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How do I help at this hard time?


bootoo

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I've recently started going out with a guy at work, really care for him and he feels the same its going really well and we are getting to know/love each other.

 

His mum has been fighting cancer for years and it has recently spread viciously and she has been moved to a hospice. He has a large family and friend network which is good and he says that he is really glad that he has me in his life at the moment.

 

I try to be there for hugs and talking etc, but I worry I don't know what to say, how often to ask about it etc I feel so much like I want to help and say the right thing but I'm lost for words sometimes and just keep saying that I'm there for him etc which seems to help but I just wish I knew how to be........

 

I wonder if anyone has been in a similar situation?

 

Thank u xxxxxxx

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I think you're doing the right thing, go with your instincts.

When my step dad had cancer and was being treated for it, he struggled to eat and drink anything to the point of actually dehydrating, he lost 7lbs in one night so you can imagine how important that stuff was.

I felt awful, and he's the head of the household but because no one else could do it I had to go into his room and threaten him. He hates hospitals...even more now obviously, but I told him that e didn't drink the alotted amount of water (and I was reasonable) I would take him to hospital...I'd call and ambulance and force him. He knew I'd do it.

My point is, you do what you have to do and you know at the time...if your new boyfriends needs more you'll know or he'll ask for it possibly subtly but he will. Keep offering support and give him some distraction, he'll love you more for it.

Good luck

XXXX

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Bootoo,

First, welcome to ENA.

 

The best thing is to remind him, subtley, that you are there for him. That he can lean on you. Your heart will know what to do.

I wish you and he the very best at this terrible time.

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My best friends brother died three years ago very suddenly. We were all really close friends and it hit everyone really hard. My friend is a very shy person, and so i feel that whenever she wants to talk about it, it should be her decision.

 

If you make yourself very open to him then when he feels like it, he can express himself to you. I also think you're there to help take his mind off it sometimes. Take him places, do things that are fun, if he wants to. It's incredibly hard to be on the edge of these things; the best you can do is take it all as it comes. If he wants to talk, let him. If he wants to say nothing, just hold him. You are obviously doing a good job because you're concerned enough to find advice. You are a supportive girlfriend.

x

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Sometimes saying nothing at all, is golden. It's ok if you don't have the answer to everything in this life, you are doing a great job just being there for moral support and being understanding.

 

When the go and gets tough, the people who are there to catch you when you fall mean everything to you.

 

After all is said and done, your bond will be significantly increased by the hardship which you will have to face together.

 

Being a good listener, is usually key in times like this.

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