I am introverted...having dating problems

[Loge212]

I feel weird posting on here bcuz most of the people on here are older than me and are in mature relationships or have been in one....but I feel like I can't talk to anyone else. Parents are naive, and don't try to convince me otherwise. My friends are cool, but Id rather not talk to them about this. Basically, I am very introverted. Youve probably heard that word before, but I doubt you fully understand it. It doesn't mean I shy, it just means that after an hour or two of socializing, I get tired. Of people. I have to be alone to 'recharge my battery'Most people are opposite of me which is extroverted, meaning they are energized by other people, and become bored when they are alone. The defintions of introvert and extrovert can go into way more depth, but Ive said what I needed to say. I am perfectly fine being more introverted than extroverted, but it does cause me problems. One of those problems is girls. Most girls are extroverted, and some more than others. I get tired of most girls quickly, and they of me. Tho, there is one very cute girl who seems to show an interest in me, and I think she would say yes if I asked her out. But, I've as you can guess never dated before. I read posts on here where people go on dates and talk for hours at a time. That is impossible for me, and please don't try to convince me otherwise. How do I go out with this girl? When I see her all I want do is tell her that she is beautiful and then hug and kiss her, not talk for two hours. I know that might sound bad and selfish. I can talk, I just can't carry on a Convo for much more than 20 min. I think that was a long post so if you read this and answer thank you so much.

[Hayles]

Hey!! Well, I think at this point in time, you might be too close minded to take on too much advice anyway, after all, you repeated several times (and don't try to tell me otherwise!) so, you know yourself pretty well... Does this girl know you pretty well? Does she already know yoare an introvert? If so, she might be ok with that! Just ask her to the movies or somewhere you don't need to talk too much straight up... maybe in time you wil learn to enjoy her company if things work out and you can go from there?!

[LAYAAN]

I totally get you OP. I'm an introvert too. I couldn't understand my personality before until I read a book on different personality types. I am having issues too in my dating life. I'm not exactly shy. I can open up n do well in one-on-one conversations. But after 1-2 hours of spending time with a guy, I'm done. I feel tired n exhausted n drained. They don't seem to get it. If I'm quiet yet present, they feel I'm not interested. sigh...

But I think the key is to find someone compatible yet complimentary to your personality. How old are you? I'm guessing, you will have some trouble in young age as most people are immature. I'd suggest, you develop interests (most introverts have varied interests) and that way meet people for dating that way you will be cheerful longer n can have something to talk about. What also helps me is slow-paced conversations, choosing locations where its busy around (not just sit and eat dinner kinda date). Don't worry, being an introvert is a good thing IMO, but in today's busy, noisy world, in order to get your dates to develope an interest in you, you have to start talking and exchanging information to make them feel interested in gettin to know you better. Once you get comfortable with them, you can share with them that you are an introvert and you need alone time to recharge your batteries. But I would not share this right off the bat.

Hope this helps! good luck and have fun!

[savignon]

Why not ask her out for something that doesn't involve a whole lot of talking? A nature walk? A movie? A museum? Think of places where people are usually pretty quite. Being an introvert is not a bad thing...my fiancee is quite shy and introverted and the first thing that impressed me about him was that he worked up the nerve to ask me out. I can appreciate how difficult that is for some people and it makes it all the more meaningful!!

Good luck!!

[Truth317]

I am pretty balanced.

 

Somedays I can be a bit of introvert & other's I am more of an extrovert. It depends on the situation and who may be around. If I am getting to know somebody I am outgoing. If I am in a room full of people I don't know or on a subject I know nothing about, I am quiet as a mouse. Just depends..

[Virgil]

I can definitely sympathise with you as a fellow introvert here. As an aside, I agree that many people (and it isn’t really their fault) mistake introversion in a psychological context for timidity. Even my thesaurus does, which is pretty shameful! I can talk in front of crowds of people without issue, something which I know many extroverts are too ‘shy’ to be comfortable with, yet put me in a room where I have to socialise and I will struggle to last an hour. I think the strain is something extroverts struggle to understand, as such interactions invigorate them rather than tiring them. Indeed, most people I know really have a problem with my ability to study or write for hours without batting an eyelid when I need a break after half an hour of conversation. After my school semi-formal (like a mini prom for those in their penultimate year of school), which only lasted a couple of hours and was pretty light compared to what I imagine a full-blown party would be, I had to take an entire weekend to simply recover from the strain. Thus, I think I can understand where you are coming from.

 

Tinu is right in her observation that, if you are younger (as am I), you will probably struggle socially because people are generally immature and over-reliant on the constant ‘touchy-feely’ infatuations that characterise young relationships. They don’t have the life experience to understand that a relationship can be more complex than endless phone calls and the romantic but impractical desire to spend every waking moment with each other. It takes a while for people to realise that for relationships to be successful each partner (and this is especially true for introverts) needs to continue developing separately and having ‘alone’ time in addition to that spent furthering and enriching the relationship.

 

Tinu is also correct when she says that you should try to find someone who shares at least a few of your interests. Give yourself something to talk about (and make sure you let her know enough to see who you are), but start the relationship with dates where you spend time with each other without necessarily talking too much. Over time you will become more comfortable with her and, thus, find yourself more capable of sustaining conversations. If you are like me, you will probably find that long stints are still tiring and that throwing more people into the mix makes it even more so. Start out simple, just make yourself comfortable with her and you will be fine.

 

I am not speaking from experience (I am probably even newer to dating than you are), but from an understanding of my situation and, hopefully, of yours. Introversion is a gift, and makes us very rewarding, interesting people. The road to forming social bonds is a long, tiring and painful one – but the difficulty makes the final result all the more special (I hope).

 

Good luck,

Virgil

 

P.S. Sorry for the length, I tend to ramble at the best of times and this is an issue which I have a lot to say about.

[Loge212]

First I want to thank eveyone who posted I was actually kind of surprised. You've no idea how much better I feel to know I'm not alone. It seems like in high school being quiet is the ultimate social crime and it frustrates me endlessly to put up with all of the mindless word vomit that I hear when kids talk to each other. It's like 90% of what most kids say is unnecessary or meaningless. I could go on and on about the oppressed life of an introvert but instead I recomend anyintroverts to read an article from a 2003issue of the Atlantic magazine. The article is called 'caring for your introvert' and after I read it I finally understood why I was different. You can find it in an archive on link removed

 

Now for the girl troubles. Dating is truly completely foreign to me. How do I get up the nerve to ask her in the first place? Any secrets? Probably not. And when I do ask her, do I ask her on a date right then an there? Or instead, do I start by telling that like her? I would prefer the latter just bcuz it seems more natural. Honestly tho, I really don't know how to go about this.

 

Say I were to ask her out tomorrow afternoon. Here's how it would go:

 

Me- hey Jenna,

Her- oh hey Logan

How was your exam?

Good, it was really boring tho

Yeah mine was too. I'm glad it's the weekend already...by the way, good project yesterday

Thanks!

Were you nervous?

Yeah I was a little...

Well I thought it was good

 

This is about where I will say bye or something. So do I say 'so what are doing this weekend? D'you want to hang out sometime?'

Or do I pull her somewhere private and say 'there's something ive been wanting to tell you... I like you. A lot.'

 

Like I said, I would prefer the second option altho I would be a lot more nervous. I think I forgot to mention that I've known the girl for more than a year by now.

 

Again, that was a long post, but somehow people actually took the time to answer my first one, so... Any feedback is welcome, especially girls

 

I may just use this to start a new thread...