Can casual sex stay casual long term..ethics and morals..

[hers]

I have sex b/c it feels good. I like it. I think it's fun and a great release. I also like being in a relationship (despite not being good at it!). I like having a friend I can depend on to talk to, someone to grow with, and yes, someone to have sex with.

 

I do not want children. Not one bit of me is speaking to me to reproduce. I like it that way. That won't stop me from having sex. Not at all.

 

Can FWB last in the long term? Depends on how you define long term. If you want something to last a couple months, and that is long term, then yes, it can. If you want something to last for years, then I don't know if that's possible. I assume it is, but I've never tried it. I have had FWB/FB just for "the meantime"--while I am in between relationships. It's never been the same guy in between relationships, but a girl's gotta eat when she's hungry.

 

My current FB and I are both out there trying to date others. We talk about the people we have gone on dates with. We also hook up when we want to (though I've pretty much put a stop to it indirectly). We know that if we start dating someone with even a chance of potential, the relationship will end completely, no questions asked.

 

Long-term is subjective. It depends on who you're talking to.

[top bloke]

Allow me to clear something up please. I stated biological urges.Biologically we get horny ..have sex..from sex ..we can get pregnant..biologically. ..scientifically. Mentally we have sex because we like .It brings us closer.It feels good.

Our reasons for wanting it are different to the biological needs.

 

Ok everyone?

 

So we alll want it ..mentally.but without a relationship or feelings or support where does it seem to head? I think it leads to the empty place I passed through years ago when the emptiness was killing me like a cancer.

 

If you have a friend who actually cares about you and you see casually then what happens if you fall pregnant? It is a bit risky ..isnt it?

Anyway I am leaving this thread to those who can continue their posts from the other thread..cheers..

 

and heres to you cat lady..I know where your at ..just take care of yourself as there are alot of great people on this forum who feel strongly about what is on your mind..but you dont want that ...There is no changing your mind..I can see it is like a river that has to run its course. I hope you read my posts cat lady because you know I am for real. You know I have been there. I want you to know something Cat lady..you dont have to go there.You have choices!!! Choose wisely.!!

 

peace out...you ladies post away I am keeping out for a while to let you vent your ideas..

[dragon lady]

I'm going to agree with hersmudders here. That kind of arrangement can last as long as both people are happy to continue on with it. I've also had FBuddies between relationships because I've had a couple of very long term relationships and I don't like to just start dating someone right away after a breakup. However, my sex drive still lingers and I maintain the desire to have sex even though I don't want to date.

 

I don't find that it leaves me feeling empty or wanting more because I know that if I wanted a relationship then it wouldn't be difficult to find. I also don't really care what the other person thinks at all. If they think I'm a dirty s*ank then that's their problem. As long as they keep it to themselves, then we're both happy. I don't expect the support of a relationship from someone just because we're having sex together.

[Supa_gurl]

To me sex is an emotional connection. If it was just FWB or Fbuddies, it leads no where and having been there in the past I can say that I had that empty feeling. I got severely depressed, because I would be with someone...he would break up with me to have casual sex...then get back with me. He must have thought this was being chivalrous or something. Being that with each break up came more heart break...I took him back each time.

So glad I grew up and got smart. Now I will only have sex with a connection. Otherwise I would be sacrificing everything I learned in past experiences.

[djrem]

Casual sex is what it is on the tin.

As soon as you change it from casual to something else, your tin becomes a can of worms.

[dragon lady]

To me sex is an emotional connection. If it was just FWB or Fbuddies, it leads no where and having been there in the past I can say that I had that empty feeling. I got severely depressed, because I would be with someone...he would break up with me to have casual sex...then get back with me. He must have thought this was being chivalrous or something. Being that with each break up came more heart break...I took him back each time.

So glad I grew up and got smart. Now I will only have sex with a connection. Otherwise I would be sacrificing everything I learned in past experiences.

 

I think you need to understand that not everyone has the same experiences. People are constantly coming on here asking for FB/FWB advice and they are hit by the people who think it's morally wrong and the people who wouldn't do it because of reason a.,b., & c. That is fine and everyone is entitled to their opinion. But I think it gets a little bit frustrating for them when they make it explicitly clear that emotions are not an issue for them, yet people continue to try to convince them that they are.

