top bloke Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 Well as a member here for a bit I have thought about you wonderful wonderful creatures here and how we have learnt so much!! It seems that this fantastic forum can change peoples lives for the better .We post anonymously and we give 100% as it is easy to do. I have to say though..that out in my daily travels it seems that we cannot communicate alot of these great ideas to people as we are face to face. It seems that the veil of secrecy here has a tendency for more honest answers which heal and lead people towards resolve. Why is it that we cannot do this in real life as effectively? Is it that people dont take our advice seriously? Is it the fact that I go with a smile and make people laugh as I go ? Why dont people take serious advice as seriously in the world? Is it the risk of being found out?Is it the feeling of being judged? This has alarmed me..have we lost a bit of our compassion in the real world? What do you guys/gals think? Link to comment
sff123 Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 people are probably too shy to expose their problems to the same extent and definitely wouldnt have enough people they'd be comfortable talking to get as much advise. Link to comment
shikashika Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 I suspect a lot of people open up a lot more on here than they would in 'real life' For example, if someone gets dumped, in'real life' they may say "This blows" but on ENA you get a two page report... partly because sometimeswe dont' have the energy to talk on end, but here we do Link to comment
Nkaleidoscopic Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 Imo, people have problems exposing their problems. I've actually noticed that since I've posted on hte internet pretty "heavily" for the past 5 years, I am a bit different. (It may or may not be related to my posting) But I'm what some have called "indiscreet". I don't care saying things that are supposed to be private, shameful or the like. Now that I think of it maybe it's related to growing up in eastern europe. But I feel like I'm 'indiscreet' even when I'm in Europe. Being quiet makes life boring. I like to talk to people about issues and get their side of the story. I do think it's hard though, to start a conversation like that. Most people are so cut off from using their brain, they just want to go back to their TVs or friends and 'do stuff' instead of sit and talk. I'm generalizing a bit but this is what I feel like the locals in my area are like. Of course, every now and then, I run accross someone that likes to talk about the issues we talk about on ENA. Link to comment
top bloke Posted January 13, 2009 Author Share Posted January 13, 2009 I am alot like that. I like to help people and get them a nudge in the right direction.It is very liberating. I feel a more human side of me being able to be expressed. I suppose it is alot easier too because face to face ..people arent too sure who they can trust..but here we can easily express our true emotions and ideas..Hopefully they will help someone.. Link to comment
karvala Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 Society punishes weakness. Maybe that shouldn't be so, but it clearly is. All humans have limited tolerance towards weakness of all sorts, even when they rationally think that it is okay to have such weakness, and all humans gravitate towards strong individuals. There is little more harmful in life than admitting to people who you want to keep in your life, that you have a major problem. Go to your boss on a number of occasions and tell him you're depressed but getting help, and watch what happens to your career. Moan to your friends at length about your breakup, and see how they start to call you less. Or by contrast, be happy and cheerful, smile always, throw a party, help people with a problem or two, and see how popular you become. The anonymity here gives protection, because nobody here will ever have any influence on your real life beyond what you choose to take from them here. Here, people are insulated from the devastating effects of admitting profound weakness. This is one reason counselling is valuable to people. Not only are they trained to listen, but it's the case for many people that there are some things they can only say to a stranger, someone whose opinion of them ultimately doesn't matter. So to all on enotalone, I would like to embrace you, and say that your complete lack of value to me is what I cherish the most! Okay, so that's a bit tongue-in-cheek, but you know what I mean. Link to comment
top bloke Posted January 13, 2009 Author Share Posted January 13, 2009 Unfortunately i think you are right about society... It really sux though. I can relate to it ..when your down/sick people show their colours..the good and bad.. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 You really hit the nail on the head. In real life often if you show weakness there are people ready to plunge the knife in. Link to comment
COtuner Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 I mentor a lot at work every day. Men and women come to me with their problems all the time, and as a result I ended up getting a good reputation as a functional manager. I heard about divorces, lost pregancies, insecurities, illnesses, you name it. I worked with some of them, others I helped to realize they should get professional help and I kept it quiet. It's harder with myself - when I share something personal I don't sleep for days and days because I'm afraid people are going to be annoyed or bored with me. Even ENA messes with my head (part of why I'm doing this - I need to talk about some things but it's also helping me get past some of the fear of not appearing the tough gal) Link to comment
