Dating for people over 35 or so...

[servedcold]

Texasdad, have experienced this also, and am your age. Have drawn two conclusions.

 

1. Women are every bit as prone to sleep around as men are when there is little social risk. They are just better at hiding it. You meet someone through friends, work, groups, school, at a local bar you both frequent, and she is afraid of a bad rep. Meet through the net with no/few mutual acquaintances, and she doesn't have the same risk.

 

2. Lots of the people on dating sites, maybe even a majority, are rebounding from their last relationship, and self-medicating with the "best way to get over someone is to get under someone else" theory, which is effective, but kind of like methadone treatments for heroin addicts, compounded by the risk of hurting someone.

 

As an internet dating vet, currently in hibernation, I urge you to ask any women you date about their immediate prior relationship history before considering them in even the slightest way for anything durable. Same goes for women. Had I followed my own advice, could have culled through lots of bad apples, and avoided lots of wasted (but admittedly fun) time.

[Ariel85]

IMO, if an older woman is sleeping with you on the first date, it's for one of two reasons:

 

1 - she just wants to get laid.

 

2 - she is very in charge of her sexuality, and doesn't feel that when sex happens should predict the outcome of the relationship.

[Batya33]

I don't think it is necessarily about not being sexually attracted..it is a matter of some woman who don't want to have sex with someone unless they are in a committed relationship. Some women can be very sexual with a man they care about but do not want to give it up to a man who may or may not be interested in a committed relationship with them. I understand that you don't want to be friend-zoned and are trying to protect yourself from that...but by the same token many women want to protect themselves from just being a casual, no strings attached play thing....and it is unlikely after the third weekend date there is going to be any kind of exclusivity talk.

 

I agree and am always baffled why intercourse is needed to validate sexual attraction - I've felt strong chemistry from holding hands, kissing, making out, touching, etc and known that the man was feeling the same.

 

I met men in person through dating sites when I was 34-39 - on and off - I never had sex with any of them because I never was exclusive with any of them. I dated several from 2-3 months and several for 4-5 dates. I had no interest in having casual sex (not just in that scenario, in any scenario) and as a result I would say that out of the 100 men or so I met in person about 5 at most decided not to continue seeing me - not a problem for me.

 

I did hear that there were a number of women who were having sex on the first date or early on but that wasn't right for me in the least.

 

I was engaged almost 20 years ago to a man I met through a written personal ad. We decided we would wait for marriage (but we broke up).

 

As far as the reason being "she is very in charge of her sexuality, and doesn't feel that when sex happens should predict the outcome of the relationship" I think that is a leap without much basis. It's part of the old argument that those who have sex early on are somehow more liberated sexually. I have found the opposite is true more often - that a woman who decides to have sex early on does so because she fears waiting until she is emotionally attached or because she wants to avoid emotional attachments. My decision - to avoid casual sex because it was wrong for me on several levels - is partly because I am in charge of my sexuality.