Am I selfish? Stupid? Maybe I'm just a quitter.

[Callmecrazy]

I'm losing it. I need your thoughts.

 

I have been with my husband for 10 years (will be married for 2 in April). We met when I was 17 and he was 28. We have had a lot of ups and downs in all these years and I find myself really questioning our future together. We broke up 4 years ago, I moved out...but eventually he lured me back, convinced me that things would be different. And of course, I love him, and wanted it to be true. It wasn't. We are in the same place now as we were all those years ago. Except now we're married.

 

He has lied to me from the beginning - sometimes big things, sometimes little things...and I've always let it go. Nevertheless, trust is definitely an issue for us. As far as I know he has never cheated on me...and he certainly has never laid a hand on me or been violent towards me.

 

He has never had stable employment and can't seem to keep a job (currently unemployed). At 38, he still seems to be drifting. I have been steadily employed and earning a good living as long as we've been together, and often feel as though I'm supporting him.

 

He has anger control issues and loses his temper *very* quickly over small, insignificant things. This causes me tremendous stress as I am an easy-going person. I also feel that his anger is partly why he has trouble keeping jobs. This problem upsets me to no end. I've talked to him about this, but I don't think he has the ability to control it.

 

He has been financially irresponsible for as long as I've known him. I've taken on the task of managing our finances. We recently bought a house, and have a number of assets because of my planning, but this only makes me feel as though I'm motivating everything we have and he rides along on my coattails. Just this past weekend, I found out he has run up his credit card debt again - maxed out his card. We dedicated so much of our income to paying it off. Now he's undone it.

 

We used to fight *alot*, but recently I've becomes so beaten down, I just don't have it in me to care anymore. I let everything slide. All the while, I've been pulling away from him.

 

Now he wants to start a family, and I don't feel that I can bring children into this situation. There are too many problems that we have ignored and swept under the carpet for so many years. I confronted him about these problems, and we've had one session with a counsellor. Nothing was accomplished, but we have another appointment two weeks from now.

 

The problem is, I don't know if I can ever get past the feelings I have. I don't feel that he is a responsible or reliable person, I don't trust him, and I don't have a terribly high opinion of him. He has given me alot of reasons to feel this way. Even if he did attempt to change, how would I ever know things won't slip back they way they have in the past? I don't know if I can ever feel for him the way a wife should feel for her husband.

 

He loves me madly, but it doesn't and never has seemed to be enough motivation for him to try and change his ways. I would NOT be able to count the times he's promised to change, not lie etc. etc. and nothing EVER changes. But I love him, though I don't know I'm in love with him. He knows most of our problems stem from him. Admits it. Accepts it. Is angry with himself because of it. Tells me things will change...but knows I've heard it ALL before. Neither of us know what to do. He wants to fight for the marriage.

 

The thought of leaving him is heartbreaking. I know it would crush him to lose me. I detest the thought of hurting him. And despite all the issues we have, there is alot I love about him. Alot of great qualities. I just don't think the good outweigh the bad at this point. He cares for me very very much. Losing me will devastate him, and the guilt will surely eat my soul. How could I possibly consider hurting someone this much?

 

I was very young when I met my now-husband, and I never had a chance to meet and know other people. I always wonder how things could be different. Better. What life would be like if I were with someone I respected, who pulled their weight, didn't lie to me, motivated and inspired me instead of made me feel like I was swimming upstream alone, what it would be like to be part of a true 50/50 partnership etc. etc. I know I'll never find the perfect relationship/marriage...there will always be problems in relationships, but how do I know if it's time to throw up the white flag on this one? Can it be better than this? Should it be? Am I selfish to want to give up now? To want more for myself? To feel I deserve more? Am I falling into the "grass in greener" trap?

 

I just have no idea how my husband and I will solve this. The thought of ending our marriage is so painful (though in many ways I feel in my mind that I already have), but the idea of living a life in a relationship with these problems is just as painful, and the idea of bringing children into this absolutely terrifies me.

 

I'm so confused. Any help or advice is appreciated.

[tiger_lilies]

You already know that bringing children into this is obviously a really bad idea, so don't stress yourself out any more than you already are. You need to focus on yourself first.

 

No, you are not being selfish for wanting more for yourself. You sound really unhappy in your marriage. It sounds like you are running the house by yourself. Marriage should be a partnership, a joint effort. Your husband maxed out his credit card after you finished paying it off! That's extremely inconsiderate on his part. Of course he wants to work things out with you...you've been babysitting him since you met him. He's taken care of as long as you are around! He lies to you and you consistantly forgive him. Why wouldn't he want to be living in that comfort zone? You provide everything for him. Sercurity, bills are paid, etc.

