He must think I'm the devil

[Supa_gurl]

The ex came to drop the kids off and I told him I had a nice visit with my niece and her family. His response? "Must have had fun talking badly about me."

 

I don't ever talk badly of him, yes I confided in my sister when we were together and told her of problems (I shouldn't have) but NEVER has it been badly.

 

I guess it hurt. Mostly because, here I am sad, depressed, on verge of breakdown and apparently he is too, so why TRY to make it worse? Why is does it seem he TRIES to hurt me? Maybe it is because I hurt him so badly. I don't know. It just hurts to know he thinks that low of me I guess. Sorry for my mini rant.

[littlestar]

He is obviously hurting as well and is lashing out in hurt and anger for the times u hurt him.

[theadvicenut]

It sounds like you both are still hurting, and when people are hurt they tend to want to hurt the person that hurt them, in your case you both are hurting in which case you both are misreable and hurting each other. both of you need to learn to forgive for the sake of your children and yourselves, children see things and it can affect them. If you need counseling then get it, hurt and pain affects everyone around you mentally and physically, dont let it get to that point.

[Sn0man]

He is obviously hurting as well and is lashing out in hurt and anger for the times u hurt him.

That would be my first guess.

[thejigsup]

I agree that doing the transfer through a third party at a designated location (not your houses!) is a good idea. Many police stations will offer this service.

[John Bendix]

The ex came to drop the kids off and I told him I had a nice visit with my niece and her family. His response? "Must have had fun talking badly about me."

 

I don't ever talk badly of him, yes I confided in my sister when we were together and told her of problems (I shouldn't have) but NEVER has it been badly.

 

I guess it hurt. Mostly because, here I am sad, depressed, on verge of breakdown and apparently he is too, so why TRY to make it worse? Why is does it seem he TRIES to hurt me? Maybe it is because I hurt him so badly. I don't know. It just hurts to know he thinks that low of me I guess. Sorry for my mini rant.

 

 

Demonizing the other partner is an established coping mechanism in this type of dynamic. By belittling them, even in their own minds, is a dysfunctional way of dealing with their pain. It may even be an extension of the "sour grapes" parable. It is easier to the ego to walk away from an intimate relationship justifying that the other person was just not that great anyway.

 

It is the same circular reasoning that states, "If I still loved them, I could not leave. thereforee, I am leaving so I cannot love them".

[JadedStar]

The ex came to drop the kids off and I told him I had a nice visit with my niece and her family. His response? "Must have had fun talking badly about me."

 

I don't ever talk badly of him, yes I confided in my sister when we were together and told her of problems (I shouldn't have) but NEVER has it been badly.

 

I guess it hurt. Mostly because, here I am sad, depressed, on verge of breakdown and apparently he is too, so why TRY to make it worse? Why is does it seem he TRIES to hurt me? Maybe it is because I hurt him so badly. I don't know. It just hurts to know he thinks that low of me I guess. Sorry for my mini rant.

 

yes, he is hurting and lashing out. sometimes people do that when they are hurt. The hurt is masked under the anger. he probably just feels that you are talking poorly about him, even tho this may not be the case he is letting his imagination run with him. It is best not to try to engage him in dialogue about it and just be upfront by saying "no, we did not do that at all" and let it go.

[lostandhurt]

I am indifferent to my ex when the I drop off my son or the other way around. I don't even look at her and there is NO small talk. Just like Dragnet, "Just the facts" It is not a good time to be pleasant with someone that doesn't want to be pleasant. You might be upset because you were expecting a different response and when he didn't act the way you thought it was upsetting or bothersome. You can only control you and your thoughts. Leave him to his bitterness and maybe someday it will get better.

 

lost

[FedUp7]

I know that feeling so well. I had learned how to become so angry with him (I never knew how to get this angry before) where I would attack him. He's the only person that I've ever attacked first out of extreme anger. I'm shocked with myself and my behaviour. I began to kill him with silence because I knew he just viewed me as some out of control monster... And I know this isn't me. I was always happy, and smiling... I was popular at school, every man that walked by wish I would give him a chance... But after all of the pain I felt with mr. man I let it ruin me, ruin my character... I gave him too much control over my feelings and my emotions... I would say mean things in an argument, I even thought about a way to kill this man. I watch MSNBC and shows about women in jail for the murder of the man who hurt them. I told myself that I'm not going to end up in jail for taking his life, as it wouldn't make me feel better. And no matter how much I tried to make him feel all the pain that I felt, it wasn't working... The only thing that worked was my silence, it actually helped me to return to the person that I was once, although I'm still hurt, I'm slowly pulling myself together. Didn't mean to hijack your post.