so alone, and I'm in pain, and I'm worried about my damn heart which keeps going hard and fast and I can't take it anymore. I'm just... *sighs* Please. Someone help me. Link to comment
sarey Posted February 3, 2009 Author Share Posted February 3, 2009 Oh God What if my hearts failing? What if I die? PLEASE SOMEONE JUST HELP ME JUST PLEASE PLEASE HELP ME MAKE THIS GO NOW I'M CRYING I'M * * * * ING SIXTEEN YEARS OLD WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME? Link to comment
IndigoEye Posted February 3, 2009 Share Posted February 3, 2009 sarey. i'm very ill right now. can't help much but let me ask you to know i care and will be better soon to help if i can. have to go to bed now and am sorry about that but want you to consider a strange but true thing. negative words from you can actually harm your body. it's true. please take better care of yourself by focusing on more positive conrtol of your outlook which actually guides your health. hard to explain right now but you can help control your health by telling yourself that you are OK. in your situation or mine it is essential to take control with positive focus and determination. i know some times are more scary than others. i have that now. must go. blessings. good night. see you later. Link to comment
sarey Posted February 3, 2009 Author Share Posted February 3, 2009 back from hosp. they checked my electroytes or whatever, fine, they checked my thryroid, fine, they chedked my heart stuff, checked for blood clots, fine, checked a bunch of crap, urine sample, 3 ecgs, hooked to a heart monitor, blood sugars checked, my heart was racing, oxygen levels were very low when i stood up, it beeped, nd the doc said he cant find a cause, theyve done all the tests they can and it was fine. nd they listened to my chest n sed it sounded normal listened to my heart sounded normal no whoosing noises or murmurs so now im bak to * * * * in sqiuare one my heart is STILL thumping, STILL feel weak, STILL feel dizzy, STILL feel sick Link to comment
tiredofvampires Posted February 3, 2009 Share Posted February 3, 2009 Do you know your BP? Is it low? When you come to standing from a lying down position, do you feel like you're about to faint? (in a worse way than just the random dizzyness) Did they do an echocardiogram? Link to comment
sarey Posted February 3, 2009 Author Share Posted February 3, 2009 They said they didn't need to do one, if something was wrong with my heart, they'd have heard it, and the one thing I was worried about was mitral valve prelapse, and he told me if that was the case, he'd have heard a whooshing sound, and he said it sounded normal and fine. I had an ECG though. LIKE, 3. My B/p was actually a bit high when I went in, but they also said the battery was low on the machine, the second try they did it it was even higher, but then the doc said that my B/p was normal. I do feel faint when standing. Infact, when I stood up in the hospital, was hooked to a heart montior, it went up to 150 beats and my SATs dropped down to 86. *sigh* So. They said they did all the tests they could, and to have a follow up with Anna and Dr Yi (apparently she is HEAD of the eating disorder specialists, so that explains it) Link to comment
sarey Posted February 4, 2009 Author Share Posted February 4, 2009 Heart is still acting up, even when I'm lying down, even if I just move around in bed, it acts up. URGH. I'm so.. so.. tired of this.. See Anna tomorrow... see what she thinks... probably nothing in that thick head of hers. >. And also, ToV, about that condition, it says the oral contraceptive pill helps it, I have been taking that since early Dec and I actually had no symptoms like this before then. I honestly do think the dizziness on standing is because of my diet. Because it seems when I've ate quite a good fair bit, it helps. Link to comment
sarey Posted February 4, 2009 Author Share Posted February 4, 2009 I am so exhausted with everything. My health, this eating disorder, life... everything. Want to see how exhausted I am? Take a look at what has been happening. I spend so long crying, so long with my heart racing, thumping away, so long with spaced out feeling, dizziness, headache, exhaustion... I've been to hospital, doctors, they cannot find a cause. My heart sounds fine, the blood tests are fine, everything...is...fine. So why is this happening? Is it just plain exhaustion from this eating disorder? Guess I'll find out as time goes on... when my calorie intake increases... when I'm back to "normal"... and if that was the case, then my God, can eating disorders DESTROY every part of you... Exhaustion sure can do much damage. Just not visable to the naked eye, or in this case, to health professionals. They put it down to anxiety, and the eating disorder... It does make sense, my body isn't getting enough nutrients, it's stressed beyond belief, thereforee of course it'd react like this, it's EXHAUSTED... So what do I do now? We'll find out... Link to comment