 

Perhaps you should threaten to leave him and take a few months to separate yourself from him. You don't have to divorce him right away. He needs to learn that he is taking advantage of you. He should not be lying to you about anything at all! No wonder you don't trust him!

 

Words are just words, actions speak the truth. You need to see some action and if leaving him alone for a while is the only way he will wake up and realize he needs to take responsibility of himself and that you DO NOT want to be there to bail him out everytime, then so be it!

 

I'm sorry, I don't mean to sound harsh, it's just that I think I know how you are feeling. My boyfriend who moved in with me right out of his parent's home and I started to be the one who would pick up after him, do his laundry (at first I thought this was out of love), reminded him to pay his bills....I basically became his mother and I hated it! It took a major incident for him to realize how immature and irresponsible he was being. A lot of tears, a lot of pain. I started to look down on him, thinking that I deserved better and that maybe there was someone eles out there who would be a better provider for me rather than me doing ALL the work.

 

Yet, throughout everything that's happened, I still love him with all my heart. It just took something huge to open his eyes and appreciate me for what I felt I deserved. We're still working things out, but I've noticed a change in the way he acts and in his attitude. He goes the extra mile for me now and I am starting to feel appreciated. Time will tell. Things obviously don't change overnight, but I'm seeing a difference, for the better.

Sorry for the long post.

[routerx]

It sounds as if you are really on the ball. You are well spoken, responsible, and you have a vision for the future. This guy sounds as if he never had any parenting. It seems you are his new parent.

 

I simply don't believe in divorce unless that person is unfaithful, but this guy, in a way, is being unfaithful to you.

 

When you got into this relationship, you were supposed to work as a team. It sounds as if he is dead wieght.

 

I think this is a perfect scenario for getting away from him for a while, a seperation. Let him live on his own, with his credit card debt, and lack of job. Let him see what life is like as a man, where he has to pull his own. Make that the rule for now on. He can only live under the same roof as you if he has a job and no credit card debt. If he can't do that, he's out.

 

I'm sorry you've married a child. Unfortunately you are stuck being his parent.

[Callmecrazy]

Hi Tiger and Routerx,

 

Thanks for your thoughts.

 

I think the big thing here is that I have done the "leaving" thing before. Before we were married, I moved out. For 6 months, he was very angry with me. He went out of his way to undo all the things I had done to move us ahead (he totally blew his credit out the window in a short 6 months and when we did ultimately get back together, he owed an ASS load of $$$, which I, of course, prioritized and paid off).

 

Routerx, you hit the nail on the head - I married a child. And I'm mad at myself, because I knew this. I knew it and made a bad decision. Now I'm paying for it (in more ways than one).

 

My husband has a long history of screwing up. He has an 18 year old daughter out of wedlock whom he never sees (and in the 10 years I've known him - I've never met. She lives very far away, but I always feel uncomfortable thinking about it. How could he not want to know his own daughter?). I am his second wife...his first marriage (when he was 25) only lasted 6 months. He has always had a fairly significant pot-smoking habit, which has been the source of many of our problems...and the root of a good portion of his lying. I hate the stuff and want no part of it.

 

Both of you suggested the idea of forcing him to be on his own...to live like a man, and it's a great idea - with one big problem. I bought our house, car, etc. etc. based on two incomes. I make a good living, but not enough to afford all we have alone (without help). I have been paying for things on my credit card while he's been unemployed (my credit rating is fine, and I felt that I could control our finances if I kept things on my credit - now I owe an ASS load too). Bottom line is that making payments on our house, car, bills, debt, day-to-day expenses...I'll get tapped out. I just don't make enough to cover it all. My parents would help me if I asked, but I really don't want to have to do that.

 

I just turned 27 two days ago...and I feel 80. I'm just so very tired. I feel trapped.

[rich_1517]

If you love them then i would take the chance of telling him that if he doesnt change, if he cant co-eaqually support the financial responsisbilities of the relationship then you will have to leave and that you cant imagine the hardship of having a family together under these circumstance.

 

be honest and direct, dont let him bargain. maybe set a time period to see change, tell him no more credit debt. period. tell him that he has a choice now. the relationship or his behavior.

 

this will give you a feeling that you are giving him a chance and that if he just cant do it, then you have your answer.