 

Then they start to push the issue that women just can't handle casual sex and that this is automatically true because there are a lot of people who come on ENA confessing that they have fallen in love with their FB. I think everyone needs to understand that a forum like ENA is going to be much more likely to attract the highly emotional person who is having relationship issues than the people who are fine with casual sex (there only seem to be a couple around here who don't seem to have a problem with it). I don't think this is representative of the general population at all. There are plenty of people in real life (particularly in my age demographic) who have casual sex without any ill effects on the mind or body.

[top bloke]

Hang on a second..women can handle casual sex..the dozens that swung off the end of me seemed pretty fine alright.It was mutual..we had fun but was it really a healthy way to be..If thats how it is then why do so may women complain when they are pregnant with a guy who runs as soon as she tests positive??

 

Or when they catch a disease? They complain...I knew the deal..they know the deal

 

Ok off I go .I said I will keep quiet for now...

[dragon lady]

Hang on a second..women can handle casual sex..the dozens that hung off the end of me seemed pretty fine alright.It was mutual..we had fun but was it really a healthy way to be..If thats how it is then why do so may women complain when they are pregnant with a guy who runs as soon as she is?

 

I think whether on not it is a healthy way to be depends on the person. If they go through life swinging from one FB to another and never have any real relationships, then I'd probably say that was unhealthy. Likewise, if they are trying to obtain acceptance and relationship status by having sex with people. Although, I think that when it's just a fun, between relationship thing then it's fine.

 

I'm not sure what to say about the pregnancy thing. Personally, I wouldn't have sex unless I was on the pill and using a condom, so my chances of getting pregnant are pretty slim. If people aren't watching out for that sort of thing then they are just stupid. I think though that there are some women who intentionally become pregnant to get a guy to stick around. Again- stupid.

[top bloke]

I think whether on not it is a healthy way to be depends on the person. If they go through life swinging from one FB to another and never have any real relationships, then I'd probably say that was unhealthy. Likewise, if they are trying to obtain acceptance and relationship status by having sex with people. Although, I think that when it's just a fun, between relationship thing then it's fine.

 

I'm not sure what to say about the pregnancy thing. Personally, I wouldn't have sex unless I was on the pill and using a condom, so my chances of getting pregnant are pretty slim. If people aren't watching out for that sort of thing then they are just stupid. I think though that there are some women who intentionally become pregnant to get a guy to stick around. Again- stupid.

 

You know what ..that was a great post btw you are set to offline mode in case you didnt know.

[dragon lady]

You know what ..that was a great post btw you are set to offline mode in case you didnt know.

 

I'm actually on invisible mode I like to keep it that way.

[top bloke]

To me sex is an emotional connection. If it was just FWB or Fbuddies, it leads no where and having been there in the past I can say that I had that empty feeling. I got severely depressed, because I would be with someone...he would break up with me to have casual sex...then get back with me. He must have thought this was being chivalrous or something. Being that with each break up came more heart break...I took him back each time.

So glad I grew up and got smart. Now I will only have sex with a connection. Otherwise I would be sacrificing everything I learned in past experiences.

 

Exactly...

[top bloke]

I'm actually on invisible mode I like to keep it that way.

 

Haha I can still see your writing..maybe invisibility is losing power in the batteries And hey you are carrying a bat... he has red eyes..too much tv !!heheh

[dragon lady]

Haha I can still see your writing..maybe invisibility is losing power in the batteries And hey you are carrying a bat... he has red eyes..too much tv !!heheh

 

haha, invisible just means that people can't see whether I'm online. It just says offline. They can still see everything I write though. I'm glad you like my bat

[amipushy]

. it gets a little bit frustrating for them when they make it explicitly clear that emotions are not an issue for them, yet people continue to try to convince them that they are.

 

Then they start to push the issue that women just can't handle casual sex and that this is automatically true.

 

That pretty much sums up my feelings about posters who have no clue about me, my situation or my lifestyle but I am sure they will still continue to convince themselves that they do.

[top bloke]

haha, invisible just means that people can't see whether I'm online. It just says offline. They can still see everything I write though. I'm glad you like my bat

 

Yes he is kind of cute in a sinister way ..lol

 

Ami pushi I hope youre not referring to me...I am a man in life on a path of self enlightenement.To be enlightened I call on all views ..take note and learn.This is the way I go. I love all of your opinions and respect each and every one of you as the individuals you are. So I hope I didnt come accross badly if I havent thanked every wonderful poster here..

[top bloke]

Dragon lady please stop staring at me from under your invisible cloak please...lol Back to topic... back to my lawns..I will post later..