tiredofvampires Posted February 4, 2009 Share Posted February 4, 2009 I agree with your assessment...if you aren't getting the proper amount of nutrients and glucose to your brain, you have every reason to be exhausted, dizzy, and for your heart to work overtime. So then, it's not something you should torture yourself about as something a doctor can find or fix. Trying to find a medical explanation of something in your body to fix, or the culprit, is sort of like your mind's attempt to find an easier answer than just dealing with the eating disorder. It's easy to say, "Ah ha, it's a heart murmur." It's much harder to say, I've got to change the way I live. So you know what it is, hun. And that's why Dr. Yi is going to be your best bet now. (As for that article I gave you, I'm not sure if postural tachycardia requires that you have low bp, and it's possible that's what's happening anyway. You said at the hospital your bp was high, but maybe that was anxiety and after that your bp was normal, so I dunno. Your heart is definitely being revved by epinephrine [adrenaline], that's why it's pounding the way it is, and hypoglycemia [lack of calories, self-imposed or not] DEFINITELY does that.) Link to comment
sarey Posted February 4, 2009 Author Share Posted February 4, 2009 I still don't think it is that because whenever I eat, when standing and such, I don't feel dizzy anymore, so... it must just be down to that. Since before this eating disorder, I had no problems at all with any of this. And when I don't eat, that is where the dizziness on standing/walking around is worse. And then when I've eaten and kept it down, I feel better. If they thought it was possible, they'd have kept me in and tested me. So... Please bare in mind I have health anxiety ToV, and this isn't really helping, as a few hours ago, I was screaming and crying thinking something was very wrong with me because it was still happening. BUT... I see Anna tomorrow so I'll just discuss this with her. I rarely have 2000 calories a day. I rarely get enough of anything. Which leads me to the conclusion that this is why I am feeling so exhausted, why I'm feeling so tired, so lethargic, so dizzy, so thumpy/racey, pains, etc. Link to comment
sarey Posted February 4, 2009 Author Share Posted February 4, 2009 Also, they tested my blood sugar level and it was 5.5, which they said was within normal range. So. It can't be that? Link to comment
sarey Posted February 4, 2009 Author Share Posted February 4, 2009 That is the reason sweetie, you are not giving your body enough to work with on a consistant basis. Keep recovering Sarey, I love you......HUG Thank you Vic, missed this post, hugs back.xx Link to comment
tiredofvampires Posted February 5, 2009 Share Posted February 5, 2009 I thought perhaps you would feel less anxious if you had a clear medical explanation about why your heart gives you these symptoms/sensations, because I know how scary the unknown of that can be. I know for myself, from experience, that it's far more anxiety-producing to have no answers than someone tell me why I feel so bad and how that works. My apologies if that does not help you. My attempt was to ease your mind, since you've panicked every day and felt desperate for an explanation. I thought I could give you some reassurance about non-life-threatening causes and the possible mechanisms for all this, so that you will not fear the worst. But from now on I will try to stay away from medical speculation, and let your doctors handle it, as it seems they are quite competent in how thorough they have been. And I am VERY glad that you have come to your own correlation of not eating enough with your symptoms. As I said in my last post, I support that assessment 100%. It really is very elementary, isn't it, my Dear Watson. So then what you've got to do now is when you are at the point of screaming and crying wondering what it could be, is to mentally stop yourself consciously and say all the things you've said here -- "This is simply a result of not having eaten enough, and I can do something about it. I don't have to freak out, I just have to continue on my recovery and eating at regular intervals." This is a cognitive behavioral strategy you can do until you see Dr. Yi. Link to comment
sarey Posted February 5, 2009 Author Share Posted February 5, 2009 I don't want any medical condition and want it to be the ED causing this and the stress I've been under so I can cure myself. The thing with that condition is the hypoglo whatever, my sugar levels were fine, so it can't be that, so... Link to comment