 

It sounds heartbreaking i know its hard when someone you love wont do life as an adult. This may be your chance to wake him up about it. The key is not to blame him, tell him how it affects you and your fears about the future. Tell him you love him dearly but that you cant imagine doing this without change.

 

FYI: i just got dropped by girl and those same fears (not trust) about stability have been my issues, but she didnt really address them until it was too late (she left told me after) maybe if she had said something sooner i would have changed. (i lost my company and didnt face it).

[Callmecrazy]

Hi rhone,

 

Unfortunately, and this is where I've been a fool...I've given him all the ultimatums before. Many, many times. No more lying or I'm out. No more debt or I'm out. No more pot or I'm out. No more employment instability or I'm out.

 

And yet here I am, still feeling responsible for him. Still trying to help him.

 

The one thing about us is that we are VERY communicative. We have discussed all of these issues thoroughly. I'm am as honest with him as I can possibly be. He knows exactly how I feel about these problems. He knows that I don't want to bring children into this situation. He knows that I'm nearing my breaking point and that I'm at the point where his words and promises mean nothing to me. Just air.

 

I know I make him feel inadquate. All my anger and resentment at him makes him feel useless and depressed. I say "so fix it" and nothing ever changes. I hate that the things I say make him feel badly about himself, but I'm coming to realize that he has done this to himself.

 

And still, I can't bring myself to hurt him, or send him out with no job and no money. He loves me. He genuinely *wants* things to be different...I truly feel that he does. But he's not motivated at all. He doesn't work hard for things. Never has. And I guess I'm one of those things he doesn't want to work hard for.

 

And now...maybe it's too late. Maybe I don't want him to try anymore. Maybe I don't want to give him another chance. Maybe I'm just beaten.

[routerx]

You have a lot of hurdles to get over. It's amazing how quickly our decisions can trap us, isn't it?

 

Hang in there. You need to make a life plan. Set up at least a 5 year plan on how to deal with this. It obviously won't be solved overnight.

 

You must get out of credit card debt. Sell something, anything, but get out of credit card debt. It's the great American lie that it's okay to run a balance on a credit card.

 

Take it day by day. I wish you the best.

[Callmecrazy]

You are so right, routerx. The decisions I made yesterday without forward thought are my problems of today. Hindsight truly is 20/20.

 

I know I need to get out of debt. I hate carrying these balances. If we sold our house, I could pay off all my debts and still have a good deal left over to put down on something new. We have a lot of equity in our home. But I really don't want to sell my house. I love it, and we just moved in a year ago.

 

My heart aches today. How is this all happening? I'm almost tempted just to say "screw it" and suck it up. Deal with it. I've dealt with it for this long anyway. What's a few more decades?

 

The alternative almost seems too hard. Hurting him in this way will be too painful.

[DGirl]

Hi Callmecrazy,

 

I am about to call you crazy. How could you think about sucking it up and dealing with his immaturities??? I know you have dealt with it for so long, but you are just starting to realize whats going on here and you shouldn't have to pay for his mistakes.

 

I PM'ed you so you know we are going through the EXACT same thing. It is painful! You guys talk about children, well this is when my situation hit me like a ton of bricks! I want kids, at least 3. So lets say I have 3 and can't really work anymore because I have to stay home and take care of these kids. Well since I bring in most of the money in our home, then who will be supporting these children? How can you count on your husband? Who will probably end up losing his job or going in late and not taking home a full paycheck. Who's gonna put food on the table? Who's salary are you gonna but down when you need a new car loan when his credit is really bad. Its just really hard to picture a future with someone who says they love you and want to change, and the change is so simple and they dont try! The way I see it, in my situation anyway, is if you love me so much then why do you do the things that you do that you know hurt me so much!!! Enough babbling for me!! Just think long and hard about sacrificing your life for someone who isn't sacrificing for you!! You still young, you can find someone you deserve!

[moonface]

Callmecrazy,

 

I am going through a similar dilemma.

 

Here is the message that I posted in a different forum:

 

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My husband and I have been married for 3.5 years and together for 5.5. I'm 26 and he is 25. We do not have children.

 

Immediately after we got married, he started experiencing pain from a pre-existing condition. He has endured several procedures and hospitalization. He has been seeing a pain management doctor throughout our marriage. He said that the pain is constant but tolerable most of the time.

