Why is it that some males LOOK and STARE but they don't *approach*?!

[DaBladeRoden]

Wouldn't want to ruin her day by talking to her.

[perplunk]

Hey nimisaj, I'll respond as you were kind enough to give a vote of confidence on another thread (thank you btw). I think you have your answer in these responses. I've done the stare accross a crowded room thing. Not sure how to approach. And in the end never approaching as I psych myself out. Recently I've learned that I'm more than capable of the approach. That's the easy part. I'd still be wary however as I also know just how difficult/confusing it is to get to know a perfect stranger.

 

I say grab life by the horns and approach who you want. It's not always going to workout. You will get weird looks. People go into funks. Most of the time they aren't even very aware of how they appear to others. Don't worry too much about it. The real challenge lies after the approach in getting to know the person. Figuring out if a romantic relationship is desired. All the fun and really confusing stuff...

[Salucious]

Are they scared? Insecurities? The timing is off...?

Maybe they're thinking while they're looking...?

 

Why do some males look and look, or even stare--but they DON'T FRIGGIN' approach the female!?

 

They should say hello or something...

 

 

I can only speak for myself and why I don't approach girls that I stare at. (I usually don't stare, more like numerous glances). I'm 24 and I'm 5'5" in height and not that "big" in physique. I've had a lifetime of girls telling me that they only like tall guys, and that Imm too short even for girls my height and shorter. So to be totally honest, when I see a girl I find attractive, I usually assume she's one of those girls who won't care what I have to say or who I am, just that I'm not tall enough. But that is a specific thing in my case, I think for most guys it is fear of rejection. It is for me too, but more than that is the assumption I have no chance to begin with. I know it is my fault for thinking this way, but I didn't get this way out of the blue. It is hard for a woman to understand, I know it seems like a simple situation (you see an attractive girl, you should go talk to her). But it is entirely different to put it into motion.

 

Do you go and talk to/ask out guys you find attractive? I know it isn't the traditional social norm, but that doesn't have to factor in if you don't want it to.

Just my $0.02

[MattW]

Hah, this for me, too (right down to the height thing! I'm only about 5'3", though... Anyway, yeah, most of it probably has to do with lack of confidence. Think about it; if a random guy approaches you and starts talking to you, it's pretty obvious right then and there that he's trying to get somewhere with ya. Most of us shy, not-confident guys don't like being that obvious.

[Biroc]

I don't approach, because the girls that catch my eye I don't think I'd have a snowball's chance in hell with.

[Blue Streak]

I don't approach, because the girls that catch my eye I don't think I'd have a snowball's chance in hell with.

 

Exactly. It all comes down to feelings and perceptions of self worth. Most of the time they are ultimately false perceptions. Times have changed, not for the better w/ understanding others. We are much more complex peeps today. Priorities have changed, the concept of independence has changed, the whole "family and 2.3 kids" including the white picket fence has changed. Self perception and understanding remains the ultimate success, reality and failure for the masses.

[Scorpio8647]

Just because someone is staring at you doesn't necessarily mean that they want to approach you. Sometimes I find myself staring at people I find attractive, it doesn't mean that I want them & oooh I just gotta have their number, let me get it .Mostly I'm just admiring the beauty and that's as far as it goes.

[corvidae]

Oh for God's sake...it has nothing to do with confidence. Look, let's say I'm in a bar and I see a pretty girl. Well, how pretty is she? Is she so pretty that it's improbable that I'll be successful? Nothing to do with confidence, just probability, just common sense. Just having half a brain (or more). Don't apply for a job as a brain surgeon if you've only got a high school diploma. So anyway, let's say she's in your league. Well what then, is she smiling at you? Giving signals? If you take your precious time to walk over there, is it actually worth it? Carrying on with the job analogy, would you spend a few hours filling in an application form to work in a place that you were pretty sure wasn't recruiting?

 

What I'm trying to say is that people go on and on about confidence and insecurity. You know what, most people are about as confident and secure as the next person. EVERYONE, that is EVERYONE, and I mean EVERYONE, has things they don't like about themselves, has issues, has bits they want to change. Being insecure or not confident...in the end it's not really that important.

[somethngwrng]

The whole confidence thing is more to do with how you feel about yourself as a person.. you don't think "I'm not in her league" if you have 'confidence', you just go and talk to her because there's no such thing as leagues (I don't believe this), and she's going to judge each person on their individual merits.

 

Generally displaying that confidence is supposed to make you more attractive to everyone.

[Blue Streak]

I respect what you are saying Cordivae. You are right in so many ways. That said, what is common sense for you is not common sense for others. The way your brain functions is not necessarily consistent with the ways other brains function.

 

Many who have always had the above self worth cannot grasp the understanding of those who have never had those tools in toe, regardless of what others say. Negative feelings and perceptions that have occurred for a lifetime or many years in a peeps brain are deeply ingrained into a person's reality. It is reflected quite often on this forum.

[Clarity]

Oh for God's sake...it has nothing to do with confidence. Look, let's say I'm in a bar and I see a pretty girl. Well, how pretty is she? Is she so pretty that it's improbable that I'll be successful? Nothing to do with confidence, just probability, just common sense. Just having half a brain (or more). Don't apply for a job as a brain surgeon if you've only got a high school diploma. So anyway, let's say she's in your league. Well what then, is she smiling at you? Giving signals? If you take your precious time to walk over there, is it actually worth it? Carrying on with the job analogy, would you spend a few hours filling in an application form to work in a place that you were pretty sure wasn't recruiting?

 

In a way you're right, but in another way, you're actually making the argument that it IS very much about confidence.

 

You're essentially saying it's about figuring out how you stack up against this person and whether they'd seriously consider you as a potential mate/date. I think where I would disagree with you is that you seem to imply that we're all capable of making objective assessments of attractiveness and who is in what "league". I don't think there is an objective measure for those things - it is subjective by definition. You may think you are out of that girl's league - and while she might agree with you, in some other cases she may not think the same way. The more confident a person is, the more people they see as being "in their league" and thereforee the more women they will approach, upping their chances.

 

I'm a prime example. On the outside, I have a lot going for me - I'm successful in my career, by all accounts good-looking, athletic, and the people who I work with and am friends with seem to like my personality. For whatever reason though, when it comes to strangers, especially attractive women, I'm painfully shy, reserved. I can honestly say that I've *never* approached a woman in real life - even the ones that have given me clear go-ahead signals. If I was more confident, it would be a different story.

[Blue Streak]

I'm a prime example. On the outside, I have a lot going for me - I'm successful in my career, by all accounts good-looking, athletic, and the people who I work with and am friends with seem to like my personality. For whatever reason though, when it comes to strangers, especially attractive women, I'm painfully shy, reserved. I can honestly say that I've *never* approached a woman in real life - even the ones that have given me clear go-ahead signals. If I was more confident, it would be a different story.

 

You sound like a prime candidate for the third season of "The Pick-up Artist". If you have not seen the show, it was developed by a guy who used to be exactly like yourself, now helping others who want to be helped. Much more to it then hitting on women.

[JadedStar]

Are they scared? Insecurities? The timing is off...?

Maybe they're thinking while they're looking...?

 

Why do some males look and look, or even stare--but they DON'T FRIGGIN' approach the female!?

 

They should say hello or something...

 

 

Don't you sometimes look at people because they are interesting or attractive but don't really want to approach? They might have a g/f or a wife and are looking your way as you are attractive. That is human instinct to look at things and people who are interesting or attractive, or have on an interesting article of clothing, etc.

 

I look at a lot of people but not interested in dating them.