KiNo Posted August 16, 2009 Share Posted August 16, 2009 Cuz u have learned from this relationship so much that the next one [provided u have a mature person] will be much easier and more mature. Absolutely true... Originally Posted by Marton04 View Post Hi Autumn, ....There is still alot of love there but he just can't be the person I need him to be right now which pains me alot but nothing I can do. My ex told me something familiar... I could not figure it out why and how even till now.... Someone please expla... NAH... I'm over it~ Link to comment
Esteller Posted August 16, 2009 Share Posted August 16, 2009 the no contact thing is a good idea... idont know about you guys but there is nothing wrong with getting rid of everything that has to the with that person at one point... it only helps you get over it.. its not like once your offically over it u cant just become friends Link to comment
BriarRose Posted August 16, 2009 Share Posted August 16, 2009 I agree with some of this. I think blocking is petty and mean, so I wouldn't do that. However, I wouldn't necessarily respond to an ex if I was trying to heal. Let's fact it...the "friends" thing is a sham....you want to stay "friends" in hope of reconcilation. If you don't mind gambling with that, fine....but I think NC is best once a breakup occurs. Link to comment
KiNo Posted August 17, 2009 Share Posted August 17, 2009 By the way, I've blocked her on the 1st week we break up, I'm not sure why I did it, probably too many things happen and suddenly she sent messages to me on those very 1st few days, I felt down and down over again reading those and ended up blocking her, well, I will not unblock her... I find the blocking things is good,(maybe from a one-sided view) I just hope I do regret that I've blocked her in the past.... Link to comment
halpatrick Posted January 15, 2011 Share Posted January 15, 2011 Going no contact should be done in a manner of respect to you first, and if you truly care about the other person will be for their benefit too! Unless your ex is harassing you there is no reason to "block" them on any level. Yes, you can choose to ignore their calls or texts if you feel they are doing it because they are needy. Or just take more time to get back to them to let them know its not the same as when you were together as a couple. By going no contact you are letting yourself know that you are interested in building yourself back up, which is an attractive thing. It lets your ex know that you have a life of your own and increases the chances that you might reunite later either as friends or as lovers again. But if you go no contact, its imperative you work on yourself! Let your ex think about you in new terms and gather respect for having boundaries! the truth of the matter is you draw strength from yourself during these times. If you must contact, just be friendly but don't go into "how much you want to be friends, or how much you want to get back together" just be cool at this time. But if you must contact, i would say no more than once every week is more than enough. Otherwise, try for a few weeks or a few months. If you have worked on yourself, then no matter the outcome, you are vibrating from a place of strength and not weakness. Link to comment
fwdthinker Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 I removed as a friend on fb and msn... Left the phone and email open. That way I am not logging on fb to see what ex is doing and getting hurt by it. I also won't be blindsided on msn. But if ex wants to call... Or text... I would know. And that hasn't happened. But I still think I have preserved boundaries in a healthy way. Link to comment
gallop30 Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 i disagree with all of you,i'm not sure why Link to comment
Lonewing Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 NC is a very effective way to get back your life. Dumpers don't need it, though - it's really more for the dumpee. Link to comment
gallop30 Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 you can go NC without blocking email,phone,move to another city etc,you simply don't respond. if you keep someone in your life also poses the risk to going the other way,and on top of that you might make a fool of yourself Link to comment
Oneironaut Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 I could be wrong, but I think the reason some choose to block entirely is because they don't want the temptation, at least, not until they are ready to handle it. I would liken it to a recovering alcoholic refusing to go to a bar with their friends for a while...at some point in the future, maybe they can without being tempted, but at the moment, it's simply not good for them. If you can resist the temptation, then blocking is unnecessary. If you can't, then I recommend it. Just my $.02... Link to comment
jjbinks Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 I'm a dumper, but i am having problems with no contact. we both still love ach other very much, but we needed to end because he wasn't giving me what i wanted. still doesn't automatically make nc easier for dumpers Link to comment
Irial Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 I am doing NC and I didn't need to block my ex or delete him from anywhere, I simply am NOT in contact with this person. The fact he's on facebook, AIM or wherever else, doesn't mean that I am going to contact him. No reason to block him, really. Link to comment
gallop30 Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 invest this energy in something productive. how does that sound to you? Link to comment
Lonewing Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 The energy return ratio of NC makes it perhaps the most productive action one can take post breakup. For practically no energy, one yeilds the return of a shorter healing time, a more complete end of the relationship, and a lower instance of rebounds - NC FTW. Link to comment