 

For the first 3 years of our relationship I was working while he attended school. The plan was that I would start classes once he graduates. He was suspended from his college for one year due to academic probation. I didn't take it hard on him because of his issues. So, I got him a job at my work place.

 

*NOTE (did not include in original post): For the first 2 years of our relationship, school was his only responsiblity and he failed. On the inside...I took it real hard. His medical issues didn't begin again until after we were married. He was using drugs at this time and not attending classes.

 

We have been doing well for ourselves since he started working. We recently purchased our first house. He has been working with me for over a year. I don't believe that working together has effected our relationship negatively but after work we have dinner and go our separate ways.

 

I talked to him about starting school now but something else always comes up. I have had feelings of depression and started seeing a therapist. Most of my feelings are job related but I also experience some stress due to my husband's medical issues. I love my husband and have never felt it was a hardship to help him deal with his condition. He rarely discusses his issues with pain. I accompany him to all of his appointments and procedures and help with his recovery so I know everything that goes on.

 

In the past, we entertained the idea of starting a family. Last month he told me that he really wants to start planning to have a baby. I told him that it is not the right time for me. He took this as an insult and got very upset. He told me that he got married with the intentions of starting a family and he wants to have children while his grandparents and parents are still with us. I told him that he was being selfish and I do not want to have children at this time but definitely do want to start a family someday.

 

Lately, he has been picking arguments with me over petty issues and would say a lot of hurtful things. He told me that we have nothing in common personally and he is not in love with me anymore. He told me that he wants a divorce. He admitted that he doesn't want me to stay with him because he will be a burden and that I'm young and he wants both of us to be happy apart. He says that I can find someone better. I pleaded with him and convinced him to see a marriage counselor. After our session the counselor told us that we should just be friends. The counselor didn't help us whatsoever because he still wanted a divorce. He went back to work and I took the rest of the day off. I called his mother and wrote him a letter then left to my sister's house. When he got home that evening, he asked me to come back.

 

We put our house on the market the next day because he wanted to sell it either way and I have no problem with that. I feel like he's opened a door in our relationship and I don't know how to close it. I no longer feel blinded by love. It seems like everything he does irritates me. He is always so concerned about other people's opinion of him but doesn't care about my feelings towards him. I just want to be happy. I don't think we can get to that point again. I told him exactly how I feel and he agreed. He called several hotels in town but they were sold out. I just told him to stay. He told me that he wants to continue with marriage counseling. I don't know if I want to make it work anymore. I know that I will be better off by myself. I have always been an independent person and I know it's not going to be perfect. Honestly, I am scared for him. I don't want to leave him alone.

 

What I don't want to happen is trying desperately to make something work that I know is not what we both really want. I hope things can work out but I don't want to bring children into this and end up divorced. Both of our parents are still married. His happily and mine not so much. I don't want to end up like my parents.

 

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Our house sold yesterday and is going to closing on March 15th. The buyers offered over list and we are going to be able to settle all of our debt.

 

We had another discussion about whether he needs for find himself an apartment. At this time, we are going to remain together. We know that it's not always going to be perfect. He was heavy into drugs when we started dating. I worked very hard to get him turned around. Now that he's off the drugs and working full-time he acts as if it has been this way all along. Before he started working, I was the main financial support. I wear the "pants" in our relationship. I don't want it to be this way...I want to be taken care of!

 

There is so much more that has contributed to my feeling unhappy. It would take too long to explain. I don't feel trapped but I do care for him deeply.

 

I just turned 26 last week and I feel just like you! I am so tired and worn out.

[moonface]

Callmecrazy,

 

I gave up on my happiness a long time ago. I gave my husband ultimatums and he DID change. I'm that sorry your husband hasn't.

 

My husband and I are also honest with our feelings but lately, we just haven't been communicating. The thought of leaving him behind is friegtening to me.

 

As I mentioned in my previous post...we just sold our house. We've only lived there for 10 months and after selling it we will be debt free. I know you love your home, but it may be the best for you to sell it and pay off your debt. Take the credit cards away from him or give him one with a lower credit limit.

 

I'm not good at giving advice but I believe that sharing experiences can help your point of view. It is your choice to do what is best to help the situation.

[Callmecrazy]

Hi Moonface,

 

Sorry to hear about your struggles with your husband, but it sounds like you guys are on the road to improving things. I hate to hear you say you have given up on your happiness though.

 

With respect to the debt, I have taken the cards from my husband. He would get them re-issued. We have cut up his cards (he cut up his card last time to show me he was done spending on it) and he has subsequently put $3500 back on it by using the number only.