[Batya33]

Look, the thought of casual sex -and certainly a sex buddy - turns my stomach, it sometimes evokes feelings of pity for the people that make it a mainstay of their lives (for some reason, especially those who go on and on about how great the sex is), and, depending on how risky it is, sometimes a feeling of "ugh more disease spreading" or "ugh using the morning after pill as birth control".

 

But I know it is absolutely wrong for me to impose those beliefs on anyone else, unless I am asked for my opinion (and even then I would be reluctant). That is why I always write that if it is two consenting unattached adults (and no lies about whether one has an STD or marital status) more power to them. I do judge when women consent and then call the guy a jerk for keeping it to just sex (usually it is the woman) because I think that is really unfair to the guy.

[amipushy]

Yes he is kind of cute in a sinister way ..lol

 

Ami pushi I hope youre not referring to me...I am a man in life on a path of self enlightenement.To be enlightened I call on all views ..take note and learn.This is the way I go. I love all of your opinions and respect each and every one of you as the individuals you are. So I hope I didnt come accross badly if I havent thanked every wonderful poster here..

 

No not you specifically, although I don't agree with everything you have said you do recognise that everyone is different.

[amipushy]

Look, the thought of casual sex -and certainly a sex buddy - turns my stomach, it sometimes evokes feelings of pity.

 

If you feel like that maybe you should keep away from the posts regarding two consenting adults getting down and dirty for the hell of it and save your delicate stomach the upset and your pity for those who deserve it.

[Batya33]

If you feel like that maybe you should keep away from the posts regarding two consenting adults getting down and dirty for the hell of it and save your delicate stomach the upset and your pity for those who deserve it.

 

Well no you didn't read the rest of my post. I can't control my feelings but I can control my reactions to my feelings and my reactions to my feelings are what I wrote in the second paragraph. It is always interesting to me how it's ok to judge those who are uncomfortable personally with casual sex (i.e. who said I had a delicate stomach?) as having sexual hangups or not being sexually liberated (whatever that means).

 

And to be clear, I didn't write that I always feel pity - quite the opposite - so please do not twist my words.

[chocolates]

Anyone on here will tell you that I am the poster girl for "person who should have never engaged in casual sex"

[purpleduckie]

I have this debate with myself on several occasions. Really, what is so wrong about two consenting adults having casual, non-attached sex? Why would it illicit a feeling of pity or disgust? Given that there's no lying or cheating and both are being safe.

 

 

For some reason though, I've never been able to bring myself to actually do the deed. Actually, that's a lie. I did sort of hook up with a guy once, as a one time thing but I never could come to a conclusion whether it's something I would repeat, taken further or not. Sometimes, I felt it cheapened me. Other times, I felt that it liberated me. Why should I be forced to conform to society's standards of sex? Why should I feel ashamed of something I did when it made me feel good AND when I didn't harm anyone?

 

Likewise when it happens to someone else, sometimes I can't help but feel sorry /disgust for them - NOT because of the sex... but because I don't think they *TRULY* meant what they said - that there's an ulterior motive (esp the women) to try and pretty much trap the other person.

 

There's nothing inherently wrong with casual sex. I think it just depends on your upbringing. Personally, due to my conflicting feelings toward it, i decide not to do it until I'm sure I won't regret it. It's nothing I can't do without...

[top bloke]

Batya.. a great post. Fact is that some people must experience before they learn how it really affects them. No judgements here .Each person is ultimately responsible for their own conduct. Spme times we have to rationalise our behaviour to justify our actions

[hers]

 

I do judge when women consent and then call the guy a jerk for keeping it to just sex (usually it is the woman) because I think that is really unfair to the guy.

 

Agreed, as they should be judged for poor common sense and lack of personal responsibility, but please do not generalize tthat guys are the only ones who do the burning and don't get hurt.

[amipushy]

Well no you didn't read the rest of my post. I can't control my feelings but I can control my reactions to my feelings and my reactions to my feelings are what I wrote in the second paragraph. It is always interesting to me how it's ok to judge those who are uncomfortable personally with casual sex (i.e. who said I had a delicate stomach?) as having sexual hangups or not being sexually liberated (whatever that means).

 

And to be clear, I didn't write that I always feel pity - quite the opposite - so please do not twist my words.

 

 

I did read the rest of your post but thats what jumped out at me and I don't think I twist your words because I copied and pasted them directly from your post.

 

I don't think that someone who's stomach turns at the thought of sex for sex sake or someone who feels pity for someone that does IS a sexual hangup, it is what it is.