Need more help reading between the lines...

[Cirquel]

Past little while, I haven't been concerning myself with that guy so much. We had that one date... I thought it went well, confirmed by the kiss... he went on the business trip... I haven't seen him since. Whatever... it was one date. He probably got back not long ago... a day or two or something. No concerns about him not calling me, cause the weekend only began today. I've been focusing on my M.A. work, and I think I just landed a new job!

 

He took a long time to add me to his gmail contacts, but maybe he was busy. He DID send me a brief email in response to something brief I sent.

 

Me to him So it turns out... that "lame" game Portal I was telling you about... was created by Valve Corp, creators of Counter-Strike and Half Life. So apparently you fail at life.

 

Him to me Haha, you crack me up with how geeky you are! Believe it or not, that's pretty hawt. Too bad I'm not uber geek like you.

 

Me to him (recently) Hey, I'm not the one fixing computers Hope you're having (had) a good time in Texas.

 

...so I don't know. I'm going to have to wait until he calls to really find out what he's thinking about me, but I'm still confused because:

1. He adds me to gtalk, but doesn't chat with me. (Granted, hasn't been on much.)

 

2. E-mails me only after I send something brief a week after our date while he's abroad. (He did reply a day later, which is nice.)

 

3. His reply is cute, but I'm not sure what he means.

 

4. Still not sure if he just wants to make out, or actually genuinely likes me and sees potential.

 

Wish I could read into the recent e-mail... wanted to know what you guys think about his response...?

[waveseer]

It seems like he's keeping it light and friendly, not enough material to figure out anything further than that.

[Batya33]

No need to read between the lines or analyze everything. If he wants to go on another date with you he will ask you out on a date he plans in advance. To make it even simpler he knows you are interested in seeing him again from all your contact with him and your actions so there should be no doubt that if he wants to go on another date with you he will ask you out. His emails mean that he he enjoys emailing with you. It has no relevance to whether he wants to go on a date with you because if he did, he would ask you out. Whether it means he will ask you out in the future is anyone's guess so analyzing the probability of that is a waste of time, in my opinion. In my personal and collective experience a man who is interested in going out again with a lady makes that plan ASAP so that he won't lose her interest or lose her to another man. He certainly won't aimlessly chat with her without closing the deal, so to speak.

 

My suggestion is to keep him off your radar completely as far as dating potential unless and until he asks you out and to keep chatting with him only if you want an e-mail buddy. Also keep in mind that continuing to be available to chat with him on line will disincentivize him to ask you out even if he was planning to, since he knows you're available to chat whether or not he puts in the effort to make a plan to see you.

 

What I have done in the past after one date in a situation like this (chatting with me but not making a plan) is said over the phone or emailed "i'm really enjoying chatting with you but find I am too busy lately to have another chat buddy. If you want to get together again, let me know and we'll figure out a convenient time. Otherwise please don't be offended if I stop responding to your e-mails during this busy time in my life. Thanks."

[waveseer]

 

What I have done in the past after one date in a situation like this (chatting with me but not making a plan) is said over the phone or emailed "i'm really enjoying chatting with you but find I am too busy lately to have another chat buddy. If you want to get together again, let me know and we'll figure out a convenient time. Otherwise please don't be offended if I stop responding to your e-mails during this busy time in my life. Thanks."

 

 

This is very helpful and I plan to use it if I ever need to, thanks.

[Batya33]

This is very helpful and I plan to use it if I ever need to, thanks.

 

Well, reviewing the OP's post it might come accross a little oddly since she initiated the whole chat buddy thing but it still should be effective.

[abitbroken]

Well, if he is abroad, it is really cool that he made contact with you. When i went on a trip out of the country, my parents were lucky to get contact with me, much less someone I went out with once or was just starting to get to know. It is not always easy to connect when you are out of the country if its a business trip because of time zone differences and all of the sites, etc. I was VERY absorbed the last time I was out of the country and didn't have time for chitchat. (and firewalls block chat programs too)

 

I may be contrary to what other folks say, but I wouldn't expect or get nervous over him not contacting you until he is back, had a chance to unwing and get back into his routine and take care of what he couldn't when he was away.

 

Good luck, and I am sure that when he is back to reality, he will connect with you.

[Cirquel]

Well, reviewing the OP's post it might come accross a little oddly since she initiated the whole chat buddy thing but it still should be effective.

 

Yeah... exactly... hmmm. Well -- more waiting needed I guess, and then I'll see how to react. Thank you for always being so helpful, Batya.

[Batya33]

Yeah... exactly... hmmm. Well -- more waiting needed I guess, and then I'll see how to react. Thank you for always being so helpful, Batya.

