How long is TOO long to stay in a LDR?

[BronzedSkin123]

What if things appear that they are not going to change? and that the person will always be living far apart from you?

[Raistlin]

Then you talk about taking it further; one person moves to be with the other and have a personal relationship again that doesn't involve distance.

 

If that's impossible or impractical, maybe it's time to let go.

[Batya33]

Too long is the end of the period of time where one person wants to have a relationship where they can see each other more often than is possible/feasible in the LDR. Some people are happy keeping things at a distance - or at least make so many excuses about moving closer together that it's obvious they are happier that way.

[Cognitive_Canine]

You have to have a timeline or else LDR's seem hopeless or neverending. How far apart do you live?

[lana111]

i guess when you never see resolution of thr LDR.

 

as in neither talks about relocating or taking steps to be able to relocate.

 

i could never to LDR, so a month would be too long for me.

[CallingAllAngels]

How long have you been in your LDR?

[xxNPxx]

Then you talk about taking it further; one person moves to be with the other and have a personal relationship again that doesn't involve distance.

 

If that's impossible or impractical, maybe it's time to let go.

 

Yes, that is absolutely true. I have heard of some people going for 3-4 years being separated accross a whole country and still staying together. However, they KNEW that they were going to meet each other and had no problems when it came to waiting.

 

If you guys are planning to move close to each other again, then yes you can do it. If you can trust that you or him won't grow tired of the LDR then yes you can do it.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

What if things appear that they are not going to change? and that the person will always be living far apart from you?

 

Ultimately there has to be a plan that one person moves to be with the other person. If neither is willing to move then the relationship is a dead end.

[Batya33]

Ultimately there has to be a plan that one person moves to be with the other person. If neither is willing to move then the relationship is a dead end.

 

I completely disagree -for me it would be but for certain people it works out great - commuter marriages or two people who like their lives the way they are and like enjoying each other when they can see each other, whether that's once a month or once a year.

[emalkoc]

I completely disagree -for me it would be but for certain people it works out great - commuter marriages or two people who like their lives the way they are and like enjoying each other when they can see each other, whether that's once a month or once a year.

 

are you serious or do you work in Hollywood? sorry, I respectfully disagree. Most conventional marriages dont work that way IMO or not called marriage, dating distanced sooner or later, one has to move!

[Batya33]

are you serious or do you work in Hollywood? sorry, I respectfully disagree. Most conventional marriages dont work that way IMO or not called marriage, dating distanced sooner or later, one has to move!

 

I am not referring to only conventional marriages or to conventional relationships. I know of several long term relationships and marriages where because of their jobs they live in different states much of the time and I also know of several marriages where each in the couple travels during the week for work, and not together.

[redhearts]

When it is going no where, when two people refuse to move to the others city, or even a new city because they don't want to leave theirs. When it is just going no where and has been going no where for more than a year.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

are you serious or do you work in Hollywood? sorry, I respectfully disagree. Most conventional marriages dont work that way IMO or not called marriage, dating distanced sooner or later, one has to move!

 

 

Yeah, I agree. Like everything there are exceptions, but for most couples if neither one is willing to move the long-term success of that relationship is doubtful.

[emalkoc]

I am not referring to only conventional marriages or to conventional relationships. I know of several long term relationships and marriages where because of their jobs they live in different states much of the time and I also know of several marriages where each in the couple travels during the week for work, and not together.

 

Then I agree with you. I know a guy 4 out of 7 days works in a different state, and comes back home Friday thru Sunday..Thats fair...but they still live together.

[Batya33]

Then I agree with you. I know a guy 4 out of 7 days works in a different state, and comes back home Friday thru Sunday..Thats fair...but they still live together.

 

To me your example to me would be just like a LDR even though they technically have a residence together.

[Abbygail]

I think everyone has their own personal time limit. For me it would be if getting together looked like it was going to take longer than I was willing to wait. I'm in an LDR right now and I'm relocating near him for college; if I wasn't doing that it'd be 4+ years LDR and I'm not gonna do that.

[yeawutever]

Well there's a limit to it, if neither come to the other then it's time to let go. You can't waste your youth on someone you might want see in person since there's no actual intimacy.

[heaven66]

Yes I agree..LDR just will not work if one or the other doesn't move...when I started with my boyfriend we talked about that and we decided that it would be me the one moving since he had been with his law firm for many yrs and it would be crazy for him to leave his job like that...so I had to do it....I will tell you it's not easy going to a new city where you don't know anyone...but if you really want to give the relationship a fair chance you have to do it.

[looking_up]

I have been in a LDR for a little over a year now, we talked about him moving here 3-4 months into the relationship knowing that it would not be possible for him to do so for over a year, but planning on it all the same. He moved the bulk of his stuff in a couple weeks ago, and tomorrow he'll finally be here as well

 

Talking about it far in advance really worked for us. It relieved the pressure involved in a big move. It gave us plenty of time to enjoy getting to truly know each other, and feel confident knowing our relationship would continue to progress to the next level as we did so - or - god forbid - leave room to bail if we didn't like what we got to know ;-)

[sallyusa]

i was in a ldr for nearly 4 years with my ex. lets say my abusive ex. i took a trip and went and saw him we sat down and talked about future, kids and etc..... i was pissed when i left actually. this guy told me he wanted a future with me and i'm like okay then lets do something and get engaged at least i know that there will be a future down the line and we ended looking for engagment rings. Other than that i wouldnt had wasted my time into something that's not even their. 4 years i waited for this guy and was suppose to propose to me on valentines day and never did. ( until this day i hate valentines day and dont have good memory of it) and it took me 2 years to get over this guy. I even offered to move up there and i didnt mind it one bit. I would had done anything to be with this man. Until i found out after 3 years he was cheating on me. And was warned about it too. So about LDR make sure that you 2 can compromise on stuff. If you cant then its best not to be in it and save yourself the heartache and find someone local.

[waveseer]

For me too long was when I started greiving the relationship before it had even ended. 14 or 15 months.

[Rose21]

Well I will be in one for 2 years, then I will transfer to him and move in with him.

 

I still see him one weekend a month and for X-mas he comes down for a month and 4 months he will be here for Summer.