 

We had a long talk Wednesday night, and have decided to separate for now. He is going to move out on Sunday. We aren't going to do anything more than live apart for the time being. It will give us both a chance to decompress. He needs to find his independence. His responsibility. His motivation.

 

Now I go from feeling relieved and thinking this is the right decision, to being hysterical and panicked and thinking I'm making the biggest mistake of my life.

 

 

[Hopingpraying]

Call me crazy... It is amazing how similar our situations are, except for I am the husband you speak of. When I say similar I refer to the Pot problem, and the way my wife feels. The big difference in our situations is that I have decided what is important in my life as a husband and father and it is my family. The bigger problem I have is my wife has found another married man to make her happy. So we are getting a divorce even though I have fixed the problems she says I have. I quit smoking pot on Nov. 27th 2003. I haven't touched it since. I have been very attentive to doing a lot of house work, but to be honest neither of these things rise to the level of divorce in my book and I thought no matter what we should be able to work things out with counciling. My wife won't have it now. She says she gave me a chance and I blew up at her.

 

My wife and I met when she was 17 I was 21. We have been together for nearly 10 years, married for nearly four. It is hard to go through a divorce especially when you have children involved so when you say you do not want to bring children into the mix you are very wise. The only thing I can recommend to you is to say you and your husband should continue the counciling. It has helped me tremendously to go by myself because my wife would not go with me. But I am a better person for it.

 

I wish you better luck then I am having, however, just remember what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

[Callmecrazy]

Hi hoping & praying...

 

Thanks for telling me about your situation. I'm sorry things aren't going the way you'd like to see them go.

 

My husband and I have had many discussions this week, and we both agree this is the right thing to do. It's very, very hard (unbelievably hard), but we both know we're doing this for the marriage. Ultimately, this will either strengthen our marriage in the long run and we'll come back to it as confident as we can be and our love will be stronger than ever, or we'll go different ways and feel comfortable knowing that we tried like hell to get it to work, and have made the right decision leaving it behind.

 

Either way...this is the right thing for us right now. Neither of us wants it to be this way, but we both know this has to happen for us to move forward with our lives in a responsible and confident way.

 

I hate this. I wish it were different. But we are both approaching our separation with the idea that we'll work as hard as we can to sort through our problems, and get to a point where we're happy again. Ultimately, both of us are going into this with the intention of doing whatever it takes to make the marriage work, and the best way for us to get to that point is to be apart and take time to sort through what is really important to us.

 

We're going to stay in contact, get together now and again for dinner or just to spend time catching up and seeing how the other is doing.

 

This is the mature and responsible thing to do. I know that we're doing the right thing. But it's a pain as deep as any. I'm going to miss him so much.

 

 

[Callmecrazy]

Well, I got through my first night alone. Surprisingly, I was actually ok. We had a good talk before he left, and I feel as confident as I ever have that this is the right thing to do.

 

Here's to the future, come what may. I know this is going to be a long road...but I'm ready. I've put on my most comfortable shoes.

 

 

[Hopingpraying]

Callmecrazy,

 

I am glad to here you had a good night. I too am living alone in our house. My wife moved out after she was served papers. I have my up days and down days. The longer it goes the more up days I have. Each day one at a time.

In a way the wife and I are doing similar things to what you and your husband are. And I think we need to be apart right now so she can figure out that I am not the monster she is making me out to be. While I am not perfect, I am far from the terrible husband and father she is portraying me to be. Whether she is doing that just to prevent me from joint custody I am not sure. I have really been trying to be as civil and show as little emotion to her as I can. I have tried the I am so sorry pathetic routine and I think that just plays to her ego. She still denies the affair even though I have proof she is in love with another man. To be honest that doesn't bother me so much because I understand how she has been pushed away. She just doesn't see that the problem is with her now and that she will experience the same problems with him in time.

While I won't just put my life on hold and wait for her to come back, in time if she does decide she made a mistake and I am not with anyone I would like to try to fix what we had for our daughter.

 

Wish me luck, keep me in your prayers and I will do the same for you.

 

I sure am glad I found this forum. It helps alot to talk to people going through similar things.

 

Good luck, and I wouldn't call you crazy at all!!

[Callmecrazy]

Well, week one has come and gone.

 

I am scheduled to see a therapist this Thursday. It's time to start dealing with my own issues, and see where it leads me.

 

Thanks to everyone for your continued support. It means so much to me.

