Batya33 Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 Agreed, as they should be judged for poor common sense and lack of personal responsibility, but please do not generalize tthat guys are the only ones who do the burning and don't get hurt. Never have - in my experience it is usually the woman but I am well aware there are exceptions. Link to comment
hers Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 Never have - in my experience it is usually the woman but I am well aware there are exceptions. It was wht you said in the post I quoted. Link to comment
Supa_gurl Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 Speaking of casual sex, just look at the new post by poor sexyaimz. Perfect example of what happens. SHe falls for him, he doesn't reciprocate. Casual sex doesn't work in most cases. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 I did read the rest of your post but thats what jumped out at me and I don't think I twist your words because I copied and pasted them directly from your post. I don't think that someone who's stomach turns at the thought of sex for sex sake or someone who feels pity for someone that does IS a sexual hangup, it is what it is. Let's disagree then about how you twisted my words and took them way out of context - - I am not interested in debating that issue or the OP's issue with you. I never wrote that my stomach turned at the thought of sex for sex- but it does at the thought of having intercourse with a stranger - perhaps I should have qualified it further as one night stands rather than an ongoing casual sex interaction between two people - I have a far stronger discomfort reaction to the former. And no, I do not think that is a sexual hangup, just like I don't think enjoying casual sex means that the person necessarily has hangups about emotional intimacy. Link to comment
hers Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 Speaking of casual sex, just look at the new post by poor sexyaimz. Perfect example of what happens. SHe falls for him, he doesn't reciprocate. Casual sex doesn't work in most cases. Exactly. And dressing sexier will only embarrass her or hurt her in some way, b/c it won't make him hve the same feelings for her that she has for him. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 It was wht you said in the post I quoted. No, it wasn't. I wrote "I do judge when women consent and then call the guy a jerk for keeping it to just sex (usually it is the woman)". Link to comment
hers Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 No, it wasn't. I wrote "I do judge when women consent and then call the guy a jerk for keeping it to just sex (usually it is the woman)". And I meant that you should not generalize and say "women" consent, regardless if in "your" experience, it is usully the woman. It is not always the case and shoudl not be treated as such. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 And I meant that you should not generalize and say "women" consent, regardless if in "your" experience, it is usully the woman. It is not always the case and shoudl not be treated as such. I am entitled to my opinion based on my personal experiences - always the caveat I give. Of course it is not always the case and I did not write that it was - in my experience it is the woman who typically has second thoughts about consenting to casual sex and typically the woman who can't deal with the second thoughts and instead points a finger at the so-called "jerk" or "player" who "used" her. Link to comment
top bloke Posted January 26, 2009 Author Share Posted January 26, 2009 Never have - in my experience it is usually the woman but I am well aware there are exceptions. I can see you are coming around.... it goes both ways..the basic fact is if it is mutual then its no ones fault but they are both to blame as well. It takes two to tango... So what do we call a woman who uses a man for sex a playeress? Link to comment
amipushy Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 Well MY personal real experience is ticking along just nicely....I have no second thoughts, I have no finger to point and I have no jerk who is using me. Guess I'm like the typical fb who just gets on and does her thing privately. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 I can see you are coming around.... it goes both ways..the basic fact is if it is mutual then its no ones fault but they are both to blame as well. It takes two to tango... So what do we call a woman who uses a man for sex a playeress? I wasn't referring to situations where either person is using the other - to me if two adults consent to casual sex I guess one could say they are "using" each other - not sure I would - so, no I haven't thought of the gender specific way to refer to a female player, if we need one that is ;-) Link to comment
top bloke Posted January 26, 2009 Author Share Posted January 26, 2009 I wasn't referring to situations where either person is using the other - to me if two adults consent to casual sex I guess one could say they are "using" each other - not sure I would - so, no I haven't thought of the gender specific way to refer to a female player, if we need one that is ;-) playeress has a nice ring to it. We have invented a new word. I feel it is unjustified to call all men bad because that individual had a bad experience.. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 playeress has a nice ring to it. We have invented a new word. I feel it is unjustified to call all men bad because that individual had a bad experience.. Well yes I agree with that in numerous situations but it sounds like you were not replying to anything I wrote. Link to comment
waveseer Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 If a casual sex relationship lasts long enough (and I have no idea how long that is) then I would suspect there is more going on than just sex. Link to comment
top bloke Posted January 26, 2009 Author Share Posted January 26, 2009 Well ..I have to say that this thread did give a good flurry thus far. Its interesting to see the different perspectives from everyone.I think we can all learn something here if we step back and re read what has been written. Its easy to be judgemental but alot depends on the individual and what is acceptable to them. Just because they think it is good ..it doesnt mean its good for all of us.Visa versa..judging others for their decisions whether we think they are right or wrong is the best way to destroy communication with someone who may be making a stupid mistake.. Why should we close our hearts minds to this ? I suppose though that we can only show people the healthier option..ramification of their behaviour and then they have to look inside their hearts as to what really is right for them.. I dont disrespect any of your views as they were a big eye opener for me and I am certain many others reading this thread.. Link to comment
WadeCure Posted January 27, 2009 Share Posted January 27, 2009 Lets introduce this wrinkle into the "is it right or wrong to have fwbs?" What if you are dating someone and still have your fwb but without the benefits? Is that ok? What if you are dating someone and he/she has fwb's but refused to end the friendship just the benefits portion? Would that bother you? As far as the latter, personally I would have severe problems if my girlfriend didn't terminate her friendships with her FWB's while in a relationship with me. Link to comment
hers Posted January 27, 2009 Share Posted January 27, 2009 Lets introduce this wrinkle into the "is it right or wrong to have fwbs?" What if you are dating someone and still have your fwb but without the benefits? Is that ok? What if you are dating someone and he/she has fwb's but refused to end the friendship just the benefits portion? Would that bother you? As far as the latter, personally I would have severe problems if my girlfriend didn't terminate her friendships with her FWB's while in a relationship with me. That's why I think FBs are easier than FWBs. Someone in the future stands to be angry or resentful or hurt by the friends part (usually one of the future SOs). As soon as my FB or I have some sort of potential for a SO in someone else, the relationship ceases out of fairness to the new person. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 27, 2009 Share Posted January 27, 2009 Lets introduce this wrinkle into the "is it right or wrong to have fwbs?" What if you are dating someone and still have your fwb but without the benefits? Is that ok? What if you are dating someone and he/she has fwb's but refused to end the friendship just the benefits portion? Would that bother you? As far as the latter, personally I would have severe problems if my girlfriend didn't terminate her friendships with her FWB's while in a relationship with me. I would be turned off by someone who had recently had an FB or a friend he had intercourse with (I don't see any real difference between that and someone who is referred to as a "friend" since more of then not the "friendship" didn't exist for long before the intercourse) but it might not be a dealbreaker. I probably would be uncomfortable with him continuing to be friends with the woman but if I met her and felt comfortable around her, it could be ok. I would feel like this even if I 100% trusted that they wouldn't have sex again. Separate issue as to whether it's "right or wrong" - I think casual sex or having someone around to have sex with when you both feel like it is fine as long as it's two consenting single adults. Link to comment
amipushy Posted January 27, 2009 Share Posted January 27, 2009 I wouldn't have a fwb with someone in my social circle. Link to comment
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