 

You're welcome. My point was not to wait - no waiting needed. Put him off your radar and if he wants to ask you out again, he will but meantime, no waiting - live your life, meet other people, socialize, take a nap, whatever. (the latter suggestion is because I'm sleepy - just projecting ;-)

[Cirquel]

Thanks! Yeah, I see what you're saying. : )

 

I just find him oh so difficult to read! If he wasn't interested at ALL I don't think he had to add me to messenger at all... but he isn't making time to connect with me... but then again, he was on that trip... but then again, you can make time for people you like, right?

 

I've never had this many mixed messages before. He makes out with me, and then I feel like he's missing in action!

[nutbrownhare]

Maybe, just maybe, 'He's just not that into you'. If you're content to have him as a friendly acquaintance, that's great, and you won't be hurt.

 

But I really do think that if a fella's really interested, you're the first to know about it! If he had to get over feeling shy, you've done enough work to encourage him. If this is his idea of keeping a relationship alive, are you content with it? In any case, over-analysing is not a way to keep your sanity, whatever his intentions are. As Batya says, continue to live your life to the full and don't waste any more of your precious mental energy on this one!

 

Good luck!

[Batya33]

Thanks! Yeah, I see what you're saying. : )

 

I just find him oh so difficult to read! If he wasn't interested at ALL I don't think he had to add me to messenger at all... but he isn't making time to connect with me... but then again, he was on that trip... but then again, you can make time for people you like, right?

 

I've never had this many mixed messages before. He makes out with me, and then I feel like he's missing in action!

 

No mixed messages, that is my point - although I agree it seems "productive" to analyze "signs" and to conclude that these "signs" are "mixed messages" because then you have an excuse to keep hanging on and "waiting".

 

If he is not asking you out on a date the message is clear, not "mixed" - he is not interested at this time in going on a date with you. Chatting, adding you to messenger, etc mean nothing as far as his interest in asking you out on a date, because if he was interested in dating you, he would ask, period. Will he change his mind tomorrow? Later today? Next year? Who knows - but no amount of analyzing his "contact" will change the fact that he is not asking you out on a date.

 

If your question is, "is he interested in dating you" my answer is "not at this time, but this could change". If your question is "is he interested in me" my answer is "yes, he is interested in chatting with you on line". But that is not your real question, right?

 

Was he ever interested in dating you? Yes, he was interested when he asked you out on a date - at that time he was interested in going on a date with you. Very often after only one date or a few dates people lose interest. Sometimes later on they regain interest.

 

Very often though if you continue to chat with a man and be available to chat with a man who is not asking you out, he will have less motivation to ask you out again because you're available to chat with. If you stop being so available he might miss chatting with you and if he knows that the only way to chat with you is to ask you out on a date, that might motivate him to ask you out on a date.

[Cirquel]

Oh gosh. And you know... he apparently just got back the other night, and contacted me today asking if I wanted to go out on Monday night. Now I REALLY need to stop over-analyzing.

[nutbrownhare]

Oh gosh. And you know... he apparently just got back the other night, and contacted me today asking if I wanted to go out on Monday night. Now I REALLY need to stop over-analyzing.

 

Whatever happens (and I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you!!) do try to relax and stop the over-analysing. It really isn't good for your mental, emotional or spiritual health ... I recall a time, years ago, when I used to write emails to a platonic male friend about a guy I had a TERRIBLE crush on. They didn't have any punctuation and were actually totally manic, but there was loads of analysis which just served to raise my blood pressure. I'd been seeing the guy regularly for over a year, with no hint of anything romantic, before I decided that he wasn't that into me, relaxed and became happy with the idea of 'just good friends'. Much easier!!!

 

Good luck!

[Batya33]

Oh gosh. And you know... he apparently just got back the other night, and contacted me today asking if I wanted to go out on Monday night. Now I REALLY need to stop over-analyzing.

 

Sounds great and have fun on the next date.

[Cirquel]

Whatever happens (and I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you!!) do try to relax and stop the over-analysing. It really isn't good for your mental, emotional or spiritual health ... I recall a time, years ago, when I used to write emails to a platonic male friend about a guy I had a TERRIBLE crush on. They didn't have any punctuation and were actually totally manic, but there was loads of analysis which just served to raise my blood pressure. I'd been seeing the guy regularly for over a year, with no hint of anything romantic, before I decided that he wasn't that into me, relaxed and became happy with the idea of 'just good friends'. Much easier!!!

 

Good luck!

 

*sigh* Oh man... yeah... I remember, the first guy I ever developed real feelings for... it was disastrous. Cannot repeat said incident!