COtuner Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 You really hit the nail on the head. In real life often if you show weakness there are people ready to plunge the knife in. Yep. That's why I have complex PTSD - I was sliced and diced. Link to comment
MollyElise Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 A few years back I ran into someone in RL that was so open and honest about their feelings I was floored, to hear someone openly admit to being jealous or feeling lazy and not in a self-depreciating way, in a self-accepted way blew my mind. Honestly, I don't even remember who it was, but at that point I decided to try and be more like that. I have succeeded pretty well. I find being transparent to be something that allows people to be comfortable and themselves around you, which is important to me. I'm a people pleaser and don't like confrontations so a very open communication style works well for me. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 I do it in real life all the time. I am always advising someone the exact same way I do here....I have no issues with being very open with someone if they ASK me for the advice. I never give it unsolicited, however. Only if they ask, and if they ask I have no problem giving the same unbridled advice that i would give them if i were sitting behind the computer talking to them. Difference is you don't get as much defensiveness with "live" convos because people can see your body language and tone, and they understand I am not "out to get them" like often posters here can think if you give them advice that is totally outside of what they expected to here. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 I do it in real life all the time. I am always advising someone the exact same way I do here....I have no issues with being very open with someone if they ASK me for the advice. I never give it unsolicited, however. Only if they ask, and if they ask I have no problem giving the same unbridled advice that i would give them if i were sitting behind the computer talking to them. Difference is you don't get as much defensiveness with "live" convos because people can see your body language and tone, and they understand I am not "out to get them" like often posters here can think if you give them advice that is totally outside of what they expected to here. Same here. I am pretty candid with my advice in real life as well. Link to comment
top bloke Posted January 13, 2009 Author Share Posted January 13, 2009 I do it in real life all the time. I am always advising someone the exact same way I do here....I have no issues with being very open with someone if they ASK me for the advice. I never give it unsolicited, however. Only if they ask, and if they ask I have no problem giving the same unbridled advice that i would give them if i were sitting behind the computer talking to them. Difference is you don't get as much defensiveness with "live" convos because people can see your body language and tone, and they understand I am not "out to get them" like often posters here can think if you give them advice that is totally outside of what they expected to here. I love helping people.I know that realisation and laughter are the best medicine. I personally feel very comfortable talking with some people but with others..I feel I have to hide that part because I can feel they do not really care but for their entertainment as such.Some sick people like to hear that you are troubled..that you have a problem. I must admit on the other side though I opened up to a woman recently about a little problem with my son. She opened her ideas and heart to me and it gave me peace on the situation and a feeling that this lady was good. I liked getting that and like giving people that back as well. I do sometimes feel as though I must keep part of myself held back a little because the vultures will probably pick at our wounds and try to open them. It seems like a good vs evil scenario.. Link to comment
Stars_n_Guitars Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 you can, you are just scared! but no matter what you say to someone, they are going to do what they want to do. and on ENA, you really can't tell if your advice was followed. Link to comment
top bloke Posted January 13, 2009 Author Share Posted January 13, 2009 I mentor a lot at work every day. Men and women come to me with their problems all the time, and as a result I ended up getting a good reputation as a functional manager. I heard about divorces, lost pregancies, insecurities, illnesses, you name it. I worked with some of them, others I helped to realize they should get professional help and I kept it quiet. It's harder with myself - when I share something personal I don't sleep for days and days because I'm afraid people are going to be annoyed or bored with me. Even ENA messes with my head (part of why I'm doing this - I need to talk about some things but it's also helping me get past some of the fear of not appearing the tough gal) Yes exactly what I think..people will be annoyed bored and try to kick me when I am down ..We do get self conscious and I think seeing your post has just snapped me out of a 10 year expression repression. Thank you I have realised exactly what the the problem appears to be Past bad experiences..you see every time we move to help or be helped we feel a little vulnerable because some ratbag has hurt us with it.Made us feel bad. You cant do that!! Oh no why did you get involved!! You cant!! Get away theyre screwed up!! Stuff them..I will do whatever it takes to make this world that much better!! I have realised that we all are actually stengthened by helping people and courage to open our hearts to receive the same blessing. We are speaking the truth..we are blessed. We should imagine a divne blanket protecting us in the truth. Who can hit us when we live in the truth? No one really.. I am totally letting my fear go and it doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks. We are here for our hearts to be free not repressed by evil, fear and self doubt. I have just had an amazing calm slide into my soul. Self doubt,fear,self,anger,jealousy, criticism,pain all cause self doubt and that is why we hold back. Not me anymore..this world needs people like us Co Tuner. We can make this a better world by changing the way we think! We can be helped..we can help others..because..we want to!! haha We are not weak we are reaching out and lifting people out of the abyss which can cause so much trouble in peoples souls Sleep easy..sleep well...how many people you have saved from suicide?How many from drugs?How many marriages/families have you saved? Sleep easy my friend because as we all go forward in this journey I realise that we are the force to be reckoned with!! Link to comment