sarey Posted February 5, 2009 Author Share Posted February 5, 2009 Anyway, was up all night with a severe headache, a sort of thumping bumping one, it got worse. Also had a lot of pains. Heart was a bit settled, but not as much as I'd like it to be. Anna cannot come out till monday due to the snow. Great. * * * Do I do now. Oh, and the contraceptive pill I'm on can cause high blood pressure, headaches, nausea, and increases my risk of cancer, and a bunch of other crap, like DVT, blood clots, lung blood clots, great, I think I'll go off it, tbh, my last period was painful like any other, and I'd rather see if it could actually just be the pill causing all of this. Unlikely, but worth a shot, and if not, ticked off the list. Still wanna go off tbh. Link to comment
sarey Posted February 5, 2009 Author Share Posted February 5, 2009 I thought this was supposed to be my journal where I let out my feelings and thoughts? Okay in a "polite" way of putting it: Why is my heart, these pains, my head acting like this Oh woe is me, why is this happening It can't be all down to the ED What do I do? Oh lordy. =/ Link to comment
sarey Posted February 6, 2009 Author Share Posted February 6, 2009 I think I slept badly, my ribs are hurting. Blaeh. Mum and me talked a lot. Spent the night together. Was nice. Said that not eating can cause most of what I'm experiencing. Reassurance (Y) I feel a bit odd, like I can't get enough oxygen. I don't know. I actually was thinking I had pulmonary embolism since the birth control pill can increase your risk, especially if you're in bed all day, so... I have actually stopped taking them as of tonight, too much risks, particularly blood pressure and blood clots... *worried* So. I'll just stop&go to my doc&ask for my b.p to be taken to be sure it's okay. Gonna try going to school next week. Gonna try a lot of things next week. It's my cousins kids birthday tomorrow... he really loves me, really attatched, which is a reason I'm not going. I feel absolutely crap, and if he's gonna be dragging me around, playing with me, - not up for it at all. Not his fault though. He's a kid. I'm just not so up for it... Gonna get a new matrice, this one is lumpy and stuff, so is probably a reason I am so achey much of the time, which is a reason my ribs hurt today(I am sure it is since when I woke up it hurt but before going to sleep they didn't). I really just want to get better. Physically. I want to be out of this pain, nomore issues with my health(obviously some will arise in the near future, but I mean right now with all that's going on) Hmm. *thinks* Link to comment
sarey Posted February 7, 2009 Author Share Posted February 7, 2009 Hmm. I'm still up. Been watching a movie and some tv programmes. CAN'T SLEEP. I suck. Ha ha, I had food. I can't handle much at all anymore. BUT I ate it all. Link to comment
sarey Posted February 8, 2009 Author Share Posted February 8, 2009 Why am I so emotional yet so low and just don't see the point in anything Link to comment
sarey Posted February 8, 2009 Author Share Posted February 8, 2009 Keep getting this annoying pain in my leg. Feels like a pressure-achey sort of pain. It's annoying. And what does HA say? "What if it's a blood clot!?" (health anxiety) BLAHHHHHHH. Link to comment
sarey Posted February 8, 2009 Author Share Posted February 8, 2009 Purged. Lousy mistake. -shrug- >. &yes, I am still awake. Emotional. Angry. Unpredictable. &yet just wants to be held and kept safe. From who? The whole damn world. This includes myself. Link to comment
sarey Posted February 8, 2009 Author Share Posted February 8, 2009 Hearts jumpy WHY I'm scared. Scared of so much right now. Link to comment
sarey Posted February 10, 2009 Author Share Posted February 10, 2009 I'mfine. I am fine. I am not fine. Link to comment
sarey Posted February 11, 2009 Author Share Posted February 11, 2009 I seen someone from CAMHS yesterday for a session(been seeing her since I was 7), and the whole session discussed about my eating. She said some things that have made my mindset worse. She is going to talk to someone there(who I've seen before, this person diagnosed me with ADHD and said I have OCD), she specializes in eating disorders too and is the head referral in this area(I think that is what I was told). I see her again next Monday. It was a bad emotional session. I cried for the FIRST TIME infront of her. 8-9 years, and that is the first time I've ever cried in her sessions. embarrassing or what. I've lost more weight, and she weighed me, she was nice about it, I said I wanted her to turn around so I can see it first, then she can see, and she did that. I felt I could trust her. I guess I'll be weighed again next week. So, now I want to loose more. And more. And more. Because I'm a fat failure. And yet my health is taking a huge hit, and I'm getting iller, and I actually feel a bit better after eating. I'm so stuck. Link to comment
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