I just now hit on a girl

[jettison]

Wow.. i feel honored to hear this from a dating expert like you

 

There's no such thing as a dating expert. If you were an expert then your dating, just by default, would lead you to a much bigger connection, and then you wouldn't be allowed to date, not would you have much interest in dating unless you happen to be an author or sociologist of some kind.

 

Sure, sure, there are plenty of people out there "playing the field", and "not wanting anything serious", but I trust most of those people about as far as I can throw them off of a roof since they, miraculously, always seem to end up in a serious relationship anyway.

 

There are people who are experts at being confident and flirting though!

[ghost69]

she probably wants to get to know you more before she gives her number to you.

[Dating Coach]

Now I know that she is not interested because she did not give her number but I feel very proud of myself for walking up to a girl and talking to her and also asking for her number... If there is anything I could have done better plz let me know guys..

 

Way to go Gry! Could you imagine yourself doing this 2 years ago? You've come far!

 

Also, props to you for recognizing that she wasn't romantically interested by her response, and double props for not letting it bother you.

 

Your approach was kind of uninteresting and normal. I'd try to find a different opener. Also, with a good opener you don't have to ask to sit down, you would get her to invite you to or at least create a situation where it wouldnt be uncomfortable if you just chose to sit down.

 

15 minutes was probably a little too long, and talking about normal things such as where she works, lives, etc needs to be minimized for right now.

 

Flirting and teasing is good though!

[Dating Coach]

Actually, it is a good sign about the Starbucks.

 

I disagree with the others. It was a "Not Interested". She didn't give you her number when asked for it. She would have if her interest level was high. Secondly, she said, "you can come talk to me then if you want" and that implies that she is "allowing you" to come talk to her when she happens to be there. That is not a good buying signal.

[Iceman26]

It really is difficult to say what her true thoughts were, because none of us were there. She could have pulled the old "I have a boyfriend card" but didn't.

 

Obviously, she seemed more focused on getting her work done and was probably taken by surprise at getting hit on at Starbucks.

 

I'd say if you see her, say hello to her and chat for a minute. If it develops into a conversation, don't ask her to sit down, just sit down. If you feel you are getting the cold shoulder, you smile, and say goodbye.

 

The most important thing you learned from this situation was that you have the stones to approach a woman and you should feel great about yourself. You will get better and develop your own technique that works best for you in time.

[lady00]

It's almost the weekend! Which means I'll be expecting to hear more in the next few days. LOL.

[grymoire]

Way to go Gry! Could you imagine yourself doing this 2 years ago? You've come far!

 

Also, props to you for recognizing that she wasn't romantically interested by her response, and double props for not letting it bother you.

 

Your approach was kind of uninteresting and normal. I'd try to find a different opener. Also, with a good opener you don't have to ask to sit down, you would get her to invite you to or at least create a situation where it wouldnt be uncomfortable if you just chose to sit down.

 

15 minutes was probably a little too long, and talking about normal things such as where she works, lives, etc needs to be minimized for right now.

 

Flirting and teasing is good though!

 

Thx Diggity.

 

Yea... the normal talk was not ideal but to be honest I was a bit nervous and did not know what to talk...

 

What do you suggest I do if I see her again there?

[ghost69]

Thx Diggity.

 

Yea... the normal talk was not ideal but to be honest I was a bit nervous and did not know what to talk...

 

What do you suggest I do if I see her again there?

 

'hey ____. how are you? how's the coffee today?'

 

go from there. we can't really script a conversation for you.

[grymoire]

'hey ____. how are you? how's the coffee today?'

 

go from there. we can't really script a conversation for you.

 

yea.. i will just have a normal conversation and see how she reacts... i guess i will have to have couple of conversations before asking for her number again.

[greensleeves]

Grymoire....the best thing you can do is just be yourself. Ignore any naysayers and follow your own instincts. If you try to do what someone else might do in this situation it will come accross as false and most intelligent women can see through the "pick up artist" facade, and I don't think that's what you're looking for anyway. (correct me if I'm wrong on that)

 

You're a good guy....be you.

[lady00]

yea.. i will just have a normal conversation and see how she reacts... i guess i will have to have couple of conversations before asking for her number again.

 

Normal convos are good. I think people sometimes put wayyyy too much pressure on themselves and the result is the opposite of what they want! Good for you for not doing that. As long as you don't wait too long to ask her out, it should be just fine. Flirt away, then ask her out.

[lady00]

Grymoire....the best thing you can do is just be yourself. Ignore any naysayers and follow your own instincts. If you try to do what someone else might do in this situation it will come accross as false and most intelligent women can see through the "pick up artist" facade, and I don't think that's what you're looking for anyway. (correct me if I'm wrong on that)

 

You're a good guy....be you.

 

Funny thing is, now that they have a pick up artist tv show, it makes it even more obvious to women when men are doing that and for me it's a huge turn-off.

[Dating Coach]

*Sigh*

 

I thought we were all educated on what PUA really is based upon that thread in Attraction & Flirting forum. apparently not.

[lady00]

I did read that thread, actually. But I don't want to derail this one by going into what I think of it.

[grymoire]

I did read that thread, actually. But I don't want to derail this one by going into what I think of it.