[Callmecrazy]

Just an update...3 weeks of seperation and running. I am doing ok.

 

I will be listing our house for sale this week. It is too much for me to carry, and I'm not going to continue to make payments on it and have him take half what I have paid at the end of a year of seperation. Forget that.

 

It is truly an irrevesible decision and says without question that it's over, but it's a decision that I think is best for both of us. Our marriage, and 10 year relationship, is over...and it's time to stop pretending it's not. Sometimes when I say that...I simply can't believe it...but I know it's true.

 

At any rate he could use the money from the sale of the house to rebuild his life (he's still not working), and I need to buy a car.

 

This is all *very* hard, but things are going to be ok. I am 100% sure of that.

 

I hope everyone is doing ok.

[Hopingpraying]

Crazy,

 

I am glad to hear that you are doing okay. I still struggle with not seeing my daughter, that is the hardest thing about all of this. She means the world too me and it hurts to not be with her. As bad as it hurts not to be with her mother who I also used to think the world of. But she has changed, at least towards me and I don't really understand it, probably never will but she seems to have a need to make me out to be this terrible person to justify her actions. I guess if I have to be the fall guy then so be it.

 

Please keep posting little updates like this. It gives me strength!!

[Hoping4Happiness]

Hi...I am going through the same exact thing.

 

I am 37, my husband is 38. We have been married for 18 years (half my life!!). We were kids when we got married, 18 & 19, and only dated for about 5 months. I know, not very smart. We have one son, who is 16.

 

We have been through some terrible times together, he has had several (at least 4 over the years that I 'know' of) infidelities....The worst one was with my best friend while we were on vacation in the Bahamas together, and I walked in on them having sex. This about destroyed me, and I have never really gotten over it. He knows of my one infidelity (15 yrs. ago) because I told him, wanting to hurt him just a little bit, of the hurt he caused me.

 

He is also a hot-head, screamer, and very heavy pot smoker. I work as a bartender for the last 14 years, so of course, I drink. He throws this up to me all the time. I am not a alcoholic by far, but it is something to use against me if you know what I mean. I too, have smoked my share of pot, but in no way does it control my whole entire life like it does his (from the time he wakes up, till he goes to sleep). Has no idea about money, whatsoever. I have 'mothered' him through the whole marriage.

 

About 5 years ago, he decided he wanted a 23,000.00 Harley, which was definitely not in our budget. My Grandmother has helped us through our entire marriage, and sends me $600.00 a month to help me pay our bills. She has bought everything from the appliances to the sidewalk out front of my house....I told him no way, no Harley, we cannot afford what we have already. He rides the Harley home, anyways. I didn't get over this for at least 3 years. I felt he was taking advantage of me and my Grandmother.

 

The latest stupid move. He co-signs for his brother to buy a house, without my approval, which was a definite NO! Final straw.

 

I am sick of all of the forgiving. I asked him for a seperation, which he is now losing his mind. He is so dependant on me, for everything. I do all of our bills, cleaning, shopping, etc. I do love him, and I know he loves me, but we fight *alot* and all of the past issues always come up. It never ends. I am not sure we are "in love" with each other. We both have to be right, all of the time.

 

I am considering taking anti-depressants, I feel like I am depressed. I cannot eat, sleep, concentrate. I am down to 116 lbs. and I am 5' 7".

 

I could go on and on, but since this is my first post, I will stop here. There is more to the story but I cannot finish right now. Thanks for listening.

[Callmecrazy]

Well I'm still here, and I'm still separated. 2 months today and I'm really struggling with my doubt about ending such a long relationship and having trouble reminding myself why I'm doing this. And I feel very lonely.

 

I always tell my friends in their moments of despair..."this too shall pass". I know it will, but my heart aches in a way I could never describe.

 

These are very hard times.

[Callmecrazy]

Hello again. I'm still around.

 

6 months separated now. The house is sold and I am now back at home to regroup and figure out where I want to go.

 

I have been doing ok. Feel glad for my decision most of the time, but I am now finding the emotional side of it has hit and I am feeling the actual loss of everything. And it definitely hurts.

 

I'm riding that out right now...day by day.

 

Everyone take care.

[storm]

dear callmecrazy ,

i cant face explaining my situation ,i read all your posts in one go today and i just wanted to tell you that you have no idea how comforting it was to read each post and see month by month you were coping and getting better. you are an inspiration and you have given me some hope . thankyou , god bless from sunny ?! england x