gallop30 Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 The energy return ratio of NC makes it perhaps the most productive action one can take post breakup. For practically no energy, one yeilds the return of a shorter healing time, a more complete end of the relationship, and a lower instance of rebounds - NC FTW. what's the energy return ratio ,smart guy? Link to comment
Lonewing Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 Well, basically, it's how much you get for how much you give. With NC, you give nothing at all, because the amount of time it takes to not respond is zero minutes, and in return, you get everything you need - time to restore your balance. Perhaps it's not everything you want, but it's everything you need to move forward. That's a pretty good energy return ratio if you ask me. Link to comment
gallop30 Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 i was asking for numbers,but it's ok lets go NCL Link to comment
hermano Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 NC is a very effective way to get back your life. Dumpers don't need it, though - it's really more for the dumpee. Highly dependent on the situation. Link to comment
elllabella Posted March 15, 2011 Share Posted March 15, 2011 I have a 'doozy' for you all. I'm an American who has been living in Paris for about two years and met my now ex-bf 9 months ago. We fell in love immediately and were together until about 3 weeks ago. I became a part of his family life and he was received warmly by my family in The States. Over the last 4 months we were together he was insisting that I move into his apartment since I was staying there all of the time anyway. I refused for a while as I thought some independence would be best even though our relationship was stong. I decided after the New Year would be an ok time to 'test' it out with a disclaimer that if there was any tension that we would need to talk it out and re-evaluate. He agreed. So I moved in January. Everything changed after I moved in. He was going out all night and not calling me to let me know where he was, telling me that I kept the apartment dirty and I cleaned poorly, I don't emotionally support him and that I'm not independent and doing nothing with my life. (For the record, I moved to Paris ALONE and have supported myself in Seattle, LA and NY and paying my own rent and feeding myself since I was 18 years old...just saying..). So he broke up with me and I said ok. No tears, fireworks, crazy reactions..(this isn't my first rodeo) I said that I didn't agree and that I loved him but repsected his choice and proceeded with the motions of moving out. Naturally, this irritated him and he has initiated several times to get a drink and 'talk'. Basically to convince himself that this is the right thing to do but unfortunately for him, I won't do it. I don't need to hear over and over how great you think I am..so great that you don't want to be with me. No thanks. And I'm not going to tell you that what you're doing is the right thing..bore your friends with that. On top of this..I have been staying on the couch of some friends for three weeks while I look for a new place to live (which I did find and can move in 4 days!) Well..if it doesn't get any worse, the roomates of the flat won't give me those last 4 days to stay and told me last night that I must leave because they want their space back. So now I have to go pack up again and stay with another friend on the other side of town for three days. You must be thinking that I stayed in the flat all day long moping? Not at all! I wake up and do everyone's dishes, make coffee, go to the gym, go to work and go out with friends after, so my time at the flat is to sleep on the couch and hear the mice scattering beneath me. Today would be the official 2nd day of No Contact (unfortuantely, contact had to be made over the three weeks due to work schedules and moving out arrangements) and its the only way to live through this..is to focus on yourself. it's going to be tough, I want to call and scream at him for putting me in this awful situation where I have no where to go and he has the comfort and warmth of his family's house in the suburbs, eating homemade food and drinking wine. But I'm fighting it and dealing with my fate. Wish me luck all...I need it! Can't I just fast forward to day 60?? Between the unfair break-up, homelessness, being told 'faux-nicely' to leave my 'friend's' flat, living out of suitcases and Franprix sacs and jumping over mice in the middle of the night, I'd say I'm handling this well. I mean, I cried for the first time today... :sad: Link to comment
twitchyfingers Posted March 15, 2011 Share Posted March 15, 2011 You sound like a strong person in a (temporarily) tough situation. I'm impressed with your no-nonsense approach to the breakup, and to going no contact. You are sparing yourself a ton of drama and frustration and shame. It's gotta be rough couch-crashing, and being far away from family, but in a few days' time, you'll be in a better place (of your own), away from those damn mice! Well, maybe your new place will have mice too, but at least they'll be YOUR mice. Some people on these forums find it helpful to start a thread to chronicle their breakup/no-contact adventure. I know I get a lot out of reading those threads, and they seem to generate a nice level of personalized support. If you're up for it, give it a shot. Hang in there...it sucks, but it'll suck less over time. Link to comment
Mamasita Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 Pefectly said Vfunkera... thanks for your post. I came on here for some NO CONTACT inspiration Link to comment
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