 

Don't worry about going off-topic lady00. Feel free to say your thoughts on PUAs and why women in general see them in the negative light.

[Imprecision]

If you see her again, you should talk to her for sure.

 

This following script is for reference:

 

Part 1

 

Think of what she likes to be complimented on. Use concrete details.

 

Part 2 (after you start speaking with her)

 

Grimoire: You know, I really admire you. You are (add compliment)...

Girl: Thank you!

Grimoire: I really like your shirt, too. It's really cute. (Check her out a bit.) You look sexy today.

Girl: (Blushing.)

 

Because she accepted the first compliment, she will accept the second compliment. However, while the first compliment is friendly and non-sexual, the second is subtly sexual. Thus, she realises that you see her as a sexual being.

 

Ideally, you should tease her before the first compliment, and then tease her again after the second compliment. You will stand out for sure.

[grymoire]

If you see her again, you should talk to her for sure.

 

This following script is for reference:

 

Part 1

 

Think of what she likes to be complimented on. Use concrete details.

 

Part 2 (after you start speaking with her)

 

Grimoire: You know, I really admire you. You are (add compliment)...

Girl: Thank you!

Grimoire: I really like your shirt, too. It's really cute. (Check her out a bit.) You look sexy today.

Girl: (Blushing.)

 

Because she accepted the first compliment, she will accept the second compliment. However, while the first compliment is friendly and non-sexual, the second is subtly sexual. Thus, she realises that you see her as a sexual being.

 

Ideally, you should tease her before the first compliment, and then tease her again after the second compliment. You will stand out for sure.

 

Wow.. thanks a lot for the advice Imprecision.

[greywolf]

wow grym, i'm impressed! good for you! I'm even more impressed that you aren't letting it bother you that she didn't give you her number.

 

 

On a side note, she had a tough time hearing me and many times asked "sorry what did you say?". I already have a weak voice and because I was a bit nervous I could not speak loudly enough

 

I'm the same way. I talk very softly with people I don't know very well. It just takes practice

[servedcold]

If you see her again, you should talk to her for sure.

 

This following script is for reference:

 

Part 1

 

Think of what she likes to be complimented on. Use concrete details.

 

Part 2 (after you start speaking with her)

 

Grimoire: You know, I really admire you. You are (add compliment)...

Girl: Thank you!

Grimoire: I really like your shirt, too. It's really cute. (Check her out a bit.) You look sexy today.

Girl: (Blushing.)

 

Congrats OP on approaching a strange woman. Humanity would likely be extinct if this sort of thing didn't take place, so think of yourself as doing your part to save the human race!

 

Im not sure back-to-back compliments on the second chat is the way to go. In fact, if you are fairly sure she goes there often, the next time you see her there, you might consider a quick "hey cutie, don't work too hard!" as you walk by her table and then turn and smile as you walk straight out the door. This would send several subtle messages (that I'm too lazy to type out), which could then be capitalized on the third or fourth time you see her there.

 

The reasons for a nonchalant approach 1. You should really be nonchalant about this woman at this point, 2. You tried for the number once and it didn't quite take, and 3. You should have 3-10 "hey cuties" going at any given time, that way you don't invest too much thought or time in any one before you have more data (think of yourself as a scientist testing the hypothesis, "how many approaches will it take to get me a date?"). Spend the time you would have spent wondering about this woman finding a few more prospects to chat with.

 

You are on the right track, keep it up!

[LBP]

Excellent news. I am proud of what you've accomplished, Grym.

 

I would say that the salient thing here, the most important avenue you've crossed, is that it's not a big deal that she kept her number. Taking that in stride is a massive sign of self-confidence. Getting there to begin with is good... Taking it to the next level will be the key.

 

I think going to the Starbucks next weekend would be a bad idea. Leave it. go the weekend after and if you see her then, great, if not... Go as you normally do and see where fate leads you.

 

A good chat trick for Laptop Girl is to guess what she's doing... You can be outlandish with your guess (ex. "Looking at porn in a Starbucks is pretty brazen.") or more personable (ex. "That first novel is always a tough one."). Both methods work. I wouldn't go the compliment route quite yet. In my opinion, you reserve compliments for the final, pre-kiss action... Not when chatting at the Starbucks.

 

Well done, Grym. Keep it going. It wasn't that bad, was it? Try chatting to the girl in line at the supermarket next time. Practice, be funny and build on your ability to walk away.

[grymoire]

I went to Starbucks on Saturday but she was not there. I did not go today as I had other things to do. She might have been there but it is hard to say.

 

At this point in time I do not think I can expect anything out of this girl. We both being in Starbucks at the same time depends on chance. And I really do not think I can depend on chance meetings.

[D_Lish]

honestly do not feel that she is interested because she did not give her number...

 

I never give men my number either and particularly if they havn't asked for it.

 

I await the guy, asking for mine.

 

Some women aren't 'that' forward and await the guy either passing over his number/or him asking for hers.

 

Wouldn't take the fact that she didn't give you her number, as a sign of no interest....

 

Good Luck anyway

[LBP]

He did ask...

[D_Lish]

He did ask...

 

Right....well I'd assume no interest then. LOL

 

Can't speak for other females, but if I liked a guy, he'd get my number!

[lady00]

So, Gry, the weekend is now over...did you see her again?