top bloke Posted January 13, 2009 Author Share Posted January 13, 2009 you can, you are just scared! but no matter what you say to someone, they are going to do what they want to do. and on ENA, you really can't tell if your advice was followed. People have choices..We can give them clarity on what is good and let them choose.. Its funny I was composing my last post before I saw yours..lol This is a great moment for me all...I would cry but im tpp much of a guy!!lol. Worried about my chest hairs fallig off and all that lol I had a very bad experience 10 years ago in business and those people full of hate for me because I was good at what I did persecuted me in a big way.I invented something and they were intensely jealous..They were a huge corporation vs little me. I fought them in the business arena but they robbed me of the credit. I had big trust issues in the world for a while ..they were pure evil..but now today I have risen above it.. I gave up the anger when I had heart problems a few years back but never fully opened back up..I started seeing the good in the world again . I have been relaxed and centred in myself but for the letting go part. You guys have given me full faith in the world once again. After I got sick I did realise that the world as a wonderful place but still had that trust issue bcause of my past experience. Perhaps maybe some others have demons they need to offload..I am here to listen to anyone at all. The time here is 803 am..its going to ne hot ad I am heading for the beach...haha got to love those waves!! Link to comment
COtuner Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 You can always PM me if you need to talk. I'm glad we could help, and I'm ENVIOUS of the waves. Link to comment
top bloke Posted January 14, 2009 Author Share Posted January 14, 2009 You can always PM me if you need to talk. I'm glad we could help, and I'm ENVIOUS of the waves. Thanks heaps COtuner... Please pm me if you need to talk as well. The beach was fantastic..my wife kids also had a ball . Best of all was discovering what self limiting belief was holding me back from giving 100percent. Thanks all. Link to comment
top bloke Posted January 14, 2009 Author Share Posted January 14, 2009 A few years back I ran into someone in RL that was so open and honest about their feelings I was floored, to hear someone openly admit to being jealous or feeling lazy and not in a self-depreciating way, in a self-accepted way blew my mind. Honestly, I don't even remember who it was, but at that point I decided to try and be more like that. I have succeeded pretty well. I find being transparent to be something that allows people to be comfortable and themselves around you, which is important to me. I'm a people pleaser and don't like confrontations so a very open communication style works well for me. I am certain that there are others like me who could learn alot from that post. It seems then that the basic rules of society can be bent and we can open up uninhibited to those who need it. Sometimes I can see the symptoms of depression .I was alittle reserved on approaching these people as I was self conscious on getting them to talk about it. I can see opportunities to help so many lost souls now...Of course it takes care and tact as well but being able to assist is a wonderful thing. Link to comment
top bloke Posted February 4, 2009 Author Share Posted February 4, 2009 Well my teachers/masters..I have learnt alot here and have thrown caution to the wind..guess what ..itdoes work in real face to face life.The looks on peoples faces when I offer a sympathetic ear or words of wisdom is just priceless!! Sure it good to be annonymous here but hey real life application does help alot out there.. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted February 4, 2009 Share Posted February 4, 2009 People in the real world often consult me for advice and i give it the same as i do here... Link to comment
top bloke Posted February 4, 2009 Author Share Posted February 4, 2009 I had an irrational fear of openning up to this level a little while back face to face..There is no need..hehe I feel nice..like sugar and spice!!!lol Link to comment
lost1607307474 Posted February 4, 2009 Share Posted February 4, 2009 People are more intimidated in real life. Behind a computer screen your audience doesn't need to know what you look like, your age, your gender, or anything about you. When people ask for advice in the 'real world', I give it to them, just as I do here. But I think why ENA works so well is that so many people are asking for advice on an anonymous level and can get so many different opinions. Also, on the internet, people aren't afraid to be honest. Link to comment
top bloke Posted February 4, 2009 Author Share Posted February 4, 2009 I have been finding that they are pleasantly surprised in real life just as much as here.. It has probably got something to do with the fact that I am much much better looking than fabioooooooo Link to comment
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